47) Requested by  Jheckah Rocaberte (on fb)

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Little I knew that the story would get to this point, where I just couldn’t understand my feelings.. I was stuck in this chaotic existence, having my heart sighing for two powerful loves that kept me feeling guilty..

I couldn’t read my soul… I couldn’t decide.. Why was it so difficult?.. In the end.. what did love mean to me?

I closed my eyes, trying to recall moments from my past that would help solve this miserable situation in which my heart got stuck.. I could begin with that summer day, when we were playing near the lake..

-flash back-

I was running to get the ball, when one of my friends screamed.. I turn and saw Joon Myun in the water.. God.. and he didn’t even know how to swim… That stupid.. why did he wander near the lake??

I wasn’t really his friend.. In fact he was getting on my nerves daily.. I just hated his stupid fearful personality… He would startle even at the sight of his own shadow.. Unfortunately, our parents were best friends, so I just got stuck with him..

Since I was the only one around that could swim, I threw the ball and ran towards the lake.. Oh.. that was so cold.. I got near him, grabbing his collar and pulling him towards the waterfront, while swimming with my free hand..

Ah.. why was he so heavy?? I thought I’ll never get out of the water.. I’ve pushed him away, letting myself fall on the grass.. I could hardly breath.. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder and turned..

“Gomawo..”

Me: “YAH!! Kim Joon Myun!!! What the hell were you doing??”

Joon Myun: “I just.. I…”

Ah.. there he goes again… crying like a little baby despite his 10 years of stupid freaking-out existence.. I so wished I could punch him.. But.. blame my gentle heart.. I got to him and patted him on his back, comforting him..

Me: “Yah.. it’s ok.. Let’s go home..”

We got to our house to change our clothes.. His parents weren’t around, so he stayed at my home the whole afternoon, having my mum playing the caring fairy for him.. Helloo!!! There’s another person here with wet clothes.. Whatever.. I got into my room to take a hot shower..

I just knew that it could end in a ‘great’ way this not so cool day.. And it did.. get your brain to work and imagine me, in my bed.. with pale face, and a big wet towel on my forehead.. Yep.. I caught a cold.. Thanks to that rascal!!!!

*

I was preparing the food for the picnic, while my dad was getting ready the bicycles… It was a sunny warm Sunday, perfect for some time in the middle of nature… Joon Myun was glaring at me, playing with his fingers..

His tapping on the table was such a ‘sweet’ melody for my ears.. I took an apple and threw it in his way.. He looked at me with big eyes..

Me: “The day just started and you’re already making me wanna hit your stupid nose!! Cut it off!”

He pouted and took the apple, heading outside.. I got the food and went to take my backpack.. We took our bicycles and head off to the park at the end of the street. Joon Myun kept shaking the bike handlebars..

Me: “Do you wanna fall down??”

Joon Myun: “No.. I just.. how can you control this?”

I got near him and put my hand on his hand, guiding him.. He smiled at me, while I was rolling my eyes, trying to keep calm.. Stupid!!!

We got in the park and searched for a good spot.. There was an old tilia that gave a nice shadow to the ground covered with light green grass... We went there and prepared for the picnic.. We decided to not eat, cause some friends were yet to come..

After an hour, I was literally starving, so I just got a sandwich.. Joon Myun joined me.. I was thinking about what should we play after, when he spoked slowly..

Joon Myun: “Thanks..”

Me: “What for??”

Joon Myun: “For saving me..”

Me: “Yah.. that was days ago..”

Joon Myun: “Can I ask you something?”

Me: “Mmm…”

Joon Myun: “Can you be my friend forever?”

I almost choked… Friends.. forever? With him..? Was I stupid or something?? Who could stand him and all his fears?? I might end up saving him daily.. Um.. well..

He wasn’t that bad.. I mean.. He was nice.. sort of.. Kind hearted.. Always sweet.. at least whenever I saw him talking with my parents.. He was a good son and all that stuff.. But.. why should I? Hm.. why not?? He was the only one close to me anyway.. Well.. I think I can do that..

Me: “Yah.. Only if I don’t have to save your daily..”

Joon Myun, chuckling: “Ok.. pinky promise??”

Me: “Done!”

-end of flashback-

So that’s how our friendship started.. Since then, there was only the two of us.. In school, back home, always together.. eating together, playing together.. getting along so well..

Ha ha… joke O.o .. NO!!! He kept getting on my nerves.. God.. I just.. I don’t know if I hated him or myself for not being able to stay one day without him.. No matter how bad a day was, he kept my heart feeling at ease.. He was always there to support me.. The best friend anyone could have.. and lucky you guys if you could handle such a scary baby like him!!!!! I tried my very best…

We’ve promised to be together forever.. At that age, we didn’t even know the meaning of that.. But our hearts were so pure, so were our thoughts.. What was there so difficult to not being able to be near him my whole life?? Well.. one day.. I was about to find out..

-flashback-

Me: “Can you for just one day be here earlier??”

Joon Myun: “I’ve lost the bus..”

Me: “Never mind.. ”

Joon Myun: “This is the last semester of highschool.. Aren’t you excited?”

Me: “Hm.. very!”

Joon Myun: “So sarcastically!!”

Me: “Wow.. 10 points for figuring it out!”

We got in the building, heading to our classroom. He kept talking about this hobby of his, singing.. Well.. I can’t deny he was good.. He took a lot of classes.. He was training hard for like.. 6 years now.. I used to make fun of him because of that.. Like.. most people would have quited the idea by now.. But I admired his courage..

And now.. please agree with me, that thinking too much while walking can lead to harmful situations, like for example, bumping into someone and fall on your on the cold floor.. This is one of the most common.. and painful..

I felt someone’s hands helping me get up.. I took my bag and turned to face that stupid rascal.. But… well.. where did my oxygen go??? And why was he staring like that?? Didn’t he know that those damn sweet deer eyes have a huge impact on a poor girl’s heart? Or this was his favourite weapon used on girls to make them fall? Yah.. not a chance with me, honey!!! I guess..

Joon Myun: “Are you ok?”

Me: …………………………………

Joon Myun: “Hellloooo!!!!”

Me: “WHAT???”

Joon Myun: “Are you ok?”

Me: “Yeah.. yes.. ”

Boy: “I am sorry.. I didn’t see you..”

Me: “Yes, I understand.. been so small, I can’t blame you..”

Boy: “I am serious.. besides.. where were your eyes??”

Me: “I beg your pardon??”

Boy: “How come you didn’t see me coming?”

Me: “Well I.. mhm.. instead of this.. you could just say sorry!”

Boy: “Said that already, little sunshine!”

What??? Ok.. Yah… dear author-nim.. pause it.. Little sunshine? Where did that come from?? Hm.. Ok.. I trust your writing.. but.. keep it cool will ya??? Look how red I got from blushing..

I kept staring at him, wondering if I did hear that.. .He smiled at me and took a leave.. Joon Myun got near him and pushed me to the classroom, cause.. well.. I was kind of lost in my spazzing zone right now..

I got to my place.. Joon Myun took his backpack off and put it near the table, while he intended to sit on the spot near me.. One of our class mates pulled the chair away and poor Myun was in the next second with his feet aiming for the ceiling..

Me: “YAH! Cut it off!!”

Mate: “What??”

Me: “I just had a nice start of the day.. so if you want me to throw my happiness over you just keep talking..”

Joon Myun: “Calm down..”

Well.. tell me that.. being such an easy to infuriate person.. I got up and faced my mate.. He was taller, but that wasn’t going to scare me.. I looked into his eyes, trying to what?? Intimidate him?? Gosh.. I was just a girl.. A damn impulsive one..

He pushed me against the wall.. Yah.. This time I’m done.. Joon Myun got near and tried to help me, but in the end he was thrown away.. Ok.. hurting my friend twice.. I might be a girl… but now I’m an angered as hell one!

I slapped the boy’s face, leaving a red mark that made me feel so proud.. He turned at me and gave me a death glare.. Ok.. now.. where to run?? He raised his hand.. What to do??? I’ve closed my eyes and waited for the slap, punch or whatever…

Author-nim.. don’t keep me in this terrifying condition for too long, ok?? Why isn’t he hiting me yet? I’ve slowly opened my eyes, looking at the guy.. Oh.. well.. that’s why!.. He couldn’t do anything, cause he was.. um.. well.. flying??? Sort of.. But his feet weren’t on the ground anymore…

The boy with deer eyes was holding him, while asking me if I was ok.. I nodded slowly, getting near him.. I told him to stop that.. He pushed the guy away and took my hand.. We went outside.. He then kept checking me up to see if there were any bruises..

Me: “I am ok…”

Boy: “I just got so worried when seeing you so helpless..”

Was he?? Why would he?? He smiled at me and leaned against the wall, rolling his eyes.. I kept standing like a totally idiot, looking at him, wondering where did this creature came from?? It was for the first time I would like literally, feel pain in my heart when seeing a guy.. Unless it was Joon Myun.. but that was a different thing…

Me: “Thanks for helping me!”

Boy: “Mention not, little sunshine!”

Me: “Why are you calling me…”

Boy: “Why not? You don’t like it?”

Me: “No.. I mean yes.. but..”

Boy, chuckling: “Not finding your words.. hm.. then I was right..”

Huh?? He pulled me closer to him.. Ok.. close your eyes, cause that stare will definitely melt you down.. So.. what was I waiting for?? I guess only my heart knew.. Suddenly a warm touch on my forehead made my entire body tremble.. I felt the ground moving.. The sky was like flowing down, sinking its coldness in my entire being..

I opened my eyes.. He pinched my nose and smiled.. Then he just said something, that kept me thinking for a long time: “This is it!”

-end of flashback-

And this is how I met him.. The boy with deer eyes, Luhan.. Strength, sweetness, careness, stability, protection.. all mixed into one perfect creation of God.. I don’t know how it happened.. but I fell for him..

And seemed that destiny was also playing an important part in this act..I guess? I went to college, this time without Joon Myun.. He finally got to see his dream come true.. He debuted in a new Kpop group, called EXO, which made history since its first performance..

What was strange is that Luhan was also part of that group.. Like.. hello??? How could that happen to me?? (wait until I get my hands on you author-nim!!!!!)..

 I just knew that Joon Myun wasn’t very pleased seeing me with Luhan.. But what could I do?? We loved each other so much.. And Myun just had to support me, since he was my best friend.. I just didn’t understand why would he act like that.. We drifted apart.. And I didn’t even know the reason.. until that day…

-flashback- (blame the author-nim, not me!)

I was getting ready for the award show that EXO had to attend.. I didn’t really wanna come, but Joon Myun insisted so much and I didn’t wanna hurt his feelings.. So… I had to go, even if I was going to see  Luhan…

Two months passed already since our fight.. Stupid argument over stupid things.. Nothing unsual for a couple.. but this time things seemed way more serious.. And I kept asking myself what my mistake was..

Luhan kept telling me this stupid idea of not being able to understand my true feelings.. But… I loved him.. What was there to think about? Didn’t he said that it was love at first sight? (That’s what his “This is it!” meant, as he later told me)…

I heard the doorbell ring.. I went to see who was it.. I opened the door and saw Joon Myun in a black suit, moving his hands nervously, waiting for me.. I asked him what was he doing here, instead of being with the boys at the show..

He got inside and hugged me tightly.. Like.. tightly.. I could hardly breath.. I tried to push him away, but kind of difficult.. Since when did he get so strong??

Me: “Yah.. Joon Myun!!”

Joon Myun: “Shh.. ”

And then.. thanks to this sweet author-nim (stay away from her stories, or you’ll suffer from the too-sweet-to-be-true chronic pain.. mind my word!!!!) I got to hear this word that made my entire world vanish into a deep darkness.. “SARANGHAE!!”

-end of flashback-

And yes.. here I am.. one girl in the mix of two love stories.. Trying to clean up the mess in my heart and realise what do I really want.. And of course, this time destiny (I’m watching you author-nim!) doesn’t help me too much..

I’ve decided to step away and not talk with the boys, at least not until I could just clear my mind and soul and get to that point where I can proudly say I know what my feelings are..

And all this flashbacks didn’t do much.. I mean.. well.. I’ve remembered my childhood, my first true friendship, my first love, my.. Wait a minute! Wait a minute! (why do these words sound familiar??).. My first love.. Who was it?? Luhan?? Was he really the one that made me feel that I could face the world no matter what, as long as he was near? Or..

I stood up and ran to the door.. I went to my laptop and searched on the internet for the boys’ schedule.. Oh.. nothing today?? Damn.. I took out my phone.. Who was I going to call?? Never mind that.. I got out of the house..

I might have a chance to meet him at his company.. I took a taxi.. Damn it was moving slowly.. Finally I got there.. I’ve asked this sweet lady about him.. She told me they had a rehearsal.. I ran to the 2^nd floor.. I got in front of the room.. Wait.. Am I sure?? What if I’m going to do a stupid thing??

While I was asking myself if this was the good way, someone opened the door.. I was now glaring at Joon Myun, while he looked surprised seeing me there.. I just felt the need to hug him…. So I did..

Me: “I LOVE YOU! I REALLY LOVE YOU!”

He hold me tight, nodding. The other boys stopped the dancing, looking at us.. And there was Luhan, in the back (how are you gonna solve this one author-nim???)… I kept calling Joon Myun’s name, asking him to forgive me for being so blind..

Joon Myun: “Shh.. it’s ok..”

He wiped my tears and smiled.. I could have just stayed there with him, but.. there was one thing I needed to do.. I went to Luhan.. He stood up and waited for me to speak.. Since I didn’t know how to start, he decided to go first..

Luhan: “I am glad you finally realised it..”

Me: “What??”

Luhan: “I’ve been noticing this for quite a long time… Still I thought I might win your heart.. But.. a part of me knew from the very beginning that it was impossible since you were destined to be with him..”

Me: “Aren’t you upset??”

Luhan: “It did hurt a little… But.. Your happiness is more important, little sunshine!”

I’ve thanked him for everything, while he messed up my hair gently.. I looked back at Joon Myun.. He was smiling like he never did before.. Can you imagine I’ve been loving this stupid scared baby all this time??

I let them do their practice and I head off to my house, waiting for Joon Myun.. It was such a nice day.. So sunny.. So windy.. Yah.. Author-nim.. you aren’t that bad you know?? Well not really my favourite one, but..

OUCH!! What was that for?? Why didn’t you tell me the post was in my way?? Oh.. um.. sorry author-nim.. Tell ya a secret? I totally love this story you’ve made for me! Hm.. not very impressed, are you? Well.. now.. seriously.. thank you so much! For giving me the opportunity to be loved by such a sweet and gentle boy.. I am so blessed to have Joon Myun in my life!

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Hope you like it! Please continue to love and support EXO! Thank you for reading! God bless you all!