Bambam please talk to me-kairen.  I sent bambam the millionth message that morning still with no reply. I was worried sick about him. I had never seen him act that way, and he had never not messaged me back before.

Bambam, I wanted to tell you this in person but since you aren’t messaging me back I assume you won’t be seeing me in person anytime soon. I just wanted you to know I love; there is a huge place in my heart just for you now and always. I’m sorry I never knew, I’m sorry I didn’t pay attention to your feelings and only focused on my own. I was being selfish and stupid. I’m also sorry I cannot return your feelings but I know you already knew that. I love you as my friend and I would never want to lose you as that, we have so much in common and I feel like you were meant to be in my life forever as my brother. I hope you will forgive me for what’s happened, and for my insensitivity. I know you are going to need some time to be able to be the way we were so I will stay away until you allow me to come back. I won’t take a step near you guys and if you feel you can never be that way with me again, I’ll take it as my punishment for being a horrible friend to you. I love you bambam-kairen.

Sighing I got up and readied myself for school. it was going to be hard to avoid them but I would keep my word to bambam, I would devote myself to proving how good a friend I will be to him, and how much he means to me. It hurt me to think bambam was hurting because of me…and I felt I deserved it for being self-centered.

“Bambam…please speak to me.” I said rubbing my hands together. He was sitting on the couch reading something on his phone ignoring me completely. “What do I have to do to get you to forgive me hmm? I’ll do anything.” I said walking around the couch to stand in front of him. Bambam looked up at me coldly. Without a word he stood up and pushed past me not saying a word. I sighed dropping down on to the couch burying my head in my hands.

“mark.” I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see jb standing over me. “Let’s talk.” He said gesturing for me to follow him. I sighed and stood up following him up the stairs away from everyone else. we took up seats at the counter up stairs. “Do you like Kairen? Honestly, where you just saying no to hide the fact or do you honestly not like her.” He said seriously. I looked at him evenly as I weighed my options. I understood that bambam was even more upset by this because I had said I didn’t like her, so I pretty much just spit on his feelings in his eyes, but I thought I was doing the right thing by saying I didn’t have feelings for her, and if I said I did now…it would just look like I was trying to make myself look better so bambam would forgive me. I sighed deeply shaking my head.

“I don’t like her, I only kissed her because I was upset me and ae sook got into a fight.” I said lying smoothly. I knew I liked kairen now, it was in every fiber of my being that I liked her, but I couldn’t abandon my friends for my own personal feelings.  I wouldn’t lose the people who were always there for me.

“Damnit mark…” Jb said running his hands through his hair frustrated.  “I know you are a good guy, and so does bambam he’s just clouded by his feelings. I was hoping you were just lying about your feelings for kairen…maybe it would lighten bambam up a little.” He said shaking his head. “I really have no idea what to do in this situation…as the leader I’m supposed to be able to keep things like this from happening.” Jb said distraught making me feel even worse about this situation.

“Don’t worry…I will figure it out…I will straighten everything. I’ll even stay away from kairen if that appeases bambam.” I said patting jb’s shoulder.

“I think you should just let him be for a few days. let him cool off. he’s never been like this and no one knows how to react to this…let’s just…back off a little.” Jb said carefully. I nodded showing my understanding.

“Umma…appa…” I said as I moved down the stairs.

“Oh sweeties…are you ok? You don’t look well.” my mom said coming over to me a placing a hand to my head.

“Nae, I’m fine…just feeling a little down.” I said with no emotion. “I’ll be going to school now.” I said moving to slip into my shoes. Sighing I opened the door and slipped out. I walked to school solemnly, constantly looking around hoping to see bambam, hoping to see him smiling at me like nothing had happened yesterday. But it didn’t happen, the first I saw of bambam was when I entered the gates of school. the boy’s where all sitting around a table outside. bambam was sitting on one side of the table as far away from mark as he could. He wasn’t speaking or laughing, the whole atmosphere seemed…cold. Bambam’s eyes flicked up like he sensed me watching him. I gave him a small smile and a tiny wave hoping to get something back but all I received was him looking away like he hadn’t seen me. sighing I moved inside to my class taking a seat at the very back to get away from mark. I would do what I told bambam…not a one of them I would speak to until he said otherwise.

Class started and mark came in late, I was glad because it didn’t give us any chance to talk. It seemed that he was avoiding me as well because he just walked straight to his seat like I wasn’t there. it hurt a little…I would admit it, but I knew there was nothing we could do.  class ended and I hopped up hurrying from class.

“Oh…kairen.” I looked up to see jackson and bambam standing in the hall. I looked to them wide eyed. When bambam looked at me i spun on my heal hurrying away like I knew I should.

For the rest of the week I went through the same routine every day. I left the house and checked the street to make sure I was clear of any got7 members, I checked the halls before I left a classroom I checked every corner to make sure it was like I didn’t exist. i kept to my word avoiding them but it was the last day before break…and I refused to leave it like this any longer.

Bambam, I know you are still angry at me. I’m going to ask again if you’ll forgive me. Me and my parents are going to the beach house over spring break. I was going to ask you to come a week ago but everything happened and well no time seemed right obviously.

I hope you’ll consider coming, and I hope we can get back to the way we were. We are leaving at 10am Saturday morning, I won’t be in school tomorrow, and I’ll continue avoiding you until you give me your answer. If you decide not to go I’ll take that as you feeling like you can’t forgive me and I wont bother you again. you know where I live and I hope you can make it. –kairen.

I sent the message before hiking up my bag and leaving school. I hoped he would come, because I didn’t think I could stand it if he wouldn’t be my friend anymore.

I sat on the sofa watching bambam across the room at the booth. He was clutching his hand in his phone staring at it with the same torn expression he’s had on his face for the past hour. He hadn’t spoken a word to me in this whole week, and I had done as Jb suggested and left it alone hoping he would calm down, but he hadn’t.  I couldn’t stand it anymore. He was my dongsaeng and our whole group was suffering for the stupidity I did. I jumped up from the couch taking a deep breath. Everyone looked up at me gesturing for me to stop as I headed over towards bambam. I stopped in front of him but he didn’t look away from the phone.

“Bambam.” I said my voice shaking a little to my surprise. I took a deep breath before dropping to my knees in front of him and bowing down. I heard the guys shuffle in surprise and I could see bambam jump startled in front of me. “I’m so sorry bambam, I am so very sorry….i was stupid, I was insensitive, I was self-centered. I never once looked to see how you felt about kairen, I did what I did out of anger towards ae sook and the need to make my own self feel better.” I felt tears spilling down my cheeks now, I was so desperate now, I knew if he couldn’t forgive me after this than there was no hope for our group. “I will do anything you ask of me, if you want me to leave the group I will, if you want me to never speak to kairen again…I will.” I said hesitating on my last sentence but knowing I had to do it. “please bambam, im pleading with you to forgive your horrible hyung. Please forgive me and give me the chance to make everything better…” I looked up then to see his face was slack and horrified. “I’m begging you.” I said looking him straight in the eyes. he stood up abruptly and stepped out of the booth around me. I sank knowing it was over..

“Then I guess you better get up…you’ve got bags to pack.” He said coolly. I looked up at him horror on my face. was he really kicking me out of the group.

“BAMBAM!” everyone chorused in horror. He looked around at them with no emotion on his face.

“What…he said he would do anything.” He said shrugging like it was nothing. “He can at least pack our bags for the beach trip with kairen tomorrow.” Everyone fell silent with shock as we all stared at bambam before everyone broke into ear splitting cheers. I jumped from my knees and ran to bambam grabbing him into a hug as I jumped up and down swinging him around.

“You mean it? you forgive me?” I said setting him down.

“If you do a good job at packing our bags I will…besides after my hyung dropped on his knees for his dongsaeng…how could I not forgive you.” he said giving me that adorable grin of his.

“Bambam…so…about the whole kairen thing…” jb said worriedly. Bambam sighed shaking his head.

“I know I over reacted…I knew she wouldn’t feel that way towards me…I was just blindsided because it was you two…and I love you two so much.” he said sighing deeply. “I’m sorry for how I reacted…and if you like kairen…I’m ok as long as you two tell me before next time…so I’m not so shocked.” he said laughing embarrassed.

“Anni bambam, me and kairen…there is nothing there…there will be nothing there. ever.” I said seriously. bambam just nodded.

“So…bags…” he said changing the subject. I just grinned at him happily.