YIXING'S POV

“This will be the last project I’ll make you work. I promise,” she breathed “I am really really sorry for disturbing you.” She sounded really sorry, really sorry and sick.

No, I don’t care actually. I could take all her projects I could do all of them having them perfect, but all I’ve been dying to know is why.

I could work on everything she’ll give me, it could be a an entire research study, I would. But all I’ve been wanting to know is why.

She’s smart; she had her records here being always on top. I would always think things that are difficult for an average student here in this school is just some easy doodle for her. Those times she would hang out with me, do her studies while I just hover around her, I’ve never seen her having a hard time on what she’s doing.

And now, I don’t want to think but. . .solving a simple equation would be too hard for her to work.

I don’t want to think she’s sick either, but what my eyes are seeing couldn’t lie- she’s getting thinner and pale, I still refuse to think she’s sick.

It’s been weeks after I begged Luhan to attend that event where Jinhan will perform, and as much I wanted to be there instead of him, to have my full support and to witness her last performance, I couldn’t. It was an event where invitations are a must, and that last invitation she had was just thrown away by Luhan.

I want to give him a good punch, to make him realize what he’s missing.

Luhan. Without telling me anything, I know. I know something is wrong; my conclusions were enough to prove I was right to whatever is happening between these two. I don’t know the deeper accurate details, but something is obviously wrong. And I had Xiumin and Tao warned about it, never to mention her in front of him.

But Luhan being in front of us is not happening these days, he’s not showing. We would see him in his classes but would never approach us. I wanted to console him, to be the friend I’ve always been but it’s not like it now. . .not when he’s done something to her and what he did damaged her.

Yes, I would choose her over Luhan.

Luhan was right, I was sick and in love, in love to a woman who would never love me back.

We were sitting at the benches at the parking lot, we always meet here. She’ll hand me her projects, homework, everyday. I wanted to ask her why, why can’t she do them, but I’m afraid. Damn afraid of what she’ll tell me.

Silence were never to be with her, she would always tell me stories, even the most random one, and I would be always be willing and glad to listen. She never bores me with everything she talks about. But these weeks, she’s gotten quiet. Silence would always surround us. Silence with her was never awkward; I could sit in front of her without speaking. Looking around, watch her. . .silence. I hate silence, but with her, it’s something different. This day was one of those silences she would give me.

She sighed; my eyes were just on her as she was looking down. I’ve also noticed that these days she won’t look directly on me. . .in my eyes like she used to. She’s one of those few people I’ve met that would look into your eyes whenever you would talk, like she’s so focused listening to whatever you are saying.

I noticed that we were not the only people sitting on the benches, I glanced behind Jinhan’s shoulder, and someone was reading a book, a blonde hair, all I have to make sure is he isn’t Luhan.

“Uhhh, can I ask you a question?”

I immediately had my attention back at her.

“Sure.”

“Do you know Luhan?”

I frowned, what? I had to ask again if what I hear is right. “What?” and I noticed the guy sitting behind Jinhan had his head moved.

“Luhan? I think I saw you with him sometimes before? You were eating at the café nearby with your other friends.” She asked like she was really intrigued to know, but my frown is getting deeper.

“Jinhan.”

Did I miss something?

“Hmm? You know him right?”

I know him, I know him so well. We are best friends, but Jinhan you know all these.

Heat flooded through me, and I thought I couldn’t move. What is happening?

Jinhan was still looking at me, waiting for me to answer, and the guy behind her had his back straightened, stiff.

Luhan.

“Ye- Yes, I know him. Why?” I answered nervously, playing her game if she’s playing a damn game. But my mind is swimming to the hundreds of hell on what is happening right now.

“Does he have a girlfriend?”

This is getting insane. It’s either she’s playing this game to thaw Luhan who she knows that’s just sitting behind her or this is something real.

“Jinhan.” My voice turned out whining, I couldn’t keep this kind of conversation with her. It scares the hell out of me.

She looked down, fiddling her fingers, “I just wanted to know.” She mumbled.

.

“Hey! You’re cursing!” she warned me like she always used to, always with Luhan.

I wasn’t aware I said it too loud for her to hear, but this is insane. She’s serious, but what? How? I don’t even know what to ask!

“It’s okay, you don’t need to answer.” She smiled, but it hid the disappointment that I didn’t answer her.

She started clutching her back bag beside her, standing up. I was still confused. I was lost, that something just happened in front of me yet I didn’t understand everything.

“I have to leave.” She was standing in front me; Luhan who was sitting behind her had the book back in front of him.

She turned her back at me, walking slowly, and I spoke. . .my eyes on Luhan’s back.

“He has a girlfriend.”

I waited for Luhan to turn, but he didn’t. It was enough to know what his reactions was. It’s either he know I know he’s there or not.

Jinhan stopped from walking, she didn’t turn back, “Oh, okay. Thank you.” And she ran.

I’ve never been this scared for someone in my life, what just happened is too hard to ignore, something is wrong with her. I wanted to move, to do something, but I am not in the position to do.

I waited for her to disappear, and I waited for Luhan to move. After a few minutes he stood up, like nothing happened he walked out the same direction where she went, ignoring me.

He knows, he heard everything. It’s enough.

But everything that happened drowned me.

*8*8*

Days have passed, after that day with Jinhan asking ridiculous questions. She would see me again, we’ll talk hand me another projects. But it didn’t go weird like our last encounter.

She never asked about Luhan again, but I want to ask her. But I’m afraid what happened would happen again.

It was again one of those days where she would give me her projects. I mustered all my courage to ask.

“Aren’t you going to ask about Luhan?” my chest pounded for her answer.

She stopped tapping her phone, but she didn’t look at me.

“Let’s forget about him.” It took me seconds to take her answer, if it’s something against what I asked but a relief sigh escaped me. “Please.”

But it took my brain to think that she’s making herself forget about Luhan, the tone she had now talking about Luhan is too hostile from how she talked about him the day she made those ridiculous questions.

I nodded, humming a reply. But the next thing she asked me, I thought I couldn’t breathe.

She was knitting her eyebrows like very confused of what to do, “Do you know. . .” she was hesitating to ask me, and it scared the hell out of me more, “how to send a message using this?”

I couldn’t speak. I just stared at her as she handed out her phone to me.

What the hell is happening?

“You. . .” I don’t even know how to ask my question, but I don’t want her to think something is wrong happening when there is really something wrong happening. “You don’t know how to text?”

She stared into my eyes for three good seconds; she’s never done that for awhile, “Oh, forget it.”

She panicked, immediately shoving her phone on her bag, and left.

What is happening Jinhan? Please, you’re scaring me.

*8*8*

I met up with Xiumin the next day, the same place for lunch.

“Do you know what symptoms it is that you sometimes forget something?”

Xiumin looked at me and laughed, “Isn’t that some memory gap? Alzheimer?”

Alzheimer? Doesn’t it occur to the old ones? “Alzheimer is for the old ones right?”

Xiumin frowned, pursing his lips. “Alzheimer could-“

“Hey!”

We snapped both our heads to where it came from, and to our surprised it was Luhan, with the blonde hair like the last time I saw him.

Xiumin and I looked at each other, I gave him that look to stop whatever we were talking about.

“Finally! Where have you been?” Xiumin asked, I kept my eyes observing.

“Why? I missed hanging out with you guys.” He chuckled, something has changed, he’s talking a lot.

“I thought you’re making the time of your life spending your new freedom.” Xiumin replied, I stayed quiet and Luhan’s eyes never landed on me.

He chuckled, “I think I did.”

So I guess that explained where he’s been hanging out. My phone rang, and I frowned, that’s when Luhan looked at me, both of them frowned.

No one calls me on my phone, not even my parents.

I glanced at the screen, and suddenly I panicked to see Jinhan’s name on the screen.

I took a glance on both of them as I answered it.

Pause.

I didn’t speak, I waited for her to speak.

“Yixing.”

Like some volt of electric was shot through me I shivered hearing her voice. Something is wrong.

“Where are you.” I snapped my head up, Luhan and Xiumin gave me worried looks.

“Are you with Luhan?” I was about to take a look on Luhan when, “Don’t look at him please.”

I calmed myself, thinking this is something what I’m thinking.

“Yes.” I answered.

“Help me.”

With those words I shot up standing, she was breathing hard like she couldn’t speak more, there is definitely wrong about where she is or what happened to her.

“Yixing.” It was Luhan who first called me, I ignored it.

“Don’t move, where are you?” I asked through gritted teeth.

“Don’t let Luhan know, please.” She was pleading; it was so hard for me to listen.

“Where. . .” I couldn’t speak; the lump on my throat is taking much of my voice.

“The music room.”

I hang up before she could finish, I ran out the café.

I was running so fast like my life depended n how fast I could run, I couldn’t stop my brain from thinking all the worse scenarios could happen.

I was praying silently.

I reached the room, scared to even open it.

Please be safe, please. Like a mantra, I’ve repeated those words as I turned the knob.

But it was useless; the scene was too much for me to take. I couldn’t think of anything else that could happen to her from this sight I’m seeing.

I started shaking, my hands were shaking so hard.

“Jinhan.” My voice is even shaking.

She was sobbing, hugging her knees as she curled herself in the corner. But it was her clothes. . .they were thorn, I could see some scrapes of it on the floor. The strap of her underwear is hanging loosely on her shoulders, bruises are visible In her arms. . .and her neck.

She lifted her head up, she was shaking.

I couldn’t think of anything else, I wanted to refuse what my mind is telling me of what happened. My eyes started to hurt, I walked towards her, not even sure whether to touch her or not.

She looks vulnerable like in one touch she’ll break.

“Yixing.” She sobbed, tears flowing out her eyes, I couldn’t stand it.

I took off my jacket and wrapped it on her, that one look she gave me, it took all my strength to believe what I’m seeing is true.

She cried harder when I wrapped her jacket, I held her shoulders. She was limping as I helped her stood up.

“Hide me, please. Hide me.”

“Sssshhh, don’t worry. Sssshhh, I’m here. I’m here.” My eyes were hurting too much.

How could someone be cruel to do this on her, why her? I’m mad, mad is not even the right term to measure my anger.

I managed to get her in my car; I didn’t mind ditching my subjects. I wrapped her my jacket tightly, made her lay down at the backseat making sure she’s comfortable.

As I walked towards the driver seat, someone called me. And God knows how I don’t know what could happen next.

“Yixing.”

It was Luhan, and I can’t let him see her, no.

I glanced behind, somehow thankful that I made Jinhan lay down so her head wouldn’t be seen from the back.

“You’re going home?” he asked. He was looking at me; I thank God that he isn’t roaming his eyes on my car.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, something came up. Emergency.” Yes, it was an emergency.

He gave that look, that look I know so much that he isn’t buying my excuse.

“I have to leave.”

Call me rude, but I have to leave, he can’t know about Jinhan.

I drove fast out the driveway, asking Jinhan if I should send her to the hospital or to somewhere else.

“Hotel, just not our house.” she was talking too remotely, like she doesn’t have enough energy to speak, it’s painful to hear.

“I can’t send you on a hotel alone.” No way, she might do something ridiculous after what happened.

“I’m bringing you to my house okay?” it wouldn’t sound bad. I live with my family, they would be fine if I let her live with us for awhile under this kind of circumstances.

She didn’t respond, I checked her from the rear mirror of my car, she’s fallen asleep.

*8*8*

I couldn’t speak with her, if she doesn’t talk much before, now it’s gotten worse.

She won’t talk unless it’s yes or no respond.

I went to ask her one time who the did this on her, yet she would just stare far away.

I understand the emotional breakdown and trauma she’s experiencing after what happened, that until now I refuse to take. But I needed her to talk, I want to know who the hell did this on her and I don’t know what I could do to that tard.

A week passed, she’s stayed at the house for weeks. My mother is too welcoming to accommodate her, she was even thankful that I brought her to our house. She’s taking care of her like she’s her own daughter. I couldn’t blame mom, she wanted a daughter ever since.

Within those weeks too, Myungsoo talked to me. Myungsoo was scary, everyone knows it. But when Jinhan wouldn’t go to back to their house, I needed an excuse. But it was Myungsoo who approached me first.

That’s when I finally knew Myungsoo, something I found out about him that intrigues me.  He’s like some guardian to Jinhan, I told her what happened to Jinhan, and what happened next gave some sense of what Myungsoo could really do.

Like me, I know he likes Jinhan. I knew it; I could read it in his eyes whenever he would look at her. Both of us are just on the same situation.

Myungsoo told Jinhan’s parents that Jinhan was staying in their house. I thought it was ridiculous, how they could agree for Jinhan to stay with Myungsoo. But Myungsoo told me its fine and I have nothing to worry. Her family and his are close.

But we really needed her to talk, and she’s not talking.

We both know who could make her talk; only one could make her talk.

 Luhan.

*8*8*

“Luhan, I know we’ve been not talking but could you do me a favor?” I don’t know if I started it the right way or not, I have to give him the last shot.

I turned her face on me, “What is it now?” he was calm, I needed this opportunity.

“It’s not for me.”

He cursed, the calm face he got was now annoyed.

“Yixing, if it’s about her again. . .Yixing I had enough of her. Please!”

“Luhan, please. She’s not talking!”

“I don’t give a if she’s not talking or what the hell she’s been doing!”

Luhan was mad, but something behind her anger is too visible to be seen.

“Yixing for the past weeks I’ve done everything to forget her,” I gulped, Luhan spoke with such pain. “And here you are reminding me again of her when I am almost forgetting her!”

If I only I could make her talk, I will never ask you. If only I could take her away from you, I would’ve done it from the very first place. But everything about her is you.

I hate Luhan, I am being selfish, but I hate him.

“Something happened Luhan.” I continued, he’s the last chance.

“Yixing, please. Whatever happened to her is not my concern.”

“If I could make her talk Luhan, I won’t be begging you now.”

“Has she become mute now?” Luhan spoke in ridiculous manner.

“I think something happened to her. . .”

Luhan just watched me as I gave him that look that it’s some that happened. Luhan knows me well not to ignore it.

“I think,” I swallowed hard, and I almost choked with the next words I’ve been refusing to believe, “she’s .”