Author's POV

YongGuk was wise, and understood what this all meant. He cautiously let his curiousity not delve too deep, he still is the leader, and the last thing he wants was his team to maintain that air of displeased just because of some misunderstanding. The team had their last comeback stage, but they can't just stop, they have to keep moving forward, improving and anticipate the next stage. 

" Him Chan? " his low voice heightened the atmosphere. 

"No.. No. " HimChan stuttered. 
"I did nothing of that sort. " 

Everyone stood silence, only Daehyun laughed. " Liar.. " he laughed again, a little wobbly in his steps, and Youngjae came forward to support him. Everyone's eyes remained firm on HimChan, as he looked away and sighed as if this was outrageous. Outrageous indeed. Yongguk growled a little, saying something about HimChan admitting if he was wrong, there's no point hiding between members anymore. To be honest, YongGuk did realise the drifting of this member from the team. Little by little, Himchan starting to corner himself and isolate himself. This wasn't the meaning of a team. It's wrong. He felt the duty to clear this, at least since the younger two are asleep, they shouldn't know of this dispute just yet. HimChan took a shaky sigh, and kept the silence in the air. Daehyun was rambling what nots, but YongGuk kept his eyes firm on HimChan. He wondered if Daehyun meant HimChan wants to break him and JiYeon up.. or otherwise. 

HimChan finally spoke up, " It's not breaking you guys up.. Come on.. I just.. I mean, don't put it that way. It wasn't my idea anyways. I was just.. I just.. I don't know what I was thinking.. I just wanted the best for everyone you see. I am aware of consequences, and I ran it through my head several times. It was the best, and I didn't want you guys to.. I don't know.. I don't know.. Damn, why does it feels so wrong now?" 

YongGuk eyed at YoungJae who returned a quizzical glance. Something was off. Daehyun had to scream, " You obviously did this. You knew this would happened, and you still chose to do it. Whhhhyyyyyyyyy!!" Daehyun slurred a little and flopped to the ground, crying painful tears. YongGuk cautiously asked, " Chan? What is going on? You can always tell us, y'know? " 

HImChan fisted and punched himself on the lap. "I'm sorry. " he whispered. 

YongGuk swallowed, " Channie? " 

" I.. I told him it was unnecessary. I just needed a little more. I didn't need to go to that extent, but things just spun off control and things became where they are now. It wasn't meant to be. " He trembled a little, and a little teardrop fell. " I needed more. " He spoke softly. " I am nothing in this group, except for my looks. Yes, I play the JangGuk, but let's face it, who needs the JangGuk in Kpop? Yes, I aid YongGuk Hyung with Music, but I am nothing as compared to him. My music can never sell. And Singing? YoungJae and Daehyun took the stage, even JongUp is singing better than me. And I just sang one line, I had to screw it off. I had to say 'Loof' instead of 'Roof'. I tried, I am trying to be better. Why can't I improve? Even for dance, .. I just.. I needed more. I needed to be better. I am not competing with you guys, but when you see those comments online, and even the only title I have for visual is being criticised.. I don't know. I don't know what I want anymore. "

Everyone's face darken when he mentioned about his line in 'Hurricane', they all knew how bad it affected him. And, they knew how the fans took comparison with his childhood photo, and all those current comments. They knew it was tough to be an idol, but the truth is none of them expected this. But, it has been so long. It has been so long, why does it he needs to do this? They are much better off than they started initially. 

He sighed, "To be honest, I'm jealous. I don't have somebody to love, or to love anyone. " He looked up, and the leader and the younger two ached at HimChan's tearful eyes, they rarely see him cry. Their heart ached not because they had not seen him cried, but rather, their heart ached because they didn't expect him to keep so much pain in him. " And.. I was thinking if I could do something, and have a solo stage or something. I just needed confirmation that I'm someone. Not just another human on this world. I need to .. I just want people to love me for who I am. If not, just love me. I was thinking if,.. if there is some way we could have a subunit group. But you know, the CEO would never agree. BangLo was successful but not as successful as us six promoting. The other better option was to do an internal pairing like YongGuk and JiEun, but,... I don't know. And so, there was a loop hole. I mean, we weren't suppose to be dating... it was not allowed in our contract. And, the sasaeng wouldn't allow either... I wasn't purposely trying to break Daehyun and JiYeon up. I just wanted to prevent the Sasaengs knew. They actually knew. They told HanByul they saw girls coming over, everyone else could play off, but not JiYeon.. She isn't an employee here... She will be hurt. " HimChan bit his lips and wondered if he should continue. He saw the flash of cold in Daehyun's eyes. Daehyun knows about this. He thought he was prepared to fight for this, but .. he didn't knew would be worried for him too. He didn't realised that keeping you beside him, would threaten the rest. He just.. 

" But I .. love her... I love her a lot.. " Daehyun's eyes was trickling tears of sorrow. " A lot.. " he whispered. 

YongGuk's face was dark, and he sat down beside HimChan and patted his back. YoungJae.. was slowly breaking on the inside with HimChan's long revelation. 

HimChan sighed, " I know.. I.. didn't know how to do this either. I didn't want it to be like this. I.. just confronted HanByul one day, and he wanted to help me. How could I tell you all this? It would have been shrugged off as insecurities, to be honest, you all would have said it is just my thinking, and leave me with a few words.You would all say, that fans love you, just ignore the mean comments, just ignore the antis, but h-how? They are still my fans, and they just gave their comments, they love me, I know, there are fans who loves me I know. I am not asking for quantity. I am not. Just sometimes, when you're all alone, and you see that all you have is just a shell, the past few years had been a shell. I don't know.  This 'Insecurity' is with me, it never left. I need it to be gone. " HimChan squeezed his eyes in anger. He felt he was stripping bare of his acts, it was an innocent thought, but it had grew into such an audacity that members think he's going against everyone. "And HanByul just suggested that we take a different route. He offered that we just .. I don't know, it sounded good. A duet, me and him. What's wrong with that? Only, we haven't came to an agreement between companies. But it sounds good. And he said, it will divert attention from the sasaengs, and somehow, give me what I wanted. " 

Daehyun gave a dissapproving laugh with stagnant "Ha. Ha. Ha" repeating. " That man, is nothing close to trustworthy. He caused me to break up with my first girlfriend.. He spread rumours. He is not a good man. " Daehyun's eyes flared anger. 

HimChan grew defensive. " He .. is a good man for helping me when I needed him. And.. you'll regret for looking down at him because of what he had did to you. Because, you're looking down at me too. That's what you'll do, just like everyone else. " HimChan stood up and went to his room, slammed the doors and kept himself caged there. 

Everyone couldn't comprehend how did things turn into like this. They had never noticed the internal struggle that HimChan had.They suddenly felt that they had not really understand him, and almost feel bad that as a team they cannot provide more support than another idol could. YongGuk felt especially guilty, and reprimanded himself for not being a better leader. YoungJae just mumbled a few disagreements, but feeling just as bitter. YongGuk spoke up first, after witnessing Daehyun's hurt face. Daehyun truly respect HimChan, and he was just stating his feelings towards HanByul, "Daehyun-ah.. " he said in a fatherly manner, " What.. happened? " 

Daehyun gulped and looked away hurt. He mumbled, " She.. didn't .. She.. I don' t know. She didn't even let me propose at all. She wanted us to have..some..  " Daehyun stopped and was breaking inside.. " distance " he spat the last word. Youngjae gave his sigh as a reply and hugged his bestfriend tight. 

" She just said she saw something today, and it was related to HimChan Hyung. I don't know.. I am trying too. I don't understand why she wouldn't just.. I don't know. I'm .. Hyung.. I'm not selfish for keeping her by my side right? Why is it so hard? " Daehyun broke down. 

They don't know either, but they do know that, the fact that for the past, close to a decade of Daehyun and JiYeon, it truly shows that they belonged together. Even though life kept them apart, their heart is one. And Yongguk recalled promising Daehyun to stand by Daehyun as he fights to be with her. He knows have to keep his word, it would mean so much to him for his high school mate marry his junior since he had witness them together for so long. He secretly wish that both Carmin and him would have that courage to love each other for so long, through thick and thin. YoungJae just hugged him tight, he knows this is passing. If what HimChan said was true - which he feels was lacking, HimChan was still hiding something - JiYeon's reaction was expected. JiYeon is a really nice girl, but she was trying to be thoughtful and not hurt anyone. She always rather let herself to be hurt than others. But it's different in love, both people will be hurt, even if it's for a good intention. He made a mental note to confront JiYeon, and did a small mental debate if he should asked YongGuk Hyung to talk to her instead. But after a few moments of silence, after swallowing that thick cold reality, YongGuk replied Daehyun. 

"You're not selfish. We're just people who are trying to prove ourselves, when all we have to do is just to answer ourselves."