After you got hit by GD you directly went home.

In the evening when your father arrived home after work and wondered about your injured face you told him you had an accident during sports club activity and wouldn't be able to attend school the next days.

The teachers already knew what had happened so they left you alone, staying home the following three days without any consequences.

 

It was like before you moved to Seoul. People used to bully and hurt you. Teachers knew about it and so you could stay at home whenever you liked to. You felt lonesome...but it was better than facing all those problems which were awaiting you at school.

GD...all the students gossiping about you...Nana who had stopped being your friend...Jonghun who still waited for an answer to his confession...

When did life started getting that troublesome and complicated?

 

You started drowning in self-pity when suddenly someone was ringing the door bell. You winced and got up immediately. Who was it? Did your father forget something at home when he left for work?

 

Quickly you moved towards the main door and sneaked a peek through the door viewer.

 

TOP was standing in front of your apartment.

 

Your heart started beating up fast. TOP was really standing in front of your apartment! What did he want here?

 

„...gee...what should I do?!“ You quickly bend down even though TOP wasn't able to catch you peeping through the door viewer.

 

„___-ah I know you're there. I just met your father on my way to your apartment and he told me you're at home.“, TOP said and you sighed blameworthy.

 

Slowly you opened the door and looked at TOP.

 

„What's wrong?“, you asked him.

 

„You're too easy to prank.“, he said and laughed before he entered your flat.

 

He walked towards the living room, you followed him in silence.

 

„Do you want some tea?“, you asked him after he sat down on the sofa.

 

„Sure.“, he answered.

 

Preparing some tea took a few minutes. A few minutes in which you started to rack your brain why on earth TOP was here. Since he came to meet you in person...it must have been something about GD...right?

 

TOP was first to speak after you served the tea.

 

„It's been three days already.“, he said and looked accusingly at you.

 

You tried to avoid his eyes and instead kept your view at the tea in front of you.

 

„I don't feel any better, that's why I stay at home.“, you answered to him.

 

„Did you go see a doctor? Is it a concussion?“, TOP wanted to know. You answered him with a slight shake of your head.

 

„No...the doctor said it's all fine. I should just take a rest and recover.“, you said and still looked at the tea.

 

„So it's no kind of physical pain which is straining you.“ Sometimes TOP's analytic ways of thinking were really annoying and exhausting. You didn't feel like analyzing and discussing your mental problems. TOP was no psychiatrist and that's why he shouldn't act like one.

 

„I know what's wrong with you.“, he went on.

 

„Ah...really? You know what's wrong?“, you asked him sceptically and even a bit arrogant. Who was he to say he knew what was bothering you?

 

„I know what you said to GD when he followed you after he hit you.“, TOP explained.

 

„And that leads to which conclusion?“, you asked him still nosy.

 

„You made a mistake.“, TOP said calmly. „You did the worst mistake on earth.“

 

A moment of silence appeared between the two of you. A moment in which you had to swallow the words he had just thrown after you. A mistake? Seriously?

 

„I don't think so.“, you contradicted. „Since I know G-Dragon I just have problems. First the bullying...then my flat burned down and I had to live at Nana's house – who hates me as well now, by the way – and in the end it was all for what? Being hit by GD during a fight because I want to protect my friends and being treated like a child by him.“

 

„No, you're wrong. You can't see what JiYong did only for you, huh?“

 

TOP calling GD JiYong for the very first time made you lose your words for another moment. He must have been death serious.

You raised an eyebrow and snorted. „I can't see what you want to tell me.“

 

„Talking to me like that, _____-ah. Exactly like that.“

 

You still didn't understand it. „Explain it to me.“

 

TOP chuckled and ruffled your hair.

 

„Yah!“

 

„Your self-confidence.“, he simply said, „He gave you the gift of having self-confidence. Being around him was tough and it made you strong. You're self-confident now.“

 

A whole moment you thought only about that one thing. He gave you self-confidence?

TOP was right...in the beginning you were a small, little wallflower everyone was picking at. Now you had grown up to a woman that could fend for herself, not letting anyone push her around anymore.

 

You gulped.

 

„And you know why he did that?“

 

With a head shake you answered his question.

 

„Because he has fallen for you.“

 

Silence. Shock. You were frozen.

G-Dragon – in love with you? No, no, no. Wrong movie. That was impossible.

 

„You're kidding.“, you said and made a disbelieving face. „Impossible.“

 

„No, that's a fact. He liked you right from the beginning. I don't know how that happened, but it happened. And what did you do? You pushed this guy away...a guy who had never really been in love before. You might think I feel pity for him...but it's not like that. I feel pity for you. You will soon realize that with him a part of you is missing...because he made this one special gift to you which noone else could give to you. Can you remember when I called you a flower back then when we got to know each other? I said you're a tulip but I was wrong. You're a sunflower – and JiYong has become your sun.“

 

And with those words TOP got up.

 

„Thanks for the tea. I just came to tell you this...you should think about it and come back to school. I think a lot of people are waiting for you.“

 

He smiled before he left but you didn't really see it. You had been busy staring at the wall in front of you while thinking about his words over and over again.

 

 

The next day you really went to school again. It was like expected – except for TOP the Big Bang members ignored you. Just like Nana and Eunhyuk did. Even the other students started picking at you again like in the first days of your time in Seoul. But this time it was more like the revenge of GD's girlfriends that they started bullying again...and since GD's guard over you got lost after you send him away, there was no one left do defend you – except for yourself. Only F.T.Island was welcoming you back with big smiles and the usual behaviour. They invited you to their rehearsals and were happy as always.

 

Even Jonghun's confession seemed to be forgotten because even after his one week limit was over, he didn't say a word about it again. You couldn't know why he didn't do so. It was because the one who acted differently was you.

 

Since you've been back from your recovery time you had become more thoughtful and easily lost yourself in your theories and daydreams. It was like back then when you had had a crush on TOP.

 

After TOP had visited you, you had also started peeking at the neighbour's balcony, secretely hoping to catch GD staying there...but no chance. GD's apartment seemed to be left alone. It was somehow frustrating and somehow disappointing. On the other hand it was puzzling as well. You couldn't explain to yourself why you were acting like this.

 

 

Jonghun was able to tolerate your odd behaviour for a few days but it all ended after his set confession limit had passed the two weeks mark already.

 

„Don't think too much about G-Dragon.“, he told you a bit harshly.

 

„Hm?“, you looked up at Jonghun when you realized that the boys had already stopped playing and were already fuzzing around the hideout because Hongki wanted to show the guys the picture of his newest girl conquest.

 

„He's not worthy thinking about. He didn't do any good on you.“, he tried to remind you but instead of agreeing with him you shook your head.

 

„I wouldn't say it like this.“ TOP's words were crossing your mind again. Self-confidence... you didn't want to admit it but he was right.

 

Jonghun displeased stepped nearer to you. The only thing between you was a table.

 

„How would you say it then? He is a disgusting guy who doesn't deserve any attention.“ Jonghun sounded like he spat the words on the table in front of you.

 

You looked up at him withound any understanding.

 

„That's not true!“, you argued and jumped up from your chair.

 

„He hit you, did you forget that?! Plus he is responsible for everyone acting like in the begining again! Did you forget that too?! When I rescued you from Jessica?!“, Jonghun claimed angrily, getting more and more upset the more you defended G-Dragon.

 

„Don't blame him for that! His girlfriends are responsible, not him!“

 

„That doesn't matter! He is disgusting! He is aggressive! He is lacking any emotional depth!“

 

That was not true! That was totally not true! He just didn't know GD how you got to know him. The GD back from the times at the balcony. The GD who told you about his mother. The GD only TOP and you knew.

 

„NO!“ You became so angry that you hit your fists on the table.

 

All of the FT Island members instantly looked surprised at you two fighting people. They had never believed something like that would happen. Jonghun and you looking like you wanted to kill each other.

 

„Don't judge him! You don't know him! You don't know anything about him!!!“, you yelled furiously at Jonghun. Shocked by your own agression, you took one step back and saw how outraged Jonghun looked at you.

 

„But you do?“, he asked you – now a bit more calm but bitter.

 

„More than you definitivelly.“, you hissed and left the hideout.

 

You ran as fast as you could, especially when you heard the door behind opening and Jonghun calling your name. Calling desperately for you to stop. But you didn't. You didn't want to talk to him. You didn't want to see his face anymore. You just wanted to be alone.

 

 

„Stupid...so stupid...!“, you sobbed when you arrived at the gym which was left alone at this time.

You were leaning against the front door, slumping down and hiding your face behind your hands.

 

„I'm so stupid...I'm so utterly stupid!“, you sobbed again.

 

Tears of sadness – not of anger – were falling down your face, dripping on the bottom.

You weren't crying because you fought with Jonghun. You were crying because the fight had shown you something special. You had defended G-Dragon...but that changed nothing...

 

He wasn't there anymore. This one special person.

It was not like when Jonghun had started to avoid you when he was angry. You were really missing G-Dragon. You missed his harsh words, his never stopping complaints, his bad behaviour – even the picking on you. You missed his vulnerability he only showed to you, the fire in his eyes when he really wanted something, the kindness he shared with his dog and friends...where had he gone? The lonesome boy who was so hurt and only played up to hide it?

 

The tears were still flowing...you missed him so much that you were crying...

 

Right in this moment you realized something. TOP had been right the whole time. You missed GD. He had become a part of yourself. The sun in your life.

 

You realized that you had fallen in love without even knowing. Fallen in love with Kwon JiYong.