I gasped for air as I finally broke the surface of the water. Right as I took in a breath a wave rolled over me sending me swirling back under the water. I relaxed again waiting for it to pass before I let myself drift back to the top gasping for air again. I looked around to see people on the edge of the pier looking down at me with shocked faces.

“Gwenchana!” I heard people calling to me. I giggled as it grew gradually into laughter. not responding to the on lookers I dove under the water swimming away from the pier. I swam my way back across the water to where my house was. I was completely wiped of all energy by the time I got there which is just what I wanted. I just wanted to sleep and not think of anything. My legs felt like rubber as I tried walking my way back to the house but I just gave up and collapsed into the sand breathing heavily. Rolling over I stared up at the sky watching the birds fly around cawing loudly as they searched for food. The sand was warm against my skin more soothing and comfortable than the burn that had subsided.

“Kairen!” I jumped startled by the loud voice. I looked up to see the guys running towards me from the house. “Mian kairen, we need to head back earlier.” Jb said crouching down beside me. I looked at him shocked. Were they abandoning me as well?

“Wae…” I said my voice shaking. Jb looked apologetic.

“Mian, we can’t say why…just know that we are here if you need to talk just give us a call and we will see you when you get back…not Sunday though…but as soon as we can.” He said patting my shoulder. I watched after them horrified as they gave me goodbyes. I could see into the house, their bags where already packed.

“Why…are you guys leaving me to.” I whispered heart broken. I couldn’t bring myself to ask why, to ask at least one of them to stay by my side. I just watched as they all filed into two taxi’s and headed off. I collapsed back into the sand letting tears pill from my eyes. So fantastic fantasies was really that bad…they were all leaving me now.

“We’re on our way back now, we’ll be there in a few hours.” jb said in a hurried voice. I sighed pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Why did you leave early, she’s going to think it was something she did.” I scolded angrily. I had informed them about the surgery and jb freaked out like I should have known he would. As soon as he heard he had already been packing his bags to come back.

“She’s fine, she didn’t even look fazed. Besides she wasn’t speaking to any of us anyway, we weren’t doing her any good there.” he said reassuring me. I still felt horrible and I knew I needed to get off the subject of her because I could hear the machine rate speeding up. they were monitoring my heart beat before the surgery Sunday.

“it doesn’t concern me anyway…” I said quickly. “You guys don’t have to come to the hospital tonight. I’m not allowed to have visitors anyway. Come tomorrow afternoon.” I said trying to keep them away for now, I wanted them to be there but I knew they were going to talk about kairen.

“Arrasso, do you need anything, we can bring it to you.” he said like the leader he was.

“Nae, can you bring me some…” I hesitated looking around to make sure no one was listening. “Magazines.” I whispered into the phone. I heard jb chuckle.

“Even in a hospital.” He sighed. I could imagine him shaking his head.

“Yah…I’m supposed to relieve stress.” I said defending myself. jb chuckled but I knew he would bring me what I asked for.

“Arrasso, we will bring you some. Make do for now…I don’t even want to know how.” He said before I could say anything. “Can you eat?”

“Anni, not for 24 hours before the surgery and 16 hours after…”

“sweetie, do you have everything you need?” my mom asked coming into the room. she and dad had been exceedingly kind to me after figuring out what happened.

“Nae, I’ve got everything loaded into the car.” I sighed.

“Arrasso, are you sure you don’t want me to ride back with you?” she said coming into the room and sitting on the bed.
“Anni, you stay and enjoy the last two days with dad alone, I just want to clear my head.” I said trying to give her ease of mind.

“Arrasso, you said you’re taking the long way home?” I nodded as I slipped my duffel bag over my shoulder preparing to leave. “Appa’s friend has a little inn on the way. Here’s the address, he already called ahead and let him know you are going to stop by. He’ll give you dinner and you can stay the night there, it’s quiet and nice.” She said smiling. “You let us know when you get there arra?” I nodded kissing her cheek and taking the address.

“I’ll see you in a few days.” I said as I we made our way down the stairs. My dad was waiting for me at the base of the stairs.

“Here’s the keys, the car’s filled up and I threw some snacks in there for the ride.” He said taking my bags for me. “You be careful ok.” I nodded pecking his cheek and giving him a hug.

I drove for a few hours letting myself cry and sing loudly to the music trying to get rid of the stress I was feeling. Bambam had messaged me after they left telling me why.

Noona, mian…I wanted to tell you then but I didn’t want the others to know. We had to leave because of mark, he’s having surgery on his side and it’s really serious, he could not be able to dance again if something goes wrong. He didn’t want you there because they said stress could be bad for him…I’m sorry to say it like that but I thought you should know the real reason. I also wanted to ask you if you could stay back from mark until after the surgery and recuperation period is over, the doctors said any stress even after the surgery could be bad for him…and he’s also very self-conscious…he wouldn’t want you seeing him in this state. Don’t think of this as us abandoning you, we all love you and we hope you’ll understand. Sarangae noona.

The message had sparked the road trip alone, I wanted time to reel over what bambam had told me. I couldn’t believe mark hadn’t said anything to me…even before we broke up he didn’t trust me?  It hurt to think of it like that but that’s all I could think of it as. I wanted time to figure out how I was going to keep away from them…I wanted mark to heal quickly and harmlessly and if me staying away would do it I wanted to try, but it would be hard to stay away if I constantly saw them…I didn’t think I was strong enough.

I pulled into the parking lot of a tiny inn. It was small and quaint and quite beautiful. There where potted flowers hanging from the banisters of the porch and wind chimes swinging in the breeze giving off little tinkling sounds. I stepped out of the car and my feet crunched against the gravel as I looked around. I could hear the waves crashing distantly but I wasn’t on the beach I was above it, the cottage was up higher in the mountains near the beach. There where trees surrounding the cottage, they were dense and you couldn’t see through them except for the opening where a path was. Curious I grabbed my messenger bag off the front seat of the car sliding it over my shoulder as I made my way back behind the inn where the opening for the path was. Behind the in there was a wide open field that had picnic tables and different games scattered all around. it looked beautiful in the dimming sun. There where flowers everywhere around the field making a little wall. I made my way down the path until I couldn’t see the opening anymore, I couldn’t tell how much longer I had of day light through the thickness of the tree but I could tell right now I was fine. I stopped in the middle of the path looking around curiously. I never knew a forest to look so pretty, I felt serene here, like my worries were disappearing into the thick vines, like they were soaking them up. I spotted a fallen tree a little ways off the path, it was thick and covered with moss. I made my way off the path to the tree and took a seat on it. The moss was firm but comfortable. I sat my bag down on the ground and bent over burying my face into my arms as I rested them on my knees. Out here all alone, where no one could see me or hear me…I let myself cry again, louder and longer this time than ever before.

I made my way back down the path after a good thirty minutes of crying loudly. it was getting dark and my stomach was rumbling for food and rest. I broke through the trees entering back into the field behind the inn. I could smell food wafting from an open window at the back of the end and my mouth started watering. I bit my lip and hurried around the front of the inn and up the steps. The door was open and I stepped in looking around. the inside was just as pretty as the outside with all wood flooring, and floral printed walls. There was a log fireplace to the left of the entrance that would need to be used at night because we were higher in the mountains and it was already getting chillier outside.

“Yoboseyo?” I called out walking up to the counter. I stood on my tip toes leaning over the counter as I tried to look into the office. “Is anyone here?” I called out again. I rocked back on my heels looking around awkwardly when someone came into the room.

“Hello, that must be your car outside.” the smooth voice said. I looked up to see a beautiful young man coming behind the counter. He had firty blonde hair covering his forehead, with a pair of true brown eyes and beautiful plump lips. there was an endearing mole right below his eye, it was tiny but noticeable.

“Nae, I saw a path and didn’t think to check in first.” I said embarrassed. He chuckled nodding.

“I understand, I forget to do things sometimes too when I think of that path…it’s quite beautiful out there.” I nodded giving him a small smile.

“Omo, kairen is that you?” I looked up startled at the familiar voice.

“Uncle Jaehwa?” I said squinting my eyes as an older man with white hair wobbled out. He wasn’t actually my uncle, he was an old professor of my dad’s and they had been friends for years. “I didn’t know you were the friend my dad was talking about.” I said running over to him giving him a hug.

“Nae, I’ve been up here for about…ten years now.” he said hugging me back. “Daehyun-ah…comes over here.” he said waving the boy. “Daehyun this is my best friends daughter kairen, kairen this is my nephew daehyun, he helps out up here since he graduated.” He said beaming at his nephew proudly.

 “Nice to meet you.” I said giving him a small bow.

“Nice to meet you too.” He said giving me a bow.

“Daehyun, go and grab her things…kairen come…let’s catch up.” he said grinning and leading me away.