novo amor by choops



Criticism Level: 7-10

Title: 4/5
It's definitely eye-catching as most foreign words from the European nations seem to be.  However, the meaning of it seems quite broad, especially since the majority of fanfics on AFF is about a love story.  Not exactly sure how it fits with the genre either (angst) since the meaning, New Love, has a sense of hope to it.  Sure it might fit with the comedy genre, but just barely.  This title actually seems to give out a slice-of-life vibe.

Description & Foreword: 10/10
Generally, I find it almost an offense that people choose to put character description under Description.  However, you have done it tastefully.  It might seems just like some typical description of the characters at first.  Though, as I read through it, I realized it was an actual, legit summary of the story.  In fact, it summarized the story with enough details without giving the whole away.  It would still leave people wondering about the encounter of those two main characters.  Foreword is good too.

Characters: 18/20
Chanyeol:  he gave me a bit of a sheltered vibe from the beginning: [Chanyeol has never met a girl this astonishing....blah blah blah - the whole paragraph] (Chapter One).  But I supposed his innocence & optimism play it off well with Mina, who's down in the dog house in general.

Mina:  I like how she's portrayed as an ordinary girl who is supposed to be at the peak of enjoying her youth with a newfound freedom (being a 22 years old) but ends up with cancer.  She's not a flawless beauty either.  Instead, she's just a regular girl that anyone could relate.  It's easy to develop a soft spot for her.  In fact, I believe regardless if the reader is a male or female, he or she could easily felt as though Mina is his or her younger sister.

Overall, they are just bunch of regular people that one could find on the street, but you have fleshed the characters well.  The characters ended up seemingly ordinary in an extraordinary way.  But a couple points taken off for somewhat unrealistic side characters who kept playing cupid.

*A little off-topic (& does not affect your scores), names such as Mina and Hana for OCs are very common here at AFF.  

Plot: 15/20
The plot is actually quite common (maybe not on AFF though) and it reminds me of those mandatory novels I have to read in high school (ie. Tuesdays with Morrie).  The other thing that I find as a cliche in the story is how everyone seemingly plays cupid on Chanyeol and Mina.  It might not be to the point of cringe-worthy, but it's defintely lame.   

However, besides the above points, your story is still endearing.  After all, it is a story about ordinary people who just so happened to draw the unlucky end of the stick.  I like how you take the time to progress their romance slowly.  Too often, I see fanfic writers rushed with the romance and suddenly everything seemed unrealistic.  By slowly unfolding the romance, it would make the readers savour the moments that much more.

Flow: 5/5
Nice flow. You don't seem to be rushing anything.  Everything seem to have been given proper amount of time to develop.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 14/15
Well-written in general.  Just a few mistakes here or there.  For example:

[....it was that time of the year where the heat was just unbearable...] (Chapter One) should replace where with when. 

[...he knew the group of nurses who have been eyeing him up and down like he's meat would be lunching there as well.] (Chapter One) Typo and a bit of awkwardness.  Maybe consider: [...he knew the group of nurses who have been eyeing him up and down like his meat would be served there as well.]

[It was liver cancer that took her away from....he wasn't like before after her passing.] (Chapter Two) Typo?

["...Now go to work before you get late,"] (Chapter Two) would sound less awkward if: ["...Now go to work before you're late."]

I'll stop with the pointing here because I don't believe the grammar/spelling errors are anything you can't fix.  Just a quick edit whenever you have the time would make the story perfect.

Description & Emotions: 10/10
Great work on conveying the emotions, almost at the verge of tears a couple of times. 

Format (Graphics & Layout): 9/10
The poster seems to convey more of a slice of life feeling than totally angst.  Nice, readable font.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Angst is not my cup of tea, but I can imagine those who like angst and even slice of life would enjoy this story a lot.

Total: 90/100 // A(+) 
Maybe considering label this story as a slice-of-life story as well because that's the vibe I've been getting throughout the story.  Thank you for requesting, please remember to follow the rules. =]

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