“Kairen-ah…comes on cheer up.” jr said patting my shoulder affectionately. He was sitting beside me on the hammock his arm wrapped around my comfortingly. I had my knees pulled up to my chest resting my chin on them as I stared at nothing in particular. “Mark didn’t mean anything he said…he was just shocked is all. I’m sure when we get back to town in on Sunday that he will be waiting to apologize to you.” I just sighed deeply not responding to anything he said. he pat my shoulder one more time before getting up and walking over to the group who were watching hopefully. Jr shook his head and I could hear them groaning in defeat.

“Who’s up next?” jb murmured thinking I couldn’t hear them.

“I’ll go…noona loves me.” yugyeom said taking a deep breath and made his way over to me. “Noona?” he said gently. he didn’t take the seat beside me on the hammock like I thought he would instead he flopped down on the ground in front of me cross legged and looked up at me from the ground. I couldn’t help but let my eyes drift to him. “Noona, If you don’t cheer up…I’m afraid I’m going to have to make you happy.” He said sighing deeply when I didn’t budge. He raised his hands covering his face a moment before dropping them. I was shocked to see the most hideous face I had ever seen on this cute boy. When It didn’t work he moved switching his face to a different one, then another, and another. “Come on noona, I’m losing ways to contort my face…it’s hard to make this master piece look imperfect.” He said smugly. When I still didn’t budge he sighed nodding and turned away from me. When he turned back he gave me one last hideous face and this one I couldn’t resist anymore. I cracked a smile as I giggled softly.

“OH my god yes!” he cheered throwing his arms into the air. I laughed a little more until it suddenly transformed into tears and I started crying and laughing at the same time. “Oh my god no!” I changed from a happy dance to a panicky one in an instent. “Noona no please don’t cry!” he said hurriedly wiping my eyes and trying to hide me from the others so they didn’t find out he made me cry again.

“Yah! we finally got her to stop crying this morning and you made her cry again!” jackson boomed running over to me with the others following. “Kairen-ah...don’t cry.” He cooed throwing an arm over my shoulders. I wiped at my ears shaking my head as I stood up from the hammock.

“Mian…i…I just need to be alone.” I said and hurried off down the beach away from the calling boys. I ran until I couldn’t hear the boys anymore. When I looked around I could see that I had made it almost to the peer down the beach. I made my way to it deciding a walk might help to clear my head. I couldn’t believe how much I was hurting right now, we had only been together for a week, but in that week my feelings for him had grown so much and so significant that when he left it felt like he had ripped a part of me off and taken it with him. I constantly felt like one of those people who had lost a limb and where in constant pain because their body was still thinking the limb was there and sent to many signals to that area of the body for something that wasn’t there…well that’s what it was like, my brain was constantly sending me the signals to every place in my body reminding me of the feelings mark gave me that where no longer there. it had been three days since he left and I hadn’t heard a word from him, nothing. We were going back home on Sunday…two more days and I would know for sure if mark had truly given me up. As I walked along the pier I saw couples walking and holding hands. my hands burned from the memory of marks hands there to the point it was painful. I walked further looking away from them only to see a couple kissing, my lips automatically started burning painfully. I picked up my pace trying to escape all the couples but I kept spotting more and more and my body started burning more and more with the memory till the point that I felt like I was on fire.  I couldn’t take it anymore, I was running now full speed and I was nearing the end of the pier but I couldn’t stop running, I felt like if I did I would burst into flame. I was reaching the end of the pier now and just picked up my pace. I hopped onto a bench without stopping and threw myself off the edge of the pier diving into the water, hearing the screams of shock from the people on the pier. The water surrounded me as I broke the surface and went deeper into the water. The cold of the water did nothing for the burn on my skin so I went deeper. It seemed the deeper I went the less I burned. I relaxed my limbs letting myself sink, I didn’t want to die…I just wanted relief, I felt nothing under here…nothing seemed to exist so I just let myself sink more.

“Oppa…give me a piggy back ride!” Chaeren said jumping up and down on her bed giggling cutely. She seemed so lively right now that you would never guess how sick she actually was.

“Nae…come on.” I said smiling as I turned letting her climb onto my back.

“Oppa…when are you leaving again?” Chaeren asked as I walked her around the hospital on my back bouncing her gently as we went. The doctors told me that this motion was soothing to her nausea.

“I don’t know…a few weeks after the surgery.” I said turning a corner. “But the surgery isn’t until Sunday.” She hugged em around the neck making me look up at her over my shoulder.

“Oppa, why are you so sad?” she asked suddenly.

“What…I’m not sad.” I said shocked.

“Yes you are, I can tell…you have the same look mommy had when she found out I was sick…that look that you figured out something that you don’t know what to do about.” My god…this girl was brilliant at reading people. I sighed letting her slide from my back to a bench. I had wandered into the garden area in the hospital because Chaeren wasn’t allowed outside.

“Ok…you caught me.” I said holding up my hands. “I’m sad…but its not something a little cutie like yourself would understand.” I said pinching her cheek. “When you’re older I’ll tell you.” I felt a little sick as a thought crossed my mind…would Chaeren get much older? I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and looked down to see it was Jb. I was in the hospital and couldn’t answer it so I just ignored the call. it was probably about kairen anyway and I couldn’t think about that now, not when I was preparing for this surgery. I had to keep stress low to lower risks of complications in the surgery.

“Oppa…ice cream.” Chaeren said pointing to a nurse with an ice cream cart. I grinned and moved so she could get back on my back before taking off after the ice cream, i felt a strange feeling all over my body. like i was burning and suddenly cold having a hard time breathing. shrugging it off i ignored it the best i could focusing on the ice cream with chaeren.