“Don’t think it will last,” 4 Minute’s Jihyun says in a low voice as a staff walks by them. Hannah starts to burn on the inside. “The Hannah on stage, who everyone seems to adore, is clearly not the same Hannah off the stage. If he hasn’t noticed that already, he will. Or he has noticed, and sticks around for something else.”

The glance down on Hannah’s body says even more than what her words had done and Hannah is fast to push her with both hands on her shoulders. Ji Jyun gets such a shock that she falls back up against the wall, her eyes suddenly enormous. Like Hannah noticed when they talked to Yohio is that Maria is awesome with words; Hannah is not.

“You b*tch!” Ji Hyun bursts out, gathering her balance against the wall when Hannah steps up right in front of her.

“What I wear is not up to you or him, and if you are so jealous that he doesn’t go for what’s on the outside, don’t go try ease your worries by being mean to me,” Hannah says in a low voice, not even knowing what she is saying. With Hannah’s body trembling in anger, the fury from yesterday’s dinner coming back, she sees how Ji Hyun is somehow relaxed when not being pushed again.

“I’m just telling you the truth, Hannah,” Ji Hyun says in a light voice, as if she plays innocent. Hannah keeps glaring at her, taking a step back. “And don’t flatter yourself with the ‘inside’ bull. He’s a guy, he only thinks of one thing. I surely know where the two of you took off to earlier.” Hannah’s face stiffens at the last words, and Ji Hyun just knows she is right. “He is with you for one reason, and one reason on-”

“You’re wrong.”

“Then why do you doubt him now?” Ji Hyun smiles even more. Hannah knows her own face gives everything away, her doubts on herself. “First Honggi. Now Jonghyun. Let’s see… who else is born in ’90? Maybe Yoseob, or Gikwang?”

“What are you talking about?!” Hannah bursts out, disgusted by just the thought.

“Don’t you know?” Ji Hyun keeps smiling. “Everyone sees it that way. Or maybe you are going after younger guys now? I see you are close to that handsome one in EXO-”

“Shut up!” Hannah screams, terrified because she do know which one out of the twelve EXO members she would say, and with the shout she takes a step closer again and Ji Hyun presses herself against the wall, terrified Hannah will punch her.

But someone interrupts. Hannah did raise her fist when taking a step closer, and she so badly wants to punch her in that annoying face of hers when someone got in between them, big enough to cover Hannah’s view from Ji Hyun and though she fights against, Manager Lee’s hand covers , he pushes her back without letting go of her and tells her to calm down – cursing in the sentence too. Ji Hyun runs off as soon as she sees it is a manager – 5 Pieces’ manager – and Hannah removes his hand from to scream after her but no words comes out.

It ended within seconds, but Hannah is angry and upset and she thinks she is going to cry and as soon as Ji Hyun has run off, Hannah struggles out of her manager’s grip and starts walking the opposite direction. Her jaw hurts from holding back the tears when she stomps to 5 Pieces’ room, just to be met by shouting. It wasn’t something she was prepared for and she looks shocked when stopping by the door, seeing Julia and Emelia being furious at each other. Their voices are far from being as loud as Maria’s voice can be, but their voices are darker, and scarier. Julia has gone all red in her face. Hannah doesn’t even capture what the fight is about when Manager Lee rushes by her, trying to make them stop. Sunny is trying too, and eventually they hold the two of them on a distance and have made them close their mouths.

“What’s wrong with you today?!” Manager Lee is furious, and he gives Hannah a glare as well. First Hannah almost punches another idol, and then Emelia and Julia are angry at each other.

For the minutes she had been surprised by the fight in the dressing-room she had forgotten about her own fight, but with the glare she is reminded of it again. The stomach-ache has turned into nausea thinking of what Ji Hyun said, of her expression when saying it and the idea of Jonghyun being what she said; and the rumour of Hannah playing around. She turned away from her members, hurrying out the corridor and almost crashing in to Kai who was walking by. She just gives him a glance, lowers her head in an apology before hurrying off, swallowing in hope she can get to the bathroom before she throws up.

Their manager is right. What’s wrong with them? But Hannah hadn’t done anything wrong. Ji Hyun had attacked her and Hannah isn’t good at words, especially when she is surprised over the attack. What should she have done? She doesn’t question why Ji Hyun said the things she said, they don’t get along at all and have fought before (not a body fight), but to use Jonghyun in the subject is something new. Usually she complains about Hannah’s attitude, or she had heard a rumour of Hannah not wanting to watch a movie with some others because Ji Hyun and Ga Yoon would be there. The rumours are never true, and honestly, it was quite some time since they even talked to each other. Hannah thought they had accepted their dislike towards each other and for that ignored each other, other than doing these glaring polite bows. Hannah is leaning over the toilet in the booth when thinking of it all, not thinking Emelia and Julia’s fight was that big because the ladies fight and make-up all the time; that’s kind of something they do. They have their disagreements. But what Ji Hyun said… And what Jonghyun had said. Tonight, you’re mine. She had loved hearing it at that time, but now when thinking of it she just feels sicker.

No one comes looking for her, and with most people eating and hanging out before they will get ready for the show, the bathroom is for the moment empty. Two girls come inside when Hannah is there, but she is just quietly sitting in her booth and the girls’ leaves within minutes without noticing her being there. Other than that, she is all alone. It feels good to be alone when you have been throwing up. A few years ago if she had been in this position, sitting in the bathroom with a nasty stomach, she would have wanted someone there, unsure what to do. But that was a long time ago. Hannah had a period when loosing weight that she felt so bad when she ate that she sneaked off to the bathroom and made herself throw up, but that was some time ago too. But she can handle it now, the shivering going through her body, the snot coming through her nose, the disgusting taste in the mouth no matter how many times she rinses it with water, the cold sweat and shakiness going from her knees out her limbs, her eyes getting tired… Hannah is used to all of the symptoms of throwing up, and she cleans herself and waits for her body to relax before she finds herself ready to step outside.

Most of her members are quietly sitting in the room with SNSD, eating a late dinner together when Hannah comes back. No one notices her; no one wonders where she has been. Julia and Emelia seem to be upset at each other because they sit at two different sides of the room, listening to others talking because SNSD is still as talkative as always. Carolina is in a good mood, she hadn’t been there during the fight and doesn’t seem to know about it as she is happily talking to Tiffany and Taeyeon.

It’s not true that no one takes notice of Hannah entering the room. When she has taken a seat quietly next to Maria and Jessica, she takes a glance through the room and sees Manager Lee look away from her. She shouldn’t be surprised; it’s his job to keep an eye on them. Manager Lim, their Appa, is also in the room, too busy eating in the corner with SNSD’s manager and maybe talking about economic or something Hannah doesn’t understand. They are still too far away for her to hear, so she glances at Jessica and Maria who are both quietly eating their meal. They get along well, being a little alike with strong opinions and princess-syndrome. Hannah picks up her cell phone to stay busy, but after half a minute she walks over to her bag to take out a toothbrush (always have a toothbrush with you when working, that’s basic knowledge for 5 Pieces) but decides to bring the whole bag with her and soon she is back in the bathroom, brushing her teeth slowly and rinsing over and over again. Chewing-gum, she takes too from the bag.

She glances at her mirror reflection. There is nothing wrong with her face, maybe a little pale. Sure, she looks so much better with make-up, but every freaking idol gets tired of wearing make-up 24/7. Working a lot, after just finished their music video filming where it was make-up all the time, Hannah likes not having make-up. It’s , sure, but none of the ladies is wearing make-up because they will prepare for the performance – there, they wear make-up, of course. She is annoyed at what Ji Hyun said, parts of what she said is replayed in her mind, both the way she said it and specific words. It doesn’t help the weird feeling her stomach has, but she is pretty sure that is not about her; she got sick thinking Jonghyun stays with her for one reason, and one reason only.

Hating the thought of it, pushing it out of her mind even if it keeps lingering inside her like a ticking bomb, Hannah grabs her things and anew heads back to the room. This time, Maria grimaces when Hannah comes back to take the seat.

“Where do you keep running of too?”

Hannah opens to say something, but Jessica says she is probably trying to spend as much time with Jonghyun as possible, having a smile saying she knows what she is doing. Hannah just looks somewhere else, not able to smile this time when her boyfriend is mentioned and unable to response to it as well as she isn’t really sure what to answer. The words of him staying with her for one reason get to the surface in her mind again and she lowers her eyes. Do people think that, the other artists? Or that she is playing with him? Is that what they really think, those who aren’t as close as the others under the same agency? Or does exactly everyone think something like that?

She slowly chews her chewing-gum while looking around the room, sadly seeing how well everyone is getting along while eating. She doesn’t think that. Why would they? SNSD knows how crazy things have been, they even knew Jonghyun liked Hannah before even he admitted it and vice versa. Everyone else in this room were aware of their feelings, and Hannah can’t believe how they looked like before that drunk night in Los Angeles three years ago. Was it obvious?

But if it was obvious for those in the agency, why would Ji Hyun say they are just playing each other?

She didn’t even notice someone sitting down on her right side, not even when the scent of him hit her. She sensed it all; his presence, his cologne, his eyes watching her… but she didn’t react to it. Not until a hand touches hers, Hannah jerks the hand off her, holding up her hand and leaning away, with big eyes staring at him, not even aware of her own reaction until she sees Jonghyun’s eyes studying her with confusion. She doesn’t relax even after seeing him; she just blinks at him, Ji Hyun’s words repeats in her head. She looks at his face, at his face-expression, trying to see what Ji Hyun had pointed out. Though she shouldn’t admit it to herself, she can only see the confusion of being rejected in his face, and the worry that she is looking at him as if she doesn’t know who he is.

Without saying anything, Hannah sits straight and looks down at her hands that she places in her lap, holding on to her fingers. She is ashamed. She is ashamed of today, of what happened, of the thoughts going through her brain every second since.

“What’s wrong?” Jonghyun asks in a low voice, leaning a little towards her so she can feel his arm against hers. Hannah blinks a few times, her head gets even lower and she is eyeing her own fingers fiddling on her fingerless mittens that she still isn’t taking off. She thinks of what to answer him, not knowing that the longer she thinks about it the longer it takes for her to realise that she is actually not about to answer the question he asked, and Jonghyun grimaces. “Hannah?”

“Nothing,” she blurts out, glancing up across the room and noticing Jessica has turned her chair away to talk to some others and Maria has already crossed the room to talk to their manager while having the plate in her hand. She is copying what they did at the restaurant in Japan last night, when a lot of people walked around eating and chatting.

Jonghyun takes his hand in hers again, slinking his fingers between hers and makes her look down again. She bites her lip when closing her fingers around his, watching his hand as her free thumb is caressing the back of his hand where a vein is lightly visible.

“What happened with Ji Hyun?”

Hannah stares up at him in shock, not expecting him to know about it. Just her reaction tells him that he hit the right topic of what is bugging her, and Jonghyun takes a deep breath before pushing his chair a little closer to hers on the side, letting him face her more as he leans forward to not let her be able to look away.

“Kibum said he heard from others that you two were fighting. A staff had witnessed it too; you pushed her?” Jonghyun wonders with a frown, his eyes really pretty the way he looks at her. She barely blinks at him, deep inside loving his every feature when looking at her, but she knows his way to ask that question is no doubt that he think Hannah is the one who did something wrong. “Why aren’t you talking with me?”

“You think I started it.”

He leans back at the statement. It wasn’t a question and that surprised him because Hannah is the questioning type, both of them know that, which is why Hannah on the inside is surprised at how her voice came out. Is she accusing him now? For what Ji Hyun had told her? How come she believes someone she doesn’t even like more than the person she has had a crush on for the past five years, the one who has been her boyfriend for the past three? Surely, Jonghyun wouldn’t stick to her this long for … or would he?

“I ask because I want to know what happened. I don’t know the details, that’s why I’m asking,” Jonghyun quietly explains, his frown deepens over her face-expression. “Who started it then?”

Hannah looks away, feeling like a child being questioned by her parent. Jonghyun sighs at her silence, not liking it in a worried way. He takes a glance at the clock on the wall, calculating something before he stands up, pulling Hannah with him. He doesn’t tell her anything but with their fingers entwined it wasn’t like she could just slink out of his grip when he stood up, and she isn’t really fighting back.

It takes about two minutes for them to find the same room they had been in earlier, and Hannah follows him inside and then keeps walking across the small room when she has taken her hand out of his. Jonghyun closes the door and turns to face her, seeing Hannah walking over to a tiny table by the wall to sit on it, not knowing that her body is still a little shaky after throwing up (of course he doesn’t know she is shaky when he doesn’t know she threw up). “Are you going to tell me what’s going on now, Nabi?” he asks without any patience, walking up to her by the table. “What could possibly happen for you to not talk to me?”

Something that Jonghyun says that always makes her feel special is when he calls her that; nabi (butterfly). She doesn’t know how he started to call her that, not even why or when, but she do know that her solo song [Butterfly] is based on the producer Park Hyekyung’s view of the two of them. Jonghyun had visited the studio one day when 5 Pieces was working and Hyekyung had gotten the idea when seeing the couple together, and hearing Jonghyun call her Nabi put his idea into work. No one knows about that other than the groups, which is a good thing or fans maybe won’t like the song anymore. Hannah likes it, actually, that even after the song came out no one started to call her that. She is still 5 Pieces’ youngest, having a bunch of nicknames, but only he calls her that. Hannah takes a deep breath, holding it in when Jonghyun walks right up in front of her with his hands softly placed on her legs. Though she isn’t as skinny as other female idols, her thighs looks smaller under his hands, she notices that when avoiding his face because Jonghyun is deeply observing hers. Again she thinks of what Ji Hyun said; about Jonghyun sticking around for one thing. But the hands on her legs do not indicate anything ual.

“She was being mean, so I pushed her,” Hannah eventually says in a low voice, not sure how to change the subject. She shrugs her shoulder, only one, as if it doesn’t matter, and she places her hands on top of his, her fingers straightens out over his skin.

He knows her too well. When Hannah looks up at him, he knows exactly what she is trying to do and he puts his hands away, letting her hands fall down on her legs while his hands hangs down on his side and he takes a step back too, his eyes not leaving hers. “I’m not falling for that this time, Hannah. Tell me what happened or I will go ask Ji Hyun myself,” he warns her, his voice stern.

Hannah doesn’t like the thought of Ji Hyun smirking at Jonghyun, maybe flirt with him or lying to him. But she doesn’t want to tell him the reason either, because he will think she is childish or ask why she believes that. Or worse; he would agree with it. Hannah is terrified of that; maybe their relationship just is a play. If everyone else thinks so, why wouldn’t it be? Her eyes are stuck on his, and he sees how it darkens when he doesn’t go along with her plan to change the subject – or get in other thoughts. It surprises him somehow, that Hannah is giving him a silent treatment over a fight with another girl-group member. He doesn’t know what could have happened for her to not wanting to tell him when they tend to tell each other everything. Hannah wonders of what she will do, try to change his mind or let him go. She pouts a little.

“Go then,” she says, pulling herself further in on the table to lean her back against the wall, thinking she behaves real childish. “I don’t care. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Seriously?” Jonghyun asks in a low tone and Hannah just stares at him, hoping her face-expression says she really doesn’t care. “You are really gonna be like this?”

“This is who I am,” Hannah mutters, not being in the mood at all. She can’t believe they are going to have to pull through the music festival tonight; she rather wants to go to the gym to get rid of her frustration and irritation and hate.

Jonghyun looks like he is going to turn away from her, for just a second making Hannah realise they are actually fighting over her silence, but as he turns half around his head shifts a little back and forth before he turns back, taking those long two step up to Hannah. He isn’t very fast at it, but Hannah has no idea what he is about to do. She looks stiff seeing his hard face-expression, and his hands suddenly grabs her legs, pulling her back to the edge of the table; it feels like he will rip her skinny jeans, and she gasps by the strength in his hands. In the surprise to be pulled forward, Hannah just closes her eyes when his hand roughly grabs the back of her neck to pull her towards him, pressing his lips against hers.

It’s always those lips. In a smile or touching her skin, kissing her softly like before, but now, he does it rough. He has her lips locks against his, and as if she is compelled she parts her lips when he does, giving him entrance with a low moan. It feels like electricity going through her body, knowing he feels it too because when she wraps her legs around his waist he takes his other hand on her back to press her body against his without really getting away from the table. He groans roughly when her hands are taken through his hair and she is reminded of that he loves when she does that, making her repeat it again. His lips are wild; he goes from lips locked together to messily being everywhere, kissing her deeply with his tongue inside and then captures her lips between his, eager to do more. Hannah is lost, her whole body shivers completely different from when she was in the bathroom, and her body is excited.

But remembering the bathroom, she suddenly gets Ji Hyun’s words back in her mind and Hannah turns her head to the side, blinking out at the wall with open from his lips while Jonghyun keeps kissing her neck. She is lost in a completely different way now, only closing her eyes when he kisses her softly on the neck, almost again. But what Ji Hyun said stays clear in her head, and Hannah gets terrified.

“No,” she whispers, her voice trembling while her hands pushes Jonghyun’s away lightly and she unlocks her legs around him, jumping down on the floor just to have to catch herself against the table behind her to not fall. Jonghyun doesn’t step away, but he doesn’t kiss her, instead he looks at her, confusion hits his face again. “I can’t do that.”

“You…” Jonghyun slowly say, frowning as the words slowly comes out his lips; “don’t want to kiss me…?”

Hannah had never really turned him down. Not like that, not pushing him away and saying directly ‘no’, besides from during the beginning of their relationship when he had gone a little too fast forward. He doesn’t know that Hannah has the exact same memory pop up in her head, staring at him. She is confused. About their relationship, about what they have been doing all this time.

“You’re not answering again,” Jonghyun takes a short breath at her silence.

“I-” Hannah stops her self. What would she say? That she is terrified their relationship is not what it has seemed like? That everyone around them think they are playing around? That she, after all this time, doubts what they have based on what Ji Hyun had said? Instead, Hannah blinks tiredly. She is still shaking from throwing up earlier, as she hasn’t eaten since lunch – and her lunch was flushed in the toilet earlier. To not want to kiss is one thing in a relationship, but to openly say ‘no’ and say you can’t do it, that is not good.

“Hannah…” Jonghyun whispers, reaching out his hand to touch hers, but Hannah focuses her eyes seriously at him, making him frown and stop. “What?”

He sticks with you for one reason, and one reason only. Hannah has never understood why Jonghyun sticks to her, because she is far from girlfriend material. She sighs, rubbing her forehead because her eyes don’t want to stay open. Maybe she should eat something. She can’t think straight, not even sure why she is thinking so much about this.

“I need to eat,” she finally breathes out, brushing his arm when walking past him to the door.

“You are seriously leaving me unknowing of what’s going on?” Jonghyun is stunned by her behaviour.

“I haven’t eaten, Jonghyun, I don’t know what I’m doing,” Hannah turns around by the door, whining at him.

“Tell me why you told me no: Because you are hungry? You aren’t feeling well?” The concern in his eyes when he asks the questions makes Ji Hyun’s words be doubtful. Why would he be concerned if he was just with her for a reason? Hannah gets quiet again, just looking at him. “Hannah, seriously, stop that. It’s freaking me out.”

“Do you want a girlfriend who acts like a girl?” Hannah asks, repeating the words Ji Hyun had told her before. Only when she asks it she realise how silly it is, but she wants to confirm it.

He is taken back by the question, frowning again. “I… Wait- What?” He seriously does not understand the question; a girlfriend who acts like a girl? That doesn’t make any sense to him.

“I don’t act like a girl, apparently, not the kind of girl Asians like.”

Jonghyun’s frown is just growing, and he is looking at her with big clueless eyes. “What are you talking about? Why do you ask that? You are a girl, and you act like a girl – Hannah, you are in 5 Pieces, and compared to the other ladies, you definitely act like a girl. What does it matter anyway?”

She pouts like a child, not sure if that answer her question but she can’t ask the same thing again. “What about…- What do you think others are saying about us?” She rubs her arm, uncomfortable to ask but she is curious of what he has heard, or what he thinks. She feels guilty somehow; maybe because it is Ji Hyun’s fault all of these worries bursting out. “I mean… other artists, the others here now. Most of them didn’t know we were a couple a year ago. What do you think … they say … about us?”

He looks clueless at first, but slowly she can see something lighten up in him as if he understands something, and he suddenly relaxes, breathes. “Is this about the rumours going around?”

“What rumours?” Hannah grimaces. There are rumours going around?

“Yeah… Apparently someone walks around spreading rumours that we are just fooling around. There was a rumour on the internet that we were set up to be a couple by SM, and someone have spread it more, saying we are just having and getting paid to act as a couple or something. There are actually a lot of rumours.”

Hannah blinks several of times, trying to grasp what he says. So calmly, he told her about rumours she never heard of. Or she did know rumours going around on the internet about the agency wanting to give them attention with their duets from last year or something (which is laughable since they shouldn’t come out to be dating half a year after those promotions if they want more attention to the songs), someone also said SM Entertainment set it up for them to get more popular. It obviously did not work if that was the case. But … someone spreading rumours backstage? Hannah thinks of Ji Hyun right away, anger flashes through her when imagining Ji Hyun walking around spreading these things just because she doesn’t like Hannah.

“Is that what this is about?” Jonghyun frowns. “You are worried of what other people are saying, that’s why you are pushing me away?”

She doesn’t know what to answer, not sure if she even cares what others are saying about her. But she doesn’t want people to think she is using him or him using her… Her silence answers his questions, and Jonghyun sighs when walking up to her, embracing her in a hug. There is no way he would be with her for , Hannah thinks, spacing out over his shoulder. No man would have this much patience with a girl if he just wanted her for one thing. And it’s been three years; he would’ve moved on by now if that was the case, right? Definitely, everything she has done and he is still here. She doesn’t know how sensitive her boyfriend is when she does these things, terrified she will leave him when she pushes him away like that.

“I’m sorry.” It’s the only thing she can say, hugging him back and breathing him in. She is guilty, she is ashamed of her thoughts and for doubting him, knowing it all has been played by Ji Hyun. Ji Hyun…

Hannah gets out of Jonghyun’s arms, getting through the door as fast as possible while her blood is boiling. Jonghyun is frozen for several seconds, his arms just held out where she had been standing, puzzled as he thought they just had solved something. Why did she run away? With that question, he rushes after her, getting a surprise outside the door when noticing Hannah almost being gone. She was really fast, and something made him wonder if this is even about him. Coming up behind her, he asks what it is, but Hannah just gives out a frustrated sound and he wonders is the ladies have said something that made her realise… no, he can’t come up with any guesses on why she suddenly ran out. And he gets confused when Hannah walks up to the room 4 Minute is in, knocking on the door and waits out there even if the door is open.

Hyuna looks happy to see Hannah, almost rushing up from her seat but stays seated when noticing the angry eyes on someone else.

“Hm,” Hannah says when Ji Hyun walks up to the door with a smirk. “Is it fun? You hate me so much that you have to go spread lies about me now? Or is it all about jealousy?”

Ji Hyun spots Jonghyun next to the door, giving him a glance before looking back at Hannah and that smirk in her face changes a little. “I’m sorry; I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Hannah growls in a low voice, and Jonghyun is just staring at her, wondering what they were fighting over earlier. “You told me all the crap before. You’re the one spreading the rumours.”

“Um…” Ji Hyun looks up a little at the ceiling, obviously acting out to not understand, “Exactly what crap was it I told you?”

Hannah opens to answer angrily, but stops herself with a glance at Jonghyun – which both Jonghyun and Ji Hyun notices – and Hannah looks like she can’t go on with this when he is there. Ji Hyun just smiles wider seeing that.

“I think you misunderstood me earlier, Hannah, maybe that’s why you got so upset. I just said that I like it when you dress up for your boyfriend, because we all know how important that is – you misunderstood me maybe because of the culture difference. Is it not nice of a girl to dress up for her boyfriend? Maybe it is different where you come from, maybe relationships aren’t much more than spending time in the bedroom,” Ji Hyun is carefully saying, as if she is really trying to explain herself. Jonghyun is about to say something when she continues. “Or that is what I have heard, anyway.”

“Did you spread the rumours?” Jonghyun asks her, not even half as angry as Hannah because he doesn’t have that hate-dislike relationship with her, not does he hear the female undertone in each word Ji Hyun has said in front of him.

Ji Hyun blinks innocently at him, which doesn’t fit her at all. “No. Why would I?”

“Because you hate me,” Hannah mutters, ignoring Jonghyun’s glance at her. Jonghyun then spots someone else, leaning behind Hannah to greet Kai and Sehun friendly, and when he is busy greeting them, Ji Hyun leans a little closer to Hannah.

“You brought him hoping to have someone backing you up?” she smirks, talking in a low voice and Hannah knows it is to not have anyone else hear. If Hannah’s skin would show the colour of her insides, it would be black of hate.

“You know what,” Hannah smirks back, leaning forward too, looking completely calm while her insides are going off in tiny annoying bombs, “I know you spread those rumours about me, because something about me makes you insecure and maybe you are jealous that I have been in a relationship for three years while you haven’t. But let me tell you another thing; I can make it a habit to punch someone around New Year every year. I did it last year, and maybe I’ll do it this year too. Try me.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Ji Hyun smirks but then glances at Jonghyun and leans away as he turns back to them, her face-expression changes as if she is going to cry. “I guess you just need an excuse to be insecure around your boyfriend, Hannah, but I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.”

Hannah’s smile grows. She really wanted to go to the gym today, and she knows she can be in so much trouble for what is going through her head during that smile, but Ji Hyun’s face and words are just too much for her that any punishment will probably be worth it. Hannah changes the positions of her feet, Jonghyun thinks she is going to leave, but Hannah’s left hand turns into a fist and with no one expecting it (who would expect it?) she throws a punch right at Ji Hyun’s stomach.

“HANNAH!” Jonghyun bursts out when Ji Hyun gasps for air, both hands at her stomach and those inside the room comes running up to them. Hannah doesn’t care, before the others have reached them, she leans towards Ji Hyun, knowing Jonghyun can hear as he is holding on to her arms as if making sure she won’t do anything more.

“I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding; that you think a culture difference can put you in the place to lecture me what my boyfriend thinks I should wear… and also, for you telling me he would only look at the outside. Definitely, you look on the outside, which is why I made your insides hurt. And I’m probably not sorry that you misunderstood that I need someone to back me up. As I want to remind you; I can handle myself pretty well. Not much with the mouth like you, but as you have pointed out, my body can handle it; next time, I’ll actually give it some strength.” She glances at the other members of 4 Minute and their manager, apologizing politely for what just happened and telling them to thank her for not making it a visible bruise (like in the face that she first thought of). Jonghyun is already pulling her away in the arm, taking his arm around her to pull her along faster, completely stunned in his whole face for what she just did.

“You punched her!” he hisses as he pulls her down the corridor.

“She was begging for it,” Hannah simply answers, feeling much, much more relaxed now. Even if she hadn’t used any strength, it feels much better.

“You can’t punch people in the stomach for guessing they are spreading rumours about you,” Jonghyun whispers, glaring behind them after a door was shut closed roughly. “You can’t punch people no matter what!”

“But she was lying to you! And provoking me…” Hannah whines like a kid, she knows it, and she pouts even more when Jonghyun reacts on her saying ‘provoking’.

“Your manager will lock you up when he finds out-”

“Don’t tell him then.”

Jonghyun looks down at her with a harsh stare. “Even if I don’t tell him, Ji Hyun’s manager will. And what you just did will definitely create rumours.”

“There were no rumours last year when I hit Honggi,” Hannah bluntly mentions.

“There was a lot of talk about it among those who knew though,” Jonghyun mutters. “I can’t believe you punched her…”

“Oh, come on, I have learned boxing. You seriously think I would use any strength? I would break her bones if I did,” Hannah says, sounding more and more like a little brat knowing she is great at hurting people. But still, Jonghyun saw the pain in Ji Hyun’s face, how she was starting to cry from it, and the panic from the others in the room. Has anyone ever hit a girl-group member? And though Hannah just turned the worst scenery into reality, he can’t help but to think this is MY girlfriend. No would want to mess with her after this. She could just as much be a gang member.

“And Julia kept talking about you girls not being friends with any girl-groups…”

“Hey, I didn’t punch someone until now. How do you explain the other five years?” Hannah is still on the defence side, and Jonghyun looks away with a smile: My girlfriend indeed.

They reach the room 5 Pieces and SNSD are sharing, exchanging some final words for Jonghyun to make sure Hannah is okay; her hand, her mind, her heart, everything. And he tells her to eat something, which makes her smile because he only says it because she had mentioned it before. She can’t believe what a messy mind she has. Only to punch someone made it better. She walks inside the room by herself, feeling pretty good about herself for some reason (what, Ji Hyun had practically asked for it). And the good part is; no one knows about it. She wonders how long it will take for their managers to exchange the information.

“Hannah!”

She freezes when her name is called. Manager Lim looks troubled, and Hannah walks up to him with the tiniest smile ever, knowing she is so guilty. “Yes?”

“Why haven’t you eaten? Manager Lee said you skipped dinner.”

“Oh…” She can breathe. “I… I was busy. I wasn’t skipping dinner; I’m going to eat it now.” Hannah assures him with a nod, hurrying off for it not to be anything else.

It takes a few minutes. Hannah is sitting by the table, eating on her own while Emelia is sitting next to her with her tablet, playing some game, and the other ladies are starting to get their make-up done. Most members of SNSD are out, most of them already done with their make-up. Hannah hadn’t noticed how time had flied when she was with Jonghyun; when her mind was messy and questioning everything she has learned for the past three years. Taeyeon, Seohyun and Hyoyeon are in the room. Taeyeon is playing a game with Emelia, sitting next to her, while Hyoyeon is sitting across the table and talking to them, drawing her finger on the table to explain something. Hannah is the only one paying attention. Seohyun is sitting in the corner with a book, being questioned by Carolina about the book as it seems she wants to borrow it. Hannah’s stomach is alright now, but she is hungry. It seems she was tensed earlier. First from what Yohio said, and then got sick for what Ji Hyun had said, and now when she let it out she feels much better. She should maybe learn some self-control, but honestly, Hannah’s words aren’t taken seriously so she finds no other choice. She envies Emelia and Maria, as both of them are so good with words.

While Hyoyeon is talking, Hannah gets a text message. Seeing it’s from Jonghyun, she checks it just to not make him upset even if she is pretty sure he is in the room next too. His text makes her loose the colour in her face. ‘It’s out. Kai and Sehun saw it, everyone in my room knows’ – but it’s just SHINee and EXO, they are family, so… She doesn’t know. 4 Minute knows, of course, and they obviously will tell everyone they know to put Hannah out as the target. Jonghyun had wanted to talk about it tonight, as he had noticed Hannah being in a much better mood after punching someone.

She glances at her managers. Maybe she should tell them? Would it be better to tell her own version of it before they starts hearing rumours about it?

It knocks on the door, making her face the door in front of her to see who it is. Its 4 Minute’s manager. Before he can spot 5 Pieces’ manager, Hannah rushes up from her seat, running around the table – hitting the side of the table with her hip, which hurts, but her focus is set – and she rushes to the door to guide him out, having Hyoyeon glance after her since she just left.

“You do understand what you just did?” the manager asks her. She knows he didn’t come to talk to her, but Hannah hopes she maybe can, somehow, do something.

“Yes. I’m fully aware of what I did. And what she did. I defended myself.”

“I don’t think anyone saw Ji Hyun hitting you,” he raises an eyebrow at her.

“Verbally, she offended and humiliated me. I felt bullied and defended myself,” Hannah answers and she makes a small upsetting face when he reacts at her first word, or well, he reacts to her whole response. Why doesn’t anyone believe she knows these words?

“You punched her in the stomach.”

“I know that is wrong, but I didn’t hit her any hard and I made sure to not leave a bruise. She might be sore for some hours, but that’s it,” Hannah answers. The manager knows Hannah has practiced boxing and gone through training for her drama career, both in 2010 and this past summer. He knows it because he is originally a fan of 5 Pieces, and fans know most things. But he is impressed by her knowing such a thing. “I didn’t punch to hurt her, much. I punched her weakly for her to know not to mess with me. I’m sorry, I really am, but she was being really horrible to me. I didn’t know what else to do.”

He seems hesitant and when he starts rubbing his face with his hand, Hannah knows he is considering what to do about this.

“You know we don’t get along well. She attacked me first,” Hannah keeps on, sensing he won’t be giving up just yet. “Please, it won’t happen again. Do you have to tell my manager?”

His expression changes by the talk of her manager, and Hannah wonders if he even thought about that. “I need to tell your manager-in-charge. Hannah, I really like you, but you punched another person. Pretty or not, you punched someone.”

EXO’s Chen walks by them, first bowing to them and then smiles when seeing Hannah. “Woah, Senior, I heard you punched a member in 4 Minute for spreading rumours about you?” His voice is a little too loud in the corridor, and Hannah’s face goes pale again. “I wish I had seen it.” And Chen puts two thumbs up, and Hannah stares after him.

“You punched someone?!” Hyoyeon hisses by the door and Hannah is slightly panicking. 4 Minute’s manager walks straight inside the room, knowing he has to tell her manager. “Wow! You’re badass, Bunny!”

Apparently, not everyone thinks that. Manager Lim and Manager Lee both get red in their faces when hearing about it. Maria throws a tantrum while Emelia praises her, which makes the managers scolding Emelia for praising her for this behaviour and Maria is freaking out asking what she did it for and the room is so noisy that several people outside slows down their steps to hear what’s going on. Jonghyun is called inside too, to explain what happened as a witness, but he doesn’t know the full story. Of course Ji Hyun had told her manager a complete lie, and her lie was so big that even Jonghyun could back Hannah up.

For fifty minutes they talk about it, Hannah having to go back and forth from room to room, meeting Ji Hyun for them both to apologize to each other and so on. No one confesses about the rumours, and Manager Lim has given a call to the agency because she can not get away with this.

His face is still red after two hours, when everyone is preparing for the show to begin. He keeps shouting at Hannah, bursting out whenever his mind reminds him of what she did. As the youngest, he did not believe she would do such a thing. And the bad thing is that he sees she isn’t really feeling guilty for punching Ji Hyun, as she once tells him “she asked for it”. Which is not good for Hannah at all to either say or show; he is furious at her.

 

When the actual music festival begins, everyone dresses up nicely for the opening. 5 Pieces is wearing dresses mixed in black and white. Hannah gets to wear a one-shoulder mesh panel bodycon dress in black, dark tights and accessories in a mix of white and black. She is the blackest dressed member, as the others are in either long or short dresses, mixing white with black instead of vice versa. Hannah’s dress was first supposed to be for Mara, but she couldn’t fill it out so they ordered a bigger size so Hannah could fit it; the only member with the right curves for the dress. She loves the dress actually, feeling like she is going on a New Year party wearing it. And she doesn’t care that rumours are spreading around about her, probably added with the dress, but she do like the look she gets from her juniors; admiration. Someone who can give a punch and yet look stunning in a dress; she admit it looks good. She loves it.

But all five members looks really stunning in dresses, their blonde hairs makes others not recognize them and a lot of friends have commented Emelia looks friendlier in blonde.

For the opening, everyone walks up the stage in groups, two groups at a time while singing the great song [Bounce]. They rehearsed this earlier today of where everyone will appear, and the juniors will make their appearance to sing by standing among the crowd while the seniors are walking straight from the stage to the centre to make their first appearance. It’s an introduction of who will be performing today. Among the last to walk up is SNSD and 5 Pieces. Most artists are blended; one boy-group and one girl-group. but no one found it fitting for 5 Pieces and SHINee to walk together so instead they put the friendly girls to walk together, all dressed prettily and coming up from two different directions to join each other in the middle with the other artists in the back. Hannah walks with her arm linked with Maria who is looking like a tower since Hyoyeon is standing on her other side. But 5 Pieces and SNSD get a lot of good cheers, making Hannah remember that what happens backstage is unknown for these people.

Standing there while the hosts are talking, Hannah is glancing out over the audience, blinking at them with her hands politely held together in front of her, balancing on her high heels. She smiles softly when some in the crowd waves at her, and she lifts her hand lightly to wave back. She is hiding behind the other ladies now, but clearly visible for the crowd.

Five minutes on the stage, then get off. With everyone heading off the stage, Hannah is slowly walking to not meet anyone she doesn’t want to meet; she can see the backs of Beast and 4 Minute, keeping an obvious distance from them. Sunny hurries over to her, grabbing her arm to let her walk with the SNSD members after giving a bow to the crowd.

She doesn’t know that she has a lot of people keeping an eye on her. The rumours spread wildly backstage, making everyone she knows among the artists comment on her punching someone in the stomach and she has noticed a lot of people even keeping a distance from her. The SM family isn’t; they are the opposite, being the ones keeping an eye on her and sticking close. Why? Hannah is unaware of just their attention, not knowing that her image as the youngest or the innocent one is still stuck with her within the agency. That’s why Sunny holds her hand, to keep a closer eye on her.

It’s about fifty minutes until they will make their next appearance, and that is for some backstage view of the stars. Until then, it is just to wait. Maria and Sooyoung talk about eating while Hannah tries to figure out between Sunny and Yuri what happened earlier between Emelia and Julia; because the two of them fought, and they are still angry at each other and no one have had the time to explain to Hannah what happened because Hannah had been punching someone else in the stomach and created chaos.

“So I know they were talking about their families. Competing on who misses home the most,” Sunny is explaining and Hannah opens , eyeing some of the idols passing by them as they aren’t walking very fast. “And they brought up Julia’s mother fighting with the new boyfriend, not having anyone at home. And Emelia mentioned her late grandmother…”

“Ah…” Hannah makes a face as she can understand them competing against each other; it’s not that rare. Emelia competes about mostly everything and Julia pities herself the most; according to their stylist.

“Yo, bad girl.”

Sunny turns around as 4 Minute’s Hyuna come up to them, being the one getting their attention and Hyuna smiles widely and friendly to SNSD’s Sunny and Yuri, but her face hardens at Hannah.

“Ji Hyun Unnie didn’t spread the rumours about you. They have been circling around for a long time, she has nothing to do with it,” Hyuna mutters at Hannah. “You had no right to punch her.”

“She still insulted me,” Hannah mentions.

“Big enough for a punch?”

“Big enough for a fight,” Hannah answers dryly. She has nothing against Hyuna, knowing she is just protecting her friend, but she is not going back on what she did. “She knows she deserved it, no matter what she tells you.”

“You’re a big fat liar, Hannah,” Ji Hyun says from behind, just her words and the tone makes several of the idols still walking in this corridor turns their focus on them. Before Hannah can stop her steps, Sunny grabs her shoulder to make her keeps walking, muttering that it’s not worth it. “You punched me in the stomach. You’re crazy.”

“Maybe I’m crazy, but I’m far from being a liar,” Hannah says over her shoulder at her, trying to turn round but Sunny is seriously keeping her to face forward. “I-” She gets quiet from continuing when Emelia out of nowhere steps up right behind her, her face dark from what is happening while Ji Hyun stays on a distance further back.

“Don’t talk,” Emelia mutters before she turns around to face the one following them, as if she becomes a guard.

“What?” Ji Hyun asks when noticing those small piercing blue-green eyes focusing on her. “You think I am anything she says when she is the one who-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, you got punched in the stomach. Continue to talk crap about our baby and you will get more than that. Understood? And I know you don’t like her, I heard you talking in the bathroom about pissing her off because she is in an open relationship. Don’t think you’re clever, Ji Hyun, we have gone through this before, have we not?”

Hannah has stopped her steps further away because Sunny stopped to listen too. She doesn’t know what Emelia is talking about, but Ji Hyun clearly does.

“Exactly,” Emelia mutters. Juniors have stopped walking behind Ji Hyun, too afraid to get closer and watching with huge eyes. Emelia likes the attention, and also that she can get her own frustration out by defending Hannah. “You keep bringing up the culture differences too. Which annoys me: so stop making a fool of your self.”

“I’m not-”

“And age differences is bull too,” Emelia mentions, not letting Ji Hyun get a sentence out. “You know very well that you are two years older than us, and where we come from, age doesn’t matter.”

“Clearly,” Ji Hyun is fast to mention, and Emelia closes her mouths from keep going. “If your ‘baby’ hadn’t been rude to her own family she maybe wouldn’t been kicked out from her own home to begin with.”

“That’s going too far,” Sunny is fast to say the same time Emelia mutters that she doesn’t know what she is talking about.

“Can I punch her in the face this time?” Hannah suggests, seeing from the side that Emelia smirks because Ji Hyun’s smirk disappear.

“You are not going to punch anyone, you little lion.” Everyone turns around, seeing its Maria. Maria comes up by Hannah, telling her to go talk to their manager and Sunny starts walking with her, this time not stopping. Maria sighs at Emelia. “What did I say about threats?”

“She deserves it,” Emelia points directly at Ji Hyun, who stays quiet this time with her eyes glancing at Maria every half second.

“So does robbers, but does that help?” No one understands what she means, but all of the juniors are fascinated by this situation. “And you,” Maria puts all the attention on Ji Hyun, everyone holding their breath around Maria. She has a great aura with her and the fact that she is a great lecturer makes everyone stay focused to hear what she has to say. Maria is tired though, simply saying; “Say one more word to Hannah, and you will deeply regret it. Mess with one piece, you mess with them all. You don’t want that.”

“She didn’t do anything wrong,” Hyuna is defending her member.

Maria gives her a soft glare. “Both did wrong. Ji Hyun keeps pushing it. Hyuna, I love you, but I’m serious; I’m getting a headache with all the fighting and it’s putting me in a bad mood. Let’s have fun tonight instead, alright?”

++ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - ++

++ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - ++

++ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + -+ - + - ++

X. devonalias