Title: 5/5

    Your title seems to go along. This is just my guess on how this title goes along with your fan fic and future chapters. Hae Rim is Key's girlfriend, but she will soon fall for Jonghyun. So, at the end, there's a good chance that she will end up with him.

Appearance: 9/10

     The poster for this fan fic is beautiful! I loved it! I just felt that maybe Key should've been included in the poster, since he's one of the main characters, but other than that, beautiful poster.

Forewords: 9/10

    You've provided a plot summary letting the readers know what to expect in this fan fic. It was short yet summarized almost everything that a reader needs to know. You've listed the main and minor characters and their age, personality, relationship with other character. 

Plot: 18/20

I usually sum up what I've read in this part. So, here it goes. Sorry if it's too long- My review is different than others, so yeah. ..

Author's notes: Aww, Onew. :( He's getting bullied?- "Why did she have to change so much?" (I wonder what he means by that. Were they friends back then? Or did he know her back then? What was she like?) - Key starts beating up a guy who wanted to leave his gang. Gosh, I really can't imagine Minho smoking. I guess I've painted a picture of Shinee in my head, so it's difficult for me to imagine them like this. But, will get the hang of it soon.- New kid in school, Kim Jonghyun. HaeRim thinks he's handsome. It seemed as if Key doesn't like Jonghyun, a new rival.  Dongho? Ukiss, Dongho? Aww. Ok, a guy confronts Key about Dongho being under emergency care. That guy gets beaten up. Jonghyun, with the help of Onew, finally knew who those people were. They are in a gang, called TP gang. He couldn't just stand there and see that guy laying on the floor like that. He decided to help the guy. Key tried to punch Jonghyun. HaeRim stopped him.- She decided to walk with Jonghyun to their next class. Is she going to do something bad to him? Like tell the other gang members to beat him up? Or, is she being nice? Key is jealous because the other two are walking together.- Jonghyun is the hero, helping those who get bullied. Aww, so nice of him. ^-^ - Jonghyun becomes friends with Onew. Aww.. I teared up a bit, imagining Onew thinking that. Jonghyun will be his first friend. I feel so bad for him. Onew and Jonghyun hang out. They go to the club. Jonghyun sees HaeRim. HaeRim's father abused her, again. This time, it was worse than the last time. Her knees were bleeding, etc. Jonghyun takes her to the hospital. She refused at first, because she didn't have any money. Jonghyun said that he will pay so off to the hospital. - Aww, she feels safe when she's with him. Ok, HaeRim might not be bad after all.- Oh, so 4 years ago, Hae Rim wasn't like this. I wonder as to what kind of person she was 4 years ago. - In Yong and Chae Young bully Onew again. Jonghyun stopped them.- Later on he comes up to the gang, demanding an apology from the two. So on and so forth. Key and Jonghyun gets into a fight.- As the gang passed by him, HaeRim thanks Jonghyun for helping her last night.- Key invites (In Yong and Chae Young handed the invitation to Jonghyun) Jonghyun to his party. Key believes that Jonghyun has the capabillity to be in his gang. - Jonghyun will join the gang, in one condition; he has to stop bullying Onew and other people for no reason. Key only agrees to not bully Onew. - Aww, the reason Jonghyun joined the gang was because of HaeRim. He didn't want her to get hurt anymore. - Jonghyun takes HaeRim home. There, her father saw them, and started hitting his daughter. Jonghyun takes her back to his house.- Key has a bad hangover the next day. HaeRim comes to visit him. She fed him medicine. She made him eat. After that, she decided to leave. Key holds her back, telling her not to leave, that he feels lonely in this house. She agreed and stayed.- Aww. .Key's getting engaged to a girl. Gosh, arranged marriage. HaeRim is okay with it. His parents never liked her because of her family's poor status. - At school, HaeRim and Jonghyun were paired up as partners for a project. Aww, Key's jealous. It was a cute ending for that chapter. 


Originality: 16/20

From all of the fan fics that I've read so far, I thought that your fan fic was an original. Especially how you started your first few chapters; how you introduced the TP gang and what kind of people they were (or portrayed). I loved how Jonghyun stepped in to help out that one guy. There is one cliche that I think will occur, a love triangle. I see a love triangle between Hae Rim, Jonghyun, and Key.
But, of course there has to be some kind of cliche. Every story has it one way or another.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 10.5/15

I've found more than a few mistakes here and there, for example: (The words in parenthesis are the corrected term or grammar, etc.)

The sounds of screams and cries feel (fill) my head

He was tall and handsome; he’s (his) dark hair was not short but not long either and suited him

She just stood their (there) and looked past me

“oh your (you're) done, sit down. What would you like to have for breakfast?”

Flow: 5/5

The flow was pretty good. Story didn't take too long to progress, nor did it take too fast. Good pace-

Writing Style: 8.5/10

I like your style of writing. I liked how you were having each of the characters' povs, even if they were just minor characters. 

Other++ 5/5

Can't wait for the next update! I really hope that she will end up with Jonghyun. Hope that they will have a happy ending. I'm curious as to how things will be when Key's parents return with the girl that he's supposed to be engaged to. Hmmm.. I wonder if this will be a happy or sad ending? Hopefully a happy one?

Total: 86/100