FIRST IMPRESSIONS (14/15)

Title: 4/5

Your title is very beautiful. It is unique and if ever I'd stumble upon your story while I'm scrolling down, I would most likely give it a try. The title is somehow interconnected with the story itself, since Jangmi-the protagonist-is blind, and her English name is Rose. 

Description & Foreword: 5/5

The way you have written your description was very intriguing. You have introduced two people around Jangmi's life. It made me guess what's the difference between Suga and Yoongi, because we all know that in real life, Min Yoongi's stage name is Suga. It already attacks the curiousness of your reader, which is great. Your foreword is written very well too. It is a little preview of Jangmi's life. It doesn't give away much so it's good.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 5/5

I like your layout! It's neat and it somehow turns the mood already. The background is simple so it made me focus on the story itself. 


WRITING STYLE (17/25)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 4/10

Your grammar is okay, but not that great. I have notice a few errors here and there; I hope you don't mind if I enumerate some.

Firstly, there are a lot of verb confusions. You wrote a few verbs in present tenses whereas most of the time you wrote in past tenses. Just like forbid is a plural present form, while forbad or forbade isit's past counterpart. I also saw some cases wherein you had problems with subject-verb agreement. When you reread your work, you would be able to identify those. Although I'll give one as an example.

"You smiled just in case someone do pass by." I highlighted the verb do because it should be does; your subject, which is someone, is singular in form.

Please don't get confused when using pronouns such as that, which, and whom, and same goes for prepositions too.

"You cover your face in your palm..." The word in should be replaced by with.

There are also cases wherein you use words that are okay, but you could have used better words. For example, in your foreword: "But you tried toimagine it, but you can't." You used the word but twice, though you could have replaced the first with however to avoid redundancy. Also, "went blind" could be changed to "become blind".

Lastly, there are times when the sentences have incomplete thoughts.

"You were shocked, but warm." What do you possibly mean by this? I think you can cross out the second phrase, or you can revise it so that the second thought will be clear.

"...were longing in the living room..." Do you lodging or sitting, perhaps? Longing has a different meaning; it doesn't fit the sentence at all.

"Yoongi is at the boys writing something which I guess copying at the boys book." When I first read this, I was confused. Do you mean "Yoongi is with the boys doing something, which I guess copying their books/notes/works/answers." By the way, with the use of punctuation marks, please put apostrophe (') whenever you're referring to possessive nouns, and add a coma (,) whenever you're splitting phrases or after using conjuctions. Plus, there's no words such as 'maths'.

Writing Style: 13/15

Amidst the grammatical errors, I liked how you have written your story. Even though I am really not a fan of second person-type of stories, I am deeply impressed with your writing. You made me imagine what's happening as I'm reading the story, and as the progresses, I could feel like I'm in the similar world as well. Although you could have used more figurative sentences to describe sceneries and emotions, but other than that, your style is great.


DIGGING DEEPER (49/55)

Characters: 22/25

Suga's character is my favorite. His personality is refreshing. He's timid, yet he's very kind. Every single time Jangmi needs help, he's always there to guide her. He has portrayed the role of an ideal guy, yet he doesn't exist, which is a bummer. His decision of leaving her even if he had already grown feelings for the girl is understandable, yet he came back again with watching her after she gains eyesight needs more explanation. How is he permitted or what happened within the mission thingy. Therefore I hope you could have described his condition more, so that we wouldn't be left guessing what kind of a creature he is. But it's a oneshot, so I'll understand.

Yoongi is well, what a normal boy is. He's friendly and quite lazy. He's a very understanding person, because when he knew about Jangmi's condition, he stayed. He was always there for her; what to expect from a person who loves. 

And Jangmi. She became blind from an accident that happened years ago. But instead of being down and pitying herself, she stood up and managed to live a normal life, with Suga's help. She's a very admirable character. Although she's innocent, which has a justifiable reason, she's a strong person. It is also understandable why at times, she blames herself for causing pain to her parents; it's what everybody feels too.

The inclusion of other Bangtan members as Yoongi's friends are okay, though I suggest that Yoongi's group of friends to be smaller, since most of the guys don't need exposure like the lead does. Jangmi's mom, on the other hand, needs some better explanation. She's an important person to her as well, but her character isn't well introduced to the story. I even thought that Jangmi's an orphan if you hadn't said that she still has a mother.

Plot: 25/25

I don't think I have ever read a story with the storyline as this. A blind girl with a guide that enables her to live a normal life, with her guide falling for her, which shouldn't happen; because there's this 'the one' that's destined for her, and he would fill in the gap the the guide would leave. It's really really interesting! As the story goes on, especially when Jangmi gains eyesight and realizes that Yoongi looks exactly like her guide, and Suga's leave and return; those kinds of twists are worth squealing. The plot appears to be realistic; if it was not for Suga's true being, I would have thought it was something off a slice-of-life genre. You have somehow made the readers know what it is like to be a blind person, and inspire them as well.

(I have a question though. Why is Suga's real name is Yoongi, and why does he look the same as the human Yoongi?)

Flow: 2/5

I noticed that you were writing the parts in a progressive manner towards the end; there was a time wherein you advanced from a week to months after in a single sentence. It was alright until I reached the far end. I also noted that sometimes you give away some information that doesn't have a credible reason, evidence, etc. Example: what's the real score with Jangmi and her mom's relationship? I thought they're not in good terms but then...

FINALLY

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

I love your story! Minus all the errors. I was smiling as I read along. It really struck my heart. Stories like these are one of my favorites.


TOTAL: 85/100 (A)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: I am deeply sorry if it took long. My internet was down, that is. Anyways, I hope you learned something from my opinion. Thank you for requesting, and please follow all the rules. Have a nice day!