“Look eomma! I got a medal. I won a piano competition! Samchons helped me practice.” Little Changjin said happily as he held a medal in his hand.

“Don’t jump around too much champ you might hurt yourself.” Changmin called out to his little boy.

“I have something to tell you eomma. There’s this girl, she has the same name as yours and she is very pretty too. She came up to me earlier and gave me this.” Changjin said as he took out a bar of chocolate from his pocket.

“She said I was very smart and very nice to her…” He paused for awhile.

“Dongjae said that he will play with me during summer break. He said his mother will bring him over. It’s gonna be fun right? We could play all day at the garden. We could ride the bikes appa bought yesterday. We promise we would clean up right after. You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“Do you want to hear me sing? Teacher Rina said I did a good job.” Changjin then started singing the song from his kindergarten graduation. He decided to sit down. He stared straight ahead for awhile.

“Eomma… I wish you were here. I love you.” Little Changjin whispered as he hugged the stone cross in front of him. His mother died after fighting for two years.

“I miss you Eomma. Please come back. You said you would be home for my birthday… but you never came back.” Changjin started crying as he hugged the stone cross. It hurts Changmin to see his son like this. He quickly went to him and lifted him up, trying to calm him down.

It pains him, he had once again thought of giving up on his life but he sees Changjin, he finally had that one reason to live. He could list a hundred reasons why he wanted to end his life but his one reason, their Changjin, overwhelms those hundred reasons which make him move forward and work harder and be a better father.

He remembered that day, he was telling Yejin that he would be back as soon as they finished performing; Changjin will come after he finished school. She was still in the hospital getting treated and they planned on having dinner together.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can jagi. Changjin will be coming over after school. Let’s have dinner then, Jaejoong hyung will bring your favourite.” Changmin said as he kissed Yejin’s lips then planted a peck on her forehead.

“That’s good to hear. Just be safe. I love you and Changjin so much…” Yejin replied weakly.

“I love you so much. Changjin loves you.” He whispered as he planted light kisses on her lips and forehead.  

Changmin was near the hospital when the call came in. He dropped his phone after hearing his mother’s words. s had to help him get out of the van. He walked towards her room his eyes unfocused, his lips dry, his whole body shaking, his breathing heavy and his world twisting. He was at the corridor willing to move his legs that suddenly felt heavier as he walked towards her room. His mother saw him as she stood in front of the room; she was crying as she hugged her son slowly, she pulled away from him.

He held on the door knob with a trembling hand, he twisted it open; he took a deep breath and went inside the room. He went near the bed and with hands shaking and heart beating madly he lifted the white cloth. He saw her peaceful face, a faint smile etched on her features. Slowly, he brushed the back of his hand on her cheek, with his fingers he traced the outline of her face; his tears fell one by one. He cupped her face and leaned in closer, he brushed his thumbs on her cheeks, he kissed her forehead, her eyes, her nose, he brushed his lips against hers one last time and he hugged her caressing her hair, he hugged her tight and whispered in her ear.

I love you.

They say that when a person dies their sense of hearing was the last to go away. He hoped she had heard him. He did not want to let her go but life must have other plans for him. He closed his eyes and let his tears flow. He held her closer to him pressing his forehead against hers, the tips of their noses brushing. In his mind he chanted for her to wake up, calling her name. He cried in silence. He did not want her to hear him cry, she wouldn’t want that. She was still warm as he held her in his arms.

Just awhile ago he was imagining how Changjin would be happy to see his mother as they eat together, it has been awhile since they have been together. His schedule became hectic, Yejin understood she always did, Changjin too, he knew at a young age that his father was unlike his friend’s fathers. Changmin was excited to get back to the hospital and just spend time with his family that as soon as their performance ended, he quickly ushered his hyungs to their van not even bothering to change out of their costumes, they didn’t mind.

His parents were the ones to talk to Changjin. They knew it would be hard for Changmin to tell his son. It took awhile before Changjin got the idea that her mother would never come home, that he would no longer have to visit the hospital.

~

“Hey champ. You know eomma would be sad if she sees you like this. Appa is sad to be seeing you like this.” Changmin cradled his son as they sat near Yejin’s grave trying to fight his own tears as he heard his son sobbing against his chest. He looked at his face and wiped the tears off his son’s stained cheeks.

“Appa, why did eomma have to go? Why can’t she stay with us?” Changmin did not know how to answer his son. He does not know as well why she had to go.

“That’s just how things are champ. Someday when you’re older you’ll understand.” He did not really know why she had to be taken away from them when they just started, when things just started to get better.

“Appa. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t go.” Little Changjin said as he hugged his father close.

“I won’t leave you champ.”

“I’ll be a good son… just don’t leave me.” Changmin kissed his son’s forehead whispering words of endearment. Life had to carry on for the two of them.

~

Changmin sat inside a van along with s. A few years ago on the same day he stood on stage along with them for the first time, it was probably one of the most memorable moments in his life, not too long ago on the same day he had tried to end his life but he lived and he thanked that second life for bringing him his family and his reason to live who sat sleeping peacefully on his lap. He watched Changjin as he slept. He reminded him a lot of Yejin the way he sleeps, the way he would stir then go back to sleep, the way he clutched on his shirt with his small hands, the way he breathed softly against his chest, the way his heart beat sounded, they reminded him of her and he was more than happy. He ran a thumb across his son’s cheek and looked at him tenderly; he pulled him closer to him and wrapped his arms around him.

Yejin, thank you for coming back to my life even if it was just for awhile every moment of it was filled with happiness. Thank you for being strong and bringing Changjin into this world, for letting me into his life and your life again. Because of you, I’m here. I hope you continue to shine over me and Changjin. Thank you. I love you. ‘Till we meet again.

He put on a brave smile for that’s what she would’ve wanted. In awhile they would be performing on stage, she would’ve watched live or even on television. She would be happy seeing him performing and standing on stage, that made her happy and he wanted her to be happy. He saw their son waving at him from the backstage along with his sister, he waved at him and they both smiled at each other slowly the music sounded he looked ahead and took a deep breath. 

FIN

Jaejoong released a new album and will be touring! Please support him. :)