“Hello Tokyo!” Carolina cheerfully calls out with a hand waving brightly in the air at the thousand of people gathered for 5 Pieces’ outdoor stage on Friday, the day after their single release. It’s in the middle of the day, the rain is falling and the whole crowd gets wet, some wearing raincoats while others don’t just to see the stage better.

“Thank you for coming out in the rain, everyone!” Hannah thanks their fans, receiving cheers and she smiles widely. Though the ladies just stepped outside she can feel her hair getting a little heavier in the light rain. “LET’S GO!”

The song starts to play, and though it is raining it is still a cheerful song and performance with 5 Pieces and their fans. A little rain can’t stop a performance, not a chance. The ladies are smiling widely, performing for their fans with cameras gliding around on a distance; the fans are happily bouncing along to the song, laughing at each other. One part during the song, Julia suddenly wraps an arm around Hannah when her foot glided away on the slippery stage, the two of them laughing and Hannah holds Julia up, starting to bounce together and laughing while waiting for their turn to sing. It’s such a fun song to perform, it is so simple too, and easy to perform – most of all it is easy, they just need to remember the lyrics and the rest of it just comes with the rhythm. Maybe that’s why they can take notice of the audience, seeing how they are following the bouncing rhythm and doing the small choreography parts, only during the dance break cheering and dancing along. Hannah’s favourite part is LET’S GO, PIECES, LET’S GO and the whole crowd claps twice along with the ladies, hands held up above their hands. Just imagine thousand of people suddenly raising their hands and with rhythm clapping two times. It looks great from the stage.

Hannah sings the last part of the song, and jumps up with her hand at her last LET’S GO cheer with the ladies, and the crowd does the same thing. With laughter, full of happiness, the ladies thank the crowd several of times.

Working with a cheerful song is good for Hannah; it makes her forget things when she is on the stage or in front of the cameras. It is just the start of their promotions, but she knows that as long as she is promoting in Japan, she can forget the aching in her heart. Yesterday at the hospital check-up that she has every six months, she knew exactly what they would tell her; don’t loose more weight. She isn’t underweight, she still has the curvy chest to help out with that, but overall she has lost weight and not even Hannah wants that, so the doctor wants her to eat more and make sure to follow the eating schedule she is supposed to go after. She won’t follow the eating schedule; it’s impossible to have an eating schedule when your work-routines are different every day.

Wet from the performance, the ladies get off the stage after taking pictures with the crowd. They leave the microphones and are shoved in the van pretty much right away to go on the next thing on their schedule – a photo shoot.

The ladies fix the make-up on the way, knowing a stylist will be ready to do more when they arrive. They listen to their own CD in the van, practicing on the go to the two tracks and they go through things they will say at the short interview they will do. Though their schedule is packed, the ladies are actually having a lot of fun. Maybe because they love to perform and it is a new song, like always they love to promote a new track and notice the response from their fans.

Arriving at the photo shoot, they go straight to work; make-up, fix hair and change clothes. It is colourful and pretty, the background for the shoot is plain for the photo shoot, but 5 Pieces work it great by hugging each other, holding hands and doing different positions matching their outfits. They are being interviewed when they are waiting for their turn for the solo parts, one by one they disappear and come back – it’s all about having a good flow in the schedule. As soon as the photo shoot is done the ladies head to a restaurant to eat, their stomachs growling and their managers looking at the time to make sure they won’t be late for the TV recording.

Hannah is eating a lot, without talking and just eating. In the morning she barely ate anything; the whole day barely eating anything, but for an early dinner she eats a lot.

Julia chuckles when seeing Hannah finishes eating before Carolina.

“I think you got some eating disorder, or something,” Julia jokes with Hannah who drinks some water.

“Mm… probably have one,” Hannah says in a low voice, looking up to give Emelia a glare as the rapper looked like she was going to say something to her. Emelia rolls her eyes; Hannah has slept in the living-room for two days now, not talking to Emelia and ignoring the conversation of the rapper trying to make her to lie down in her own bed. Hannah is glad none of the other ladies tries to get in between that. Instead of talking to Hannah, Emelia turns to the others to suggest some food they can buy later that she had heard a host recommend for them.

Julia sighs next to Hannah, seeing it all. “I don’t even know what it is about, that you two are fighting over,” Julia mutters in a low voice, leaning back in her seat towards Hannah. “I don’t even know if you have a reason to be mad at each other.”

“She goes on my nerves,” Hannah answers coldly, remembering Emelia butting in about everything.

“Who does not go on your nerves these days?” Julia sighs.

As soon as she has said it, she sighs loudly again because Hannah gets up from her seat and tells the others she will go wait in the car. The eyes go to Julia, as if she is the reason Hannah left the table. Julia sighs a third time, leaning forward to finish her food without a word. They all know the reason for Hannah’s cold behaviour, and the most stupid thing is that Hannah put herself in this situation – she was the one breaking up with Jonghyun.

They ignore to talk to Hannah about it when getting in the van, knowing she will be in a better mood once they are at the station. Like always, she has a professional behaviour; she can put her feelings and mood away when it comes to work, she talks to the hosts and jokes around like usually, she goes through the script with the ladies for what will be talked about on the show they will record.

Only when they go through the questions, her gloomy face appears when spotting a question that the host will ask them; do they have Valentine’s Day in Sweden. Maria is fast to notice it when they go through, and she makes sure that she and Maria will bounce the questions about that. The rest goes well and soon they start the filming with 5 Pieces grand entrance with the hosts praising and talking greatly about them, not saying much about the single other than the concept and then it is a normal interview about the usual.

Hannah is ready the whole time, sitting down in her middle position with the ladies sitting in a row by a table with the other guests and hosts, talking about this and that. She is ready when it comes, but still blanks out for a second when a female guest asks;

“You don’t have Valentine’s Day in Sweden?” she asks, curious and clueless.

“Oh, we do, we do,” Maria answers and nods, letting Emelia continue; “But we don’t have White Day. In Korea they have Black Day too for the singles, but we don’t have that.”

“Black Day?” the host wonders.

“The day for singles,” Emelia answers with a smirk.

Hannah barely hears anything, only remembering her own Valentine’s Day: she still can’t understand the expensive hotel, all that food and everything he had prepared. She just can’t understand it. she understood that he didn’t want her to ask questions, she can understand that part, but she still wants to know about the whole thing that happened that day. Let me take care of you for once…

An elbow nudges her on the side and Hannah blinks at her side, just to hear Emelia sitting next to her talk about the girls reading the manga One Piece. The Japanese are curious to know what manga they like after hearing the ladies read them.

“Maria and I like Detective Conan too,” Emelia finishes saying. Hannah blinks a few times at Emelia, knowing the rapper nudged her on the side, so Hannah thought she had messed up by not answering a question but she is not even supposed to talk about this, so she doesn’t know why Emelia nudged her while talking.

“Naruto,” Maria adds with her thumb up, “Number one.”

“Ha-ha-ha, number one!” the host laughs with the other guests at Maria saying Naruto is number one. “When do you take time to read?”

“Travelling,” Maria answers in her simple Japanese, “When we travel.”

“5 Pieces travel quite a lot though, right? You go to Sweden, America… Do you have your own plane too?” one of the male guests asks.

“We don’t,” Emelia shakes her head, smiling at the idea of it. “We take the train a lot in Japan though.”

“You do?” the host’s voice goes up a pitch and Hannah smiles with her members at how shocked he looks.

“Yes, it’s very comfortable,” Hannah answers this time, Emelia nodding next to her and the host amused by a foreigner saying ‘comfortable’ about their trains.

She feels a knot in her stomach when they continue to film, knowing that specific topic had distracted her. It is a little more difficult to keep an honest smile and to react normally at their jokes, but she follows the lead of her members to react to whatever goes on, coming with small comments and answers once in a while too when she follows the subject.

As soon as they leave they head to the last thing on today’s schedule; performance at Music Station. Hannah and Julia sit in the back with Manager Lee, Emelia and Julia are in the middle and Maria sits at the front just because Emelia asked to sit in the middle this time and Maria was the fastest to reach the front seat though Carolina said she wanted to sit there after hearing Emelia say that. Their Japanese manager is driving. Hannah is spacing out the window, her ears are dull for what is being said in the van and all she can think about is the person she really shouldn’t think about. Just a few hours ago she was so happy, thinking working in Japan will be so great and easy, but as soon as the wrong thing is said at the interview she just can’t let him out of her thoughts. She wants to turn off her Korean cell phone too, just to not have to think of looking through their text messages, but she can’t turn it off because of Kyung Ho, and Manager Lim told her to keep it on her in case the police have some more questions – Hannah’s solution was to give the phone to Manager Lee. Now she sits and wonders if she should take the phone back from him, thinking of what good and bad it would be from doing that. The more she thinks about it the further away the idea gets, the more she gets into other thoughts about Jonghyun.

Her name is mentioned in the conversation the others have, and Hannah turns her head to look at Julia sitting between her and Manager Lee at the back. She doesn’t know what the conversation is about, but hears Maria say that it still went well.

“It’s stupid, that’s all I’m saying,” Emelia says from the seat behind Maria, clear for Hannah to see her. She is quietly listening to what the conversation could be about.

“Emelia, let’s talk about it later, okay?” Manager Lee suggests. “We should focus on the performance now.”

Emelia looks over her shoulder, her small green-blue eyes meet Hannah’s and they both glare at each other. Emelia must have thought Hannah was listening to music or something, not hearing anything of their conversation (almost true, beside from the music part). “I was just telling the others just how gone you were in thoughts during the filming that I had to give you a push to not look completely gone on TV,” Emelia explains to Hannah in a voice saying Hannah is wrong, Emelia did great protecting them. “And they don’t think it is a problem because no one noticed while I think next time it happens, I might not wake you up from daydreaming and the whole filming might get ruined.”

“EM,” Maria and Manager Lee warn her together.

“It won’t happen again so drop it,” Hannah coldly tells her.

“I’m pretty sure it will happen again,” Emelia says and turns her head to the front. “As ignorant as you are it will probably happen many times.”

“Shut up, EM!” Maria turns around in her seat, surprising their driving, the leader glares at both Emelia and Hannah. “If you two can’t say anything nice to each other while we are out working, then shut the hell up!”

Hannah turns back to the window, looking angry at it.

“I’m already tired of you two fighting over this,” Maria continues to say after turning back in her seat, speaking loudly enough for them to hear and her voice showing just how upset she is at them. “What happened has happened, alright? Now focus on 5 Pieces and let’s have fun promoting in Japan or you two fighting will be the least of your worries. Got that?”

None of them answers and Maria mutters a Swedish curse word, just for Manager Lee to not know what she says.

They do their rehearsals and change clothes for Music Station, Hannah not saying anything to Emelia the whole time and Emelia not saying anything to her either. They don’t even glare at each other because both of them know that rumours can start with just that. Doing brief interviews backstage, they stand next to each other and talk as if there is nothing wrong, but they don’t smile or glance at each other like they always do.

For Music Station, all the performers walk out for the opening and 5 Pieces receive a cheer when their turn is. They sit with the others for a while before their turn is, answering a question about the song and that it is so popular right after release before they go stand-by to perform live.

Hannah is smiling widely when they are on the stage, their song starts and the ladies are lightly moving to the rhythm. Fighting or not, the stage is a place where they are working and private issues should not be brought up there – on the stage or in front of cameras. After six years like this, the ladies know it very well.

 

After Music Station, 5 Pieces go to the apartment to wash up and grab a bag before they take the last train to Fukushima. They all sleep on the comfortable train for less than three hours before arriving; they take in on a hotel to get another hour of sleep before they get hair and make-up done for the radio show at six, followed by TV at eight and another one at eleven. In between they travel and eat, practice for the next place and they do interviews too. It is a lot of work and all of them are back in focus, no fighting since it really isn’t much talking other than what to say in interviews and comments about each other’s looks.

Hannah likes the hectic schedule. She eats whenever she can between the interviews and appearances; she sneaks a bite here and there, not really eating a full meal at once today and she seems satisfied with that.

What she looks forward to the most with these promotions starts after lunch; fan meet. The ladies performs both the songs from their new single, the cheerful [Let’s Go!] that the fans really seem to have practiced to bounce along to and the beautifully sad ballad [When There Is No Tomorrow] and they also performs last year’s hit song [Run Out], but the whole highlight with the fan meet is to sign their single and shake hand with each fan walking up in front of their table. Hannah smiles at everyone no matter how they react in front of her; fans can scream, cry, shake, just stare, not look at all, some are all crazy, others are talkative… She likes all of them, talking briefly with them when signing the single. Compared to the fan-base in Korea, in Japan it has always been a mix of their fans, there is a mix of boys and girls, old and young. It is a great mix. Hannah has to look straight ahead at a little girl coming up in front of her with a box of chocolate and the same kind of headband that Hannah is wearing in the PV, the little girl hides behind her hand when crying because Hannah mentions it, and then she looks up at an older man who tells her she is his favourite member because of her smile. There are always so many kinds of fans you meet, some even dressing up like 5 Pieces, and everyone are standing out in their own way, fascinating.

This is why Hannah loves to promote things. Fan meeting and fan signings, places where you really get to take a closer look at the people shouting your name usually from afar. She can smile when looking in their eyes, instead of standing on the stage and smile at a purple ocean. She love both ways to see their fans, but this one feels more personal, more close even if she feel at home and warm after a concert with a crowd that has been singing and cheering them on the whole time.

This is the life of an idol, an artist that makes Hannah appreciate what she do. This is when she can see what 5 Pieces really do to people, to receive letters and compliments with words coming from the bottom of the hearts of these people.

One boy stands out; wherever he goes Hannah can see him. She spots him standing in the line at first, a tall Japanese teenager who has gone on 5 Pieces’ activities in both Korea and Japan ever since Hannah was in her first Japanese dramas. When she spots him she is waiting for the next fan, so there is a small hole in the line right in front of her that makes her see the line of fans waiting to get their sign. Hannah was pouting with her lips, waiting with the pen ready in hand when her eyes met his and she shoot him a huge smile, even waving. She laughed when he waved happily back, suddenly jumping as if he couldn’t wait to reach her.

Hannah smiles up at the fans one by one, exchanging words with them, and then it is his turn.

“My heart always skips a beat when you recognize me,” he brightly tells her, shaking in excitement.

“I’m happy you feel that,” Hannah laughs, starting to sign the single. “Are you still in school?”

“I go to the university. Not here though, in Tokyo. I came here because I don’t have school today. I’ll be in Nagoya tomorrow too… Because I am in school when you are in Tokyo,” he tells her quickly and ends by taking a deep breath.

Hannah smiles up at him. “I am deeply thankful that you spend so much time to see us, it makes me feel a little bad,” she jokes with him, seeing how his eyes widen.

“Oh don’t, no, no, don’t feel bad. I love following you- I mean. I love seeing 5 Pieces. You are definitely worth it,” he says in a shaky voice. “Please don’t feel bad…”

“As long as you don’t spend your money on us so you can’t eat properly,” Hannah tells him, hands him the single and gives him a look that says she definitely hopes he does eat properly.

He relaxes at her look, smiling, “My mom makes sure I eat correctly. Oh, I almost forgot. Here,” he says and hands her a present bag. When Hannah accepts it he is fast to add; “It is strawberries and some beverage for you. I also found a pair of sunglasses that I had to buy because as soon as I saw them, I thought you would look nice in them…”

His voice disappears when Hannah takes out the sunglasses, completely black. “Oh…” she says when seeing that they are the kind of sunglasses that would be great to have when you don’t want anyone seeing your eyes – celebrity sunglasses. She tries them on a little quickly. “Does it look good?” she asks him, turning to her side to ask Carolina the same in Korean.

“Perfect,” he whispers in a sob, moved by that she even take the time to try them when he is there.

“I love them, thank you,” Hannah smiles when putting the sunglasses back down in the bag.

“Thank you,” he smiles with his shoulders up to his ears when shaking Hannah’s hand, moving over to the next member with a giggle.

Hannah smiles at the woman coming up to her, and she continues to talk briefly with the fans one by one. When she was a rookie she was horrible at this, and not just because of the language barriers. She would focus on the next fan right away, doing really bad and not focusing on the one in front of her. Now she is much better, she has much more knowledge too, she knows what to do and mostly on how to react too and she is just enjoying this. Her members do too, joking with the fans and laughing at things they are told.

Before the next fan meeting at seven in the evening, the ladies have two photo shoots they do and after the fan meet they have a TV recording to do to promote their single in Fukushima. Then their day there is done and they go to the hotel to sleep. Hannah shares room with Carolina, the two of them go to bed in silence.

The best part with Carolina is that she doesn’t ask questions or say comments like Emelia. She doesn’t know how to ask or what to say so she doesn’t do anything, just talks about happy things like their day with the fans and how tired she is. When Carolina has fallen asleep, Hannah picks up her cell phone and earphones, tuning in on Jonghyun’s radio to fall asleep. After ten minutes she turns it off, not baring to hear any more.

In the morning the ladies are up early to take the first train down to Nagoya; over four hours on the train.

Hannah can’t sleep on the train this time; she just stares out the window most of the time and listens to music through her earphones. She eats the strawberries she got yesterday, sharing it with Julia who wakes up from the seat next to her at that time.

The two of them take a picture together when they are about to arrive in Nagoya – they have gotten hair and make-up done on the train, changed clothes too, so the two ladies have no problem at all taking a picture – and they cutely pose together in their seats, head tilted towards each other.

{Instagram, 5P_HANNAH: Nagoya, Let’s Go! Two ladies ready while the others are sleeping, it is raining outside… Be careful of the weather and we hope you enjoy our new songs~}

“It’s really cool how you write in Japanese like that,” Julia tells Hannah when the picture has been uploaded. Hannah just smiles at the compliment, looking over Julia at the other members. Only Carolina is sleeping, but an hour ago all of them were sleeping so she doesn’t think it matters what she wrote.

What matters is that the train arrives in time and they are in a rush to reach their fan meet because the schedule is formed for them to run to the meeting as soon as they arrive. They end up being just a few minutes late, and when starting the event the ladies are apologizing to the fans though it is just five minutes before deciding with their fans to have a great time.

Though they were late, 5 Pieces are smiling widely at their fans and Hannah sees the same fan she had gotten strawberries and sunglasses from during the third event; he explains that there were too many people at the previous events that he couldn’t come in.

Some interviews after the three fan events and then it is just a radio appearance after dinner and they can head back to Tokyo.

On the train they get to eat too. Hannah eats like she did yesterday; a little now and then, and she did the same for dinner and she does the same now. She eats a little of her food before letting Carolina eat the rest, but half an hour later she is drinking some beverage to not get hungry again.

Emelia is sitting with her cell phone, eating calmly while texting someone and coming with comments to what their manager is saying next to her, the two of them sits in front of Hannah and Carolina while Maria and Julia are sitting on the seats in the middle next to Emelia and their manager. Carolina looks to be at peace eating Hannah’s food, them both happy that no one else sees it.

“Who is interested to take a drink with the shiny boys when we get off?” Emelia asks, leaning forward in her seat to look over at Maria.

Hannah looks up right away. Shiny boys?

“I am,” Maria answers right away, “Kibum already asked, but I forgot to ask you. Are all of us going?”

Maria looks at the two seats behind the manager’s and Hannah turns to face the window, not seeing the question is directed to her but hoping Carolina will say something instead. Carolina looks a little surprised when seeing Maria look at them. “SHINee is in Tokyo?” Carolina asks and looks at Hannah as if she should answer, but seems to remember something and turns to their leader instead. “I don’t have to actually drink alcohol, right?”

“No one will make you drink alcohol,” Maria rolls her eyes. “So you’re in. Julia is in. Hannah is in too.”

“I’m not going,” Hannah tells them in a low voice, glancing up when Emelia stands up in her seat to look at Hannah behind her. “I’m not going.”

“Can you be more obvious?” Emelia whispers at her, aware of the Japanese people sitting on the train, which is good they aren’t Koreans because of the language the ladies uses. “They will know you don’t go because of Jonghyun and that means a lot of awkwardness in the future too, which means that you are going.”

“I’m not going because I am tired and not in the mood to go out for a drink, which means I am not going,” Hannah tells her and puts in her earphones to show it is nothing they can change her mind on. But they know the reason Hannah won’t go is because of Jonghyun.

She keeps looking at her phone, playing music on it and wondering what SHINee is doing in Japan. She knows Key has a musical tomorrow, Maria has already talked about going there; Hannah said she will go too just because she thought only Key is in Japan. Now she doesn’t know what to do. after their schedules had ended in Nagoya, the ladies changed clothes so Hannah is now sitting in a distressed knot sweater in wine red and blue, comfortable in loose jeans and she has put on a fedora hat as she needs to take a shower when she comes to the apartment. She could use that as an excuse too; not that her members would believe her. But she has said one excuse and that is enough, but Hannah keeps thinking about it. To see Jonghyun… it would be awkward, she knows that, but how would they behave around each other? Will they try to be friends or does he hate her? Does she even want to know, can reality be worse than imagination?

The train takes a long time; it feels like a whole day passes by while it in fact is less than two hours. Hannah is only thinking of one thing; Jonghyun. When they get off the train and head to the van they have waiting for them, she is nervous knowing Jonghyun is in the same city, not knowing where he is but knowing her members will meet him, and she listens to her members being excited to go out and take a drink in Tokyo. Hannah takes her seat in the back of the van, her usual seat, and Maria comes actually to sit in the back next to her, sitting with Julia on the other side.

Maria puts an arm around Hannah, which is uncomfortable in the van but it doesn’t stop Maria who pushes the youngest towards her, and the leader uses her soft voice to talk;

“I want you to come with us. We will be more than ten people there, you don’t have to sit next to him or talk to him and if you want to go to the apartment earlier than the rest of us, I asked Ji Young Oppa if he can give you a ride… Okay? Will you go have fun with us, 5 Pieces?”

Maria’s words are very soft and friendly, like a really good friend who wants her to come along, while the grip around Hannah is a little threatening. When Hannah opens , Maria tenses her arm around her a little.

“You’re coming, aren’t you?” Maria says in a little harder voice.

Hannah knows she can easily say ‘no’ and Maria will let her be, but she can feel her head nodding. Maria smiles widely and gives Hannah a kiss on the hair.

“Amazing, little baby,” Maria sounds so pleased and puts down her arm, staying seated in the back and she looks to her right at Julia and then smiles back at Hannah on her left and she has such a slug smile in her face.

SHINee is already in a private room at a restaurant when 5 Pieces arrives. Hannah is hugging on to Maria’s arm, knowing that as soon as they walk inside the leader will run over to hug their friends, just like the other ladies probably will; Hannah has no idea of what she will do. It’s their manager who follows the directives they got to find the right room, and when he walks inside the room Hannah can hear the familiar voices of SHINee and their managers, everyone sounding friendly and close and among the voices she can hear the voice she has secretly been listening to at nights on the radio, never for long. Hannah gets up behind Maria, lowering her head when walking inside the room and letting go of Maria’s arm that disappears when she hurries over to give those around the table a hug, greeting every single person in the room. Julia puts a hand on Hannah’s shoulder when getting past her, also greeting the others and Hannah bites her lip when seeing Emelia pat Taemin on the shoulder when taking a seat across from him next to Minho. She looks at where everyone is sitting, but before she even has the time to look by one face she meets the eyes of one person who makes her stop her steps.

He looks stunning. Breathtaking. Angry.

Hannah looks away and moves over to sit between Manager Lee and Taemin as they both had told her to sit there. Taemin is smiling widely at her, complimenting her hat and Hannah smiles back, making sure to not look further down the table the other way. She knows someone is looking at her, not knowing if it is Jonghyun, Emelia or maybe Manager Lee sitting on her right. What she focuses on is on her left, the corner where Taemin sits, across the table is Emelia, Minho, Key and Maria – Maria is where the line crosses, but she barely dares to look there because then she can glance at the corner of her eye to where everyone else are sitting.

As soon as everyone is seated they start ordering drinks. Taemin pretends to know a lot, ending up being told by most of them by the table to just take what the others give him, and Hannah just says ‘same’ and points at Taemin.

She must be the most boring person to be around. She starts off just listening to the others on her left, doing her best to not listen to anything on her right; she doesn’t even touch her glass but finds herself staring at it a few times when getting lost in thoughts. The first hour is like that, pretending she is listening while she isn’t. The second hour she doesn’t even pretend anymore. She is looking down at her hands in her lap, fiddling on her nails and nervously removing the nail polish without really meaning to. She wants to look so badly, she wants to see him, to see if he takes notice of her, to see his lips move when he talks.

Hannah looks up when it gets louder in the room, Maria and Key suddenly standing up, talking gibberish in both Korean and Japanese – they say the same things but says it at the same time so it become gibberish – and Hannah smiles because they aren’t drunk at all, they are just themselves, entertaining everyone like a gag duo. They end their gibberish with a cheer, everyone raising their drinks and sweep them, Hannah does it too. As soon as she puts down the glass she makes a face towards Taemin, who laughs with her.

The glass is quickly refilled; the second hour hasn’t even passed. Most of the others are on their third or fourth, not drinking quickly because they are just hanging out – not there to get drunk.

One hour and 47 minutes. That’s how long it takes until Hannah dares to look on her right, glancing at every face to see who actually are there and her eyes lingers a little longer on Jonghyun. He looks so much better than what she remembers from when she walked in. Nervously she looks back at those on her left; everyone seems to be talkative but her. She grabs her glass, staring at it with a pout, not thinking about anything else than the colour of it. With a sigh she takes a sip, grimacing and takes two bigger ones and she puts down the glass on the table again. She must seem to be so gloomy; if anyone asks, she will say she is tired, it would work.

“I heard Kyung Ho is coming to Tokyo,” Minho says from across the table, smiling when Hannah looks up at him. All she heard was ‘Kyung Ho’, so when she asks ‘what’ he repeats it.

“Ah, yeah…” Hannah nods, glancing down to hold her glass again, “He’ll be here on Tuesday and Wednesday.”

“Whoa, that sounds fun! Will you be working the whole time or are you going to have fun?” Taemin wants to know, resting his arms on the table.

“Both,” Hannah says, hoping it is loud enough for Minho to hear but for some reason she don’t want to be loud enough for the whole table to hear – for him to hear. She doesn’t know why. “We’ll be going around the city on Tuesday, to look around and that…”

“Are you going to an amusement park?” Minho asks. “I think he would like that.”

“Um… I haven’t decided,” Hannah shrugs her shoulder.

Truth is that the whole schedule for what they are going to do is planned with the filming crew; she just can’t remember it or focus about that. It has vanished from her mind; temporary memory loss or she just can’t focus. Instead of letting Hannah continue with her short answers, Maria starts telling about things she think Kyung Ho should see, talking to Minho and Taemin. Hannah hadn’t even noticed Emelia walking away from her seat, now sitting over on the other side where she is talking to Julia and Onew.

She sighs and sweeps her glass now when the focus isn’t on her and she turns to Manager Lee to see if he is busy in a conversation or if he can give her a ride to the apartment. She doesn’t even have time to open when instead staring up at the person walking behind them, and she turns to face forward, her whole body tensed, when feeling Taemin leave his seat and see him walk over to sit on Emelia’s seat, giving a glance to Hannah before continuing to talk with the others. Hannah leans a little to her right when he sits down on her left, taking Taemin’s seat, and he is sitting towards her. With a glance she sees him look at her, and her eyes are taken, unable to look away. Jonghyun looks gorgeous, his blonde hair under the cap, his ears, his eyes looking at her face, his nose, his mouth, his cheeks, his body hidden under a black hoodie… Everything about him is gorgeous, attractive.

They just look at each other, she can’t relax at all but he looks too relaxed looking at her, he looks angry too.

“You seem to be doing well,” he says shortly, just staring at her. She wants to ask if he is kidding with her. What part of her looks to be doing well? She can’t eat correctly, she can’t focus on a conversation, she can’t stop thinking about him and now when he is sitting there she can not believe how she could avoid looking at him for so long. She must be the most stupid person in the universe.

“You too,” she whispers, her hand hugging her arm nervously. She can’t stop looking at him, so curious to know what he is thinking when looking at her so deeply. It’s breathtaking, though she is sure he is angry at her because of the cold face-expression he has.

It gets quiet between them again, just eyes looking at the other. She can look at him in all eternity, but eventually she is aware of their surroundings and wonders if anyone else is watching them, suddenly nervous that they are next to each other, that they are supposed to be in an ex-relationship.

“Do you want something…?” she asks in a low voice, even hesitating after saying the first word.

Jonghyun leans back in the chair, wetting his lips with his tongue while still looking at her like that, and then leans forward again to not have to talk so loud. He is closer to her and Hannah is pretty sure he can see how she just freezes; he is wearing the cologne she got him once. She has no idea of why his eyes are so intense, eyeing her face, making her blush so deeply. For a second she wonders if she even asked her question out loud, wondering if he has said something but she was too busy watching his eyes to hear. She looks at his lips when they move. “I’m just looking at you,” he answers.

She just wants to start a tantrum, to shout ‘you can’t say that!’ because the moment he says that she is again reminded of their positions, but a part of her just wants to wrap her arms around him in a hug, to breathe him in and feel his touch, to have him breathe in her hair… She is in reality not saying anything at all, just staring at him.

“You look pretty,” Jonghyun whispers, his fingers touches her sleeve lightly. She wants to take her hand in his, entwine their fingers, while she in reality moves her arm away from him, her eyes big when he looks at her again. “You always look pretty, even when I know you’re not well.”

What does that mean? Hannah can’t find any words, she just stares into his eyes, her head asking questions but none of it reaches her lips. Why does he look at her like that? Why does he talk like that? What does he mean? Why does he have to be so handsome staring at her like that? All reasons to why they shouldn’t be together are a blur now, she tries to remember them so badly, only remembering that they have no future together but she can’t remember why. It’s frustrating because she wants to be with him but for his own good, for his future wife, she shouldn’t.

“You have been staring at your glass half the time here.”

“I’m tired, that’s all,” Hannah says, her brain not working well to put his words together as fast as usually because of those piercing eyes.

“I got the word that it’s something else.” Like him.

It’s like a flame suddenly firing up inside her. Someone talked to him; someone always talks. “Oh, let me guess; Emelia,” Hannah mutters with hardening eyes, about to turn around to look after the annoying childhood friend of hers.

“No, not this time,” Jonghyun answers with a face-expression that worries her because it doesn’t say if he is angry or calm, maybe both, “Julia said it. And I can’t understand why because you’re the one who broke up with me; you’re supposed to feel free now when I’m not suffocating you anymore.”

He is definitely angry, and his words make the flame in Hannah’s body burn wilder too. “Can’t you see it?” Hannah asks him, sarcasm filling her voice, “This is me being free and tired.”

“This is you being free?” Jonghyun smiles, his whole face angry when he sits up a little straighter, their eyes not looking away from the other. “Then it must have really been horrible being in a relationship with me-”

“You’re not the one to talk,” Hannah hisses at him, interrupting his chuckling. “I have seen the interviews you do with Taeyeon; you’re flirting with her nonstop in front of the cameras.”

“You watch that?” Jonghyun sounds pleased, leaning towards her with his hand on her backrest and she glares at the table when he leans in so close that his nose touches her hair, whispering angrily and ily in her ear; “I’m a free man now; why not show it?”

Hannah looks up at him, inches away from each other and though she really want to kiss him she stares him in the eyes, hears someone else in the room say they are leaving. She looks furious, seeing him smirk at her, as if he says it just to make her angry. She is pissed off, hearing Maria stand up and start hugging her friends when saying goodbye. Hannah moves out her chair so his arm falls down, and she is ready to stand up when looking him in the eyes again.

“Then why did you get mad at Taemin for telling Kai that we broke up? If you now want to show that you’re free…” Angry she leaves her seat, not even saying goodbye to the others, but she so wishes she could see Jonghyun’s face, wondering how it looks like. She would want to take him with her, even when she is angry.

Maria walks up to Jonghyun, giving him a weak hug, seeing how heartbroken he looks after Hannah.

“I hope you didn’t put her in a worse mood than she has been this whole week now, singing bird,” Maria tells him, “That will be tough for the rest of us to handle, seeing she has said more to you these minutes than she has said to us the whole day.”

Jonghyun frowns at her. “She doesn’t talk to you?”

The leader shakes her head, sad by the truth that Hannah hasn’t talked to anyone of them about this while break-up thing. “I don’t know what is going on in her head, she has completely shut us out – she gets mad at Emelia as soon as she tries to talk to her.”

“Emelia I can understand, but you?” Jonghyun looks at the door again, seeing Onew show something on his cell phone to Julia. “Is it because of me?”

“Isn’t it always?” Maria smiles softly and gives him another hug. “Take care of yourself, Jonghyun.”

“You too…” he mumbles, being lost in thoughts.

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Headline 28th: SM Entertainment Brings The Police Into Investigating Saesang Fan’s Threat Against 5 Pieces’ Family

Headline 28th: Saesang Fan Threatens Hannah’s Family, “I Know Where They Live, I Will Go Kill Them”

Headline 28th: 5 Pieces Performs [Let’s Go!] On Japan’s Music Station

 

March, Headline 01st: 5 Pieces Speaks Out About ‘Women’s Rights’ In Female Magazine + Impressive Photo Shoot

 

Headline 02nd: Maria Posts A Picture Of 5 Pieces In Nagoya During Fan Meet

Headline 02nd: “As Expected Of 5 Pieces”, Japanese Comedian Praises Foreign Girl-Group About New Single

Headline 02nd: 5 Pieces Show Off Their Humorous Sides In Episode 3 Of ‘좋은 자매 (Good Sister)’

 

Monday, Headline 03rd: SM Entertainment Comments On Legal Actions About Saesang Fan Threatening 5 Pieces

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X. devonalias

- SM Entertainment Comments On Legal Actions: “5 Pieces is strong against all kind of fans, but they do not take it as a joke when their families are threatening. This fan wrote down the exact address of Hannah’s family, knowing where they live and work, and Hannah, of course, was terrified of her family’s safety that we had to do something about it. The police is investigating, we are considering taking legal actions against the person who has sent the threats”