Oh, London, how I've missed you. With the air heavy with a mixture of smoke and car fumes, how could I have missed my home country in the place of Seoul? Easily. I don't know if it was always there or maybe it came later, while I was gone, but there seemed to be a hostility in the air; no matter where I went, I didn't seem to fit in.

I didn't feel accepted. I was a person staring in at a family scene from outside the glass window.

I wanted to go back to Seoul. I wanted to go back to the past. I want to go back to my first day at school, the very first day I met the dorks that were B.A.P and I want to treasure every moment with them. I want to go back in time and fix every single mistake I made. I want to tell myself to be open and honest and never leave them. I want to kiss Daehyun one last time.

Sadly though, I do not possess the ability to time travel and even if I did, I don't know if I could bring myself myself to use it. I had left for their career, and if I had never done that, wouldn't it be in ruins right now?

I strolled down the street, swinging my handbag lightly in rhymth to my footsteps. Everyone was shoving each other, eager to get to where they were going. Everything was so fast paced here. Sure, Seoul was a busy place, but at least the only time you were in danger of being pushed over was when a bus came. Then all hell broke loose.

Here however, you would think a bus was constantly coming and going. I was on my to the only place in London where I knew that I could get some peace and quiet. Some place where I could sit down and lament. I was the only person on the streets walking at a lesisurely pace. The rule here was that even if you were early, you should always rush.

When I finally arrived the park, the birds were chirping overhead in the great oak trees. This was the only place in London that I had ever known the birds to be happy - happy enough to sing a beautiful song.

I sat down a bench adjacent to a small pond. I never knew if the pond was artificial or not. It was just one of those things. You hoped that it wasn't, but more than likely it was . . . or else it was a very large puddle. I never wanted to look closely. I was afraid of ruinging the fantasy for myself. I didn't want to burst the bubble.

Grandparents and parents alike were throwing bread to the ducks with their charge. It was peaceful place, and it gave me an opportunity to think.

Nana had read the letter that I had gotten, and she had tried to convince me to go and visit them, but I had never gone. It would have been too awkward for me handle. What exactly was I supposed to say?

Was I just supposed to turn up at the door and say something along the lines of: "Hi, remember me? Well, how are you? I'm for leaving without saying goodbye."?

Yeah, right, because that would go down so well. Sure, I had been invited, but did they really mean it? Or was it just something that they felt like they should say because of the accident? I just didn't know what to think anymore.

Regardless to say, I was still made at Appa. He had picked Nana, Namsoo and I up from Heathrow Airport, and he was almost crying when he saw me. I love him, but he is just so over-protective. He knew I was alright. Does he really need to worry so much? I'm not Omma. I wasn't going to just drop dead at any time and never see him again.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my seventeen years on this blue globe, but none of them have ever been life threatening. Can't he trust me a little more? I am a big girl now. I can do whatever I like.

In the three weeks that I've been back home, we have had minimal conversation. Whenever he asked me something, I would always find a way to turn it around so that my reply would be spiteful. I knew that I was being too harsh one him, but I was angry. I needed to vent my frustration somehow, and Appa was the perfect target.

Nana was also angry at me. I think she blamed me for us coming back to London, which I didn't think was fair in the slightest. It's not like I meant for all of this to happen. I didn't ask for it to happen. It's not like one day I just asked fate to screw my life up.

It was tough though, when my best friend wouldn't take my calls. I wanted to call her and ask her what her Appa had sid when she had got home. Nana had been eerily quiet on the plane home, and I suppose I should have asked her then if something was wrong.

However I just assumed it was natural as I was quiet then as well. I remained silent on the trip home, and so did Namsoo. I just wished I could talk to her again.

Without a warning and without me noticing because I was so absorbed in my own thoughts, someone sat down beside me. I didn't even know that they were there until they started talking to me.

"What are you doing here?" A familar masculine voice asked me casually, and I almost jumped out of my skin. It was normal for some people to make small talk when they sit beside you, and I wouldn't have been shocked normally. However, this person spoke in Korean and this person was all too familar. Someone I had avoided for a while.

"Me? What about you?" I responded when I had found my voice.

"I live here." Dongyul told me seriously.

"I do too." I replied curtly. I did not want to start a converstation with this . . . .

"Last I checked, you were in Seoul." He said. It was getting weird now, there was no menace and venom in his voice. 

"You were keeping tabs on me?" I asked, and watched the children running after each other in the summer sun, squealing with delight.

"No, but the last I heard from you was in Lotte World. I thought you had settled there, I didn't expect you to come back so soon." Dongyul said, as if us talking was the most natural thing in the world.

"And here I was, thinking that you were a trainee in JYP. I didn't think you'd ever come back." I replied just as naturally.

"Didn't work out. Apparently I am too much of a hot head and too hard to work with."

"You finally figured it out." I said and rolled my eyes. "So you were kicked out then?"

"Something like that. I am allowed to try again in four months. I was told that if I hadn't got my temper under control by then, then I will not be allowed to become a trainee." Dongyul explained, and the regret in his voice was so plain and clear. "But, I don't suppose you care much about that, do you? You are probably happy that I am being punished after I was so horrible to you."

"Something like that." I replied, echoing his own words. We stayed in silence for a while after that. I didn't know what to say.

"So, out with it." Dongyul said after a while, breaking the stony silence.

"With what?" I asked wearily. I really did not want to be talking with him.

"Why are you back in England?" Dongyul elaborated, and people gave us funny looks. Someone even muttered 'damn foreigners' and told us to back to our country under their breath. I wanted to say something to those ignorant people, but I resisted the urge.

"Appa." I replied. I didn't want to say too much to him.

"Oh. I see." Dongyul said slowly and nodded his head, and for some reason that really annoyed me.

"What do you see? What do you know? You know nothing!" I snapped irritably.

"I know that you broke up with Daehyun, right? And that you were injured in a fan event. Therefore, if I connect the dots I get; your Appa didn't want you going out with someone and that you being injured was the last straw, and he wanted you back home with him."

"Damn, you're good." I sighed. "Wait, I thought you said you weren't keeping tabs on me. How do you know that I was hurt and that I broke up with Daehyun?" Even now, his name caught in my throat and came out all wrong.

"This." Dongyul said simply, and handed me a rolled up magazine. "Omma always orders them from Seoul and I have to collect them at the post office. It just so happens that today I was curious enough to read the damned thing today."

I unfolded the magazine, and scanned the front page, looking for anything that was pertinent to me in any shape or form. I frowned when I saw nothing whatsoever that could be possibly related to me or B.A.P for that matter.

"Here." Dongyul said and took the glossy book out of my hands and flicked through it. He handed it back to me when he had finally found the section he was looking for.

He handed it back to me, and I read the magazine and almost dropped it into on the concrete pavement.

It was an article on Daehyun from B.A.P's love life. And there was a photo of us in Lotte World, a photo of him looking at me and holding my hand in the hospital while Yongguk is shutting the curtains, one of us on stage during the fan games and the last picture was a photo of him talking happily with a girl and them exchanging numbers.

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