“What the hell are you doing here?”

I snapped at the sight of her before my thoughts would drown again just by watching her.

I am very sure, damn fukcing sure she wasn’t the girl I slept with last night. I am fukcing sure about it, yet the moment I saw her standing in front of me, standing like some vulnerable eye shattered crap, my certainty was battered. I don’t want to think any more, the more I think the more it’s making my head ache and I just want to get rid of it.

“I- I-“ she stuttered, I sat up my head, the covers slid down and pooled on my waist. The pain is so damn making head break in to two.

“What!” I shouted, and she flinched looking down. I must remind myself that it’s my birthday, it’s my birthday and she’s the first one I ever see on the twenty-three years I’ve stayed on earth.

“The girl. . . The girl called me. She told me you needed me.” She said too low, and I just want to punch anything after she said those. Relief washed through me as she affirmed it herself she wasn’t the one I slept with, and something deep inside me that’s too hard to ignore tugged me with disappointment. Sh!t.

Needed? Why the hell would I need her? This is making me sick.

“Need?” I scowled, “That’s bullsh!t!” she cringed when I cursed too loud than I rather. “Didn’t I make it clear I don’t want to see that fugly face of yours again?” I was screaming, yelling, I’m not sure but my voice is ranging too loud than normal.

My consciousness gained back, but the throbbing was still there. And I now focused on her. How her hair was so unruly, yet there’s nothing wrong about it to ruin her picture. How her damn too long clothes are always wrapping around her figure, making her so plump. Dammit. Just godammit!

The sight of her must be an eyesore to me now, it ought to irate me, and it should! Yet here I am never getting tired of how she looked like I could stare at her the whole day without even blinking, it’s making me sick. So sick!

She was still standing in that place; head bowing low, her fingers are curling on each digital.

I groaned, “Did you hear me or you’re just fukcin’ deaf?” I want her to be crawling out now in embarrassment, but no movement’s done by her. Wasn’t my stymies enough for her to be swallowed by the ground and be ashamed of showing up her face in front of me? She’s grown her guts, as she stayed with me.

She isn’t moving, and I’m getting tired of snapping her awful words that my brain could ever spit out on her. I grabbed my boxers, just lying beside the bed. I wore it under the sheets; half of my body exposed on her is enough.

I stood up, and she spoke. “Please take those tablet, it wil-“

“SHUT UP!” I yelled, as I raked my hand on my hair. “Look you freak, I don’t want you meddling in my life right now, or tomorrow, or even the day after tomorrow or ever. You hear that freak? I don’t want to see that hayrick hair of yours, and if ever I get to see that again, I’d chopped it off! I don’t want to see that hideous clothes of yours you are wearing, like you’re stuck in whatever centuries you stink. I don’t want to hear any of your stupid nonsense stories. I don’t want to ever smell that reeking odor of yours! In short, I am sick of seeing you! Anything about you is making me sick, you understand? So please. . .” I paused; I was telling those having my back facing her as I am not brave enough to tell them in front of her face, but I must get a grip of myself. I turned around, and I regretted it. How badly I wanted to swallow back my words, and here in front of me I thought I saw the most painful sight I’ve ever seen.

Her eyes were now bloodshot, tears are pouring non-stop from her eyes, and it’s much worse than that night we were in the island. She was sobbing, but she’s not making full of it, controlling it with all she could. I just want her out of my sight, now.

“I like you.” She said, sobbing hard.

I rolled my eyes, ready to say something when she said something again. I had enough. . .

“I love you.” She said those, her voice cracking from her excessive crying.

“I don’t give a damn if you like me or you love me, the hell I care! I want you out of my sight now before I could do something I am not even going to regret!” I yelled, louder than I have ever yelled in my life.

I heard her breathe out; with those sobs she keeps on holding.

The next thing I heard was the soft clicking of the door, like she was being careful not to even make a noise.

I was left in the room, with my mind so damn heavy, not with the hangover. . .but something worse.

*8*8*

“Hey! So how’s the new freedman?” Zitao howled his teasing at me, when we met up this morning. He was chuckling; sure he has this good morning. “And how was last night huh?” I just laughed, like nothing happened this morning.

Everyone is here, no. . . Yixing is missing.

“Where’s Yixing?” I asked them, Xiumin looked at me first hesitating but shrugged. I arched my brow, wanting him to speak but Tao did it for him.

“There goes the loverboy,” Tao scoffed, that tone when he doesn’t like what’s happening. “He’s with the antediluvian,” He clicked his tongue, “Again.”

Antediluvian, means the freak, Jinhan.

I looked away; not wanting to have this talk. I don’t want to have this talk. This morning was enough, but Xiumin isn’t helping.

“I heard she had her schedules back again.” Xiumin is smiling, smiling like there’s something more to it than what he just said. “And. . .” he trailed, I knew it. But he didn’t speak more.

“She looks. . .different,” Tao scowled, I frowned. Different? “But she still looks like a freak to me, nothing changed.”

Xiumin smacked his back making Tao moved forward almost sliding off the seat, “Admit it, you like it!” he said grinning, like so proud nothing couldn’t be denied about it.

How the hell these guys define different? It somehow scares me; I don’t want to see her, I’m afraid if I see her again, I’ll have this strange need of something. . .something that I myself doesn’t know.

And she fukcing changed back her schedules again, and I will see her, for sure. She’s a filthy leech that would surely stalk me, but Xiumin broke my thoughts.

“But I heard she has lessened her courses? It was seven before, now it’s only three? or four?” he said like someone is asking, but I am thankful for the information like sh!t.

“Stop the babbling gege, no one is asking.” Tao annoyingly snapped, rolling his eyes.

“Enough of her,” I interrupted. Xiumin whipped his head at me like I said something strange. Who wouldn’t I’ve been known to be close with her, and now I sounded like I want to get rid of her, and I do. I do want to get rid with her. “Should we continue celebrating today? It’s still my birthday you know.”

Tao laughed, he likes party. He couldn’t live without it; I even wonder how his future would turn out. “Should we hang in your pad? I miss hanging out there! You have everything back again now right?”

I nodded, smiling. But I’m not feeling of going back to my pad; I somehow had gotten used of the house. I didn’t answer; I was too distracted of seeing Yixing walking over toward us smiling with his dimples digging deep. Zhang Dimples is back.

“Hey!” He slumped at the seat beside Tao, glancing at me still smiling, and darn this has never happened since the incident in the island. He’s happy, I know. It’s radiating like he doesn’t care of anything, as long as he’s smiling.

“The loverboy is here, so how’s the freak?” Tao asked, which surprised me. Why would he bother? Unless he’s pissing Yixing, or he’s just curious, but looking at him now, I’m hundred percent sure it’s the latter. Xiumin was all ears now too on Yixing, and I? Darn.

Yixing looked at me, like Oh! Luhan is here, I should be careful. “Nothing really.” Speaking of the bullsh!t now eh?

Tao scoffed, annoyed he didn’t get any. But Xiumin is smart, he glanced at me, and again, like Yixing’s eyes could even speak alone, it talked to Xiumins’ and the conversation is over.

I could feel Tao’s annoyance, that I didn’t know how it even started, “Gege, you should just be accepting gifts from the girls, go just check your locker and hand me the chocolates.” Gifts, and suddenly . . .again, for the fukcing hundred times- the freak came into my thoughts. What could have she given me as a present?

I want to know; with her unusual ideas . . . everything is a surprise, and I wonder what she could have given me as my present. To the point I insanely imagined myself being friendly first at her, then ditch her after my birthday just for me to know- to have that present she could’ve given me.

But I’m sick of it, of anything about her. I just want to forget she ever happened.

“Earth to the Lu to the Han the great!” Tao snapped his finger in front me, I was again lost. Dammit, I seriously need distraction; perhaps a new girl would definitely help me.

Yixing was just laughing quietly, like so amused of what’s happening to me. If ever nothing happened to both of us, I would be snapping at him now.

I just left, going to my next class.

*8*8*

I’ve expected my locker to be filled with anything- anything means letters, flowers, chocolates, cakes, wrapped boxes, and so on, some gifts were just laid in front of my locker door as they couldn’t fit anymore inside.

I grabbed them all putting them all in a dust bag, I still should be polite and accept them, as I pick down other gifts some students that would pass by would greet me; I smile, and nod my thanks. It’s always like that, smile and be nice to everyone.

I went to a vacant room, careful not to be seen. I sat at the desk at the middle, passing from the front row. I have my gifts spilled on the table. Flowers, why the hell would they give me flowers? I scoffed. Cakes, god I loathed them. But I have Yixing for those, and suddenly it brought me back some stupid memories. Chocolates, I have Tao for them, and I really hate sweets for kimchi’s sakes!

I’ve been sorting all these presents, until I heard footsteps. Then I heard the door clicked. . .open.

I snapped my head up looking who the freaking intruder was, and hell I silently cursed hard.

I almost didn’t recognize her. . .her. Motherfukcer, but here she is standing in front of me again. I couldn’t focus on my supposed to be annoyance and on anything, but to her hair.

“What the hell happened to your hair?”

She just looked at me, holding some paper bag; and I suddenly hoped it’s one of her cakes. I know that doesn’t sound unique of her to give me a cake for my birthday but I will damn take it.

But I couldn’t care to anything, but her hair.

“Answer me.”

She was looking at me, not just at me, but to my eyes that no matter how I concentrate my eyes on anything but her it will end up staring back at her.

“You told me to chop them.”

“Fukc.” I cursed, this is insane. This is so damn fukcing insane, I can’t believe she could ever do this!

Her hair was cut short, so short down to her neck. It looked. . .nice on her, I have to admit that. She looks. . .damn fukcing nice, but I still prefer that long hair of her, and I can’t believe she killed them just because I told her. And looking at her now, not wearing her old sweaters, which I have kept, instead a knitted long sleeves, she looks different.

“How could you be so stupid to even- to even- dammit! If I tell you to drink your own blood, you will fukcing do?!”

She kept silent, and just keep looking at me. And it’s making every hair in my body alarmed.

“I just want to greet you, it’s your birthday.” She mumbled, like the first time we met.

“Okay, done. So will you now go?” I can’t look at her, as much as she looks so nice, and I want to study every corner of her new look, I can’t. I blame myself for how she looks right now. I don’t like her hair short, even it look so damn good on her, and thinking about it, so what if I don’t like her hair short? Sh!t.

She just stood still, and I remember the words I told her this morning. And now it poked my brain on how huge her guts to even still show her face on me.

“I remember telling you just this morning that I don’t wanna see your face again, and you still have the guts to show up in front of me.”

“I just want to give you my present.”

It excited me, but dammit. I can’t show that to her, no way.

She walked closer, now the desks the only thing between us, she placed the bag she was clutching on the table and it made a heavy sound. Now I can’t help my mind to stop thinking what’s on it.

“I don’t want that, it’s one of those craps of yours again.” I tossed it down, and it made a sound of a glass clinking on the wood. I frowned; I just want to damn see what’s inside.

“It’s the last thing I will give you, please.” She pleaded, and it’s damn convincing.

“And like the last time I told you not to show up again on me,” I’ve been keeping my eyes everywhere but not on her. I know her eyes are glued on me, and there’s no way I’m gonna make an eye contact on her. “Yet here you are pissing the hell out of me.”

She wanted me to accept her gift, okay. Deal, so I could have a peace of mind to see what’s inside.

I grabbed the paper bag, feeling the weight of it as I made it stood on the table. I started fiddling with the knot on top, it’s heavy. And the more I untie the knot, the more suspense is hunting me.

“Just give me my last sixty seconds.” She mumbled, breaking my thoughts.

I glanced up at her, knowing her accuracy when it comes to time- a silent laugh broke my throat. “Of what?”

I have untied the knot, and pulling it out.

“Last fifty seconds to be with you.”

I stared at her, is she kidding me now?

I had the ribbon out the paper bag.

“Last forty second I could look at your face.”

“Stop that Jinhan.” I warned her. Her countdown is scaring me, like at the end something will happen.

I opened the paper bag, it was dark inside. I clutched what’s inside, and it surprised my hand to be clutching something glassy. It’s a glass jar, I’m sure.

“Last thirty seconds I could hear your voice.”

“Jinhan, stop that.” I said more controlled right now, as I pull out the jar on the paper bag and it makes this rattling sounds of what’s in it. I gripped it harder as I pulled it off.

“Last twenty seconds-“

I planked the jar down the table, making a loud sound echoing the entire room. Lucky the jar didn’t break. But I broke her countdown, she can’t be real.

No one knows this, this, this fukcing thing in the jar, I am sure no one but me knows this.

No one ever knows how I love eating these, and now what.

She gave me one full jar pistachios.

I felt my body shiver, she can’t be real. I want to just. . .bullsh!t.

“You gotta to be kidding me.” I mumbled, still thinking how the hell she knew this.

“Last ten seconds to-“

“Stop that fukcing counting! Tell me how the hell did you know this!” I am in range, for the third time around, this girl has managed to pull out the trigger to get me furious. And blame my anger, I threw the jar at the table beside me, breaking it into pieces, the pistachios spilling all over. She flinched and bowed down.

She looked up again, and breathed out. I looked at her, waiting for her respond, but there was this slit on her face, just below her eyes, and the blood starts on bleeding.

She’s afraid of blood, sh!t.

I didn’t mean to do that on her, it was. . .fukc.

All the anger I had were now subbed in to panic, she better be unconscious of what’s on her face. Or I don’t know what will happen to her.

“You’re bleeding.” And my tone even changed, I’m damn worried.

She shook her head; the blood is now slipping on her cheeks. She ran a finger on her cheeks, wiping the blood that’s slipping down.

She can’t be doing this.

“No.” I’m whispering due to shock. I extended my arm on her, but she stepped back.

“No! Don’t touch me!” she all of a sudden panicked, and she the finger with blood, making sure no trace of it on her finger.

Holy. . .she can’t be. . .she’s afraid of it. Unless. . .she fukcing lied to me.

“Luhan, just give this last five seconds for me to love you.”

“You. . .” I trailed, I don’t know what to even tell next.

“The last two second you’ll ever see me any trace of me. I won’t show up on you again, I promise.”

And she started sprinting towards the door, and before she finally left. . .

“Thank You Barbie.”