a piece of paradise by younghyojin, eunmijung325



Criticism Level: 9

Title: 5/5
You picked a very nice title. It left me wondering what the story would be about, so good. Yes! 'Paradise' caught my eye, but 'A Piece of Paradise' left me hanging. 'Paradise' is what some would describe an idol life. Fame, money, fans; what more could you ask for? So yes, it relates to the genres. 'Paradise' could also describe love because when you're with someone you love, it's paradise. It's something I haven't come across before so it's fairly unique.

Description & Foreword: 9/10
It explains the characters which gives the readers a little background information. The part where it says "Being loved for whoever you are..." was a little confusing. It's very appealing because it draws in the reader and leaves us wondering what it will be about.

Characters: 17/20
Their reactions aren't that believable. Like when Suho knew about Sehun meeting some other idol woman, I don't think Suho would just let him go. You feel me? Yes, you added parts of real life like Chanyeol being Yoda. So far, I'm not seeing that much negative parts of the characters. I see some but not a whole lot. That might be because the story is still ongoing and stuff but yeah...

Plot: 13/20
Not really believable; rookie GOT7 is dating a trainee whose career hasn't officially started. It's original all right, but there are parts when it's very cliche but it's nicely written. I didn't really have a time when I laughed, I smiled but didn't really laugh. There isn't much romance either. If you want to write romance, think of something that will make your feels explode! Like, when you see your bias doing a y dance with his OTP half (like HunHan lol).

Flow: 3/5
It's consistent but sometimes, it gets confusing between the girls' names so maybe you should give/list some charms that the trainee girls have to make them easier to remember. The POV is consistent so it's easy to read. Take into consideration about giving the OC girls/trainee girls charms.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 10/15
There are small grammar errors but nothing too major. Just punctuation, capitalization, incorrect word choice, and sentence structure. Oh, and it’s not “nde” but “ne” (Ch.2/3/ if you don’t know what I’m talking about). I’m also sure “neomu jinja” doesn’t make sense in Korean (Ch.3) lol . Btw, “jeongsincharyo” means keep your head on/focus (Ch.3).
The words you chose are easy and “everyday” words but most readers prefer that since it’s easy to understand and seem more realistic but maybe it’d be a good idea to use “bigger” and less common words. Check thesaurus.com for help~

Description & Emotions: 7/10
The story is good at describing the events happening but not feeling the emotion as much. Use descriptive words such as adjectives and verbs.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 10/10
The format and layout are easy to read and it's not confusing. The graphic is good too. There are dancers to explain the idol life so it gives a sneak peak at the characters and storyline, so good~

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
The story itself isn't exactly my style and it's similiar to a textbook. Not much feelings and it's just there. Most of the events are expected so it's not interesting.

Total: 77/100 //B (+) 
Try making the font size a little bigger because it's a little small. I suggest 16 or 18 but whatever is fine. It's just a suggestion anyway. Thank you for requesting and hope you request again. (:

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