CHAPTER 33: HOW WILL YOU KNOW IF YOU’RE READY?

Dear Tam-Tami,

Are you surprised? ^-^ That I’m writing to you now, even if I already wrote to you yesterday? Haha I’m just lucky to have time today…My shift in the hospital just ended 5 minutes ago and I’m actually waiting for Bommie. We’ll be having a movie date today! (I’m excited! Today is the showing of the last part of Breaking Dawn! ^^*) I’m just sad that CL-roo couldn’t come with us… she said she’ll be having an inventory review on the store’s stocks. T.T I want to watch it with her too! TT.TT

Anyway, I’ll try to make this as short as possible! I just want to share my feelings with you… I think if I didn’t have time to write to you today, I’ll explode!!! I can’t hold these feelings any longer! Okay. So here it is --- Jiyongie, the most famous composer of our time – HE MADE A SONG FOR ME!!! (I wrote the lyrics at your back page, just to make sure that I really heard every word right.) OOOOOOH! I feel my cheeks getting warmer whenever I remember that!

He placed every important detail that happened to us that night – the sky, the falling star… and us, holding hands!!! He even placed a rabbit in the video! He knows that Bommie calls me Tokki! I can’t forget it, to be honest… Well, how can you forget that kind of sweet memory? I mean, when I came to the hospital this morning, Gummy unni was teasing me about the video! She keeps on asking if GD has already seen me in person! She said she doesn’t blame the dude! Every guy will be mesmerized if they see me… but I think she’s talking nonsense! I don’t look beautiful! I don’t wear any make up, I don’t know how to dress well, and I don’t take care of myself like what Bom does every day --- she’s so conscious about her figure that she eats a bunch of leaves from breakfast to dinner! She always puts cream on her face and drinks vitamins to keep her glowing! And she believes that putting a cucumber on her eyes every night will prevent her from having dark circles! Well for me, cucumbers are only placed inside the mouth and not on other parts of the body!!! She’s crazy! But I can see that her method works!! I’m just not vain… Girls are not defined by their vanity anyway, right?

Bom and CL kept on asking me if there has been something going on between Jiyongie and me… Of course, I lied! I can’t tell them what happened! They’ll just tease me every time they see me, and that would be annoying! Hmmm… will that really annoy me? Arghh! Actually, that’s the most mysterious, the most risky, and the sweetest thing a guy has ever done for me! BUT… I know I’m not ready yet ---

“Ready for what?” Gummy unni suddenly blurted as she stands behind Dara’s seat while drinking coffee… They're inside the nurse’s lounge.

“UNNI!” Dara yelled as she closed her diary. If Tam-Tami were only able to talk, she would yell ‘OUCH’ by that sudden ‘book-clap’. She slapped Gummy unni’s hand! “This is TOP SECRET! How could you? Aishhhh! Unni…”

“Sorry about that. *chuckles* I just saw you blushing and you are so focused on what you are doing that my curiosity itched! I just glanced at it! Don’t worry… I didn’t see everything! I just saw that ‘BUT… I know I’m not ready yet’ part!” Gummy unni laughed as she teased Dara. “Well… Since I saw it already, I’m expecting you to tell me now – What are you not ready for?”

“I’m not ready… to accept anything new! Just that.”

“What? What a senseless thought, darling!” Gummy unni stared at her, confused of what she said. She then continued, “Whatever it is, how did you know that you’re not yet ready?”

Dara froze. She is thinking of the right answer to that question. Well, I know that I’m not over Minho yet… Wait… This is unusual! Before all of these happenings, Minho always enters my mind like, every single day! But I haven’t noticed that I’m not thinking about him anymore! This past few weeks have been so confusing to me and everything seems to be on a fast track! All I think about now is all of the things that happened between me and Jiyongie that my mind can’t seem to absorb until now… She thought, but she can’t seem to find the right thing to say. She just blurted, “I… I just know.”

“If you say so…” Gummy unni paused as she drank her coffee. She started talking again after one sip. “How come you’re still here? Your shift is over *glances at watch* 15 minutes ago. Aren’t you feeling tired? If I’m in your position now, I’ll go straight home and snore! Unfortunately, my shift ends on the next 3 hours…” Gummy said as she shook her head and pouted.

“Uhh… No, I’m not yet tired. I’m also waiting for my cousin. We’ll be watching Breaking Dawn part 2 today!” Dara grinned.

“WOW! I also want to watch it! I just can’t do that today. I have a dinner date with my brother…” Gummy unni pouted as she sighed.

“Do you want me to tell you how it ended as soon as they flash the credits?” Dara chuckled. “Just kidding! Anyway, text me whenever you are free and I’ll be willing to accompany you to the cinema!”

“Oh. So you’re a Twilight-fan too, huh? You’re willing to watch it all over again? *chuckles* okay! I’ll text you as soon as I have time! Oh! Speaking of texts, I saw your phone blinking on the table a while ago. Maybe that’s your cousin!”

“Oh, right! I almost forgot! Wait… Let me just check…” Dara uttered as she smiled. She then reads the text, and gasped!

“What? What’s wrong?” Gummy said as she saw Dara’s reaction.

“My cousin said she can’t make it today! Arghh!!! Her boss wants her to stay at their office because they’ll be having preparations for a program… I hate her boss!!! *taps the table* What will I do now? I want to watch it now!” Dara said with disappointment.

“We can watch it some other time Daraling!” Gummy smiled.

“No. You don’t understand unni! I can’t sleep if I won’t be watching it now! I can’t bear to think that I will let this day pass without watching it! I’m a die-hard Twilight freak!”

“Hmm… Why don’t you ask your brother? Bond with him today! I’ll be doing the same this evening…” Gummy unni smiled as she tapped Dara on the shoulders.

“He can’t go. He texted me this morning. He said he can’t get out of the house tonight cause there’s this book report that his professor is requiring him to pass tomorrow..” Dara uttered. “Couldn’t you just cancel your dinner with your brother tonight? PLEEEEEEEASE!” Dara pouted and batted her eyelashes as she pleaded. Well, that’s stupid! Asking her to cancel something important just to watch a movie with me! If Ri will be treating me to dinner, I would cancel any schedule I have just to be with him! Where did that stupid thought came from?

“Dara, Dara, Dara… *laughs* darling, if only I can, I will… believe me! But you see, my brother is a busy man! He’s a work-a-holic! My two brothers live together, but they don’t see each other much – Imagine that!” Gummy unni blurted as she laughed. She acts in a boyish kind of way because she grew up with 2 younger brothers. She flashed her boyish smile once more and continued, “Well, if there’s no one available today, and you reeeeeeally want to watch it now, just try to watch the movie alone! *beams* I’ve done that many times before… And it actually doesn’t ! Being alone is a sign of independence, you know! HWAITING! *raises fist* Girl power!!!”

“Really? *chuckles* Well, I guess I’ll just watch it alone… I guess it won’t be that bad. *smiles* Besides, I don’t need anyone while watching Twilight! I’ll be so focused on the screen that I almost feel that I can already touch Jacob's abs! Haha.” Dara laughed sweetly as she blushed and stood up, kissing Gummy unni on the cheek.

“So you’re team-Jacob? OMGEEE! We’re on the same team! Others like Edward better, but I just love staring at Jacob’s perfect abs! Hahaha.” Gummy unni uttered. Even if she looks ands acts like a guy, she still has that soft heart of a girl! “Oh! And say hi to Jacob for me! Send a flying kiss on his abs for me, arasso?”

Dara and Gummy unni squealed in delight! They both laughed as Dara went for the door. Gummy unni spoke before Dara could even step outside…

“Wait. Don’t steal Jacob from me, two-timer! You already have a beautiful-man! GD’s hot too, you know! He’s the Korean version of Edward Cullen! YUUUMMY! Hahahaha.”

“Oh, STOP IT UNNI! *blush* Besides, I like Jacob, not Edward!”

“B.U.T. guys who look like good-boys, they don’t get the girl! Who will be with Bella at the end of the story? Isn’t it… EDWARD?!”

~*---*~

 “All the cinemas are full… we just have to get the tickets for the last full show.”

“But babe! Can’t you do something? Can we find someone and exchange tickets with them? I want to watch it now!”

Dara is looking at a couple walking past her. They are talking about the movie tickets! Oh no! LAST FULL SHOW? I’ll be waiting for another 2 hours? NOOO! I want to see you now JACOOOB! Dara thought as she stared at her wrist watch and pouted. Dara’s eyes suddenly narrowed, as she saw a familiar backpack at the shoulders of a buffed guy standing 5 feet away from her. She then wore her eyeglasses, and finally confirms --- DAESUNG? He’s holding hands with… MINJI! Of course!! CRAP! HOLY CRAP! They should not see me watching movie alone! What will they think of me? A loner?? And I think I’ll be ruining their movie date if they’ll see me! I don’t want them to pity me!!! Oh what to do?? Dara thought as she ran quickly and went to the washroom. She opened her backpack and changed her clothes. Good thing I brought Jiyongie’s vest and bonnet! This way, they wouldn’t recognize me! She thought as she smiled and went outside and wore the bonnet and a pair of sunglasses. She then went to the ticket booth and bought a ticket, careful that Dae and Minji won’t see her. She glanced at the corner where Dae and Minji are standing earlier, and they’re now gone! ~Whew! She then went outside the cinema and finds a store that sells chips and drinks…

~*---*~

“Is she gone?” Minji asked.

“Yeah. She changed her clothes, bought tickets and went out of the cinema. Should we…?” Dae smiled as he asked.

“YES! Let’s follow her! Ooooh! This will be fun oppa!”

Minji and Dae followed Dara as she went near her favorite snacks. They giggled as quietly as possible, while watching Dara put chips and drinks on a basket. Her basket is already full, but she keeps on putting more chips inside!

“Do you think those are all for her?” Daesung chuckled as he looked at Minji.

“I don’t know. Maybe she’s with someone!” Minji said as she grinned.

“Come on. Let’s buy snacks too! What do you want?” Dae smiled as he grabbed a basket and asked.

“NO! She’ll see us! Let’s just wait for her to bring those snacks at the counter! And then we’ll buy snacks!”

“Okay. But I think she’s alone… I saw her buying a ticket at the cinema and she only bought one!” Dae said as he convinced Minji. “Poor Noona. Where do you think everyone is? I know Seungri is busy. He told me earlier about the book report he forgot to do… But CL and Bommie Noona? Where are they?”

“CL unni told me that she’s busy at the store. Bommie unni is at YG. She couldn’t get out of the building! She said YG is torturing her with a work-over-time!” Minji uttered. “But the snacks she bought… if it’s all only for her, then she must be starving the whole day!” Minji uttered as they both laughed. Finally, Dara went to the counter and paid for the snacks.

Dae and Minji bought snacks too as quickly as they can and continued following Dara. Dara went to a restaurant and the two went inside too, as they found a nice spot for them to spy on their friend. They giggled, grabbing a menu to cover their faces!

“Uhmm… a clubhouse sandwich and a large iced tea, please and thank you.” Dara beamed as the waitress listed down what she ordered. Dara placed her elbows on the table and waited. After 10 minutes of waiting, the waitress arrived, holding a tray of food…

“Finally! Thank you Miss Yuri.” Dara smiled as she read the name plate of the waitress. The waitress smiled back as she placed the sandwich on Dara’s table and a large Iced tea that Dara is now sipping.

"Gosh! Oppa... I think she hasn't eaten for a week! She bought a bag full of snacks and now she's eating a large sandwich?" Minji whispered as she stared at Dara and her bag of chips...

"Noona eats a lot! Haven't you notice that? She's just lucky that she never gets fat even if she eats like a monster!" Dae beamed as they continued observing her...

~*---*~

Dara is now sitting at the centre of the cinema seats. This is the perfect spot! She thought as she smiled and leaned comfortably on the seat. She grabbed her phone and took pictures of herself while wearing 3D glasses. This is actually fun! Me-time – I think I’ll do this once a week! She told herself as she giggled and the lights finally turns off as the screen shows trailers for the next movies of the year. Her excitement can be seen in her eyes! She opened one bag of chips and continuously places one chip after another as her eyes were glued on the big screen. Yehey! Finally... I'll see Jacob!!

Dara is now focused on the screen. She didn’t realize that there are people who are standing, some are kissing, some are hugging and some are just mad because others are noisy! She’s too focused on the movie, and to Jacob’s manliness! Suddenly, someone sat beside her...

“Oh. Sorry.” Dara uttered as she accidentally steps on the man’s foot because she was shocked by a scene!

“How rude… You didn’t even look at me. How will I know if your apology is sincere?”

“What? Excuse me??” Dara asked as she couldn’t believe what she heard from the guy beside her! She felt so pissed because she doesn't want to miss anything from the movie just by putting her attention on the man beside her! She finally controlled her anger and looks at the person beside her! Wait a minute --- this smell… I know this lovely smell! She told herself as she sniffed and looked at the guy. He is wearing a pair of sunglasses overlapping his 3D glasses, a cap, and a jacket that looks totally expensive. Dara bows lower as she tries to see who it is, because the guy’s cap is covering his face! And then she gasped!

“Ji… Jiyongie?”

“Ne. It’s me.” Jiyongie said without even looking at her. “I think… that’s my vest.”

“Oh… right. I’m… Ah-I’m sorry. I just didn’t bring a jacket… and this was the only thing in my bag.” Dara blurted as she flustered. She tries to look at Jiyongie, but Jiyongie held her shoulders and pulled her to sit back.

“So, you always bring my vest and my bonnet?” Jiyongie uttered. She always brings it huh? Hahaha! She really likes me too! Maybe she's hugging my clothes whenever she misses me? Jiyong thought as he smirked and flustered. Dara tried to react as she bites her lip and blushes. She just brings Jiyong’s clothes everyday because she's going to return it as soon as she has time. She was about to tell Jiyong about that but he already spoke.  “Don’t… Don’t look at me. Look at the screen. Someone might see us…”

“Oh…”

“I can’t be seen on public places like this or the girls will run after me. I just want to be a normal person today.” Jiyongie whispered as he fixed his sunglasses. “Popcorn?”

“You… You were here---“

“When the lights were turned off, I sneaked in. That’s my life – I have to find a way to have privacy…” Jiyongie whispered. “D-Did you… Did you see my music video?”

Oh gosh! What am I supposed to tell him? ‘yeah. I love it!’--- No! Scratch that! I can't tell him that I really can't get over that music video! His head might blow up! Uhmm… what about, ‘No. Why would I?’ --- No! That would really hurt him!!! He made a fantastic effort to tell me how he really feels through that video, and I’ll just say something that will disappoint him?? Urghhh! What will I say??? Dara asked herself as words suddenly slipped from … “Err… Ne. Thanks.” Oh… that’s so lame! ‘Ne.. thanks’ ??? That was the only words my mind can think of?? Ayy… Stupid Dalong!! Dara thought as she couldn’t think of anything! She stared at the screen, unable to understand what’s going on with the movie now! She just sat quietly and froze like a mannequin.

“Did you receive my texts?”

“Ne. I did.”

“Why aren’t you responding? You didn’t… like the video? That’s my birthday gift to you.” Jiyongie whispered.

“NO!” Dara bellowed as all of the people in the cinema yelled ‘SHHHH!’ She then continued, “Uhmm… What I mean is… What I mean is…”

“Wait. Someone’s calling.” Jiyongie whispered as he grabbed his blinking phone and pressed answer. “Yes bro? --- I’m at the cinema ---- Ye. Your brother went home already. Okay. Bye.” Jiyongie whispered as he hung up.

~*---*~

“Yeap. That’s him!” Daesung said as he placed his phone back in his pocket and glanced at Minji.

“Jiyong oppa and Dara unni? Are you sure?” Minji asked.

“Affirmative! Didn’t you see his phone blinking there? And he told me he was inside the cinema! Even if it's dark in here, I can tell that the guy beside Dara Noona is him! I can't be wrong!” Daesung whispered as he pointed his finger towards Dara and Jiyong’s direction.

“Aha! We finally caught them! A secret date, huh? Hahaha! Exciting! I want a secret date too oppa!” Minji laughed as she smiled. “Should we tell Seungri oppa?”

“NO! He might get mad. You know how protective he is of his sister! Do you want the riot on Tabi hyung and GD hyung’s concert to be replayed?? Let’s just be happy for Noona okay?” Daesung grinned as they continued watching the movie, and the two people 3 rows away from them. Minji is more curious and happy to observe Jiyong oppa and Dara unni more than watching the movie! She can feel that this is the start of a blossoming romance…

~*---*~

“As I was saying…” Jiyongie whispered as he cleared his throat. “You didn’t answer my texts. I was about to ask you to watch this movie with me. But since I didn’t receive any response, I… I followed you.”

“What? You followed me??” Dara whispered as her eyebrows creased.

“I’m not stalking you! I just saw you leaving the hospital on my way here. That’s when I started… following you.”

“But still---” Dara whispered, but she wasn’t able to finish what she was saying, for Jiyongie suddenly held her cold hands. “What are you doing?! get your hands off me!!! I told you, I don’t like relationships! Even if you heard me saying that I like you, that doesn’t mean I’m re -----“

“Shut up and just watch the movie okay?” Jiyongie whispered as he smirked, feeling that electricity running through his veins again. he felt being in haven again! Dara couldn’t say anything anymore! She flustered even more when she felt the warmth Jiyongie’s hands gave her. Jiyongie spoke again…

“Listen. I don’t care how bad your past is. I don’t care if you’re ready or not.” Jiyong paused, took a deep breath and continued, “Call me selfish, but all I care about is doing something that will satisfy my heart… So will you just sit still and watch the movie? No matter what you do, I won’t let you go. And I don’t need any of your reactions. I just want you to stay still and be quiet…”

Dara felt that the blood vessels on her cheeks exploded as soon as she heard those words! He is right – he is self-centred! But those words are a choir of angels singing inside her eardrums! She can’t move! She can’t move because her heart doesn’t want to! Her mind tried to control her emotions, but her heart won the fight! She finally surrenders and sits back, staring at the screen.

“Your hands are cold.” Jiyongie uttered as he quickly removed his jacket and placed it on Dara’s shoulders. Dara is still in awe! She felt warmer than usual, not because of the jacket he has given her, but because of the overflowing emotions she is feeling now! Jiyongie held her hand again, tighter. For the first time, she allowed herself to be happy… She allowed her heart to be ‘the boss’ today. She’s just tired of making things difficult because of trying to protect her heart from getting hurt again…

“Don’t think, just feel my heart..." Jiyongie uttered as he placed their hands on his chest. Dara’s heart almost came out of ! She can feel Jiyongie's heartbeat is screaming her name! It beats faster, drumming in a sweet, blissful harmony... she flustered and felt all warm inside. Her heart felt weird, but she somehow knows that it is satisfied when it felt Jiyongie's heart. is this right? Am I really ready to open my heart for him? Dara asked herself as she heard Jiyongie spoke once more... “No one’s gonna fetch you here right?”

“I’ll call a cab service…”

“No. I’ll take you home. Whether you like it or not, even if I’ll be carrying you again until we reach Trixie…”

“Trixie?”

“Yep. My girl.”

~*---*~