Taeyeon’s room is awfully quiet, never before they are feeling this painful to be in the same room together with the love of her life without a word, never before.

After Taeyeon saw her girlfriend in front of the kitchen’s door, she dragged the blonde to her room, giving them space to talk, just the two of them. And even they already had privacy still none of them can even utter a word.

They are sitting on the couch inside Taeyeon’s room, both are sitting in different side. Jessica is sitting on the single couch, and Taeyeon is sitting on the larger one. Both of them are obviously avoiding each other’s eyes.

After a long silence, Jessica’s eyes gazed on Taeyeon, but the petite woman seems to stare anywhere but Jessica’s.

But they both know, that no matter how long they’re avoiding this, in the end, they have no choice but to talk this out. They do.

 

“..aren’t you going to explain?” Jessica voiced, eyes staring to the front after a glance on her girlfriend.

“..didn’t you have enough of that just now?” Taeyeon replied carefully, obviously doesn’t really want to push things deeper. Maybe she doesn’t want Jessica to dig things deeper because she is afraid of what might come, or simply, she is scared of losing the blonde, someone she loves.

But somehow, when things goes bad, words spoken not much, in the end, misunderstanding rises, and people screwed things up even more.

Jessica’s jaws tightened, definitely doesn’t like how Taeyeon answered her. She is mad. Jessica obviously does. And Taeyeon does nothing good to make it better.

So instead of staying there and throwing her tantrum blindly, Jessica stood up from the couch, ready to leave her girlfriend’s room. But Taeyeon is quick to catch Jessica’s arm.

“..do-don’t leave..” Taeyeon spoke “..please..”

Jessica escaped another sigh, sitting back on her seat, on the couch “..if you want me to stay, you better give me something more than enough..” she said, arms folded on her chest, eyes not meeting Taeyeon’s anymore.

“..i—I don’t know whe-where should I start..”

“You kept things from me..”

“I have reason..” Taeyeon swiftly answered.

“Enlightened me..”

“..I love you, Sica..”

“And how does it related with this?”

“I am scared to lose you..”

“You might already--..”

“Don’t..” Taeyeon cut, holding Jessica’s hand tightly, afraid if she ever let it go, she won’t ever see the blonde anymore “don’t say that, please..”

“You said you love me..”

“I do.”

“But you don’t trust me.”

“Sica, you loves Sooyoung.. and you always do.. and I was afraid if you choose her than me..”

Jessica meets Taeyeon’s eyes, she is hurt when Taeyeon said that “..i was in the park when I first met Sooyoung.. I was playing alone because none of the other kids would play with me.. they’re scared of me..” she whispered “..but Sooyoung came, grinning.. she asked if she could play with me..”

“..Sooyoung is the first person who is not afraid of me.. she hold my hand, running all over the park.. and even scolded any other kids who doesn’t want to play with me.. she is acting like my big sister when I am older than her..” Jessica chuckled softly when her eyes lost in the memories “..in the end, she got all of the kids in the park to play with us..”

“I didn’t even know if she was sick that time..” Jessica mumbled “..it was less than an hour when she got her asthma attack, fainted..”

“And there is just too much of what I could tell you right now.. 10 years, Tae.. and you have no idea what kind of things she has been doing for me..” Jessica spoke, her eyes meet Taeyeon’s “..she makes me feel special.. and she makes sure that I know that I am..”

“Now, tell me what’s not to love about her?”

“She is always there when I need her.. and always even when I never say anything..” Jessica said “..she is my bestfriend, my sister, and my first love..”

 “That’s what I am scared of.. you have so much with her that I can’t compete with..”

“You should put more confident into yourself..” Jessica spoke “more faith in us..”

“I might loved Sooyoung so much, I might have her in my eyes only..” Jessica added “..but I have you now.. I have us, Tae..”

“I used to see Sooyoung alone, and only her..” Jessica said “..but you came and change how I see things, people..”

“Tae, you make me realized that there are others things that I need to have my eyes on.. more important for my happiness..” Jessica said “..when I am with you, I am happy..”

“Sooyoung is someone I won’t stop loving..” Jessica said “..because, I want her there.. in my life..” Jessica’s tears fall “..and I want her forever..”

Taeyeon’s heart crushed when she heard that words from her girlfriend’s lips, but what comes after hurt her even more.

“..I want her to be someone I can introduce to the person who I am going to live forever with..” Jessica whispered softly “someone who I can share my experience with the person I love.. someone who can scolded me when I am being too stubborn and hurt the person I love.. someone—someone who can give me advice when I screwed things up with you..”

“..Sica..” Taeyeon called brokenly. But Jessica pulled her hand from Taeyeon’s grip.

“..i loved her Sooyoung so much that I used to think that I want to spend my life with her only.. that’s before you came..” Jessica voiced “I never thought having someone to screw up my dream can make me so happy and opened about my surrounding..” she whispered softly “..i want to live forever with you..”

“..I--..”

“But you don’t even trust me..” Jessica cut.

“Sorry..” Taeyeon mumbled brokenly in tears “..i’m really sorry.. I shouldn’t kept things from you.. but I was scared, stupid.. Sica, give me a change to fix this, please?”

“..we should take a break..”

Taeyeon’s eyes widened in fear “no!” she swiftly answered, now, she is grown more than just scared. Because she screwed things, and Jessica is going to walk away “please.. let’s give this another try..”

“I’ve never been good with this..” Jessica mumbled “I used to fail to confess and express my feeling to Sooyoung.. and now, even you..”

“Sica, please--..”

“I can’t understand this.. I thought we’re fine.. I thought we’re happy..”

“I am happy.. Sica--..”

“I just know that relationship will go nowhere when we never talked it out..” Jessica spoke quietly “and you did that, Tae..”

“I was about to talk this out with you.. i—I swore, Sica!”

“But you didn’t…”

“Sica, please..”

“Let’s give us time..”

“I don’t--..”

“Until then, we might can learn to trust each other more..” Jessica cut, standing from the couch “or decided to walk in our separate ways..” and that’s the last words Jessica said before she stepped out from Taeyeon’s room in tears, leaving the petite woman there in tears.

They both are in tears.

They fell.. but without someone to catch them..

They’re shattered.

-----

 

“..Yoona, do you want to go somewhere?” Jonghyun asked, he has been driving his car with Yoona on the passenger’s seat for hours already without any talk, without the tall woman telling him where to go, and without any word.

“..anywhere..” Yoona mumbled, her gaze lost though the window glass.

Yoona’s gaze locked though the window that she realized it was wet by raindrops. It starts raining, drops to drops, drizzling, and in no time, the drizzling rain got hard.

“It’s getting late..” jonghyun said “at least eat something before I drive you home..”

Yoona lifted her phone, there are more than 30 missed calls already and few massages. It’s almost pass noon. Yes, it’s indeed already late.

“Babe, where are you? are you coming? Are you okay?”

“Babe, call me please, now.”

“Yoona, where are you? are you home? I am seriously so worried. You better give me a call before I call the police.”

“Yoona, are you home? Call me when you’re home so that I can go home now.”

“Yoona, I swore I won’t take a step from your college’s gate before you call me..”

And there are still a lot of them on Yoona’s phone.

College’s gate? Sooyoung is still at her college?

No way. It’s late, and raining. Why should Sooyoung still there in her college?

After Yoona left the café across her college, she didn’t even look back. She left with Jonghyun when the tall man offered to drive her home. But Yoona has no intend to go home.

But somehow, she is worried.

“..can you drive pass our college?”

“Hmm?” Jonghyun glanced on the tall women who got silence after uttering her words “..sure..” he said.

 

Sooyoung is standing in front of the college’s gate ever since her lunch. Yuri even offered her for a company. But Sooyoung kindly rejected, to avoid any misunderstanding with her wife.

And so, there she is, after going around Yoona’s college over and over again, asking here and there to some students if by any change they see the familiar latter around, but Sooyoung got nothing.

It was when she is tired, that Sooyoung decided to wait just in front of the gate, knowing that wherever Yoona still inside, she won’t miss her wife for the brunette will obviously walked pass the gate if they want to go out.

Minutes passed, till it turned to hours.. but Yoona didn’t show up still, enough to feed Sooyoung with worry and fear..

But after the countless afford to call her wife and massages, none of them were returned by her wife. none.

And it started raining when Sooyoung frowns, and more when the drizzling turns into hard rain.

“..stupid rain..” Sooyoung mumbled, shoving both her hands into her pockets, her body shivering in cold, and her chest painfully afford for air.

 

“Did you forget something?” Jonghyun asked, driving slowly as they’re close to their college.

“..hmm..” and Yoona is really not tin the mood to talk “..i just need to--..” and she swore, her heart fell right when she saw the shadow of a familiar woman in front of the college’s gate, her eyes widened in fear “stop the car!”

“Hmm?”

“I said, stop the car!” Yoona said impatiently.

And no matter how confused he is, Jonghyun stopped the car across the college, just in front of the café.

Yoona doesn’t even wait when she already opened the door, stepping out from the car, running under the rain.

“Yoona! Hey! You can get—aish!”

 

Yoona ran, and she stopped right in front of the taller woman.

“What the hell are you doing?! Are you crazy?!”

“Yoona?” Sooyoung’s frowned faded, changing into a smile when she saw her wife, ignoring the scolding “where have you been? Why you came from there? and why you--..”

“Yoona, at least take the umbrella, you can get sick!”

And it’s enough to faded Sooyoung’s smile when a tall man is running his way to their spot with an umbrella in his grip. Even so, both woman are already way too drenched for the umbrella.

And Yoona swore, never once in her life that she got that scared before.

“..oh, Sooyoung-shi? What are you doing here?” he smiled politely.

Sooyoung glanced on the tall man, before she shifted to Yoona “..is this why you’re now coming to our lunch?”

“Lunch?” Jonghyun asked, brows knitted, glancing over the silence woman.

“..so I am just like anybody else?” Sooyoung’s voice stuttered in the cold air “..nothing?”

But Yoona can’t even voice any words. She is staring at Sooyoung, and all she sees is pain.

And Jonghyun knows it better that he doesn’t supposed to talk, at least not now.

“..is it fun? Playing me? watching me waiting for you here like a fool?”

“No! I—I..”

“I might be in love with you, Yoona.. but doesn’t mean you can play me..” Sooyoung’s voice cracked, biting her lower lip to prevent her tears from falling, feeling a little grateful that there is this stupid rain to hide her tears.

Sooyoung is indeed broken, she is hurt, upset, and obviously disappointed and really, really jealous. But she is done admitting things to her wife, when Yoona doesn’t even bother about it. or that’s how she thought.

And it drained the hell out of Yoona. But no matter how much she tried to, no word even escaped her lips. None.

“..sorry for disturbing..” Sooyoung muttered lowly. Standing under the rain this long took every strength of her “..just continue your date..” she added before she left. Leaving with a broken heart, shattered.

Leaving her wife standing there, frozen.

They both are obviously in tears. But the rain is doing its good to hide it from each other.

Sooyoung might a little be grateful that this stupid rain she cursed just now can hide her tears from letting her wife to see how stupid can she gets even more. Crying for someone who stepped away from her for another man?

Yoona is falling sitting when she doesn’t even care wherever it is. She is in tears. Never once in her life she feels this helpless before, this hopeless, this broken.. she is crying when she even already forget when the last time she did that stupid things.

 

They’re all getting cold under the rain, too numb for pain, but it’s everywhere. Too stubborn to apologize, but pride messed things up. Too broken to see things, but who can be blamed.

They fell, harder than how they expected to be.

Frozen. And just like how it happened on every frozen things, when they fall, they’re shattered..

 

In the end, they’re all just fell and shattered..