alymn, by miro-chan, daebakdeerlove



Criticism Level: 10

Title: 9/10
Originality: I've never seen this title before so it is certainly original. (2/2)
Relevance: 'ALYNM' is the short form of 'Act Like You Need Me', so it is linked to the description. I can't say whether it is relevant to the story yet since it is still in the early chapters. (3/4)
Attractiveness: Some people may be intrigued by 'ALYNM' and perhaps think that it is a code name (well, that was what I thought). The title definitely gives the badass vibe with the '' so the title may arouse people's curiosity. (4/4)

Description & Foreword: 9/10
Relevance: As mentioned in Title: Relevance, I can't say for sure but I am guessing that it will be relevant considering that the description consists of quotes. (4/5)
Attractiveness: The readers will be curious about Suzy and the another mysterious person, and also their plan. (5/5)

Setting: 3/5
Relevance: I don't think the school setting is relevant that much. It seems like it is more relevant in Bad Little Girls since Suzy had to go for 'detention'. (3/5)

Characters: 15/20
Originality: ...I'm actually kinda confused about their personalities. I've read Bad Little Girls so that I can understand the story better, and all I know about Suzy is that she always takes the blame (and that she turns crazy later on). I can't say for sure for Seohyun and Jiyoung, they just seem like normal students that are happy that they did not need to go for detention. As for Oldhearty, she is just strange... So I guess the characters are pretty unique...(4/5)
Believability: I don't know how to grade this since Suzy is kinda mad ^^'' I can't say much for ALYMN, since all I know is that Suzy is going to avenge for herself which is believable, I guess... I just don't understand why she immediately assumed that Jiyoung and Seohyun are betraying her. Just because they are happy by the fact that she is willing to take the blame doesn't mean that they know about Oldhearty planning to lock Suzy up. Why did Oldhearty specifically lock Suzy up though? She could have locked Jiyoung or Seohyun up, even better the three of them. Did Suzy possess something which resulted Jiyoung, Seohyun and Oldhearty to work together to lock her up? Anyway, those are my questions but perhaps the answers will be revealed in the story. Other than that, I can't say much since they are supposed to be crazy. (11/15)

Plot: 17/25
Originality: I've encountered stories about people wanting to revenge, but I've never encountered a story when the teacher locks a bad student up in a room. It reminds me of a game that I've played when I was young, when no matter what I do, the student will fall into a hole that the teacher opened up and die. (strange I know.) It is different from typical stories that I read, though. (4/5)
Believability: I have nothing else to say because I pretty much babbled about everything in Characters: Believability. (7/10)
Theme: I still can't see how it is romantic yet but yes, it is angst. The school setting is not that clear, but I can see that Suzy is determined to avenge for herself. She is basically mad, so maybe it isn't just 'slight' madness ^^'' (6/10)

Flow: 10/10
Consistency: It is okay so far, I don't find it going too fast or too slow. (10/10)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 8/10
Grammar: Ellipsis is three dots '...', but in your description, it has four dots. There should also be a full stop at the end of each quote.
"How come everytime, Jiyoung and Seohyun didn't stick up for me." - "How is it that everytime, Jiyoung and Seohyun didn't stick up for me?" I have changed 'How come' to 'How is it that' since it sounds better that way.
You seem to switch between the past and present tenses often. I'd prefer sticking to present tense, but it doesn't actually matter as long as you stay with one tense. (3/5)
Vocabulary: I have nothing to say. (5/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10
Enjoyment: ...For some reason, I am really intrigued to find out more about this story maybe because I find Suzy interesting. I will definitely look out for updates! (7/10)

Total: 78/100 //B (+)
Additional comments: I apologuze if the review is horrible since I am not sure how to give advice for the characterization. It is an interesting story though, so I am looking forward to updates. Thanks for requesting, do not forget to follow all the rules! :)

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