CHAPTER 24: HESITATION

[YOUNGBAE’S POV]

“That’s all I can say man… Be brave and just tell Jiyong! If he gets mad, you don’t have the right to get mad at all! Remember, this is your fault. *puff* But since you’re in such situation now, *blow* what else can I do but give an advice... I have no choice don't I?” TOP hyung uttered, as he tapped my shoulders and continued smoking. I couldn’t express how ashamed and guilty I am for being in this problem! I know hyung has a lot more problems he has to think about other than this and here I am, adding up to his burdens! I just want to get over with this goddamn mess and I know I wouldn't be able to handle this maturely without hyung's help! MAN! I don’t want to cause a lot more problems to the people I treasure most…

“arasso hyung… I promise, I’ll tell him.” I nodded as I bowed down and played with the rings on my fingers. This becomes a habit of me now---playing with my rings whenever I feel uneasy. I just feel so nervous whenever TOP hyung gets serious! He really acts as an older brother to me and Jiyong everytime we are in a complicated situation. Being an only child, I never experienced having an older brother, only when TOP hyung came into our lives! He makes Jiyong and I laugh when we’re sad or tired, and gives us good advices when we need one. But by looking at him, no one would even think that hyung will be the type of person that is capable of coming up with good advices! People around us are always used to seeing the five-year old TOP trapped in a famous rapper's body!  No one has ever seen this side of him... well, maybe I'm wrong! I think he acts maturely in front of Daesung, his only dongsaeng. I think that is the reason why he is familiar with taking care of maknaes---because he grew up having a brother! That’s why even if he looks pissed right now, he still tries to control his anger and understand what I am experiencing now---that's what hyungs  are supposed to do…

“I won't tell anybody about this---THERE! You have my word! Just solve that mess right now, arasso? I don’t want your friendship to be over just like that… Imagine how hard that will be for me! Both of my maknaes are working and practicing… without talking to each other?! Oh MAN! *holds forehead* Don’t make me feel that ing awkwardness! Tsssssss…” TOP hyung shook his head as he stared at me, observing if I really am sincere with my promise...

“Yes. You also have my word hyung! Well, I’d probably be going now. The others are expecting me to be at Bom's party.  Thanks hyung! I appreciate what you've done! You made everything clearer for me…” I stood up and hugged him, showing how greatful I am to have him whenever I am confused and don't know what to do. I hope he won’t have a grudge on me now… I will keep my promise no matter what it takes.

“YOUR PROMISE… I’ll count on that YB!!” TOP hyung repeated once more just to make sure that I will really do what I said. I will hyung, don’t worry. And I need to clear this up as soon as possible! I don’t want Ji to think of me as a traitor… We’ve been friends since we were kids and I don’t want to risk that just because of this feeling!

Maybe if I’ll tell Ji what I am feeling for Dara, he will understand. Besides, he knows exactly how it feels to be with Dara---that warmth she gives my heart that makes me feel alive and makes me do everything just to make her happy! The kind of urge to do anything just to be close to her because that's the only moment my heart feels at ease... my heart knows where it belongs! It has never been longing for anyone, except when it met Dara... She’s very hard to resist! I’ve never felt this kind of happiness before! That wonderful feeling that made Jiyong crazy now makes me lose my mind too!

As soon as TOP hyung and I parted ways, I then reached for my phone and tried to call Jiyong… He wouldn’t pick up! HMmmm.... This is odd! He usually picks up whenever I call him! He didn’t mention anything about doing something today---He even invited me to his house but I just said no because I am with Dara…I don’t think he is busy! What is he up to now? Ughh. I’ll just call him until he answers, and maybe invite him too in Bom’s party! We’ll just talk after that. I don’t want to make myself feel a lot more guilty if I’ll just let the day pass without confronting him right away…

~*---*~

[DARA’S POV]

Bommie still doesn’t want to talk to me. Grr... She knows how I hate this! What will I do now?? Did I really become too harsh when I told her how much a nagger she is?? I just told her the truth!! She nagged a bit too much earlier! But I admit... I couldn't stand this any longer!!! We usually have misunderstandings but we’ll be okay again after 5 minutes! And that's the longest period we didn’t talk! She has never shown her cold shoulder to me... until THIS happened! Tsk. I miss her already---she is my best-est friend! And I need her advice right now! I want to know how I will be able to stop having a crush on GD!! I need her to help me control my feelings before it gets worse, and the next thing I know, I’m depressed again!!! I……

“Unni! THE MEAT!------------IT’S BURNING!!!!”

“Huh?? What’s that???" I asked, confused with what Minji is trying to say. And then I realized, "~OMO! *startled* Mianhe, Mianhe! Sorry! I’m so sorry Minji… ~sigh~”

“It’s okay unni. You don’t have to worry... I understand! *smiles* Unnie's been working the whole day, and she hadn’t got enough sleep because of all her responsibilities! Here…let me help you.” Minji smiled sweetly as she grabbed the cardboard I was holding and fanned the beef that I am grilling---It happened again! I did something wrong because my mind keeps thinking of something else instead of focusing on what I am doing at the moment... Darn! I think I’m becoming absent-minded a lot these days! I just feel uneasy whenever Bom gets mad at me! Plus, the thought of Jiyong makes me forget everything!!! I hate him! He's the one who made me... ughh!!! I need Bom now!!! I need to get out of this craziness! I need my cousin---my best friend!! I want to talk to her now and fix the misunderstanding that we have, but how will I do that? I’m busy grilling this beef and she’s busy cooking too! How will I fix this before the guests arrive? ~sigh*

~Diiiiiiing!

“Answer the door!!” CL uttered. I know she wants to run to the gate and find out who rang the doorbell for she is expecting to see a celebrity, but CL is busy helping Bommie in the kitchen...

"I got it!" Seungri shouted, as I saw him through the glass door, jumping from the sofa and hurrying towards the gate to see who that is. I suddenly heard someone running towards my direction… I turned around to see who that is and to my surprise, it’s Bommie!!!

"Finally!!! I've been wa----"

“Shhhh! Let me talk first!” Bom covered my mouth and continued, “Are you wondering if I am mad? Well you’re wrong about that Tokki… I just… uhh… err… How will I say this?”

“WHAT?” I asked as I looked at her. Why would she act like this? Why does she look agitated?? What could have been the problem now?

“Okay. The reason I’m not talking to you is because I… *gasp* I-invited-Jiyongie-to-come-over!! That’s all! Bye! Have to get back to my cooking before it gets burnt!” Bom blurted as fast as she could, flashing an aegyo while running back to the kitchen to avoid hearing something bad that I might say again because of what she said!

WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Did I hear it right?? J-Jiyong is going here?! *What to do?!* I don’t want to see him right now!! I don’t want to have that kind of feeling again!! I’m okay even if I’m not that happy! Happiness eventually turns into sadness---I KNOW IT WILL!!! GOSH! I don’t know what to do now! My mind wants me to escape this party and just go somewhere else! I don’t want to see him and finally confirm to myself that I do like him! What if it is Jiyong who rang the doorbell just now?! Where will I hide???? My heart is pounding hard right now, and I don’t like how this whole craziness is going!!!

“Annyeong!”

I panicked as soon as I heard someone came inside and greet everyone! I’m so nervous to see who it is!!! What if it is Jiyong?? …But the voice sounded almost like a girl! It couldn’t be Youngbae because his voice is more masculine than the one I just heard… Jiyong’s voice doesn’t sound like that either! His voice is cuter than anyone else! But it’s absolutely not feminine! I can still recall the sound of his voice saying my name when our lips are pressed against each other!-----------------*Uh-oh… How can any thought lead me back to that moment??? Please Jiyong!!! Stop bugging me!!!!

“AISSSSSHHHHHHT!”

“Noona?! Noona, are you alright? What happened? Upset about something?” Daesung suddenly appeared as soon as I yelled out of frustration!--------Of course!! How couldn't I figure it out? Dae's voice is very distinct!!! And I suddenly didn't recognized his high ptiched voice because of so much worry in my chest?? Why couldn’t I help myself to stop thinking about Jiyong?! From time to time, he comes into my mind! Even if I try to shake it off, he still enters my thoughts and bothers me!!! ~sigh* ottokae-ottokae?!

“Oh… is that you who just came in? *chuckles* ~whew* that was nothing Dae… I just thought I burned another meat! I miss you maknae! How’s school today?” I uttered as I shook my head while Dae went near me and gave me a warm hug. He looked worried because I startled him when I yelled! Grrr… Why am I like this?? I can’t get my mind to concentrate!! Tshhhh! This is so not me anymore!!!

“School’s been great, Noona! We performed earlier---I sang and danced with Seungri and Minji-ah!  You should have seen it----Minji and Seungri were fierce on stage! Anyway, do you need help Noona? I can grill vegetables at this side *points at the left part of the grill* and you can just continue grilling the meat on that side so that everything will be done on time.” Daesung said as he prepared all the vegetables and helped me. He smiled sweetly, putting his arm around my shoulders like what Seungri usually does… I love both of them! Actually I treat Dae as my own brother too! I think he is extra sweet to me today for I am too obvious! I look stressed and depressed… *pouts* I keep on embarrassing myself whenever Jiyong enters my confused mind… ~sigh*

“I know Daesungie is worrying about Noona right now. *chuckles* no need to worry Dae! I just got startled when I saw the meat burning earlier and I thought I'm going to burn another one… Hahaha.”

“Are you sure Noona? It’s okay! I won’t ask about where you’re deep thoughts are dragging you right now. I’ll just comfort Noona until she feels more relaxed! *smiles* by the way, where’s Minji?” Daesung smiled again as he asked. That’s what I also want to ask him! Minji was just beside me earlier, fanning the meat I am cooking but now she’s suddenly out of sight!!! This is really bad!!! Because of unconsciously thinking too much, I never even noticed that Minji went inside the house already! Wae? Why is this happening to me?

“Uhh… I don’t know. *bites-nails* she was with me a while ago… I never noticed she went inside thou…” Daesung giggled to himself while shaking his head as soon as he heard my reply. I think this dongsaeng really thinks I’ve lost it! Maybe he is thinking that I’m totally crazy right now---How can I not notice that Minji already went inside?? Daesung's smile suddenly faded as he asked me another question...

“Uhmm… Noona, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, sure! What is it? Is there something bothering my dongsaeng?” I asked as I his hair, for when I glanced at him, he suddenly looked problematic! Maybe if he shares his problem with me, I’ll be able to lure my mind into some other interesting thought to ponder about…

“Uhmm… Noona, promise me first… promise me that whatever happens, you won’t get mad at me…” Dae uttered as he pouted and released a deep, sad sigh. I now feel sad as well! He usually is the kind of person who smiles no matter what. He never gets mad even if Seungri teases him and tells him that he is so ugly! This is actually the very first time I saw him frown like this! I glanced at him, waiting for him to tell me what his problem is while he cleared his throat and then continued, “How will you react if… if… if you found out that I’m crushing on… on your BROTHER??”  

“*cough-cough* HUH???? *cough-cough* WHAAAAAAAAAA----” My jaw dropped! I almost died of choking from my own saliva as soon as I heard what his problem is! But before I could even react, Daesung already placed the grilled beef wrapped in lettuce inside my now opened mouth!! I think he got shocked by how I reacted that’s why he stuffed my whole mouth with meat! I couldn't believe it!!! This kid’s gay????? I don’t know how to react with what he said! I don’t know if I’m mad or disappointed coz I never thought he would turn out to have a love interest on my brother!!! And to think that he is also the guy I am treating as my dongsaeng already?? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! He can't be gay!!! I can't see how this is possible, except for his natural feminine pitch... But still!! He’s always very caring to Minji that I almost thought he likes her more than a friend!! How can this be?? And he has the perfect muscles-----The muscles that every man is envious of having!!! How can he waste his manhood because of my brother??

“Daesungie! I can choke by what you’ve done you know! *chomp-chomp* wait a minute… PLEASE! Make this clearer for me... Wait, so you’re saying… you are----------are you GAY?!”

“Hahaha!!! NOONA!! *shakes my shoulders* you've just been pranked! And you fell for that REAL HARD?? Do I really look gay to you? Can you imagine me loving your brother not in a platonic way?? That’s freaky!! *chuckles* I just did that so you’ll open your mouth and I can get you to eat this meat!! *chuckles* See? That’s the meat you just finished cooking! That’s the meat you are so worried about!! Isn’t it delicious?! *beams* Noona is an amazing cook! You don’t have to worry about how your cooking will turn out because it really tastes good! *chuckles* Oh, I'm so proud of myself now!!! I never realized that I can be a great actor!! Imagine If I didn't do that, your mind will still be on mars!!! Thank you self! Noona is laughing right now because of 'THE AMAZING DAESUNG!' Hahahaha...”

~whew!* I’m glad to hear that he’s just joking around! Hahahaha! I don’t know what to do if that was really true! -----------Whaaaaa! That’s how desperate he is just to make me happy? He’ll do anything just to make me laugh! But in all fairness...it kind of worked! Hahaha… I laughed as I messed with Dae’s hair. He is such a cute dongsaeng! Even if others find that his jokes are corny, for me it's still funny!

“hyung! I told you to just say hi to Dara Noona! I’m waiting for you at the living room! We still have a lot to do!” Seungri suddenly appeared and dragged Dae towards the glass door, insisting him to go inside…

“You’re just jealous because your Noona likes me, and we’re now having fun! *chuckles* just kidding! I’m cooking the veggies can’t you see? I’m helping Dara noona! You can do the preparations by yourself! I remember you bragging about your muscles getting bigger right? *chuckles* use that!” Daesung teased as we both laughed while Seungri looks helpless, the back of his neck as he went inside to arrange the table and the cooked foods without Dae's assistance…

I couldn’t thank my friends enough for making me smile every time they see me sad… even if the pain in my heart can never be removed, it is lessened whenever they are here! I don’t know what will happen if they are not here beside me… Who is Dara without her friends?

Finally, Daesung and I were done cooking the food. We then went inside, still laughing for we both smell like grilled beef already! Suddenly, Minji opened the gate, and when I looked at Daesung’s face, his mouth fell open when he saw Youngbae being accompanied by Minji into our living room…

“HYUNG!! What are you doing here? *confused* Whoa!! *laughs* You’re Bommie noona’s friend too??” Daesung’s small eyes got even smaller that I can’t see his eyelashes anymore! He then grabbed Youngbae and hugged him, tapping his back so hard as if they know each other since birth! Actually, I can’t absorb what’s been happening right now! I guess, people with the same dreams are just destined to be together… That’s probably why the world is getting smaller… Haha.

“I was about to ask you the same thing! *smiles* you never told me you’re invited here! Damn! I haven’t seen you in ages Dae! And what a fortunate coincidence to see you here too! *smiles* How’s it been bro?” Youngbae hugged Daesung back and smiled at me with so much happiness in his eyes…

~*---*~

[JIYONG’S POV]

Bommie said that their place is just beside a green house… I am now at their street just looking for a nice spot to park my baby... I need to see my dream-girl now!! Finally, I'll be able to look at her once more and talk to her as much as I want! Just wait for me Dara... I'll be there as soon as I park this car!

As I drove near the green house, I saw a familiar motorcycle parked in front of a lodge. I couldn’t be wrong… this is Youngbae’s!!! I then parked my car parallel to Youngbae’s big bike. I couldn’t believe my eyes! How can Youngbae not tell me that he’s friends with Dara? He knows how much I want to be close to her, and he didn’t even mention anything about this?! He is my best friend---in fact, I treat him as my brother already! But what is he doing??? Tssssss... something’s telling me that I must not get out of the car yet------I must know everything behind this dirty little secret Youngbae has been hiding from me! I then observed what’s happening… ! I won’t be able to control my anger if I found out that he likes Dara too and is trying to make his move behind my back!!

I glanced at my rolex and just found out that it's 8:30... I can't drag my feet otside of this car!! I have to figure out a good reason why YB didn’t mention about being in Bom’s party before I go inside! Should I text him? I want to pretend that I didn't see his bike here and ask where he is... If he tells me that he is at home, he’s definitely doing something wrong that might ruin our friendship!! He knows how I act whenever I get mad!!! I grabbed my phone from the back seat of my car to dial his number but when I glanced at it, I saw 9 missed calls from Youngbae!!! Maybe I was just thinking negatively about him after all! Maybe he’s trying to contact me to invite me in Bommie’s party! I’m such a ! I never checked my phone from the time I got home until now! Tsssssss... How could I doubt Youngbae’s loyalty to me?!

I texted Youngbae and asked him where he is, and as expected, he replied that he is at Bommie’s party, and I should go there too! !!! Now I feel bad about thinking that he likes Dara too! Youngbae is the type of friend that will help you whenever you need him! He is so kind and he never gets mad at me, even if I always make fun of people around us! He is the only person who never left even if he knows how a badass I can be most of the time! I suddenly glanced back at the house to check if it is already safe to go in there. I fixed my blazer, sprayed my expensive perfume all over my body and slightly opened the car door, when their gate opened and I saw a familiar face went outside the green gate-----------------------------! NO! that couldn't be possible! Could it?! I hid my head on the car’s manoeuvre, just exposing my eyes to see if I’m not mistaken… DAMN!!! What is the 'RAT' doing here?! What’s his name again?? Err... Seung Won!? Seung Min?? Urghh! I can’t remember his name!!! I continued observing what that Rat is doing, and then someone followed him outside-------- DAESUNG’S HERE TOO??? WHAT THE?? How long haven’t I seen my friends?? How come I never knew that Dae and YB are already friends with the Parks? I would be so disappointed if I found out that Tabi hyung is already friends with them too! This is bullsh*t!

“Saeungri-ya! Wait up!! Dara Noona said I should go with you…... YAH!!! SEUNGRI-YA! WAIT FOR ME!!!” Daesung suddenly ran to catch up with Rat’s brisk walking... Seungri? OH YEAH! Seungri is Rat’s name! Tsssssss! I wonder if Dara and Seungri are related… Because if they are, my plan is ruined! !!! What am I going to do???