52) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR SWEET TROLL! WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH! GOD BLESS YOU! (13/09/21)

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'Late autumn love'

There’s always this one question inside your heart, that keeps popping out whenever you’re trying to revive some of the most memorable moments of your existence: Why me?

I don’t find a right answer for that either… because.. this is how the world gets on and on.. If we’ll be able to discover this one particular thing, were would the fun be?

Nothing amazes me more than a beautiful warm evening in late autumn, when leaves color themselves with shades of joy and sorrow, parting for their final journey, before resting forever in the quiet soul of the ground..

The wind will keep up with its sad ballad, mesmerizing the trees, which will slowly let itselves lose control and join the play, lazily.. The sun will continue its daily fall to embrace the cold water, leaving its purple light engraved in the soft greyish clouds..

And this lonely soul of mine would forever be a witness to the entire moment, while gazing beyond it, getting inside my thoughts, wondering, crying, smiling …

Whether my day was good or not, everything seemed to vanish slowly, whenever I came here, where I had my own little heaven.. I was watching the pokily moves of wings of little white gulls scratching the sky gently, heading to nowhere..

Here I was again, recharging myself with a moment of silent joy, before returning home.. Everything was perfect, except.. he wasn’t near.. I wondered why this time I came first.. Usually I’d find him sitting on the other bench, looking at the lake..

I went to sit on my bench, taking out my diary.. I just had to write a few thoughts as usual.. I didn’t notice him walking slowly, while sipping his tea.. Everytime he would buy a cup of tea from the Little Hut, before heading to the park..

I’ve finished writing and put the diary back in my bag.. I looked at the sky, smiling at those cute pinkish little clouds, before turning to my left.. I just felt so happy, when seeing him.. Finally he was here..

We didn’t know each other, yet we knew everything about one another. It was that kind of bond that doesn’t need words to get strong. We just have to be close and then the story can continue..Our story..

I saw him standing up and glancing one last time at the lake, before taking a leave.. He started walking slowly, buttoning up his sweater..

He turned his head, giving me his sweet smile that would make his cheekbones even more proeminent, giving his face a beautiful innocent glow.. Then he would slowly fade in the dark, while I’ll head to the other side, going home..

I just wanted to see him once more, as if it could have been the last time, so I’ve turned, finding him standing in the middle of the alley, while looking for me.. Once again, our hearts felt the same..

I smiled and while passing by his bench, I’ve noticed a brown notebook. He must have forgotten it.. I took it and ran to give it back to him, but I couldn’t find him anywhere, as if he were nothing more than just an illusion..

*

In the next day I’ve been waiting for him to come to the usual place and give him the notebook.. But, for the first time in a year, he didn’t show up.. Neither did he in the other days.. I was feeling quite nervous, not seeing him for so long..

I was wondering if anything happened.. I couldn’t concentrate anymore on my life, knowing that he might be having a hard time, or even.. Well.. how far can a worried heart go with the thoughts? So far, that it will actually start to hurt you…
 
I was waiting to get my drink, while holding the notebook.. So many months have passed.. yet, nothing new seemed to be there in the sunlight..

Now, even my heaven did no longer shine.. I was playing with my finger, writing invisible words on the brown cover, when I realised that I’ve never actually opened it..

Suddenly I had this desire to read the notebook, so that I’ll be able to somehow feel him closer.. I’ve opened it, smiling at those cute little signs..

All the pages were filled with things to remember, which made me think that he was a forgetful person… So this notebook must have meant a lot to him..

I kept on reading, while sipping my green tea, chuckling at his jokes, making remarks for every prank he planned to do when he’ll get a chance.. He was such a troll..

I then turned the last written page and saw this one note that made my heart beat with joy: “I will sing my story of a late autumn!”

I startled at the sound of my phone ringing.. I took it out from the bag and saw my friend’s name.. Well, time to get ready for a long conversation..

Me: “Hey there!”

Friend: “Finally!!! Where do you keep that phone?”

Me: “I am sorry.. I was distracted..”

Friend: “What are you doing??”

Me: “Nothing much.. I was at the Little Hut.. Why?”

Friend: “I want you to come with me..”

Me: “Where?”

Friend: “You’ll see.. I don’t want to spoil the fun! Wait for me there! I’ll come and get you, ok?”

Me: “Alright..”

Now this seemed out of normal.. She didn’t actually talked too much.. I was wondering what was that special thing she wanted to show me…

I’ve been asking her all the way about that, but she just kept on with “just wait and you’ll see” phrase.. Now curiosity was planning to hide like a child inside my mind…
 
We arrived at a building where one of the most well known music shows was filmed.. I really didn’t expect that… She took out two tickets and we went to look for our places..

I knew that she was a huge fan of this music, but I never thought that she’ll want me to join, since I didn’t ever give her a hint about my preferences..

I’ve asked her what the big thing was and she happily answered me, while clapping.. A new boy band was going to debut today.. Nothing new, since rookie groups would come in the industry every year…

She gave me an ah-you-and-your-funny-side look and then turned to look at the stage, where the two MCs were announcing the next artist..

She began to cheer and clap along with other girls, making me think that I wasn’t quite in touch with the news.. I looked at the those six boys who were greeting us, bowing.. EXO-K… Kind of nice name for a group..

They kept on talking about their band and at one point I didn’t really feel connected to this, when suddenly they’ve began playing an intro..

They were presenting the two subgroups of EXO, speaking about some powers and a planet and two suns and.. I made big eyes when seeing that smiling face…

I thought I’ve just imagined, but then.. There he was again.. A member of the EXO-M group, debuting today as well, but in China.. Well, that explained a lot..
 
So all this time he was getting ready to start a singing career.. I was glad that, in the end, he was safe and sound… But all this meant that I’ll never be able to see him again.. And I didn’t even get the chance to give him back the notebook..

*

I was cooking something for dinner, while listening to the news.. I was home after some months spent abroad while doing some research.. I just had to keep up with what was going on back here..

Sort of.. I was actually thinking about my new book.. It was almost ready to get to my publisher, but I really felt that I was ending it too early.. Something wasn’t at the right place… Something was missing..

I’ve opened my laptop, while eating, checking my emails.. I’ve clicked on the one from my friend: “I saw this news on the official site about a fansign event that is going to be held tomorrow…  Wanna come?” Well…Here was my chance to finally give him back the notebook..

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I was waiting in line, trying to calm myself down.. All these fangirls kept on pushing and laughing and screaming, getting on my nerves..

If it wasn’t for this notebook, I would be at home, relaxing.. Such a liar I was… In fact, it’s obvious that the reason for me being here was a totally different one..

I suddenly felt this anxiousness inside my whole body.. I was about to see him after such a long time.. What would my reaction be, when standing in front of him? Will I be able to look at him? And what about him?  Would he remember me? Would he remember those evenings in late autumn, by the lake??

Friend: “Are you ok?”

Me: “Yeah, why?”

Friend: “You seem so pale.. What’s with this notebook? You’ve been caring it for the past year..”

Me: “It’s just a treasure I must return to his rightful owner..”

Friend: “Treasure? I don’t get you!”

Me: “Nevermind that.. ”

Friend: “This takes way too long.. Why aren’t they letting us get in??”

Me: “Just be patient, ok?”

Friend: “I can’t wait to see him.. Oh.. just imagine! I’ll be in front of my oppa!!!!!! How cool can that be??”

Me: “Well.. Only you will feel it..”

Friend: “You don’t sound very excited…”

Me: “Sorry.. I just don’t feel well.. ”

Friend: “Hey.. Someone is coming.. Can you hear what is he saying??”

Me: “I think.. um… something about too crowded.. and.. safety… and..”

Friend: “They’re cancelling the event.. I can’t believe this!!!!”

She got out of the line, yelling along with other girls at the organiser.. I guess this wasn’t the right time for me to meet him.. Or maybe… It was a hint for me that I should just move on, since there was no way for our story to continue..

How would it? We were in two different worlds, nothing was there to keep us close.. Except for those evenings in late autumn.. But even those seemed so deep hidden in the past…

I took a leave, heading to my house, while passing by a black car which was about to leave from a by-street.. I kept holding the notebook close to my heart, walking slowly.. Again, I couldn’t give it back to him..

*

“Why are you losing time with this book? The ending is perfect!”

My manager kept on with the conversation, trying to convince me.. I didn’t doubt the good ending, but it wasn’t what I felt like expressing..

The story seemed stuck and it would have been a sign of weakness to just let it as it was.. I needed more time.. How much? If only I knew..
 
I’ve thanked him for everything and apologised for not being able to respect my promise. He told me that no matter what, he’ll continue to support me..

Manager: “I don’t know why.. but if there is something special.. you’ll definitely discover it. ”

Me: “Thank you!”

I left the office, wondering what to do next.. I didn’t feel like going home, since it was getting quite painful to feel lonely.. I decided to go at the Little Hut and have a good chat with its owner, an old man with such a caring heart..

I’ve always seen him as a father, sharing my sorrows and my joy with him, asking for advices, or simply listening to his stories about a long lost world from his younger days..

I’ve found him serving some customers, keeping his warm smile everytime he’ll be around people.. Despite his age, he was vivacious, open minded, happy about all that came into his existence, curious about every little detail, innocent as a child when discovering with small steps this mysterious journey of life..

He showed me a free spot and asked me to wait for him.. I sat on the chair, taking out my diary.. I was still writing when he took the seat near me and patted me on my arm.. I smiled..

Old man: “I am so glad to see you.. ”

Me: “How are things going?”

Old man: “Pretty well.. How about you? Did you meet your manager?”

Me: “Yes.. he gave me more time..”

Old man: “Sure he did.. he knows that you’ll come up with something.. I still don’t get it my child.. Why are you so stubborn?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Old man: “You know very well.. You won’t be able to write that ending.. not without him..”

Me: “I’ll have to.. Even if he’ll no longer be a part of it..”

Old man: “You know that’s impossible.. A bird needs two wings to fly.. This story has a broken wing.. Until it will be cured, you’ll be stuck in the same point.. ”

Me: “I sometimes feel like I should just let it go..”

Old man: “But you won’t… Cause this is your everything… He is…”

Me: “Far away.. too far away…”

Old man: “You know, my child, there are moments in this life, when you’re amazed about how destiny plays its cards… You get to that day when you are living what you’ve waited for and you wonder why? Why you? How come you were so blessed?”

Me: “I don’t understand..”

Old man: “The sun is about to set.. Go, my child!”

He smiled and stood up, walking slowly to the kitchen… I’ve looked outside the window to the pinkish sky.. I should just see my heaven once more.. I need it.. I left the Little Hut and head off to the park..

Nothing changed in all this time.. Everything was there, waiting for me.. The lake, the trees, the benches, the sun.. But it didn’t seem perfect.. Something was missing.. Or maybe.. someone…

I was watching the dance of the water, thinking about the book.. It was so confusing.. Why was I keeping this hope of rewriting an end that was already decided?

Why would I continue to believe that it was there, waiting to come in my life and make it blossom? Why should I hold still with my entire soul this sweet yet sorrowful feeling, trying to give it a meaning, to make it mine?

I knew that this song wasn’t going to last forever, with just me singing it.. I knew that it was only one way to end it: giving up hope..

But then.. why didn’t my heart accept that? Why was I still here? Why did I feel like I was going to finally live the moment? Why? Because… if it’s in your destiny it will happen..

There he was, walking slowly towards me, holding two cups of warm tea.. I turned, feeling this strange presence and let my heart sigh peacefully, while feeding my soul with the sweetness of his smile..

He gave me one cup and looked at the lake.. He was here.. So close to me.. I was asking myself whether it was a dream or not.. Just to assure me, he raised his hand, touching my face gently.. He then said softly: “I told you I’ll someday sing my late autumn story!”

*

I got off stage, holding the award.. My manager came closer, patting my shoulder.. My friend was cheering and clapping, while the old man was smiling at me softly.. I’ve thanked them for their support and love..

Friend: “Yah… I just can’t believe.. How did you think of such ending?? Daebak!!”

Manager: “You really are something.. I am glad I didn’t convince you to publish the book..”

Me: “I still don’t know what was so special about it.. I just felt it was the right way to end it..”

Manager: “What’s special? Oh my! You’re funny!”

I smiled at him and took the old man’s hand, heading to the exit.. I really wanted a nice cup of tea from the Little Hut..

Old man: “See my child? Sometimes… we tend to just keep up with it, as if somewhere deep in our heart, we have this feeling that it will one day come in our lives, giving us force, making us feel that we’re finally living..”

Yes.. Indeed I was now living those moments that I’ve cherished all this time, keeping them safe in my heart, hoping that it will all come true.. It did.. He was near me.. We were one..

Once again I’ve found myself standing in front of the lake, watching the sunset in this warm evening of a late autumn, feeling his breath in my hair, while he was holding me tight..

Me: “I wonder why I’ve always loved this little heaven..”

Him: “Because you knew that it was yours.. And I knew you’ll be mine one day..”

Me: “Can I ask you something?”

Him: “Sure..”

Me: “The notebook.. You wrote that last note: ‘I will sing my story of a late autumn!’”

Him: “Yes..”

Me: “Then, when we’ve met again.. you said that.. ”

I stopped, thinking about that moment.. He looked at me, smiling at my surprised stare.. I couldn’t believe this.. All this time.. And I thought that… But.. why??

He answered me: “Leaving the notebook there was the only way I could for ever be with you.. I had one thing that kept me close to your heart.. I knew that I’ll someday get back to you, but until then I wanted you to have something that will help you keep the faith..”

He went forward, looking at the ground, while muttering a song.. He took a leaf and started playing with it, while watching the fall of the sun..

I came closer to him, leaning against his back, whispering softly: “I love you, Chen!”.. He nodded slowly, sighing.. He knew it, since the very first day.. Because he felt the same way.. His heart was following my heart’s rhythm now..

The wing was finally cured and now the bird flew far away, vanishing in the fire sphere that was slowly taking the path that led to its end, sinking in the water.. The sky dressed itself with a dark coat, covered with little sparkling tears..

I now know why sometimes we don’t find the answer to the question: why us? Why are we living this? Why are we so blessed? Because there is no answer..

Because it just happens as it should… Because if it’s written, it will come in your destiny.. And here I was, with him by my side, living my late autumn story… our story…

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Hope you liked it! Please continue to love and support EXO! Thank you for reading! God bless you all!