I blink my eyes a few times and shift in my bed, groaning when the bright morning sun hits my face. I look around my room, the feeling of something off bubbling deep in my stomach. It's my old room, my old bed and old things. The room now belongs to Yongguk and Himchan, so why am I here? I brush off the idea as quickly and as easily as the wind, toss back my blankets, slip on a sweater and walk down the stairs.

 

Last night was a whole bunch of fun and I remember every aspect of it. The dance, the crowning, the wonderful walk in the moonlight-

 

"Good morning sweetie." A soft voice greets me as I enter the kitchen. I snap my head to see who it is as the awfully familiar voice brings back pain and memories. "Did you want toast with you eggs or not?" My father asks, standing before the burning stove with his old apron.

 

When I was younger, my father liked to pretend to be my mother at times. He'd increase the pitch of his voice and walk around like a woman, purely for our amusement. When he cooked, he'd wear an old apron with a picture of a dandelion field beneath a cloudless sky. We'd both agreed the sun was missing so with a black marker and a yellow marker, we drew a sun with super cool shades. When he died, I put the apron in my box of memories and hid it in my closet, taking it out every once in a while when I felt down.

 

I chuckle humourlessly to myself. "Oh, so this is just a dream." I smile dryly, a few tears falling from my eyes.

 

"He-Jin, are you alright?" My father drop his spatula and rushes over to me, pulling my hands away from my face and gently wiping the fallen tears with his thumb.

 

"Dad," I push his hands away and step back. "Don't do this. I just got over your death." Tears well up again, "don't make me miss you even more..."

 

"My death- sweetie, what on earth are you talking about?" My father looks at me with a bewildered expression.

 

"I need to wake up from this nightmare." I raise my hand and bring it down on my face, the sound of my palm slapping against my cheek echoing in my ears. I rub my cheek and look around. "Guess I didn't do it hard enough." I raise my hand again and being it down when something catches it and I'm spun around.

 

"Why are you slapping yourself?" Yongguk asks, an eyebrow raised in the air as well as my hand.

 

"I'm trying to wake up from this dream." I answer bluntly, yanking my wrist out of his grip. I look between the two men with a stern expression. "This is just a dream 'cause you died," I point to my dad, "and you should be busy fixing you alien gadgets."

 

The two men look at me like I'm insane. I sigh and sit them down. After an hour and a half, I explain everything. The moment my father died, the matoki spaceship, the dance, everything. Why am I explaining myself to a dream? It's not like I'm forced or that it's necessary, but I have this urge to tell them, like how you'd tell an amazing story to someone close to you.

 

"I have honestly no clue what you're talking about." Yongguk says and walks over to sit beside me on the couch.

 

"I do." My father stands up and straightens his apron. "He-Jin, you were in a coma for a few months after a serious car crash. You were discharged last night and as soon as we came home, you fell right back to sleep."

 

I sit on my chair, frozen at the thought. My father never died, the matokis never came... Did I even graduate? The dance, the pond, the bridge, all of it was my imagination, triggered by my comatose. I touch my neck and feel the absence of the beautiful necklace. I look up at Yongguk.

 

"Then who are you?"

 

"I'm your boyfriend."

 

"How come I don't remember that?"

 

"The doctor said you might suffer from memory loss," my father says.

 

"... Is there a Daehyun, Himchan, Jongup, Zelo and Youngjae?" Yongguk nods and I let out a sigh. "So, most of what I remember is pretty much a lie? What grade am I in?"

 

"You graduated high school four years ago."

 

"Oh..."

 

"Why don't I take her out today. There might be something that refreshes her memory." Yongguk says to my father and he nods in response.

 

•  •  •

 

"And this is where you work." Yongguk points to the tall building before us. Floor the ground floor up, the building is covered in glass windows, reflecting the fluffy clouds in the sky. A merry-go-round-like door thingy is the entrance to the expensive looking front foyer. I know this building perfectly and a smile tugs at my lips at the realization. Yongguk pushes the door and leads me inside. He presses the button labeled '20' in the elevator and we go up in style.

 

"He-Jin!" A woman gasps as the elevator doors open. "I'm so glad to see you again!" She wraps her arms around me and hugs me with surprising strength. 

 

"H-HyoJae?" I stutter and the woman lets go, wiping a tear from her eyes.

 

"As I've always been!" She smiles and a man comes up behind her.

 

"Jiyong." Yongguk grits his teeth.

 

"Ah, it's wonderful to see you again, Yongguk. I always said that every once in a while, something ugly with have to come and corrupt my paradise." Jiyong retorts with a smug look on his face. He looks down at me and smiles genuinely. "It's great to see you again, He-Jin." He leans down and kisses my forehead before turning around and walking away.

 

"The boss will love to see you again," HyoJae says as we walk towards the office on the other side of the room. "His new secretary is annoying him, not matter how well she gets the job done." Hyo knocks on the door twice before opening it.

 

Kris sits in the chair with the most annoyed expression etched on his face and killing intent dripping off of him like water after a shower. A woman sits on his desk and plays with his hair, a lustful smile on her lips and the skimpiest clothing on her body. Kris looks at me, hope, relief and escape flashes across his face as he jumps up from his chair, grabs my hand as he passes by and drags our group back to the elevator, hastily pressing the 'close doors' button.

 

"You don't know how relieved I am to see you again," Kris sighs deeply.

 

•  •  •

 

"You can't fire her because your father won't let you until I return?" I ask, the dripping sides of my ice cream cone. Kris nods and takes another bite of his apple. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

 

Kris looks at me and nods again. "You remember Jamie, right?"

 

"Yes, in a different way, but yes."

 

"Look, that's the restaurant you worked at when you were still in high school." Yongguk points across the street where Han stands outside and greets the people entering. He waves at me before heading inside.

 

"I remember the restaurant and him." I say quietly. Yongguk's hand closes around mine and he smiles, leaning down to take an un-welcomed bite of my ice cream.

 

"I wish my boyfriend were here," Hyo sighs, taking a small bite of her ice cream sandwich.

 

"Youngjae, right?"

 

"Yep!"

 

•  •  •

 

"He-Jin, I'm going to the grocery tonight. Wanna come?" My father asks, slipping on his shoes and grabbing the keys.

 

"Sure!" I says excitedly. To be honest, I don't remember most of the day, and the fabricated world I created while in a coma seems more real than this, more possible. The only reason I don't believe so is the fact that Matokis don't actually exist and neither does the necklace. The world I am in now is the real world and the world I once knew is fake.

 

"I need to check up on Zelo to see if he's doing okay." Yongguk says to my father before running upstairs and coming back with a sweater.

 

"We'll be back at eight." And with that, my father and I drive away.

 

We get to the grocery and I hop out first. I turn back to my dad, but he remains in the car. 

 

"I forgot the coupons. You stay here and I'll go back and get them." My father starts the engine and drives out of the parking lot.

 

This situation seems all too familiar. A terrible feeling boils in my gut and my breathing becomes uneven. My clothes become baggier and I look down. I'm no longer in my casual clothes and now in my high school uniform. I watch in horror as my father drives away while a truck loses control and heads towards him with incredible speed. My father's car turns to the right, but it's too late. The truck and the car collide and in a matter of minutes, a huge explosion erupts from the ruins.

 

Now I remember.

 

It's the same as two years ago.

 

This whole time, this was a dream, an ideal world fabricated from my subconscious. I was free from the pain and still had my family and the people I love beside me. It kept up well until a similar situation arose and my mind went into over drive; it couldn't sort out what I wanted and what actually happened and ended up mixing my ideal world with my memory. My father did die,  I did fall into a state of depression, I did hurt myself, I did get better. The matokis do exist, I do have a dog named Casey, I did throw insults with Yongguk like a professional tennis match, I did graduate, I did go to prom a few days ago, I did fall in love.

 

My lungs constrict and I sit up in my bed, covered in sweat and crying. My blankets have been thrown off the bed and my pillow missing. I swing my legs over and cry into my arms. I haven't had a memory dream like that in months and why now of all times. I heave and gasp for air and stand up, stumbling over to the picture of my father and I on my dressing table. Before I reach it, my knees giveaway and I fall to the floor, crying at both the reality that is and the dream that once was.

 

"He-Jin," says a deep voice from the other side of my door. It creaks open as Yongguk comes into view. As soon as he sees me, he swings the door open and rushes to me side. He scoops me up in his arms and sits down on the bed, wrapping his arms around me and allowing me to cry on his shoulder. 

 

"He-Jin, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

 

"I... I just had a dream." I sob, slowly calming down in his arms. "It was so real it still hurts."

 

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

 

"... It was where my father didn't die and you lived with us. I was in a coma for a while and lost a lot of my memories. This world was something I fabricated during the comatose and you showed me around, hoping to bring back my memories. Later that evening, my father and I went to the grocery, but he dropped me off to get some things from home. A truck crashed into his car and exploded, killing him." My tears fall again and my body shakes with strain. "It was just like the time he died."

 

Yongguk wipes away the tears with his thumb and and holds my left hand, pulling back the corset's ribbon and exposing my scared wrists. I was touched that he made it so it'd cover them, since I'm used to wearing long sleeves. He looks back up at me and smiles.

 

"No matter which reality you believe in, I will always be by your side."

 

I hug him one final time before standing up to wash my face. Yongguk leans on the bathroom doorframe as I do so. 

 

"I have one more thing to say." He says, handing me a towel. "Don't think you can escape by leaving the country. Just because we aren't human, doesn't mean we can't come along. Of course, there are ways to follow you without a hassle, but considering you're a goody-two-shoes girl, I decided to do things the right way."

 

I turn to look at him and my head to the side. "What do you mean 'the right way?'" I know full well what he's talking about when he says leaving the country. I was going to rethink the idea since the matokis can't come along, but if he has an idea, I'm all ears.

 

"I invited some people over." 

 

"Who?"

 

"The Korean government, who thought it's be wise to bring the Agency of Extraterrestrial Affairs along as well." Yongguk smirks and leaves the bathroom.

 

"YOU DID WHAT?!" I scream, running after him.

 

"How else are we supposed to get official korean passports?" He shrugs. I follow him down the stairs to walk straight into a group of chatter.

 

"H-hello." I say to the group of suit and sunglasses wearing men and women in my living room. There are around 20 or so here and a few more in the kitchen. The rest are in the back.

 

"D-does anyone want some coffee?"

 

They all raise their hands.

 

•  •  •

 

"Yes, I promise we'll show up tomorrow morning." I say to the last government agent, trying desperately to hide the exhaustion in my voice. I wave good bye and close the door, simple muscle memory walking me to the stairs. Halfway up, my eyes remain half lidded and my hand's grasp on the railing falters, my body weight succumbing to the pull of gravity. A hand rests on my back, stopping me from falling.

 

"Whoa there," Himchan chuckles, standing me up again and carefully leading me the rest of the way up. "It would not be good if you got injured."

 

I nod a thank you and walk the rest of the way to my room. Just before plopping onto my bed, Yongguk walks in and makes himself comfortable, looking at me with one eye.

 

"What do you want?" I snap unintentionally. I groan and walk to my dresser, picking up my tooth brush and pyjamas.

 

"Just wanted to see how you're doing."

 

"Just peachy."  

 

"Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

 

"Oh yeah?" I raise my voice and turn to him, exhaustion slowly being replaced by impatience and annoyance. "You decide to make your presence known without consulting me. I don't care if you matokis talked about it amongst yourselves, but you're apart of my family and you don't spring traps like that! We rely on each other to stand tall and firm." I exhale deeply and rub my eyes. "Just... Tell me next time..." I crawl onto my bed and rest my head on the pillow beside Yongguk.

 

"I am really sorry," he says, caressing my cheek. "I just- when Jongup told me you might be going on vacation without us, I started to panic. I didn't want to bring the subject up at your prom but I wanted to deal with it as soon as possible. I thought that we matokis would have to be revealed sooner or later anyway. And we came in peace, so it shouldn't be so hard."

 

I nod, acknowledging his argument. I hold his hand against my cheek and close my eyes. "I didn't want to ask you this at prom either, but since we're here now, I might as well." I open my eyes and look straight into Yongguk's. "if you were such good and loyal guards and had a pretty good life on Mato planet, why'd you leave and come here?"

 

Yongguk smiles and his muscles relax. "I though you were gonna ask something a bit more of a challenge to answer." I tsk and he continues. "Since we were the royal guards for so long, we were promoted. The other five were given the task of traveling space to find other forms of life on planets similar to our own. We already knew earth existed but we hesitated since we all deemed your race pretty stupid."

 

I hold back the urge to punch him. You don't know how hard it actually is.

 

"Since I was the leader of the other five, I left my duty as the princess's guard and transferred to the B.A.P. team. Our team."

 

"Don't you have to contact your planet?"

 

"Yeah, but our machinery has been down for months. The first things we worked on after completing our ship was the element changer and communication device within the ship."

 

"... Will you... Ever go back?" 

 

Five words. Five simple words strung together in a question hung in my mind for the longest time, trying to force it's way out of the subconscious chain that held it behind an iron door. One question I feared dearly the answer, yet was curious enough to have the need to ask it. An answer that can either lifts my hopes and steadies them on 'the cliff' or push them off into the abyss below, leaving them there to rot and eventually disappear.

 

Yongguk looks into my eyes. He pulls me close and leaves a kiss on my forehead.

 

"I can see the bags under your eyes and the strain in your voice. You should be going to sleep." He sits up and gets off my bed. He tucks me in, whispers good night and leaves the room.

 

The room is filled with an unanswered question that keeps the balance on a sensitive scale. My mind goes into over drive but my body yells at it to shut down, causing my eyes to close and my breathing to slow and become rhythmic.

 

I soon fall asleep with the most important question in the world.

 

And the lack of an answer.

 

_________________