CHAPTER 38: IS THERE SUCH THING AS LOVE PHOBIA?

It is traffic – cars aligned at the centre of the road are moving slower than snails. They are stuck in the same position for 10 minutes, and then they’ll start to move a little bit, but they’ll get stuck again for another 10 minutes! 30 minutes have already passed, and Bom and Ji are on the same car, yet… they seem to have run out of anything to say to each other. Bom is playing with her nails, trying to peel her cyan-coloured nail polish manually to kill the awkwardness and Jiyongie is looking straight at the road, his fingers tapping Trixie’s manoeuvre. They aren’t talking, but their minds are travelling on the same direction right now…

---

Jiyongie, whenever he sees Bom, he would always make faces and stick his tongue out to . He is comfortable talking to this girl – she reminds him of his own sister. Bom is as bubbly, as lovely, as sweet and as warm as his noona. He misses his sister a lot because she’s staying in New York now for business, but his longing for his noona is somewhat lessened whenever Bom is around. As soon as they pass by each other, they would always sit at the edge of the glass windows of YG building, and chat until YG scolds them, or until TOP arrives. Jiyongie doesn’t know Bom well as Dara and CL do, but he knows that Bom feels awkward whenever she sees TOP. TOP on the other hand, would always try to avoid bumping into Bom. Jiyongie tried to ask TOP about the matter, but his hyung would always pretend that he didn’t hear anything! What’s the matter with these two? Jiyongie would always ask himself for TOP and Bom’s actions have already left an enormous question mark in Jiyong’s head every single time he sees them… 

---

Whenever Bom sees Jiyongie at the YG building, a smile would automatically be printed on her face and she would always stop what she is doing and rush towards Jiyongie to tell him how her on going solo project is progressing. She treats Jiyongie as her ‘Seungri’ – YGE version. She would always , tell him jokes and of course, tell him stories about Dara’s heartaches because she knows back then that Jiyongie is interested about how love works. She always talks about Dara because for her, Dara's experiences are perfect examples of having tragic relationships and tragic relationships are good to share for it provides the best learnings... On the other hand, if the topic is about work, she treats Jiyongie as her own mentor for he is older than her when it comes to experience. Jiyongie is a mean, heartless, bossy celebrity in the eyes of everyone inside YGent, except for TOP, YB and of course, herself. Actually, many girl dancers and staff would always ask her what is the technique to be closer to ‘GD oppa’, but she really doesn’t know the ‘key’ to that. And now that she found out Jiyongie’s true intentions, she now realizes why the only girl close to Jiyongie’s heart is her…

---

“Err…” Jiyongie finally spoke. He his hair and rests his hand back on the manoeuvre. He then brings his other hand towards his mouth for another nail-munching session – He’s nervous! Somehow, he senses that Bom is thinking negatively about him right at this very moment.

“Yes. I know you love her! You wouldn’t be that stupid if you’re not in love! Tell me, do you know someone in their right state of mind, pulling out thorns from a rose just to impress a girl?!” Bommie finally replied. She felt disappointed. She felt used! She thinks Jiyongie just became friends with her for his own benefit – to be closer to her cousin. “I’m always comfortable talking to you, Ji… you know that! But mian, I can’t speak comfortably to you for the mean time.”

Jiyongie froze. Why? What does she mean by that? I’m an to most of the YG staff, but I never became an to her! I always drop by to her station in the building even if I have tons of work piled up just to check on her singing and compositions! I even composed a song for our collaboration! But why do I feel that she doesn’t like me for Dara? Doesn’t she really like me for her cousin? Jiyong asked himself as he continued biting his nails. Finally, the cars in front of Trixie can now move smoothly…

“Uhmm…”

“WHAT?! You know, it’s not that I don’t like you for my Tokki…” Bom suddenly blurted when Jiyongie was about to speak. Jiyongie’s eyes almost popped out – It seems Bom can read his mind! She then continued, “You just confessed and offered that ‘friggin’ deal at the wrong time! I mean, you saw her with Minho last night, ne? You know how she reacted when she saw her ex! That’s why I don’t get why you are still willing to do this! Are you a masochist? You’re hurting yourself! You’re doing a suicide mission!”

“I…”

“You love her. I said I know that already! And if you’re going to tell me that love – being the reason why you did that is enough, then you really don’t know how to love in this modern world!” Bom blurted. “Believe me Jiyongie… Dara is allergic to the word, ‘LOVE.’ She’s afraid of that BIG WORD!!! She gets hurt every time she tries to open her heart for someone! I don’t want to see my rabbit getting hurt again!”

“But…”

“Let me ask you something Ji. Did you become my friend just to get close to Dara? Did you just use me to gain info about her private life? I trusted you JIYONGIE! I treated you as my own Seungri! Answer me honestly Jiyongie! Is that the only reason why we are talking right now??”

Jiyongie’s eyes suddenly formed tears – He couldn’t control it anymore! He couldn’t hold everything in his throat any longer – HE LAUGHED! He laughed like he never laughed before, making him run out of breath and feel nauseated but happy at the same time! He forgot that he was driving as he stopped and tapped the manoeuvre repeatedly!

“! GOSH! Jiyongie! The people at the back are now getting mad! DRIVE!” Bom suddenly blurted as Jiyongie continued laughing but he finally got hold of the manoeuvre and started driving again. Bom then furiously uttered, “YOU’RE INSULTING! I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING FUNNY! *taps Ji’s arms repeatedly* I’M SERIOUS! ANSWER ME, JI!”

“You know…” Jiyongie finally said as he tried his very best to hold his laughter inside him and wiped the tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “That’s the reason why I felt comfortable talking to you!”

“What?! Don’t make me feel stupid! And, WILL-YOU-STOP-LAUGHING?! I don’t get your weirdness, really! You and Dara are truly meant for each other, huh?! You’re both ---- Ughh, weird!” Bom said as she rolled her eyes and looked away.

“I mean, you never fail to make me laugh! GOD! *chuckles* I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard!” Jiyongie smiled as he uttered. He then continued, “Dara’s right --- you are a non-stop blabber machine! Hahahaha…”

“Wh-Wh-Wh-What?!!! REWIND!!! PLEASE! She said what?!” Bom asked as she tilted her head and looked at Ji. “How could she??! I’m her cousin!”

“There, there Bommie…” Jiyongie smiled as he tapped Bommie on the shoulder for he noticed she is now frowning.  “You don’t have to be sad! I know that’s just Dara’s way of expressing love to you!” Jiyongie said as he winked. Bom then pouted and spoke…

“Am I really a blabber machine?”

“Mmmm, I was trying to talk earlier, but you keep on cutting me off! *chuckles* you are funny! That’s why it’s not that hard for me to be close to you! I like you, Noona! You are my very first noona at YGE! And it’ll never change…”

Bom stared at Jiyongie with glimmering eyes. She saw Jiyong’s sincerity through looking at his sparkling eyes. She felt relieved! Jiyongie’s honesty reached Bom’s heart and finally…

“Alright. I won’t be against your plans anymore. I’m actually offering my services. BUT! If you hurt her… I’ll be the first one you’ll lose! CLEAR?” Bom said as she smiled, but her smile is kind of creepy – It came with a tinge of threat…

“Ne…” Jiyongie said as he grinned. He then uttered, “Anyway, So… what kind of services are you willing to offer?”

~*---*~

Dara is inside her room, sitting by the window as she eats her soup sloppily. She is holding a piece of bread on one hand, while sipping the soup like a hungry beggar on her other hand. Morsels of bread are all over her lap but she doesn’t mind. She is poised in whatever she does, but she couldn’t help herself from drowning in her deep thoughts again.

I can’t take this anymore! I need Tam-tami! She thought as she soaked the bread on her unfinished soup and placed it on her room desk. She wiped with the sleeve of her winter jacket as she now grabs her pink sparkly pen and tam-tami…

ROSES.

Before… every time I see roses, bouquets, chocolates, bears, fancy bracelets and lovers wearing couple shirts… it reminds me of Minho! He would always surprise me with those little sweet things! I remembered one time when I was busy studying at home, he decided to show up in front of our house and sing a sweet song until all of the neighbours would come out and make u fuss. I looked down from my window and saw him sitting in his vintage roofless car while still singing, his y voice echoing throughout the neighbourhood! And then my heart oozed from my mouth when I saw something sitting beside him – a life-sized bear! He smiled lovingly as his thoughtfulness sunk in my heart deeply…

Whenever my mind uncontrollably goes back to the past and travels to the time when Minho and I are still together, it would hurt me twice as much the hurt I’ve felt when he left me for Taeyeon-ah.

Wait a minute.

It’s not working! I still couldn’t stop thinking about Minho! I even forgot to say hello to you tam-tami!!! OTTOKAE?! Oh what should I do tam?! STUPID Dalong!!! I told Jiyong that he’ll just get hurt! Actually, we’ll both get hurt! Oh, what am I thinking?! I should stop this agreement!

“What’s that you’re writing?” CL asked as she finally woke up. “I’m sorry. I just love sleeping in this kind of weather! Actually, most people would take this opportunity to sleep, *yawn* but you… you are the opposite of hibernating dear! Come on… tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing...” Dara responded with a frown that she couldn’t hide on her reddened face. All the thoughts fogging above her head suddenly was swept off by CL's voice. She then stood up as she placed tam-tami and her pen inside the drawer of her pink desk. “Do you want soup?”

~Knock*

“Noona?? I saw your room light is . Are you there?” Seungri asked as he knocked. Dara suddenly smiled and hurried to the door, couldn’t wait to hug her brother.

“Riri! I MISS YOU, BRAT!” Dara grinned as she hugged her brother. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages! What’s with the long face? Are you sick?”

“A-ani! I’m just tired from all the school work. And I feel sleepy because of the snow…” Seungri said as he scratched his head like a 7-year old boy.

“I told you dear. *yawn* everyone would feel sleepy because of the winter weather, except for you…” CL suddenly got up and spoke as she yawned. She hugged her knee while still sitting on the bed.

“Chae Rin-ah! You’re here --- GOOD! Cook food for me! I’m hungry!” Seungri domineeringly said as he smirked. “Palli, palli! COOK! I only have 10 minutes to eat… I still have to go somewhere!”

“Dara, get your brother out of this room before I couldn’t control my paws from scratching his face!” CL blurted annoyingly as she yawned.

“Uh-oh. Here we go again…” Dara said as she laughed. “Come on, you two! Let’s go downstairs. Let’s cook together! I miss seeing the both of you! I miss my cat and our dog!” Dara chuckled as she pulled CL’s feet and dragged it on the floor. CL cuddled the blanket but when she saw Seungri's seirous squinting eyes, she seemed to have gottena bit afraid and immediately stood up!

"Good!! See?! I can command you to do what I want just by staring at you!" Seungri smirked as he raised his eyebrows.

"UH! EXCUSE ME?!" CL blurted, thingking of an answer for Seungri's mocking, but she gave for she realized that her face is feeling funny --- she blushed!

"Don't now RAT! She just woke up! Spare her just once!" Dara said as she hid her almos- laughing-face and pulled both of their hands. They all went out of the room and towards the stairs…

“Noona, I miss your pancakes.” Seungri suddenly blurted as he pouted. “I saw the soup on the table, but I just want to eat with someone… this cold weather is making me feel sad…” Seungri pouted once more as he made face at CL. “Please cook pancakes for me! *bats eyelashes* I need energy especially now. I have a project later, you see.”

“Oh, Panda! STOP being so childish!” CL blurted as she slapped Ri’s arm, but Ri suddenly wrapped his arms around CL’s neck as he messed her hair.

“I hate childish men…” Dara whispered as she remembered what happened this morning. She told Jiyongie that she hates childish men, but whenever she remembers Jiyongie’s face, she would feel all the warmth inside her cheeks again. She feels dizzy and breathless but excited at the same time whenever she is reminded of Jiyongie's habits: whenever he bites his lips, smiles, makes cute expressions, and snores like a child! Her mind is so confused right now! She hates childish guys but her whole body feels like jumping up and down as soon as she remembers Jiyongie’s cuteness! Dara couldn’t help but grin. She then grabs her phone and reads the poem once more…

GD: Like a rose you are unique, you are special…

You can be sweet, at the same time – cynical

Your shrill thorns are vicious and deadly,

It’ll hurt someone else, Yes. Definitely!

But if you’ll let me look closely,

If you’ll let me try to understand fully…

Like a rose, it’s your only source of protection,

From all the pain you’ve felt and desertion…

Don’t you know that life is all about taking risks?

You can’t forever avoid fractures, sprains and twists!

If you’ll just let me pull out all your sharp, poisonous thorns,

Including your sadness, your grief, your mourns…

Then the rose inside you will eventually grow…

Making you feel brand new – you’ll bloom, you’ll glow!

Trust me baby girl, open your eyes, look at me,

I once had thorns too but now I’m finally free…

What does he mean by that? So he’s saying that he got hurt by someone before? Maybe it’s not his first time to fall in love after all! Dara thought as she finally shakes her head to get all the thoughts about Jiyongie out from her now shrinking skull…

---

“Your sister’s fine. She’s just tired from work! Do you think you’re the only one who feels tired all the time?” CL uttered as she grabbed carrots from the fridge and started peeling them. Dara suddenly closed her eyes… Why does this always happen to me? I never even knew that I’m already inside the kitchen and these two are already preparing what I’ll cook!? Dara thought as she looked at Seungri and CL who are now cutting vegetables.

“Fine… she just looks funny whenever she is like that. I don’t want to leave her looking like that! She doesn’t even know that we’re already talking about her! I remembered the last time I saw her frozen like that. Hold up --- did something unpleasant happen again? By any chance, did she see Minho recently?” Seungri asked.

“Uhmm…” CL uttered senselessly. She got astounded – How can Seungri easily guess what happened? Wow. CL thought.

“Yeah. I saw him.” Dara suddenly spoke. CL’s mouth dropped! She can’t believe how easy it is for Dara to admit everything to her brother…

“WHAAAT?!? Did he hurt you again?! that ! Do you want me to remind him how he kissed my fist? Noona! Talk to me!!!” Seungri was suddenly in rage! He dropped the knife he was holding and grabbed his sister’s arms and looked at her whole body to see if she got physically hurt by Minho... Again.

“Anio. Don’t worry Panda… I saw him, but I’m not that affected anymore. Believe me! I’m thinking about something more than that…” Dara uttered as she was back to her blank state once more, her mind flashing Jiyongie’s sweet face. CL’s expression suddenly changed! She beamed and spoke…

“So, you’re thinking about G----“

“Haha. Th-That’s non-sense!” Dara blurted as she immediately covered CL’s mouth! She glanced at her brother, and he was just staring at the two girls while he tilts his head and his nape. “Ah-I don’t want to go to the gym, especially in this cold weather!”

“GYM??? Since when did you gain interest in working out?” Seungri asked as he tilted his head again. He then glanced at their wall clock and continued, “Anyway, please cook as fast as you can. I still need to go somewhere… I don’t want to be late!”

~*---*~

Dara: I hate roses.

Jiyongie frowned as he pressed a number on the elevator. Bommie on the other hand stopped from texting as she saw her friend’s reaction.

“Wae? I can tell that you have a problem…”

“She texted. She said she hates roses!” Jiyongie said bluntly. “It’s really hard to please your cousin, ne? I don’t know what to do anymore!”

~Ding*

The elevator opened and the both of them immediately smiled. It’s Youngbae…

“Ssup guys? *smiles* you came here together?” YB smiled as he entered the elevator. He smells fresh and he looks really manly, but he acts as a teenager. “Fishy! YG suddenly seems restless! He wants us to meet that talent…”

“Dude! You sensed that too? I told you, noona! There’s something weird going on here!” Jiyong said.

“NOONA?!” YB suddenly creased his eyebrows in amazement. “Since when did you use honorifics to anyone?”

“Err… Since now!” Bom smiled as she winked at Jiyongie. “He’s my pet now YB! He’s my Jwi-yongie! Get it?!” Bom chuckled as she teased. Jiyongie flustered.

“This is fishier than YG! Are you two?” YB asked.

“Dude! I just called her Noona and now you are asking if we are beyond a bro-sis relationship? Are you cray?” Jiyong laughed as the elevator finally opened. “Let’s go! I think YG’s mad now! We’re late!”

~*---*~

The practice room is filled with people bursting with different talents. The dancers are chatting – Some are practicing their dance moves for YB’s upcoming music video shoot while YB is standing with his headphones plugged in his ears as he dances too while greeting every single living thing in the room. Daesung and Minji are slumped on the floor together while listening to Bom’s upcoming single – They are YG’s newly hired trainees 3 weeks ago, and Bom is assigned to be their mentor.

Daesung and Minji are YG trainees already? Yes. YG is pickier than picky when it comes to choosing a trainee or a talent to become a YG family member, but because TOP held a party on his newly opened bar, YG saw how special Daesung and Minji are: Daesung has a very smooth and unique voice, and Minji pops and locks like a dancing machine so YG immediately hired them. Meanwhile, Se7en – the hyung of GD, TOP, and YB just sat behind GD and Bom… and then TOP, the rapper with the fresh voice just arrived…

Jiyongie is looking at Bommie – she’s restless… again! One moment, she would text someone on her phone, and the next minute, she’ll be playing with her nails again! Jiyongie couldn’t control his itchy mouth any longer! He wants to ask her why she’s always in outer space when TOP is near…

“Noona, now that we’re closer than close friends… I think it’s time for you to tell me why your blabber-machine is on silent mode now!” Jiyongie uttered as he glanced towards Tabi who just sat at the farthest corner of the practice room.

“It’s not the time to talk about me Ji! You’re the one who has a love issue here!” Bom uttered as she pouted and rolled her eyes.

“Funny. You remind me of him! You actually sound like him. He always says that…” Jiyong said as he pointed his lips at Tabi hyung. He then chuckled and bowed his head.

“Oh, shut up! Papa YG is here now! I can hear his creepy footsteps!” and true to Bom’s word, Jiyongie also heard YG’s freaky footsteps. YG is the kind of boss that everyone is afraid to talk to. Jiyongie and YG appa have a special kind of relationship, but Jiyongie still feels nervous whenever YG is in front of him! Everybody distinguishes his footsteps, and even if he’s corridors away from where they are, they can smell his expensive perfume! Suddenly, the practice room turned into a classroom, as everyone turned as silent as the wind as if the terror teacher is about to begin his lecture. Finally, YG entered…

“Pssssst! Ji! Come here! Why are you seated there?” Tabi hyung finally went near them and pulled Jiyongie’s winter jacket to call his attention. “I went to your house last night! Where have you gone, sh*thead? I have never seen you in weeks!”

“Hyung, I…”

“Yah. We’re not here to have a reunion, so shut the up.” YG calmly blurted as he saw TOP and GD murmuring. Even though he speaks calmly, there is something in his aura that still makes everyon's knees tremble. “Before I introduce my new talents, I would just like to have a word with Ji… Follow me, Kwon Jiyong.”

“You’ve finally done it man!” Se7en uttered as he tapped Ji’s back. “I told you, you can’t avoid him long!”

“What have you done Ji?” Bom asked. “Uh-oh! He already went outside! Don’t make him wait too long!”

“Ne…” Ji uttered as he felt a bit nervous. He once again bit his lower lip for he thinks that if he munches on his nails again, nothing will be left on his fingers anymore! YG has been calling his attention since the concert of GTOP ended, but he never came for he is too afraid to be scolded again. But it never came to his confused mind that it will become worse – Of course, he can’t avoid the president forever! He then walked towards the door, and outside, trying to prepare his ears for another irritating sermon from the owner of the building…

“How many times have I called your attention? Are you waiting for me to go straight to you?!” YG composedly uttered as soon as he heard the door on the practice room open.

“I’m sorry sir. I’m just… I’m…”

“I have eyes and ears wherever you go…” YG paused to control his anger. He then calmly continued, “Are you seeing someone?! Are you doing something that I don’t know about?”

“Huh?!”

“The girl at the concert – she gained a lot of haters from all over the world, and so did you. Why did you suddenly forget your lines during that performance?! And did you visit the internet lately? What is this I saw --- you and YB were spotted at a bar acting brainlessly?! What’s worse is that, someone took a picture of you sleeping there… ~sigh* There are private rooms in the bar, but why did you both dance at the centre of the crowd? *shakes head* That is not the way to gain popularity! You thought I wouldn’t know about that? Where’s YB? I forgot to call his attention.” YG asked, but he then calmed his nerves and spoke again…

“Don’t forget, you are a celebrity. *raises eyebrow* I hate to admit it, but you’re one of my assets in this business. Don’t act like a normal person because…YOU’RE NOT. And YB is starting his career just now, but because of your stupid actions, you’re dragging YB’s popularity with you.” YG’s eyes grew big towards Ji as he held on his forehead and finally closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry boss, this won’t happen again.”

“Make sure of that. And… before I let you go back there, remember everything I will say. Record it if that’ll help me put it in your brain.” YG cleared his throat as he continued, “I’ll be going to New York this week. I’m meeting your sister. While I’m gone, you’re in charge! Don’t do anything stupid! I don’t wanna hear anything bad that the paparazzi will post on the headlines again… especially about you. CLEAR?!”

“Ne, hyung.”

“What did I tell you?! I’m your brother-in-law ONLY outside this building! You can call me hyung outside, but as long as we are here, call me President!”

“I’m sorry, Sajangnim.”

~*---*~

YG and Jiyong finally went back inside the practice room. As soon as Jiyong opened the door, the people’s tongues were automatically tamed and they were in mute. YG then went in front and started texting…

“The guys will be here any minute. It’s just a bit traffic because of the weather. Now, I know you are all wondering why I called you here just because of that. I don’t usually do this, but I am actually leaving tomorrow for a vacation. I need to be with my wife too, you know. And from now on, there will be changes on this building... For starters, you're all gonna do something for me - you'll all train the talents. You are all capable of that now. Yeah, shocking… It sounds that I’m praising all of you. But actually, I want you to experience how stressed I am every day because of all of you! I trust you with them arasso? And... while I’m gone… BEHAVE!”

~*---*~