counting stars by dinithij



Criticism Level: 10

Title: 5/10
Originality: It isn't really an original title because there is a song titled Counting Stars. (0/2)
Relevance: I can't see how it is relevant so far, but I guess 'stars' have something to do with Kris's galaxy, and maybe the members will gather and count stars together. That's just my guess, though. (3/4)
Attractiveness: The title doesn't specifically direct to a certain genre, but before reading the story, I am guessing that it is either about romance, friendship or family. The story definitely seems like it will be a simple slice-of-life one, and the title is not really eye-catching in a way. People who are looking to read simple stories will be sure to check this out, however. (2/4)

Description & Foreword: 9/10
Relevance: I don't see the paragraphs in the story yet but I'm guessing that they are direct quotes from the story. (5/5)
Attractiveness: You leave a cliffhanger which makes readers wonder about what had happened to Kris's heart problem. It's not the best cliffhanger though and it doesn't make me wonder enough. (4/5)

Setting: 3/5
Relevance: I can't say that the setting is extremely relevant, but it does have some relevance in one way or another. (3/5)

Characters: 17/20
Originality: I don't see much originality yet. Suho is like the typical leader, Baekhyun and Chanyeol are the bickering couple and Tao is the fragile child, but he tries to be strong. (2/5)
Believability: Suho's struggles as a leader is believable, especially since Kris has left him on his own now. I can imagine Suho like this in real life. Chanyeol is acting like how he is; always the happy virus trying to joke around and liven up the atmosphere. Tao is weak and he feels even more helpless after Kris had left, but he tries to stay strong for the sake of EXO. Overall, I find the characters very realistic. (15/15)

Plot: 19/25
Originality: It's the first time I've seen a fanfic writing about Kris coming back, but I won't say that it's portrayed very originally for now. (3/5) Believability: The idea of Suho giving letters out to the members is sweet and so is EXO's interactions. So far, the plot is believable, but I hope that there will be a reasonable explanation as to why Kris comes back. (9/10)
Theme: It's pretty much just fluff so far and I can't see the angst yet, but I do appreciate the strong friendship between the guys. They try to support each other and stay strong for the sake of others even though they're really breaking inside. I envy their friendship a lot because it's really rare for idols to be so close with each other since they are technically competitors (they may be in the same group, but some idols do fight for popularity and it's kinda sad.) (7/10)

Flow: 9/10
Consistency: It's weird to say that he suddenly takes out some papers and starts writing letters. Maybe you can say that he has an idea to cheer up the members, and that idea is to give them letters for encouragement. Other than that, the flow is just fine. (9/10)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 7/10
Grammar: Your grammar has improved, certainly, but there is always room for improvement. You miss out full stops sometimes.
"Of cause not." - 'cause' should be 'course'.
Take note that an ellipsis is always three dots '...' or six dots '... ...'. You tend to miss commas at times too as shown in "But what about your heart problem?" and "Ah that......" There are minor errors here and there, but they can be easily fixed if you go through your work a few times. (3/5)
Vocabulary: I notice that you repeat words such as 'said' and 'asked' a lot, so you may want to try using synonyms instead. You manage to successfully convey the characters' emotions even when using simple language, so well done! There can still be room of improvement, but I can see the amount of effort that you put in. (4/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
Enjoyment: I've really enjoyed this story, especially since this is friendship-themed. I can really feel Suho and the other EXO members, and BaekhyunxChanyeol is just way too amusing! (8/10)

Total: 77/100 //B (+)
Additional comments: I can see that you've improved a lot. Please do keep the spirit up! You've been deducted the most marks at the Title, which is definitely not worth it. Anyway, thanks for requesting and do not forget to follow all the rules :)

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