63) 'Love never loses hope'

The soft voice kept calling me.. I was looking around, trying to spot something in that dreadful darkness.. I felt lost.. actually I didn’t feel much.. As if.. I was no more.. but I was walking.. I was breathing.. or at least I thought so..

I was waiting for something… or maybe someone… to help me, to tell me what to do next.. to tell me what is going on.. to just talk with me.. to not let me feel alone.. I didn’t like the darkness.. I’ve always had this fear whenever I’ll be outside during night time… and here I was, all by myself.. just my thoughts to keep me company…

I felt the need to revive some moments of my life, as if this was what I should do… I tried to remember my childhood, my parents, all those tiny details that make your life meaningful.. But nothing came.. everything was stuck in the thick web of past..
 
Then there was my teenage time.. a little more clear, yet far away to actually feel those memories close to my heart.. however.. there was one.. perfectly shaped inside my head, always there to never let me forget how it changed my life… that moment.. when I’ve met him..

I could just see the bookstore and myself wandering around, fascinated about all those titles, colours, about the overall atmosphere.. I’ve always liked books.. Nothing better to erase that stupid sadness on a late afternoon..

I wanted to buy this one book that my friend kept telling me about.. A story about a powerful love that would unite two souls in such way that none could go on if the other was gone.. I was touching the books, while reading the titles, when I bumped into someone.. actually.. he did..

We both fell on the floor.. For the next seconds, there was this stupid movie like moment, when the protagonists get stucked in that eye contact which is the first sparkle of a new bond.. But this was reality.. yet.. I couldn’t deny that I was blown away thanks to those eyes that seemed like smiling..

He had such an innocent face.. His hair was brown, kind of fluffy, which made me wanna touch it, play with it.. He stood up and helped me also, asking for forgiveness all this time..

Me: “It’s ok.. Don’t worry..”

Boy: “I am sorry.. I was in a rush.. gotta get back to my rehearsal.. I didn’t pay attention, because I was reading a little of this new book I bought, while walking to the exit..”

Me: “Can I see it?”

Boy: “Sure..”

Me: “Oh. .this is the book I’ve been looking for.. where did you find it?”

Boy: “Back there, on the left.. But this was the last one..”

Me: “I see.. hm.. bad luck he he.. I went to every bookstore in the city.. this was my last hope.. maybe they’ll bring more in the next weeks..”

Boy: “So sorry about that..”

Me: “Nah.. it’s ok.. well then.. take care!”

Boy: “You also! Bye!”

*

And this is how a little chit chat can change everything in one’s life.. Didn’t happened to you as well, to keep bumping into that person after that little first meet? As if, there was more than a concidence for that to happen..

Few months later, my friend and I were at this fansign event of a new boy band.. She was quite excited, waiting for them like forever.. I.. Well.. I guess I was a good friend.. since I’ve accepted to come along with her..

Nah.. her parents wanted me to not let her alone, since she was still in highschool (still an innocent kid not knowing how to take care of herself as her mother usually tells me) and I was already in college..

I was looking at the posters, trying to recall the boys’ names.. Some of them were easy, such as D.O.. For others it took me a while. Forgot to mention.. I was a foreign student.. so sometimes it was difficult to remember all those Korean names.. But there was one that kept popping out in my head whenever I heard about this band from my friend..

I saw him near the maknae, leaning against the wall, looking down at the floor.. His face seemed rather familiar.. Hm.. in the MV he was quite handsome with that eyeliner.. in fact.. out of the 6 members, he was the only one who caught my attention..

My friend finally got near her bias, which means the one you like the most in a band.. Kai smiled gently and kept talking with her, while signing on the photo she gave him.. I turned my head and saw this boy with fluffy hair smiling to another girl who kept shaking and acting as.. well.. as a fan..

I just felt a little awkward looking at him.. I was damn sure I’ve seen him before.. Couldn’t figure it out where though.. Suddenly he raised his head, looking for someone, when he saw me.. I tried to be polite and smiled.. He kept staring, without any reactions.. Now that was kind of rude..

After the event I took my friend back home.. On the way I realised I’ve lost my phone.. She took the bus and I went back.. The staff members were cleaning the mess.. I kept looking for my phone, asking people about it..

It was quite annoying, since I didn’t really had the money for a new one.. I was about to leave the place, when a car parked nearby and a guy with hat and glasses got out, walking towards me.. He took a black phone out of his pocket and gave it to me..

Me: “Kamsahamnida”

Boy: “Mention not.. glad that I could help you.. this way I kind of made it up.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Boy: “Don’t you recognise me?”

His voice was rather familiar.. He took off his glasses, smiling.. Those eyes.. he was the guy from the bookstore.. He was.. oh my.. he was an idol?

Me: “Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun: “He he.. you know me..”

Me: “Well.. nowadays a lot of people know you.. Thanks for the phone..”

Baekhyun: “You’re welcome.. Take care! Bye!”

He got in the car, waving.. Now this was a strange day in my life.. So that’s why I liked the MV.. Because of those eyes.. Because I knew him.. I heard my phone ringing, looked at the caller’s id.. Hm.. didn’t know that number, no name either..

Me: “Yeoboseyo?”

Voice: “You never told me your name..”

Me: “Baekhyun.. how come.. why you..”

Baekhyun: “He he.. just wanted to keep in touch.. Hope you don’t mind.. btw.. your wallpaper is quite hot..”

I tried not to laugh.. ha ha.. yeah my wallpaper.. nothing too fancy.. just an eyeliner butterfly captured in the middle of a powerful debut song..

*

Little by little, we got close to each other.. Whenever he had time, he would call me and we would speak for hours.. then.. the calls became dates.. I would mostly go to their company because we couldn’t actually see each other in public..
 
He would sometimes visit me, which made my friend go crazy.. She would keep asking about the band and Kai.. I couldn’t do much about that..

I was living with her family, so she would always be around.. Baekhyun was so nice, he never got upset with her over exaggerated fangirling mood..

His behaviour, his words, his personality.. every little detail involving him made me love him more and more everyday.. I don’t know how I got to feel like that.. maybe it has always been there.. but I knew that my life was not moving on with the same pace.. My life was now following his steps, pushing me slowly in his life, making me part of it..

I loved him very much and I didn’t mind to be always a shadow, hiding myself.. as if I didn’t even exist in his life.. in the end, his career was what mattered right now.. His dream.. I now remember another moment of my life, one that made me feel guilty..

There was this girl, Baekhyun’s childhood friend, who had a serious problem with me.. I didn’t really bother to react to her accusations and stuff, but one day, a little chat would shake all my confidence.. She called and asked to meet me for a dinner..

I got there few minutes before she appeared.. I was talking with Baekhyun, while she looked around for me.. She then got near me and sat of the chair in front.. I kept listening to what she was saying.. In a way, I knew she was right, but a part of me wouldn’t agree with everything.. yet I said nothing at first..

Girl: “This is ridiculous.. you’re going to give him hard times.. when the media finds out about you.. ah.. just imagine.. you’re not even from this country.. You’re a foreigner.. what’s more.. you’re older than him… ha.. just think about the fans.. All that hatred you’ll receive.. you won’t be able to even get outside of the house..”

Me: “Why are you telling me this? This could also happen to you..”

Girl: “Well.. unlike you I…”

Me: “Listen.. I know you love him and I am sorry for getting in your way.. Had I knew I wouldn’t be here today.. but I can’t do anything about it.. I love him very much and he loves me..”

Girl: “Are you sure? When he’ll understand how difficult this will turn out, he’ll leave you for sure.. You should better just go on with your life and forget him.. You’re not good for him.. You’ll only bring sadness in his life.. If you really love him.. you should let him live his dream, as I did.. ”

I kept thinking at all she said.. Of course.. Who was I? Why did I keep bothering him, distracting him from his work? What was there to give to him? We were from two different worlds.. He was an idol, I was a simple girl… Even our nationalities were a thing to consider.. Wouldn’t people criticise us?

Why should I let him feel all that pressure from the media and fans? Who gave me the right to hurt him in such way? What if he’ll lose his confidence, seeing that his talent is not recognised anymore as it used to be? No… I had to get away..

I didn’t even had the courage to talk to him.. I sent a letter.. Wondered how he reacted? Well.. all those phone calls I’ve received and the times he came to visit me might answer your question.. I’ve not let him see me, but I've spoken with him once and told him that this was the best thing to do.. I wanted him to be happy and live his dream..

Since I finished my college, there was nothing more to do.. I had to go back home, find a job and support my family.. He had to carry on with his dream and work hard to be a great artist.. The  comeback with that new exciting song was very important for his band.. He had to focus on that.. I had to go.. We had to walk on different paths..

*

This was my last day of staying at my friend’s house.. She made this day one of the most beautiful I’ve spent with her and her family.. I really appreciated everything these people have done for me in the past years.. without them, I don’t know how I would have managed to live here, all alone in a foreigner country..

Before getting to the airport, I just had to see him, one last time.. Since it was evening, I went to their dorms.. I kept staring at his window.. I couldn’t move forward.. I was crying.. I didn’t know what to do… Maybe it was better to just leave..

Someone turned out the lights.. I could see him coming near the window, holding  a book.. He looked outside the window and saw me.. I got panicked and ran.. He came after me, grabbing my arm to make me stop..

Baekhyun: “Were you going to leave? Just like that?”

Me: “Mianhae.. I..”

Baekhyun: “At least I deserve to bid you farewell, don’t I?”

Me: “I thought it was better if you will not see me..”

Baekhyun: “Lately you’ve been thinking a lot about us, without even bothering to ask what I want..”

Me: “Let’s not talk about this again.. You know this is the right way..”

Baekhyun: “No.. this is your way..”

Me: “I believe this is the best thing to do… Well.. please take care of yourself and keep up the good work..”

Baekhyun: “That was the coldest comment someone could make before leaving forever.. Hope you’ll be happy! I’ll never forget you!”

We shaked hands, saying goodbye.. I then head off to the car, in which my friend’s dad was, trying to be calm, wipping my tears.. I felt the need to look at him so I’ve turned.. He was crying, walking slowly on the street..

I had. .. I just had to hug him.. I needed his warmth.. I needed him.. Don’t know how it happened.. I was just walking towards him when I saw it.. he was in its way.. I just remember pushing him, then.. I woke up in this darkness..

*

There was still no one around to help me out.. I was still alone, walking slowly, while that soft voice kept mumbling… I wondered what was it saying.. I could just hear my name every now and then.. Where was he? Why wasn’t I able to see him?

I’ve answered his calling to see whether he’ll be able to hear me.. My voice faded quickly in the dark.. I could then see a little sparkle in front of me.. I began walking faster, hopping I’ll find someone there.. the sparkle became bigger and bigger, transforming in an unsual light with blue reflections..
 
I could feel peaceful while near the light.. I wanted to touch it, but someone told me to stop.. I turned around to see who was it.. Why wouldn’t he let me get there? Maybe there was something better for me.. Something that I needed.. I had to go there.. Why wouldn’t I?

Who was the one that kept telling me to step back? Why did his voice sound so familiar? Why did my heart feel so heavy? Why was I loosing my breath? Why couldn’t I move? Why was I feeling so tired? What was he saying? I tried to listen better, while enduring the sudden pain that spread in my whole body: “Don’t leave me, my love!”

Leave? Why would I leave? No.. I’ll never leave you.. I’ll forever be by yourside.. I’ll love you and protect you.. I don’t need that light.. I don’t wanna go there.. I want to be with you.. Keep talking and guide me to get to you.. Help me.. Love me.. Bring me back to you..

Me: “Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun, crying: “My love.. Finally! ”

He kept kissing me and calling out my name, laughing while tears would fall one after another.. I looked around, seeing all those white walls.. That pain was getting stronger.. I could now feel every part of my body .. Then that meant.. I was alive.. I came back.. He brought me back..

Baekhyun: “Don’t you ever do that stupid thing again! Why did you pushed me? I was supposed to be here.. not you..”

Me: “Shh.. you talk too much..”

Baekhyun: “Promise me you’ll never leave me..”

Me: “You.. want.. a pinky promise?”

Baekhyun, laughing: “Yes.. pinky promise.. ah.. I love you very much!”

Me: “I know.. but I love you more..”

Baekhyun: “Yes you do.. but it took you a while to figure that out..”

Me: “Kind of.. it was difficult to think with your voice all over in that darkness..”

Baekhyun: “Darkness?”

Me: “I was all alone… You called me back.. Your love did..”

He took my hand in his and kissed it gently.. I could feel so calm, when he was near.. I would never leave him.. I can’t.. I need him, more than anything..

*

“She thought this was the best way.. She wanted him to be happy.. Yet she didn’t know that this stubborn attitude could hurt him more.. He needed her to fight this cruel life.. She was now near the end, yet he stood by her, making her turn back.. Love formed such a powerful bond, that she couldn’t leave, because he wouldn’t resist without her.. Together they were one.. separated they were nothing.. Now, everything was ok.. They were again united.. and that will last forever. ”

I closed the book, looking at the sunlight, while crying slowly.. He came near and hugged me, asking me what happened..

Me: “Hm.. nothing.. I just.. I wondered if things would have been different had I read the book earlier..”

Baekhyun: “Maybe it was meant this way..”  

Me: “Indeed.. I had to go through all this to realise that I need you.. And no matter how hard it will be, I’ll never give up again..”

Baekhyun: “You can’t even if you would like to..”

Me: “Why not?”

Baekhyun: “Because you made a pinky promise..”

We both started to laugh.. I did.. And I was going to keep that promise forever… I will never again leave him.. I’ll be his support and reason to fight.. I’ll forever be there for him..  I’ll love my sweet eyeliner butterfly until eternity will lose its meaning..
 

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Hope you liked it! Please continue to love and support EXO! Thank you for reading! God bless you all!