“I need you to help me judge my mother’s boyfriend,” Julia says while dragging Hannah across the room. “Both Emelia and Maria were shaking their heads, unsure of whatever, while Carolina is hopeless on the judgement of any man. Mom likes him, so be nice – HI!”

Julia’s sudden change makes Hannah smile widely as the older version of Julia is in front of them, and standing next to her is a tall, dark man who follows the others’ smiles as Julia’s mother hugs Hannah in a greeting.

“And this is Roger,” Julia says when motioning at the man with her eyes looking at Hannah as if telling her to take a close look at the man who reaches out his hand to Hannah.

“Nice to meet you, I have heard a lot of great stories,” he says while Hannah just smiles. They shake hands; his hand is firm and strong, maybe a little too strong. You know when children meet a person for the first time and they either go completely quiet and shy or bravely steps forward depending on what they sense from the new person? Hannah goes quiet now, feeling small and intimidated by this man who is dating Julia’s mother. At times, she does become a child.

5 Pieces’ dinner with their families starts off greatly. Hannah has never seen so many Swedish people in one room, and she knows them all; she likes most of them. Julia has only her mother there, with the boyfriend, but that is enough for Julia who only need her mother’s strong support. Carolina has her parents and older brother there; the most awkward and different family among them because the only one actually talking to others in that family is Carolina’s mother – they stick a little to themselves if they can. Emelia’s parents are there, and also Emelia’s older sister who this year has come without her husband and child. The loud family is Maria’s; her parents, two of her older sisters and older brother with his girlfriend, her grandparents, her uncle with his wife and two 10-year-olds – 12 people in total. With everyone gathered in one room at the hotel, prepared for their dinner where about 30 people are gathered for.

Hannah is happily greeting everyone, a little awkward with Maria’s family because they are the loud and friendly part. But she likes to meet her members’ families. Emelia’s family have treated her like one of theirs since they became friends twelve years ago, because Emelia didn’t have many friends and Hannah came over almost every day after school and spent most of her summer with them for four-five years. For Maria’s family, Hannah have known the sisters since she was a baby and then their parents kind of knew each other because they were neighbours for some time. Maria’s family welcomes everyone. Julia’s mother liked it a lot when they started to hang out with each other, kindly cooking and welcoming the ladies whenever they came over during their one year together before going to Korea, and even after when they met up for school she was just as kind. Carolina’s family has always been a little weird, living out in the bush while the others lived closer to each other, but it is a naïve and nice family that maybe is a little too cut-away from others.

Once everyone has sat down to eat, Carolina’s father and Maria’s father heat up in a discussion about sports – seriously, Hannah can’t nothing about sports but she do notice that they have the same opinion about something – and the ladies are almost drooling when the food comes in. Though they have gotten used to the Asian food, the simple Swedish dishes are always welcomed and to share it with their families, Hannah can notice that her members couldn’t be happier. Their stylists and managers are there too, enjoying the meals and looking pitiful whenever someone tries to speak either English or Swedish with them; Manager Lim can exchange words in Swedish, but they have the luck to have 5 Pieces sit with them to translate from time to time when they aren’t busy in their own conversations.

Cameras have been filming a bit too; Hannah hasn’t been in the focus at all for it but when they are enjoying their meal she can see the camera-crew filming each member, letting them toast and enjoy their meal while filming in the background. She loves how the crew doesn’t turn this into a filming, because she really enjoys the family time, even if her own blood-line isn’t there. She still has Manager Lim sitting next to her.

Hannah doesn’t think she has ever sat around a dining table in Sweden for this long before. She can’t stop smiling, even takes a second plate of food to eat, and she tries to hear everyone’s voices during dinner.

The hotel takes care of everything; because everyone in their families will sleep at the hotel for the concert and that will definitely bring in a lot of money for them, so the food and room and waitresses and the spa they had enjoyed earlier, is all from the hotel. At first when they all sat down to eat, Maria stood up alone to say a few words; just thanking everyone for coming, thanking the hotel, thanking the food, and hoping everyone will enjoy the with the famous 5 Pieces (the last was a joke but she still sat down all seriously after making everyone laugh).

After eating dinner and dessert, and been sitting there for a while, talking and taking pictures and just enjoying each other’s company, someone is lightly hitting the glass to get everyone’s attention, and everyone around the table turns to look at Emelia’s father, who clears his throat nervously when standing up. He is a mechanics, his big passion is cars and Hannah smiles because she has never seen him this nervous before. He isn’t the one to talk in big groups, he usually lets his wife do the talking, which is why even Emelia laughs when asking what he is doing. He is holding his glass in one hand when standing there, taking deep breaths.

“I am … not good at this,” he admits, nervously looking around at everyone, hearing some people saying they would be nervous too which might make him feel a little better. “For those of you who don’t know, I am … Emelia’s father. Parent from a distance, as most of you know, that is a little difficult, which is why… whenever Emelia comes home – or for this case near home – we want to meet her and see how our daughter is doing. Well… in my eyes, my daughter is still 15, I’m not sure how the rest of you feel…”

“I feel with you,” Maria’s father raises his hand, funnily nodding and Maria looks embarrassed, in a proud way. Carolina’s father nods too, without saying a word.

“To see my daughter grow up has been a journey every parent goes through with their children, and I must admit, when Emelia over five years ago told us that she is going to Korea… we had a lot of worries and doubts. But, as we all know, they went to Korea and within days, we all got the same phone call where our daughters told us they are staying a little longer, because they passed the second round of their audition… Every time I heard my daughter’s voice on the phone that summer, I struggled very hard to not tell her to come back home,” Emelia’s father is saying, his voice shaking a bit at the end. “And… every day since, it has been mixed feelings whenever I have heard about 5 Pieces. I guess I am not the only one who has thought ‘should I ask her to come home?’ or ‘should I just give her a simple call to ask how she is doing?’”

Again there are parents agreeing, and Hannah keeps looking at her members, who are quietly listening. It is the first time they hear about this.

“I don’t think I have ever wanted to know all the things you ladies have been doing for the past five years. I have heard so many things, all the hard work you have gone through,” her father continues and Emelia’s mother is sitting with a napkin, holding her head low. “As parents, I think I speak for all of us, when I say that sending our daughters far away to a place we know nothing about, trusting them and secretly believing in them while openly tell them to not do things they will regret in a little hope that they will stay under our roofs, in our protection… we thought it was our biggest challenge as parents, while our biggest challenge in fact is to continue believing in them, and to support each one of you ladies, while you go through all the craziest things…”

Hannah covers when almost giving out a whine, already crying even before Emelia’s father couldn’t help but to stop his speech and apologize when taking his own napkin to wipe his tears. Most of them around the table are crying now; the parents feeling with him and the ladies for the first time hearing this.

“I…” he sighs, looking at Emelia. “I am proud over you, Emmy. All these things I have said, that was what I really wanted to let you know. I am a proud parent, for letting my wife convince me that sending my daughter away to be foolish and famous is the best thing I could ever do to you, Emelia, and I feel very proud that you have found friends that you can keep for life.”

It’s funny, how everyone around the table are now making their crying sounds and Emelia’s father is really fighting to say his things while crying, and Emelia has already walked up to him, just nodding, smiling and crying all at the same time while holding her father’s hand and waiting for him to be done talking so she can hug him. When he is done, Molly (Maria’s sister who is more like Maria’s older copy because they are almost the same person on the inside) stands up with her own glass, apologizing when wanting to say something.

“I’m Maria’s sister, not a parent, but I think everyone around this table agrees to what has been said. I just wanted to say that 5 Pieces – the five geeks including my own little sister – have inspired a lot of people, who today are fans and obsessed people over these five normal girls that went to the same school as me,” she says, not minding her mother’s and Maria’s crying. “When I stole clothes from my sister a few years ago, I would never know she would become an icon for other people, when it comes to fashion and more. To just see people admire my sister and look up to her… it is really something that I couldn’t imagine, yet when I think of it, Maria is a person worth admiring and I can understand what others see in her. Truth is that I felt very proud when I heard her say that Hannah and her friends from school where starting to listen to K-Pop (me and Agnes where the two showing it for Maria at first), and not even a year ago, I cried when I called her on Skype to say that their song [Daze] is … it was at the top of the charts here in Sweden. Everyone was talking about 5 Pieces; people who visited the store I work in would talk about music and each time I heard about that song or that group, I would feel so proud, as a sister and friend…”

She looks down when wiping her tears, though most of them are crying again. Hannah is smiling as she can see the ladies all crying and holding on to their family members, and she smiles at Manager Lim who is crying even if he can’t understand even half of it. It’s so much emotions going on in this room at the moment, it’s impossible to not drop a tear.

“We are proud over all of you,” Agnes (the second older sister) says while pointing at all five ladies, making them laugh behind their tears.

“Yes. All four of you are part of our family,” Molly nods and Maria is nodding wildly in agreement. “5 Pieces has actually showed the world that nothing is impossible; as an older fan of K-Pop, the difference you have made and the faith you have given random people is clear. Every award you have received, we have cried in joy with you, knowing that each time you do something in the world, you make a difference no one else has managed to do.”

Hannah bites on to her lip when they talk, looking at her members and she meets Emelia’s. Crying, 12 years knowing each other, this is the first time everyone is gathered like this, opening up their hearts to say things they have never openly said before. Hannah cries so badly, trying to not think of it but knowing that her own blood isn’t present; no one in her family have ever said these kind of things. To be proud, cried in joy, make a difference, anything positive or being filled with love – that is far away from her family’s nature.

When Carolina’s father decides to say some words too, Hannah can’t take it anymore. She tries to soundlessly walk out the room when she felt her head pound and unable to breath correctly, thinking she would ruin the mood if she just cried too hysterically, and she hopes no one gets offended by her leaving all of a sudden. But it is a lot of people there, so they maybe won’t even notice.

She closes the door after her, closing her eyes when crying even more but still trying to not make a sound, and she covers when starting to walk down the corridor. She is crying so badly, filled with envy for her members and happiness over their lives together as 5 Pieces, jealousy and love, there are so many emotions going through her that all she can do is to cry it all out.

The door she just left is opened and she turns around to see Manager Lim closing it, and the tears that she had tried to stop for a second when hearing the door just breaks out anew when he hurries up to embrace her in a fatherly hug.

“I’m sorry,” she cries, “I thought I could go through it but I just… it just-”

“I know,” he pats her on her hair. “I know, Hannah.”

He hushes her even if she can hear that he is also crying and that makes her cry even more. She has been lying to herself for so long, saying she doesn’t care about her family’s thoughts, knowing she is still seeking her mother’s approval, just wanting one good comment about something. She wants her own family to say that they are proud over her, to know that she has done so many impossible things in her life that her family said would never be possible. She hugs her manager, crying in self-pity and is told by him that it is okay. It is true that she has a family she can believe in; her manager and members, the people that surrounds her each day and made her believe a bit in who she is, in what she can do, in who she can become. For others it might be silly, a man who five years ago was a stranger and works as their manager, who today is seen as the father of the group.

They stand there for a long time, hugging. All until the door is opened again, and Maria walks up to them.

“Hi, baby,” the leader whispers, her red eyes tears up again when she slinks in to see Hannah’s face, and she starts crying anew when hugging Hannah. “We all love you, you know that, right?”

“You don’t have to go out here, Maria…” Hannah mumbles in the hug, her cheek crushing against Maria’s skinny shoulder.

“Of course I do!” the leader burst out and leans back to look at her, focusing her eyes seriously at Hannah. “You know I do, without hesitation. The same way you would go out after me. No one in that room blames you for stepping outside, Hannah, you weren’t the only one with the thought either; we’re 5 Pieces for a reason, right? All your emotions go through the rest of us, so whatever it is, we’ll do it together.”

“Have I told you how silly you are?” Hannah whispers, smiling while crying because Maria really is adorable when taking on the leader-role. Manager Lim has a hand on their backs, rubbing up and down in his own comforting way and just trying to control his own face.

“Silliness is just my first name,” the leader smirks. “Is it okay for me to go back inside and hug my mother? She cried a lot after Molly saying those weird things about us… Are you going with me?”

Hannah’s head panics by the thought, within seconds all kind of imaginations of how things will turn out if she walks inside. She doesn’t want their attention or pity, to be hugged by everyone just because she is the only one without her parents there. She can’t help but to glance at her manager, her eyes showing the panic she goes through and both of them in front of her sees it. Maria gives her another hug, telling her she doesn’t have to go back; they will understand. Manager Lim says that he will go to the suite with her, and before Hannah knows it she is on her way back to the suite with her manager supporting her. She starts crying again, lost in her own thoughts that when she returns to the suite she walks to the bed and lies down on top of the quilt, closing her eyes when her head falls on the pillow and she lies there while her manager takes a chair to sit next to her.

He talks, she can hear that, but she has no idea of what he says. A part of her knows; a part that listens, while another part can’t understand a thing. It makes her cry more; a familiar language she can not understand, a culture she once didn’t knew existed, faces of people she has found to love, a journey she never would have dared to dream of, friends she would look at and be proud to call friends, strangers looking at her the way she hope will be the start of something unbelievable and a life she has created with people that matters to her, a life she can be happy over.

“Appa…” Hannah whispers when they both have been quiet for a while. She has stopped crying.

“Yes?” he seems to wake up by hearing her voice, suddenly alert.

“You can go back to the others if you want…”

“No, no, I am not leaving you here alone-”

Hannah sighs and looks at him from the cosy pillow. “You want me to feel guilty that you have to stay with me when we both know you really want to talk to everyone at the dinner?”

He grimaces because she is right. Manager Lim is curious about 5 Pieces’ families, to maybe figure out ways he hasn’t learned about the ladies earlier; one parent to another. Hannah knows he has looked forward to meet the families, to talk to them even if there is a language barrier between them. Last year at the concert he was very interested in the same thing, so Hannah knows what she is talking about.

“I’ll be fine,” she tells him when he hesitates.

It takes a few minutes, but eventually he does leave, but he makes sure Hannah has her cell phone next to her and even holding up his to tell her she can just call if there is anything at all, and also saying he will be back soon to check on her.

Hannah lies there for fifteen minutes, just sighing and almost falling asleep before her body wakes up and she gets out of bed, wiping the tears from her face when heading to the dining table to sit down with her cell phone and laptop. She is sobbing when checking her cell phone and waiting for the laptop to wake up. It’s not that she feel bad for her self; she is lucky for the life she has, she is just upset and sad and disappointed in the people she is supposed to call her family. How come 1 out of 5 can’t say her family is proud over her?

She writes a text message to Jonghyun, asking if he is awake and mention that she will be on Skype for a while now in case he wants to talk; it’s about five in the morning there, so she isn’t sure he will have time to answer as it is that time you are waking up, going to the hair-saloon or have already started your schedule. She puts the cell phone aside to begin pressing the key buttons to her laptop. She checks her mail, just to see some more information for her book promotion ‘Joe – Déjà Vu’ that will take place around Europe before their concert in Paris. Hannah’s schedule will be packed. After MAMA in Hong Kong she will just have time to go to Korea and change her packing before she has to catch the flight to London for her book signings – it’s first London, followed by Copenhagen in Denmark, to Gothenburg and Stockholm in Sweden, and a finish in Paris on the fourth day – and the day after her book signing she will go for their concert rehearsals. Her agent has worked very hard with her manager to fit their schedule, giving her a packed schedule to promote her book a final time this year. The other ladies will be in Korea during that time to arrive in Paris a day before to explore the city. And after Paris, 5 Pieces will go to Los Angeles for the concert there, and then it’s already December month and more interesting things will continue for them.

Hannah can’t believe where this tour is reaching them, how emotional she saw the ladies just a while ago when hearing their dearly family members express their worries and joy in what they have accomplished.

She starts crying again, not wiping the tears rolling down her cheeks as if they follow a river, not even sure what she is doing on her laptop by now. Just as she considers going back to bed, Skype pops up with someone calling her, and she smiles a bit when seeing who it is. She answers the call, starting to wipe the tears with one hand just to give a jump and move away from the webcam as it in fact was a video chat she had accepted.

“Are you crying?” Jonghyun had prepared a sweet morning greeting, but the first thing he sees is Hannah wiping tears, and then panic to see it is a video chat and turn away to wipe even more.

“No.”

“Nabi…”

She pouts when turning back at the laptop, seeing the handsome Jonghyun leaning his back against the wall, sitting in his bed wearing a t-shirt and his hair is all wet. If she hadn’t known it was morning in Seoul, she would think he has prepared to go to sleep (because that’s basically what she had in mind to do). She moves the laptop further in on the table and hides half of her face behind her hands to look at him while hiding her cheeks. “Everyone were crying at the dinner,” she explains herself, to not make him think she is crying all by herself – while that is pretty much what she did when she stepped outside to cry earlier. “Emelia’s dad started a very good speech…”

“Oh…”

“Did I wake you?” she changes the subject, slowly breathing in and trying to not let him see her wipe her cheeks some more. She is really stupid at times. Jonghyun just smiles, even early in the morning he looks very handsome.

“No, you didn’t,” he answers, biting his lip with that charming smile of his. “I just came out of the shower, and I’m waiting for Taemin to do the same.”

Out of nowhere, a head falls down in front of Jonghyun, an extreme close-up on Taemin’s face and Hannah bursts out laughing when he shows a huge smile and asks how things are going in Sweden. Jonghyun chuckles and leans his head far on the side to get visible too, only getting visible when Taemin leaves the webcam.

“Things are going just fine, Taemin, thanks for asking,” Hannah giggles behind her hand.

“Go shower,” Jonghyun points a finger at Taemin, like an older brother annoyed at his younger brother. Hannah stays quiet, watching Jonghyun have his eyes somewhere else – probably Taemin – and she guess the younger one has left the room when Jonghyun turns back to her, smiling. “I can’t wait to see you next time; I miss you more and more by each day, Nabi.”

“That’s sweet,” she jokes, smiling behind her hand, but her smile reaches her eyes and Jonghyun smiles too.

“Do you want to talk about it? The dinner?” he asks her, distracting her by taking his hand through his hair, shaking the wet locks over his forehead. She shakes her head, and he smiles again. “Even if you are across the world from me, I know exactly what you’re thinking when you look at me.”

She tries to hold for laughter at his words, asking him quietly what he thinks she has on her mind.

“I’m the most handsome man you have ever seen on your computer screen,” he answers, making her laugh and he looks proud over that. Hannah nods in agreement, admitting it. She is suddenly very tired, her head a mess from crying and she thinks her smile is becoming distant even if he is like the sun shining up her surrounding at the moment. He knows how to ease her mind off of things. “Where are the other ladies?” he then wonders, maybe noticing her overly quiet background.

“Um… they are still with their families,” Hannah answers, leaning back in her chair to take a glance of the place from where she is sitting. “It’s very quiet when they aren’t here… but tomorrow we are going to do rehearsals all day, so I guess I should enjoy the silence while I have it.”

“You want me to sing for you? To lighten up the silence with my absolutely gorgeous voice… Hannah, hold on a minute,” Jonghyun’s overly charm is interrupted by voices in another part of his apartment, and Hannah laughs when he shouts out for another member to stop making so much noise this early in the morning, which is answered by Key stomping inside the room and complaining over something. Even when Jonghyun says she is on Skype, video chatting, Key couldn’t care less as he is too busy being angry over something, though he reminds Hannah to bring with a lot of that yummy candy they have brought with them earlier before he storms out the room. Jonghyun just sits there, sighing and slightly muttering. Hannah can’t stop smiling though, all until the door to the suite is about to be opened.

She makes a quick goodbye to Jonghyun, and just as she has turned off the video chat, she smiles at the ladies entering the suite.

“Baby, you’re up!” Maria shouts in happiness, rushing in after kicking off her shoes to give Hannah a hug. “You better not be working… I’ll seriously hurt you if you were.”

“I wasn’t-” Hannah starts to say but is cut off by Emelia pulling Maria away and say no one will hurting Hannah.

“Ooooh, and who would stop me?” Maria makes her eyes very tiny when looking at Emelia, both hands on her hips and stretching on her to look down at the rapper who is a little shorter. “Would you, the bad-mouthed dwarf?”

“Oh yes I would, skinny elf,” Emelia answers in a low voice.

“As an elf, I am much better than you.”

“I can cut you into pieces without you even noticing.”

“How? With your short arms? You think a dwarf can go up against an elf? I am everything while you’re nothing.”

“Um…” Hannah interrupts them when standing up, “does this talk mean we are going to see The Hobbit or Lord of the Rings…?”

“None,” Manager Lim answers and pushes his way through the ladies, parting the two comparing themselves to mythological creatures. He looks at Hannah, his face asking if she is okay while his mouth tells them; “you are all going to bed, so you are well-rested tomorrow morning. No movies.”

Maria mutters when walking away; Hannah thinks she mutters because they won’t watch a movie.

With the ladies returning, the sound is back in the suite. Hannah turns off her laptop, writes a message to Jonghyun and heads back to the bedroom, asking the others how their day has been like – their whole day has been spent with their families, and Hannah wants to know all about it.

“You know what, Hannah; you really didn’t miss anything from the dinner. After you left, it was just sobbing and some more stories,” Emelia says, coming inside the room to crawl onto the king-size bed Hannah and Maria share. “Mom cried because you didn’t come back though.”

“Ya! Get your filthy dwarf-body away from my love-bed!” Maria bursts out when coming out from the bathroom, rushing up to the bed to try pull Emelia’s leg for her to leave. Emelia pretends to not care, still talking to Hannah about the tearful dinner.

“Emelia! Maria!” Manager Lim rushes inside the room, and tonight he seems tired. Hannah just smiles, getting ready for bed and she has this foolish smile whenever she looks at her members. She and Julia brush their teeth together, competing on who gets the most toothpaste foam from brushing, and they laugh awfully when it starts running down their chins. Carolina comes inside to join them too, but Hannah and Julia hurry to finish up to not let her join the game; Hannah hugs Carolina, wishing her a good night of sleep before stepping out the bathroom.

Manager Lim stays for the twenty minutes it takes for the ladies to go to bed, and like a father with little children he kisses their foreheads and repeats for them to really go to sleep because their schedule from now on will not be easy. The girls just call out ‘goodnight’ repeatedly until he leaves, and Hannah is still smiling when breathing out.

“I’m not tired,” Emelia comments from across the suite. Hannah giggles at the low voice talking, and Maria starts giggling next to her for the reason they are in such a huge bed that when she tried to poke Hannah under the quilt, she didn’t reach. And once these two starts giggling in bed, they can’t stop. They can hear footsteps coming running, and when looking up, both Hannah and Maria screams and laughs at once when Emelia jumps on top of their bed, followed by Julia who stumbles on the side of the bed and falls down over Hannah. Hannah screams at the mess they create in the bed, but is filled with laughter that can’t reach all the way out because of the screaming. Carolina stands at the end of the bed, starting to randomly dance to some music in her head, moving her hands as if she is directing the struggle in the bed – all until Emelia grabs her wrist to pull her in.

Two hours of talking, that’s what it ends up like. The girls lying in the bed together, sitting or lying down, just talking the way they tend to do at times. They talk about their days, their families, how they were surprised by the confession of their family members earlier and talking about everything that has gone through their heads lately, everything they want to get out of them. Mostly everything, anyway.

Finally going to sleep after that, Hannah keeps looking at the cell phone on the bedside table. If she hadn’t stopped using the Swedish cell phone that she threw away after all the chaos that happened with her family this summer, would they have contacted her? Have anyone in her family wanted to respond to the tickets she has sent? Her aunt, who came to the concert last year, though she didn’t want to come backstage; will she come to this concert too with her family? Or Hannah’s twin-sister, the one who has stayed quiet this year but has told Hannah a lot of things earlier; will she finally come to see her perform? What about her older sister, the one who doesn’t know anything and won’t let her brain work enough for her to ever understand what has happened for the past five years… would Hannah even want her to come? What about her grandmother, who was the only one in her entire family to contact her after 5 Pieces’ performance at Europe’s biggest music program half a year ago, will she show up?

 

Worries about her family, Hannah doesn’t sleep well. She doesn’t wake up well either. Her stomach is taking turns in the morning, making Hannah unsure if she is sick, jetlagged or just getting overwhelmed about the unknown.

It’s now Monday, the day before the concert, and 5 Pieces head to the rehearsals early. A bus has been prepared for everyone to take them safely to the Ericson Globe Arena – a huge white sphere that is the most national treasured building in the country; at least the ladies think so.

With her stomach being weird, Hannah does not feel good. Though she tells the others that the jetlag perhaps has hit her, she personally think it is the worrying about her family that gives her nausea, cold sweats and digestion problems (Hannah has probably gone to the bathroom seven times in two hours. She is excited about the concert, about being at the Globe, and she show that with her members when they arrive and spend the first hour being shown around the place (5 Pieces’ amazed face-expression is when fans see the opening for the first time). Their families are still asleep, they are coming a little later to watch the rehearsals and spend time backstage.

There are cameras everywhere. The ladies haven’t even started the rehearsals of the day, but cameras with a crew from Korea are preparing to film them today for some news program or … Hannah isn’t really sure what it is for. But she knows it’s Korean, so in case they ask her a question she knows what language to use. Not that she tries to get seen in front of the camera once the rehearsal begins; her stomach and the rehearsals are trouble enough. Rehearsals need focus, and there is a mix of Korean and Swedish staff so the ladies keep mixing up their language and several of times talking they just go blank, confused over the languages.

“Let’s do a greeting,” Maria suggests when seeing a lot of the Swedish staff being present when the rehearsals have already started. She takes Hannah’s hand for her to join the line of the members, which they do their greeting in first Korean and then do a Swedish version of it. The leader talks in the microphone, saying in Swedish; “We thank you in advance for being understanding if we go a little crazy for this concert, and ask you to be understanding as we are overly excited to be here and thank you for all your hard work today and tomorrow and all the days you have worked for this. And… please do not hesitate to talk to us is there is anything; we speak Swedish well enough to know what you are saying-“Maria makes them laugh the final joke. “5 Pieces’ BLACK & WHITE concert in Stockholm, Sweden, let’s make this a great concert for everyone! Let’s all give a scream!”

She holds out the microphone and hears a low sound and the ladies just laughs at her. They are in Sweden; Swedish people don’t scream around strangers. Maria bows in an awkward apology, realising that a little late but the rehearsal goes on in a good mood. Whenever 5 Pieces say these things to the staff, they get more comfortable; the staff that only works with them for this concert in this country gets to know that 5 Pieces don’t want them to hesitate if they have anything to say.

Hannah is wearing a white v-neck t-shirt with a gray tank top underneath and the pair of distressed blue jeans that she just got back from Emelia, her outfit is relaxed and still stylish; it looks very good even if she doesn’t feel good, yet the ladies makes her feel better because they are at the Globe. Their concert has reached Sweden, for the second time. The ladies keep reminding each other of that; five years ago when they first debuted in Korea, they never thought they would have concerts in Europe.

She smiles when Carolina is randomly dancing again (something she has been doing a lot these days) and they can hear some of the dancers that now are on the stage with them giggle. Hannah looks over her shoulder to smile at them; no one understands what is going on in Carolina’s head. They all get into position to continue the rehearsal, and by every movement Hannah is looking distant because of her stomach. But she pulls through the first part of rehearsals, going backstage for a short break with the others.

Instead of eating like the other members, Hannah head inside the bathroom. She is all shaky and tired, her empty stomach annoyingly taking turns.

She is away for just five minutes, and when coming back her face is pale and she is just a ghost looking through her bag to secretly take a toothbrush and get back inside the bathroom. Returning she takes a seat, drinking some water and listens to the others. Everyone knows what happened, but no one says anything because there are cameras in the room. Mi Young, their hair and make-up stylist, gets up behind Hannah to reach for something, pats her on the shoulder a little friendly. If it is jetlag or worry for tomorrow’s concert, the others are wondering while they are talking backstage about other things, talking to entertain the cameras and to keep the attention away from Hannah sitting on the side while secretly wondering. The youngest really doesn’t say anything, she quietly sits there while everyone else are talking and answering questions and being adorable for the camera.

“Can you all sleep well? Are you nervous?” a camera-man asks the ladies, and Hannah looks up when hearing it is in Swedish – they have been filming for MTV Europe a bit today too, which will be filmed in Paris but they are doing something called “a few days earlier”, to reveal that 5 Pieces worked hard before the Paris concert too or something.

“We sleep well,” Maria is fast to answer, comfortably sitting in a sofa with one long leg over the other and a bottle of water and her cell phone in her lap.

“Can’t say the same about Hannah,” Emelia chuckles and points over at Hannah who now is smiling even if she looks a little pale. “Hannah and Maria sleep next to each other at the hotel, and Maria keeps hitting Hannah.”

“I do not!” Maria laughs a little too loudly.

“Everyone knows you do,” even Carolina says and Maria tells Hannah to say she doesn’t hit her.

“You kick quite a lot though,” Hannah admits, and they laugh when the ladies get all loudly trying to explain for Maria and the camera how Maria sleeps. Emelia and Julia are fast to lie down on the floor, showing how it goes like. Julia lies still, pretending to be Hannah, while Emelia (as the witness) shows Maria’s first sleeping position with both hands above her head and one leg hanging over the side of the imaginary bed.

“And when she turns around, this happens,” Emelia says and turns towards Julia, both leg and arm furthest away flies across her body to hit Julia with both the foot and hand, causing loud laughter in the room – their stylists are laughing loudly in agreement. Hannah is nodding in agreement too and everyone is getting louder for Maria to not be able to explain herself, and she keeps being loud too while waiting for them all to listen to her.

“Hannah- Hannah,” the leader is repeating while walking up to the camera (Manager Lim have told them to come back to the stage), she almost stumbles over Julia who is still sitting on the floor. “Hannah hasn’t told me anything about being kicked or hit when sleeping. And do you know why?”

“Why?” Hannah cutely says behind her, waiting to walk by in the crowd that suddenly gathered to go out.

“Because Hannah loves me,” Maria keeps pointing at the camera, as if she wants to convince the camera. Hannah giggles and puts her arms around Maria’s waist from behind, resting her cheek on the leader’s back when walking by the camera together.

“I’m her biggest fan,” Hannah tells the camera before Maria holds on to her hands to fasten their steps.

As soon as no camera is around them in the corridor heading to the stage, Maria moves Hannah to walk next to her, quietly asking how she is feeling.

“A bit better,” Hannah mumbles. Truth is that there was nothing to throw up; hurts so much, like she threw up acid. She brushed her teeth and has been drinking some water, but it won’t disappear. She whispers it to Maria, who grimaces and pats her on the back, reminding her to just call out if she needs a break during the rehearsals. Maria admits to everyone that she has a headache as well, so whenever something sudden pops up she groans to let everyone know it is not good. She doesn’t make a big deal out of it, the same way Hannah doesn’t, but Maria never hides how she feels either. In control, the leader keeps the rehearsals going by keep track on the ladies and saying when to continue and what to fix.

Around lunch, their families arrive, quietly watching from the side. Maria’s father gives the thumbs up to one of the cameras capturing them watching the rehearsal. Proud parents; the program that will air their presence will bring up how proud and touched the families are to see 5 Pieces working hard for their Swedish concert.

Lunch is eaten with their families, and Hannah is hugged by most of the parents though no one talks about her leaving yesterday. Emelia’s mother asks how she is feeling, mentioning that she looks a little pale and Hannah says that she is very nervous for the concert, not going into details but keeping it short. She can’t eat anything for lunch, keeping herself busy with other things to not be noticed. Maria notices everything, keeping an eye on everyone, and she do mention it to Hannah for the youngest to know she noticed she ate nothing during lunch – Hannah explains she can’t eat anything with her stomach being this weird. In the middle of lunch, Manager Kim comes up to Hannah to show her cell phone, and Hannah gapes at her. The youngest excuses her self from the others that still are eating and she rushes out with the manager (a camera following too) to walk to another room that is 5 Pieces’ room backstage.

“What are you doing?” the camera-man asks Hannah in Swedish.

“Um…” the youngest slowly says while placing her laptop on the table, taking a seat and moves her hair to hang over one side of her neck, “I have … some things to do. I am promoting my book for a few days, and I was just told that … um … I am going to London, and they are wondering if we can go there because of the weather… So I am calling my agent.”

The agent who is currently in Korea, had contacted Hannah’s manager to say she need to talk to Hannah about this as soon as possible. They do a video call, and Hannah does not look pleased with the agent explaining the situation. She doesn’t really care about the camera because she has lived the past five years in front of cameras, though it is a little weird to have a Swedish man filming her.

“Could I give him a call then?” Hannah eventually sighs as the agent can’t is only a middle-handler in this. She nods when the agent asks a question. “I have a short break now, I can try to solve it with him, tell him what you have told me.”

When they end the call, Hannah is sitting with a paper and pen in hand, looking up at the camera-man when releasing a huge sigh. He smiles at her, knowing there is some trouble – she has spoken in Korean to her agent, he didn’t know what was going on even if he kept filming it. Hannah leans back in the seat with a low whine when he asks if there are big problems, and Manager Kim is just waiting for her to call their contact-person. The blonde girl pouts, taking her fingers through her hair – she is not feeling good at all, having problem to just keep her eyes open.

“I need to make another call,” is all she says when focusing on the laptop.

Her agent always uses Skype to communicate, and that is how Hannah has learned it is the most useful way to contact people around the world. Answering her call is a British man, who brightly answers her video call and says it is an honour to be able to work together and when Hannah asks what is going on he explains what he had told the agent; it’s raining a lot in London and it is not getting better to when Hannah will go there for her book promotions and since her book signings have been scheduled outdoors. Speaking Korean in the first call, Hannah is now speaking in English and that, the Swedish man can understand and he gets into the situation.

“Is there a chance we can move it indoors, somewhere nearby?” Hannah asks while rubbing her forehead. She looks really troubled.

“I have been calling around, but the places nearby are very small and we expect it to come at least a few hundred people at each signing… How it looks like now, it is better if we re-schedule it to another day,” the British man is telling her, and Hannah glances up at Manager Kim without a word.

“My schedule is packed the rest of the year,” she quietly tells him, slightly panicking as she knows the rehearsals are soon going to begin again. “I can’t re-schedule. And I know fans are looking forward to it, I have gotten a lot of comments online of fans showing their excitement in London. Is there no chance at all we can figure something out?”

While talking, she is looking at Google Maps, searching on where the book signing will be held in London to see the surrounding, listening to him talk while she is searching around. Since she has been in this part of London before, Hannah has actually walked those streets and she is aware of the surroundings. The British man tries to come up with a solution, saying he has called this and that place with no luck, tried to get a tent and he looks up the same thing as Hannah is doing too when she repeats that it is impossible to re-schedule. Hannah looks like she is about to cry when he says they maybe will have to do it next year instead and she keeps touching her hair in annoyance. She knows the fans in London looks forward to her coming; she has gotten a lot of comments on twitter and Instagram where fans have said they are going and asking what she likes about London and so on.

“Can’t you call Waterstone again?” she asks him, hearing the noise outside in the corridor, which says the others are getting ready to work. Manager Kim hurries to the door to make sure no one makes noise if they want to enter the room.

“They would love to have you there, but they are unsure about the amount of people,” he tells her.

“I will personally pay if there is any kind of damage to the store,” Hannah is panicking when Julia sneaks inside the room to get something, everyone heading to the stage and Hannah is rushed to finish this to join them. “Could you just give them a call? My fans are well-behaved, I can remind them every minute when we are there; do anything to try convincing them, please? I can’t re-schedule this.”

“I will call Waterstone’s manager and I deliver your message,” he answers with a nod. “I will do my best; it would be bad if the weather disappointed us all. Can I give you a call about the answer later?”

She looks up at Manager Kim, translating it for her and she tells her he will have to call her agent.

Hannah finishes the call and writes a mail to her agent, and when she is done with that she pushes the laptop away (keeping it on for her manager to keep track if she gets a response) and lets her head fall down on the table. She laughs because of the camera, the camera-man still filming her and now asking if she solved her problem. She ruffles her hair when sitting up; hearing Manager Kim quietly tells her to go to the stage.

“Nothing is solved, but …” she sighs tiredly, “We just need to find a place to hold the event in London.”

“You are going to London after the concert?” the camera-man asks while following her out the door.

Hannah smiles shyly. “We’re going to Hong Kong after the concert, and then I’ll be going to London,” she answers, checking the camera-man’s face with a smile as she knows what he is thinking. “The weather isn’t that good in London now, so we have to change the location … Which isn’t easy in such short notice.”

“You take care of these things yourself?”

“Not always. But I like to join in the decisions about the book, and when problems show up I have no patience. And now I want to focus on the concert, so I have no patience at all,” Hannah explains in a tired voice, not knowing herself how tired she sounds and looks just because she does imagine herself smiling and pretending to be in a good mood. She has no energy today, both tired and with her stomach all weird she can’t eat and she gets all shake when reaching the stage. She shakes her arms, getting the microphone on with help by a staff and joins her members on the stage to go through the next act.

5 Pieces rehearse the way they know. It is their seventh location for this tour so they know how it is supposed to be like, and they know their songs so it is just to go through it all for them. Hannah is letting her body move along to the music, both her voice and energy is gone. Her voice isn’t really gone, she just doesn’t have the energy to use it completely the way she should, and her face-expression is blankly tired. Though she doesn’t feel good and doesn’t give everything to it all, she doesn’t make mistakes, and 5 Pieces is used to have a member a little more tired than the rest because they all can’t always feel good – no matter how they feel, they make sure to not make it distract or interrupt the rehearsals. 5 Pieces always want the rehearsals to go well so they won’t have any questions for the actual concert.

The camera-man who filmed Hannah earlier (there are so many cameras filming by now) makes sure to not miss Manager Kim show a piece of paper to Hannah between two songs, and Hannah who is busy to return to continue with the rehearsals right away just nods and gives the thumbs up before rushing back to her position. The event in London is on-going, they managed to move it indoors – Hannah smiles when she tells her members that, a part of her heart feels lighter by that news.

But to not eat the whole day while spending the day dancing and moving, anyone can say they know what will happen. Hannah knows her limits. She changes the water to soda to keep the energy in her body, and she doesn’t go all-out to run around the way Carolina is doing, just because once her head will start spinning she will be in trouble, and throughout the whole day, her head doesn’t spin.

They make it to dinner, a late dinner at seven and Hannah locks herself away from the rest. She doesn’t want to sit with their families to eat, instead she goes to 5 Pieces’ room to lie down in the sofa, her eyes closes right away. She has a blanket around her when lying down, freezing and being tired.

“You want anything from the cafeteria?” Emelia asks when she is on her way to eat dinner with the rest.

For some reason, they let Hannah be. She doesn’t notice it now, but later she will notice how no one is on her back to eat more or socialize; she only later will realise they let her be because they all knew she had gotten this sick because of her family, because of the pressure to be in Sweden for the concert and have her members’ families present but her own family probably won’t even come to the actual concert. No one wants to tell her what to do at this moment, when seeing how bad she is actually feeling, even if Hannah doesn’t tell just that.

“I don’t know…” Hannah mumbles to answer Emelia’s question. “I’m just freezing.”

“I’ll get you something,” Emelia quietly says before leaving the room.

5 Pieces’ room backstage is big. It was two sofas; one behind the door, three-seated, with a table in front of it where Hannah’s laptop is as she was doing her calls there earlier. The other sofa is along the other wall, a two-seated one where the ladies earlier were sitting and across the room along the wall it is mirrors and tables for make-up and there is a big table in the centre with chairs messed up everywhere and there are jackets and bags and a lot of things in the room for tomorrow.

Fifteen minutes later, Hannah almost sleeping, Emelia comes back with a cup of hot chocolate and a paper plate with some rice and sausage stroganoff. The ladies can’t help but to be happy over their families being there, but they let Hannah be by herself when she is feeling like this, knowing they wouldn’t make anyone be in a better mood if they annoyed the youngest and didn’t hang out with their families.

“Mom said the stroganoff was good; and I’m taking some of it too,” Emelia says when putting it on the table. Hannah blinks, looking at the food without lifting her head. “Still nausea?”

Hannah is quiet for several seconds, thinking of it. Her stomach is just weird, nervous and worried and empty but not hungry or about to take a turn. “Not sure,” she whispers in answer, forcing herself to sit up because the hot chocolate would be nice to try. “Thanks for the food…”

Emelia takes a seat in the sofa, sitting on the armrest and looking at Hannah trying the hot chocolate. “You’ll be fine, right?”

Just those words, to hear her childhood friend sound worried, to hear her say those words for the first time, Hannah lowers her head when she is about to start crying. This year has been an emotional rollercoaster; five year anniversary, their schedules in Japan, her relationship with Jonghyun came out, acting, the schedules, her family, her second book is selling, her members and this concert… Everything seems to be too much for her. She nods though, to answer the question. She is terrified for the concert tomorrow. She has worked so much without her members these past months that it feels like she is just rushing through her days to get as much things as possible done that she can’t even realise what she is doing, and all of a sudden it is one day left for their Swedish concert. And hearing the members’ families talk yesterday felt like going over the cliff.

“I’ll be fine,” she says, holding in the tears. “I’m sorry.”

“Like the captain says; don’t apologize for being human. We’re here, Hannah, just want you to know that. And my parents love you, so don’t get your imagination that you have no one to kiss you goodnight.”

“That’s Appa’s job,” Hannah chuckle, leaning back in the sofa with the hot chocolate warming her hands. She is happy she has her members, even if she doesn't say it. Emelia knows it either way.

“See? You’re not alone,” Emelia smirks and she looks satisfied when Hannah smiles at her, then gets up on her feet to prepare to leave, “Do you want me to bring my dinner in here?”

“No, no, no,” Hannah shakes her head, her eyes closing again. “You think I can get some minutes of sleep before the break is over? I really don’t need you to skip eating with the others; I just need to wake up a bit.”

“Hannah, if you haven’t been awake all day, you will not at this hour. I’ll tell Appa you are getting some rest – don’t forget to eat – and I’ll come get you when we are preparing to go rehearse again – do not forget your dinner.”

With the room all for her self, Hannah drinks some more of the hot chocolate and turns on music on the laptop, keeping it on the lowest volume to lie back down in the sofa. She doesn’t touch the food, too tired. She tries to not think of anything because she doesn’t want to start crying, and for that just focuses on the music. Music always helps her to relax, helps her to get in the mood she wants to be in. But her heart is still terrified.

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Headline 17th: 5 Pieces Enjoys A Wonderful Dinner With Their Families Gathered

 

Monday, Headline 18th: Hannah Releases Japanese Single [I CRY] Including Japanese Versions Of [I CRY] + [Butterfly]

Headline 18th: SHINee’s Jonghyun Couldn’t Stop Smiling After Hearing Hannah’s Name Mentioned On ‘Barefoot Friends’

Headline 18th: Maria Share Pictures From 5 Pieces’ Concert Rehearsals In Sweden Through Instagram

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X. devonalias