omg you guys, I didn't update for 3 months...AND I"M REALLY SORRY REALLY SORRY :(:(:( so i decided to write again, i was so busy with my university life and i wasn't used to it but now i think my schedule is not really as busy as the first months i entered university, i think i'll keep writing again and try to finish this as soon as possible. I hope you guys would still read and give so much love to this story. Thank you guys for waiting and reading...I don't know how to express this but i'm really grateful to all of my readers and subscribers! I love you all and i'm really sorry for keeping you waiting. Hope you like the update! :)

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Your POV

It was 3am and I suddenly woke up. It's been 3 days since I've been like this. I guess it was because of the stress. Being apart from Jung Soo oppa for the second time was really hurting me a lot. I was drifting apart from my world. I started to smoke again and drank alcohol, way too much. When Ji Hyo found out she was really mad at me and now we haven't talked for 3 days. Beer and cigarettes were the only things that could understand and heal my pain even though it was just for awhile. I guess the kind ____ wasn't here anymore. I became colder to a lot of people and a loner. At work, I often don’t do my work as well as I used to be. Many customers complained that my chocolate cake didn’t taste as delicious as it used to.

I sighed and felt that I need my beer or soju. One of them would do just fine. So I went out from my room and sneakily went to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and saw some bottles of beer and soju. I decided to go with the beer since it has less alcohol than Soju.

"What are you doing?" Without realizing Ji Hyo has been observing me. I was surprised to see her behind me that I almost dropped the beer.

"Oh Ji Hyo...I was just thirsty" I said as I hid the beer behind my back.

"What's that?" Ji Hyo asked coldly as she pointed out the beer I hid. I didn't answer I just shook my head.

"Ya! You! I've told you many times! Stop drinking! For god's sake it's barely 3am now! Are you that depressed? Is Leeteuk the only guy in the world? Get a grip _____!" Ji Hyo yelled at me as she took the beer from my hand and threw it to the trash bin. I know that Ji Hyo had been trying to endure her anger towards Leeteuk and me. She knew I was really hurt but as a friend she couldn’t stand seeing me full of sorrow and in fact that I was starting to drink and smoke just made her more and more furious at me.

"YES! I'm that depressed! And yes he's the only guy in the world for me! I just want to drink what's wrong with that?!! I'm not underage anymore why I couldn't drink? Who are you to tell me that?" My anger burst out and I yelled back at her twice louder without noticing what I said hurt her.

"You're living under my roof! My rules!! And who am I? I'm your kind friend ____-ah! Drinking at time like this could kill you" Ji Hyo yelled back.

"Your roof? We share this apartment!"

"Who cares when I die? No one!" I continued before stormed out from the apartment with tears.

Leeteuk POV.

I woke up and saw the clock and it was 10 am in the morning. I was annoyed because the kids were really noisy. I decided to go check them and then yell at them since they woke me up.

“Ya! Could you guys be quieter?” I yelled at them while scratching my head and yawning. But then the commotion went away, they became quiet as soon as they saw me. I looked at them confusedly and saw there was a girl with them. She was _____’s friend, Ji Hyo.

“Hyung…Sorry hyung…” Sungmin apologized to me but I ignored him as I noticed Ji Hyo was trying to hide her tears.

“Ji Hyo-ssi…” I called her name but she didn’t lift up her head. I looked at our members but they just looked away or looked down trying to avoid my confused gaze.

“Ji Hyo-ssi, what’s happening?” I asked her.

“______...she’s…she’s missing…” She burst into tears again. Missing? What did she mean by missing?

“Missing??? H...how?” I asked her in surprise. My head felt like it had been attacked with rocks. But when I asked Ji Hyo this she just glared at me then I knew it was because of me.

“It was all because of you, we’re fighting and it’s because of you!” Ji Hyo rose up her voice and yelled at me. Everyone in the room was gone into silence so did I. I couldn’t hold it any longer and I had enough. I had to find her and apologized to her. I didn’t care anymore any more what would happen to my career. If I had to leave Super Junior then let it be. The only thing I wanted was to apologize to ______ and being together with her.

I took my jacket, black sunglasses and hat then wore them. I was about to go out to find ____ when my manager stopped me.

“Teuk-ah…” He grabbed my hand and gave me a ‘please don’t’ look on his face.

“Hyung…please…” I begged him. I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t’ care if Lee Soo Man found out and fired me, I just didn’t care.  The only thing I cared was _______.

After a few seconds he let out a deep sighed and finally let go off my hands.

“Go…” He said with a sigh. It seemed that finally my manager could really understand me.

“Hyung…wait” I was about to go when Ryeowook stopped me.

“Donghae is already out to find her hyung…” He continued before I could ask him. My eyes went wider when I heard that Donghae was already out to find her. I decided to ignore what was going on and still went to out to find her.

Author POV.

“_____-ah…where are you?” Donghae muttered to himself as he looked at your cell phone number on his cell phone. Donghae had tried to call your cell phone for several times but he didn’t get any answers from you.

Meanwhile on the other side, Leeteuk was driving his car at full speed. He tried to remember where you would go when you were down but there were a lot of places popped out on his mind. First, he went to his old friend’s restaurant where you used to work but she wasn’t there. Second, he went to Hangang river but you weren’t there either. He looked for you for almost half a day and he didn’t realize the time was already on 9pm. His manager had been calling his cell phones several times and texting him asking where he was but Leeteuk just ignored it. He knew he still had schedules to finish but he didn’t care, the only thing he cared that time was you. Leeteuk drove his car again, tears started to flow from his eyes. He couldn’t lose you again and not again.

Your POV

I didn’t how many hours have passed and I didn’t how many miles I’ve walked but I didn’t feel tired. I decided to stop by at a mini-market near our apartment and bought a cup of warm coffee before headed back to my apartment…or should I say Ji Hyo’s apartment. Today, I went to smaller apartment found affordable rent cost.  Yes, I decided to move out. I think it was the best decision before I moved out to Paris, to think of it…I would not see Jung Soo oppa and his friends anymore, I wouldn’t trouble Ji Hyo anything and I would learn to forget those happy and sad memories I shared with them.

As I walked in to the apartment, I saw Donghae, Ji Hyo, Kyuhyun, some of their managers and…Jung Soo oppa were there. I was about to walked out back since I knew that they were probably looking for me well…except Jung Soo oppa, why would he look for me? He hated me didn't he? But then my plan got ruined when Kyuhyun saw me and called my name.

Author POV

“Noona!!! _____ Noona!!” Kyuhyun called you and ran toward you with Donghae leaving Leeteuk and Ji Hyo alone.

“______-ah! where have you been?” Donghae asked worriedly

“Umm…I was…getting some fresh air…” You stuttered while avoiding their gazes not really expecting that they would be this worry.

“Mwo? Fresh air? Do you know how worried we were? ______-ah you really are something.” Ji Hyo walked toward you and burst out her anger and worry.

“Ji Hyo-ah…” Donghae tried to calm her down but he couldn’t. Ji Hyo was really furious at you.

“Who are you? I don’t even know you anymore. ______ I knew, she doesn’t smoke and drink alcohol like an alcoholic!! Do you know how worried we were? Do you know how these guys worried over you? You went out at 3am then walked back at 10pm and acted like nothing in happened? while we were trying to find you? You're really a....” Ji Hyo raised her tone making people in the lobby noticed you and them. You were surprised when Ji Hyo suddenly told everyone loud out loud about your smoking and drinking habits.

“JI HYO! STOP IT!” you yelled back and tears started to flow out from your eyes. You looked at Leeteuk, he seemed wanted to say about something.

“I’m…I’m moving out to another apartment tomorrow…So you don’t have to worry anymore…I…I’m going first” You continued making Leeteuk couldn't say what he wanted to say. Everyone was in shock state hearing what you just told. You decided to leave them and walked towards the elevator when someone grabbed your wrist and stopped you.

Your POV

“______-ah…” I felt someone held my hand and stopped me. I looked up and saw that Jung Soo oppa was the one who stopped me. I sighed, thinking that Jung Soo oppa now knew how much I’ve been suffering and it was probably because he was just pitying me that was why he stopped you or else he wouldn’t care would he?

“I don’t want your sympathies…” I whispered to him

 As the elevator arrived I let go of his hand and walked in to the elevator. I just don’t want his sympathies….

“Fine, be that way! Be selfish…Take your stuff and go the hell out from my apartment! You're nothing but a surrender” Ji Hyo yelled at me with tears before the elevator door closed. As soon as the elevator closed I buried my head in my hands and cried heavily. It was the first time ever that I had a fight with my own best friend. I didn’t know that things would turn up this way…why did I met Jung Soo oppa again?

I was packing my stuff for hours but I didn’t see Ji Hyo around in our apartment. It seemed that she left after the fight we had in the lobby. It would probably the best since if she was here I didn’t know what would happen to us but one thing I knew, I didn’t want to fight with her and i would apologize to her…god, how I just wanted my life back…The life before Jung Soo oppa asked me to break up our relationship or maybe, the life when we were happily married.

Ding Dong

The front door bell rang. I saw at the clock it was 2am already, I hoped it would be Ji Hyo since I was really worried of her. I ran as fast as I could to the front door without even looking through the visitor screen.

“Oh…Donghae…” I was a bit disappointed when I saw Donghae stood behind the front door with his worried face.

“Why are you here? It’s pretty late Donghae”

“Are…Are you okay?” Donghae asked worriedly and I just nodded.

“Ji Hyo…is staying at her dad’s place until…”

“Until I left right? Sure, I’ll leave tomorrow first thing in the morning. Thank you for the information Donghae” I quickly said to Donghae and I was about to close the door when Donghae stopped me.

“_______-ah…why are you being like this?” Donghae asked again. This question, why am I being like this? I was really tired from answering this question. They, especially Super Junior members should know that the reason why I was being like this was their leader.

“It’s late Donghae-ah…Good night” I sighed before closing the door leaving Donghae alone. I know he was really worried about me. Donghae was the one besides Ji Hyo who always next to me when I was down after I broke up with Jung Soo oppa and I really appreciated that but tonight, I wanted to be alone.

I went back to my room and trying to finish the packing thing so that I could leave this apartment exactly in the morning. It was 4 in the morning and I just finished packing all my stuff. I stretched my back and yawned. I was about to sleep when I heard someone knocked the front door. I heavily woke up from my bed and walked to the front door, I just hoped that it was Ji Hyo.

“Ji…” I was about to apologize to Ji Hyo when I noticed that it was a male not a female, standing in front of me.

“Jung Soo oppa...” It was Jung Soo oppa, I could smell alcohol from him and his eyes were bloodshot eyes. It seemed that he was crying. Jung Soo oppa without my invitation he just straightly went inside the apartment.

“Oppa…wait…” I said but I bumped into him when he suddenly stopped walking.

“So…You’re really moving?” He asked as he saw some boxes of my stuff that were ready to go. I just nodded telling him that I was really moving.

Leeteuk POV

She’s really moving…did I really make you suffering ______? I’m really sorry…but suffering now is better rather than later right? At least time will heal you now and for me…I don’t know what will heal me, for god’s sake I deserve a karma…I made your life turn upside down…I don’t deserve anything…I deserve nothing but pain and guilt.

“Well then…I’m leaving _____. Sorry for bothering you this late…” I said if I stayed here any longer I was afraid that I might told her to stay.

“Huh? Is that all?” I heard ______ scoffed. I raised my one of my eyebrows confused with what she just said. It seemed that she had the ability to read my mind.

“Oppa…if you…If you tell me to stay…then I’ll” _____ said as her eyes now were filled with tears. I sighed and looked away. I couldn’t stand seeing her crying…I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want her to move but if I told her to stay…what would happen? If I told her to stay then there would be no difference, we couldn’t be together again.

“Oppa…This time please…just answer with your heart…Do you…do you still love me?” She asked now with tears flowing through her eyes.

“_____-ah…you know we can’t be together…I’m leaving…Goodnight” I said without looking at her eyes. I was about to walk but then I felt someone hugged me from behind.

“_____-ah...” I wasn't expecting that she would hug me. I tried to control my self and struggle to let go from her hug but I couldn't...and honestly, it just felt good.

“Oppa…please, just 5 minutes…” She said as she buried her face with my back and I felt my t-shirt was getting wet because of her tears. I couldn’t control my self anymore, with her sudden hug she made me lost control. I let go from her hug and faced her, she was still crying. I wiped her tears from her face, she was surprised when I did this. Honestly, I was surprised with my self too. There was a silence between us, she stopped crying and looked directly into my eyes.

“S…Stay…” I couldn’t believe what I just told her. I just...I just told her to stay! I couldn’t do that!!! What would happen if Lee Soo Man found out?