99) "An innocent love... a pale moonlight"

While walking this silent path, will I get to see you one more time? What if the clouds won’t let us reunite? What if the moonlight will be too weak? Will you get back to me? Could we hold hands again? Walk with me… please…

Remember that night? Nature was singing its lullaby while your shy eyes met mine. Who could ever erase that from our hearts? There I was, looking for an escape,for a reason to move on. Or maybe, it was meant… maybe I had to be there… because you were there as well…

I don’t know why I felt the need to keep looking at that house. It wasn’t actually the right moment, but I just had to. My cousin was still trying to fix the problem, even though it was already night time. We had to move on, but the car won’t start, so he was getting quite nervous.

Me: “Tao, listen, this house…”

Tao: “Beautiful, isn’t it? A lot of people want it, but no one actually managed to buy it.”

Me: “Why not? Is it too expensive?”

Tao: “Um, not really. It’s just that every person will end up refusing, after visiting it… Not quite sure why, but some say it’s haunted…”

Me: “Haunted? Interesting… doesn’t seem like one… it looks pretty well maintained… not a proper place for a ghost to live its eternity…”

Tao: “Aish, don’t start with your imagination now. Ah, done! Let’s go!”

He patted my shoulder then head off to the door, getting inside the car. I was about to turn around, when the moonlight revealed itself from a coat of grey restless clouds.

Such an innocent sad look, scared yet curious heart. We both must have felt it. The cold was slowly touching our bodies, making us tremble. No blinking… no breathing… just you and me… and a pale moonlight…

“YAH! Are you coming?”

I turned to tell my cousin, but then… nothing was there… was I just imaging things? I took my backpack and joined my cousin, who probably thought I was too tired since I’ve started seeing people around here at such an hour.

Minutes later, we were already inside my cousin’s house, greeting my aunt, before taking my luggage in the room they’ve prepared for me. I wouldn’t really mind the place, as long I could continue writing my story.

But who would think at that now? How to forget that illusion? How to handle this pain in my chest? How to breathe again?

*

The next day I went out for a walk, trying to find a string and pull it, so that the new chapter could be written. Lately, nothing really helped me. Seemed like this time, I won’t be able to see what the characters will do.

I was wondering why did they hide from me, when all I wanted was to follow them in this journey of feelings and unspoken desires. What was missing? Why couldn’t I touch that gate and open it? Why was it so hard to find a new path?

White always scared me… too pure.. too mysterious.. yet so mesmerizing… not even the sun could shine brighter... I might have made a mistake… it could actually be the perfect place to drag your sorrow and seal it inside…

Quite a mansion this was… probably a lot of rooms also painted in white, with old furniture and inhospitable atmosphere, maybe even few photos scattered here and there, telling what human mind might have already forgotten..

The front door was closed so I took the left way, walking slowly, wondering whether I’ll see those eyes again or not. Silky garnet red curtain dancing in the air gave me a hint that the entrance was found.

As expected, the house seemed as empty as a soul without memories. But there were no pictures. Not even a single one. Whoever used to live here, had a strange admiration for fake flowers, painted by shaky hands with the same red that was resting on the curtains, few petals revealing the will to not completely stain the innocent white.  

Without even knowing why, I went to the 2nd floor, opening the door in the other end of the hall. The red infiltrated this room as well, but now, the flowers bore the touch of a sin never committed.

I would have probably left, hadn’t that painting made me get closer. I took it and sat on the bed. Why keeping a drawing of an empty chair facing a window through which the moon let its pale light?

I’ve closed my eyes, looking for an answer, looking for that chair in my mind. When nothing was there to find, I let out a sigh and opened them, just to find myself lost in that innocent, sad, yet curious glare. The night joined us long ago, but I didn’t realise I fell asleep.

Were words needed now? Or should we just keep looking at each other? But why won’t that fear fade away? Why still trembling, when it wasn’t even cold inside? Why was I finally breathing?

Just a touch and everything stopped in that right second. His hand kept searching for of my lost smile, while his eyes will question my heart, wondering who was this soul, crossing his path.

Me: “Red… why red?”

Him: “Innocence… could it live without the sin?”

Me: “Why making it a pellicle to cover up reality, without even hiding all?”

Him: “Maybe one day, innocence would be revealed… it could regain its purity.. and save itself…”

Me: “Until then… it will keep on waiting…”

Him: “Under a pale moonlight…”

Me: “The painting… how did you?”

Him: “Only sunshine makes a soul weak… and drags it back to that place…”

Me: “As long as there is darkness… your fragrance rests on these flowers…”

Him: “Walk with me… please…”

*

Leaves would join the wind, guiding our steps, as we let silence rest between us. The fear is almost dying, after these two months, yet he won’t stop looking for my smile. He needs it as much as I need to feel him close to me.

Mad destiny played this satire in such a selfish way, throwing us in a helix  from where we will never get out holding hands. Not as long as humans will always find a way to deny what our hearts knew before we met. Who will tell it out loud? Do we even want to hear it?

Me: “The moon is still there, even if clouds cover it. But we can still walk, can’t we, Luhan?”

His eyes search for that pale light, then once again let out the sadness, as he turns towards me. My mind finds reasons, my heart bears it all, my love grows stronger.

Luhan: “Once you’ve touched that painting, nothing will stop you… just don’t let me walk alone.”

Me: “I would then bring myself closer to my own end…”

And there it is… shy moonlight caressing our faces, while stars refrain their glow, letting our love shine brighter, as we become one. Behold, night hides the burden of a known fate, at least for now. Play my dear wind, play that tune again…

*

“This is really getting out of control!”

Tao would keep looking at me, while trying to calm down my aunt, but how could someone make destiny hesitate when everything is well planned?

She stood up, came closer and checked me out, before speaking rarely, with her soft voice, knowing nothing more than what the daylight shows, doing what all humans would do:

Aunt: “Everyone is speaking… losing nights in that house.. do you even realise how much you’re affecting us? They’re not going to stop, unless you will give them a good reason. Wanton…. That is what they see in you… nothing else…”

Tao: “Mum! How can you say that? She won’t ever…”

Me: “How can we tell for sure? Such a young lady, all alone in someone else’s house… I don’t blame them for having such thoughts, especially since we all know why did she come here…”

Me: “Had you know the truth, a warm embrace would strengthen our bond. Sadly, the blind needs to get injured to finally realise what has been in his way.”

Aunt: “How dare you? Are you calling me blind?”

Me: “At least this word doesn’t bare the sinful touch of humans’ selfishness.”

Aunt: “You’re sick… you don’t need to write any book… you just want to hide…. You’re ashamed… Everyone knows why did he leave… And you’re now confirming it with your attitude… No man will ignore such a painful situation…”

Me: “You don’t feel this pain… so why do you talk? No one saw my tears, no one heard my despair… if I’m to be blamed for what he has done… then I guess I’m the only one who can still trust her eyesight… should I pretend that he did nothing?”

Aunt: “You’re a mature person… don’t let people talk too much… solve this out… he’s coming here… so it’s your chance…”

Tao: “What? Why would this bastard even dare to show up? Mother, how did he find out where she was?”

Aunt: “I told him. He needs to take care of this situation, otherwise she’ll be completely lost.”

Me: “But for sure he won’t help me find myself. Tao, when he gets here, tell him to not open up the wound. I’ll go now.”

Tao: “Again there? No, please… just let some time pass…”

Me: “If only I had time… if only…”

*

Pitiful those who think they can imprison a soul which never felt the need to know what liberty really means. There they are, holding the weapon, not even minding the wind desperately telling the story of an upcoming reckless storm.
 
How can they ever stop me from getting back to him? One glance is more than enough to make me seek  the calmness of an eternity beside him. The night hasn’t died yet, so why should we look for an unwanted dawn?

He took my hand and we got inside the room. The painting was still there, on the chair, where I left it few days ago. And fear was back in our hearts, while he was looking for my smile, which couldn’t paint itself on my face anymore.

Me: “No moon today…”

Luhan: “Who needs that, when your fragrance heals my sorrow?”

Me: “Despair will make its way towards my mind. Luhan, I’m scared…”

Luhan: “Your eyes are reflecting it… so powerful… so sweet… desired poison without which my heart can’t beat anymore… tasting it once… enough to face the storm…”

Me: “Will the innocent white shine like always?”

Luhan: “Silly the mind which can’t feel the call of heart.. Let that red fade away… time to reveal what was meant… you’re mine… even fate knows it. After so many years of craving for your presence, I won’t let this fear make a win… just walk with me… never let me walk alone…”

His embrace stopped time for an instance… and maybe this is when eternity starts… maybe it can all change course… could this hope now fly towards a place where there’s no fear, nor cold?

My heart laughs… it’s an illusion… just an illusion… My past came once again to rip my will. He arrived at the house, driven by thoughts which make him seek rights he never had.

*

Have you ever seen that flash which will make you blink for a while, then leave you in a dreadful darkness? Have you felt that fire burning your fear as you will keep protecting your love, until love itself will throw you away? Have you loved? Then you won’t mind the dawn, but you’ll cherish the lost night.

Ashes… that’s what the wind found where once stood a mansion with big windows and garnet red curtains. Everything joined the flames, later following the thick smoke. Nothing’s left to cherish... only memories…

The sun smiles at us, while Tao and I are taking the furniture inside. My aunt’s photo will always make me remember that the mansion only had some fake flowers painted by shaky hands to tell a story.

Tao: “This is the last one. So, do you think she’ll like it?”

Me: “Well, she won’t need a modern furniture to feel happy. Just don’t forget to always look for her smile. You’ll always need it, as much as she will need you by her side.”

Tao: “You still love him, don’t you?”

Me: “I should go in my room now.”

Tao: “Mother did wrong, but she had no idea how much you’ve been suffering because of that so called husband. I just wish she would have seen it before.”

Tears sometimes will stop a person from letting out what the heart quietly bares, but can also give the impression that sorrow will slowly dissolve. He turned around and looked at the picture. His pain was still there, although four years have passed.

Tao: “Had she known that your husband only looked for a way to touch the result of your hard work, to touch a fortune he never deserved, she would have understood that you only came here to find the peace your soul needed.”

Me: “Don’t take ashes in your hands, because you won’t revive what’s forever lost.”

Tao: “She called him here. He has burnt the mansion to get rid of you, but instead he killed both himself and the innocence of such a beautiful love. Mum knew she was at fault. That’s why she couldn’t stand it.”

Me: “Why talking about this now? What love? What do you know?”

Tao: “I can see it in your eyes. Although I’ve never met him, I do believe in your love. And I know that you’ll somehow get back to that lost memory. You just have to find the path and your heart will help you. Go! Just go out there! It’s almost night.”

Me: “Why are you doing this, Tao? I’ve been searching four years for that painting. Without it, the moonlight is useless, because he won’t be able to look for my smile. Everything vanished that night.”

Tao: “You need to breath again and you will. No idea why, but I just know it. I feel it… Now, please go!”

And here I am, walking this silent path, looking for the only way that will bring me closer to you. I had the painting with me while running away that night, but darkness robbed our hopes. I’ve welcomed the dawn alone.

Will I get to see you one more time? What if the clouds won’t let us reunite? What if the moonlight will be too weak? Will you get back to me? Could we hold hands again? Walk with me Luhan… please… one last time…

We can just call it fate… The moonlight won the battle, finally showing me a chair facing the window. But there was also an innocent sad look. I was breathing again, as he spoke:

 Luhan: “Never stop walking this path, for I am here now. Red faded away and only my pure white soul stands before you. Look! This silent night welcomes us again with its old sweet lullaby. While listening to it, may we hold hands?”

I’ve reached for his hand, revealing the smile he always needed to make his sadness fade away.  The fear was no longer in our hearts… just an innocent love… and a pale moonlight…

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