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"I know I'm being selfish"

HaeJin's POV.

We looked at each other. The world seemed to stop moving.
"I- I thought you left me?"
I stood there afraid to speak.
"I-I..."
My mind went blank. His subtle yet fragile features stared right back at me.
Slowly he stood up. Little faint steps could be heard. He was coming nearer. I wanted to run. But I didn't know which way. Part of me was telling me to run and just forget, but the other half was telling me to run to him and never let him go. I just didn't know what to do.
Was it worth it to give it one last chance, to fix what we could have had?

I felt his faint touch on my cheek. 
"Don't cry please" 
I was too absorbed in my own thoughts I didn't realise tears were falling.
I pushed his hand away. 
Pain shoot threw his eyes.
"I- I'm just not..."
His red eyes that became watery once again.
"It's ok, I understand"
Silence was starting to envelop us once again. 
"Kai"
I said sternly, yet curious.
"Why did you do that?"
He looked at me confused.
"Propose"
"Because I didn't want to lose you. I wanted to be selfish and keep you to myself. I just didn't want to see you leave me"
Everything he said was like a pang to my heart. I was waiting months to hear those words. To hear those syllables saying he wanted me. He wanted me to never leave, to stay. But it angered me. He had to do it when I was giving up, ready to move on with life.

"Why now? When I was going to leave. Why couldn't you just not say it! Why couldn't you just hate me! Let me forget!"
I began to yell. I could see Kai cringe every time I raised me voice. But I didn't care, I just needed an answer.
"Its because I fell in love with you! I fell in love with someone I was suppose to hate!"
Tears were rolling down the side of my cheeks.
I was shocked. I wasn't expecting that answer. It was like all my words got choked up and my heart was driving a marathon.
"I fell in love with you, I fell in love with my wife"
He whispered. 
Kai looked at me in tears. 
I couldn't stand to see him like this. I looked away, trying to fight back the water threatening to fall.
"I just didn't fall in love with you once but twice"
I looked at him confused.
"Tw-twice?"
No it can't be... He couldn't.
"I remember HaeJin. I remember the first time I couldn't control my heart anymore. I remember the first time I told you I loved you"

At this point I was lost. Lost in my own world. Should I be happy? Happy that he remembers or should I be angry? I didn't know what to feel. The internal conflict that would not stop.
Suddenly I felt myself being pulled in. Kai's arms were now firmly wrapped around me. His chin placed gently on the nape of my neck.
"I remember the first time you smiled. Kissed me back. Everything that we went through"
It was like all my insecurities that I felt around him disappeared. I wanted to wrap my arms around him back, but I couldn't. 
Slowly I pushed Kai away.
Kai looked at me. Guilt, regret and fear in his eyes. 
"I'm sorry HaeJin. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. For being so stubborn. For not loving you any earlier. And for hurting you. I just want you back. Can you forgive me?"
I stared at him. 
I'm sorry Jongin.
"I'm sorry. But I just can't. I-I have to go...."
With that my feet finally moved. I ran off. And didn't look back.

Kai's POV

I watched as she stood by the door. She was so beautiful. Why couldn't I have realised earlier? Why couldn't I remember any earlier.
"I-I thought you left me?" I broke the intense silence.
"I-I"
She stopped talking. It felt like the silence was eating us up. I watched her. She didn't say anything but stood there. Slowly I got up off the floor and made my way to her. She looked scared and confused with every step I made. I wanted to stop myself but I couldn't. She was so radiant, so beautiful that I just wanted to hold her, keep her with me.
I saw tears begin to roll down her cheeks. It pained me too see them fall. Every time water fell was because of me. I was the one that made her cry, I was the one that inflicted pain onto her. I caused so much harm that I didn't know it was eating me inside as well. 
"Don't cry please"
I wiped the tears away slowly.
Suddenly I felt my hand being pushed away. At that moment I wanted to cry. It hurt to have someone you love push you away.
"I-I'm just not..." She whispered.
I knew she was ready for me to touch her. I knew she wasn't ready for any for this. 
"It's ok, I understand"
Silence began to take over again. It was like a deafening pain that wouldn't stop.

"Kai"
She finally spoke.
"Why did you do that?"
I looked up confused and in fear. Fearful for what she has to say.
"Propose"
"Because I didn't want to lose you. I wanted to be selfish and keep you to myself. I just didn't want to see you leave me"
It was all true. Every word. I wanted to be selfish. I was scared. Fearful. I wouldn't know what to do without her. 

"Why now? When I was going to leave. Why couldn't you just not say it! Why couldn't you just hate me! Let me forget!"
I cringed with every loud yell. I k