I’m confused.

I rushed back our room, how stupid that I even did wait for her to disappear from my sight after I shuffled my feet to get back here. And one thing for sure, her eyes are hunting me until now.

My head couldn’t take everything just happened. It’s something I should do, but I should not.

I’m definitely mad, fcuking mad at her for being too bold to do such horrible thing to me. Who the hell is she to stole and just kiss me unwary like that? But however I forced myself to, I am not feeling the proper hatred I am supposed to be feeling now.

Everything is confusion in my brain.

I wasn’t even sure of what I am thinking right now, sitting all damn confuse here on the bed; all I could see is how the laces of my Converse are tied too tight on its holes, and how flat my feet are lying on the floor. But I’m not just staring at one pair but two, until I felt a palm wrapping my clenching fist that I didn’t even noticed I’ve been digging my nails at my palm.

I looked up, Zhang Yixing; wrapping his warm hand around my clenching fist making my fingers lose. And my fingers voluntary lose its grip.

“Relax.”

One word from him, and I exhaled. Breathing like I haven’t breathed for so long.

There’s always about Yixing and I, he knows me too damn well and sometimes I hate it. In situations like this, he knows me too damn well. I don’t whether to thank him for being my friend for so long to know how to handle me, or hate him for intruding how I know myself enough.

“Relax Luhan.”

Again, and I stared at him. Calm, but with a tinge of face that no one could ever explain.

Does he know what happened or what?

“Just sleep it okay? I’ll leave you the room.” He said too calm that it’s scaring me. It’s like he knows something, yet he didn’t want me to know.

He turned his back on me and started to walk, “Yixing.” I heard my mouth mumbled.

I wanted to ask him. If he knew, he would be bullsh!tting me now for telling all those sh!t I said to her, as I know how over protective he is towards her, but forgive me Yixing. I am not. . .but Yixing is being calm, too calm that it’s really scaring me.

He stopped his tracks, I waited for him to speak, yet he continued to walk out, shutting the door.

What’s happening? What did just happen?

*8*8*

The next morning, I pretended nothing happened. I wanted to, but the minute I turned the knob and pull the door to open. I knew this will happen.

“Where’s Myungsoo?” Sungyeol was frantically asking anyone he sees, opening each door he would see, checking if Myungsoo was in any of them.

Sunggyu came in, the look that he just woke up was too obvious yet the seriousness on his face could be seen. “I checked the bridge, he wasn’t even there too.”

Bridge?

I was just remotely standing watching everyone, until I heard someone speak.

“Guys,” that tone of hopelessness that would make everyone worry of Woohyun came, “Jinhan wasn’t in her room too.”

Multiple curses deafening my ears, they were too low yet enough to scream at my ears on how they hated the situation.

Everything only means that Myungsoo and Jinhan are together, missing.

“Has anyone been told where they’ll be going?” Sunggyu now asked the maids who were also looking, and they just shook their head.

“How could they be missing at this hour?!” Dongwoo groaned in frustration, and that’s when I noticed only Myungsoo’s gang are the ones worried. Not anybody else in the island. I wanted to ask, but it would be too stupid of me to be nosy.

“They’re not missing.” That simple boring sentence made all the heads around snap at the dining table where, who I never noticed Zhang Yixing has been sitting all poised. . .but looking straight at me, not blinking an eye. .

My lips popped open.

“Myungsoo and Jinhan left for Seoul, early this morning.” Zhang Yixing is still looking at me, that look I couldn’t read. And I was staring back; it was an eye to eye contact where his eyes are telling me something, while I am being too stupid to understand and just stare back. . .bared. It’s unnerving me how he would keep staring at me like he’s waiting for me to do something, to say something.  Respond on what he’s telling me.

Damn it Yixing, do you know what happened?

“What?” Woohyun gasped, “How could Myungsoo leave without even telling us?” Nam Woohyun was annoyed, that always greasy guy, I never thought I’d see him this annoyed.

“Others are arriving today for fcuk sakes! The party is tomorrow!” Dongwoo yelled in frustration.

“Guess everything is now screwed.” Tao said clucking his tongue, and the eye contact I’m having for good five minutes now died, and my eyes darted at Tao. I had an internal conflict whether I’d glare at him or just give him a quick glance, look at Yixing again who is now playing at the fork twisting at the pasta he’s been staring at idly.

“Fcuk, what are we now? Are we going back to Seoul?” and I didn’t notice Sungyeol and the others are hovering at the kitchen now.

“No.” Yixing spoke in authority now, “Myungsoo made it sure we’ll be here for the next days until we filled in the whole week.

What the hell is wrong with you Zhang Yixing?

Xiumin spoke, “But what about the party? It won’t be a party if the celebrant won’t be there.”

True, and I just can’t fcuking believe Myungsoo would ditch his gang for that freak. Is this how more important she is than to his friends? Myungsoo is lovesick.

“Hyung ditched us for her?” and Sungjong was too smart to voice out my thoughts to everyone.

“That’s what it looks like; he’s too in love to even ditch his friends?” At a serious moment like this, Tao mocked; and despite him knowing part of my thoughts, I can’t help to be annoyed.

“Something must have happened,” and just like that, sudden shot hit me. “Myungsoo won’t do this unless something happened that-“ Sungyeol had his eyes down, and suddenly saw me. “Luhan,” I was nervous. Like a deer caught by the headlights, my head snapped up. “Didn’t notice anything about Jinhan last night?” a simple question, yet I can’t make my tongue roll to speak.

“No,” Yixing answered for me, “Luhan was just in our room the entire night.” I looked at him, expecting him to be looking at me, but no. After that, he stood up and left. Leaving the pasta on the table uneaten.

Just like that, my mind focused on Yixing. He fcuking knows something, and it’s frightening me why isn’t making a move on me now like what he’s supposed to be done.

I needed myself out in here.

*8*8*

“I need to be back at Seoul.”

Yixing was now standing in front of me as I sit at decaying log where the kids used to play.

“Myungsoo made it-“

“You know what I am talking about Yixing.”

His family has these damn good shares at the aircraft industry, and I suppose sending a Boeing 747 here is just one snap away with Zhang Yixing’s finger.

Yixing just stared at me, and I was again staring back. Eye contact had been the new found way of communication we have.

He looked away, hands dipping down his pockets. He twisted his jaw, “After what you did?”

Right there and then, I knew Yixing is just keeping it all up.

I heaved out an exasperated sigh. “I can’t keep it in here anymore, and Yixing forgive me. But I am not sorry for what I did.”

I wanted to look at him, but I can’t. I know how fcuking mad his face will be. “Then why do you need to be in Seoul?” I could feel him gritting his teeth, I could feel him wanting to punch me, but he can’t. Yixing is never brutal, neither any of us. Any trouble we’d have in us, everything must be done with the nice speeches of tongue. That’s how we keep ourselves, and that’s how uncertain we are to our physical strength, as we’ve never tried it. Fcuking lame, but true.

“I just can’t keep it here, I need the city.” What a stupid excuse Luhan, Yixing is too savvy to buy that.

I looked up at him, his eyes boring mine while he gnaws his cheeks. He fished out his phone and turned back, tapping a few times on his phone and called.

“Send my jet here at Myungsoo’s island, get the wing now.”

Just like that, Yixing is sending his private jet here to take me. Without even having further inquisitions, and somehow. . . I am always thankful of Yixing to understand me. He understands myself more than I understand myself. Yes, understand.

He turned his face back at me, “Pack your things, you’re leaving when my jet arrives.”

He started walking, what? Just mine? “You’re not coming with me?”

He stopped his tracks and turned his neck, having his peripheral vision see me.

“You go alone, and handle it alone.”

*8*8*

one week.

For seven days since I got here in Seoul, never did I see a single shadow of the freak.

She never showed herself; to me or to anyone. Did she just fcuking drop out the school?

I’ve been seeing Myungsoo around being just the usual, he’s not with her. And as much I wanted to ask him about her, I can’t. He probably knows, and it would be fcuking stupid of me to even look for her, and even ask him- after what I did.

I just wanted to know if she’s. . .okay. Once I’ve seen her, I’m done.

The guys were back too, Yixing, Tao, Xiumin, and Yixing just acted normal. Like nothing happened, but he can’t hide me the annoyance when he arrived here, and saw me just lying back my room playing with my phone. I thought he’d ask what happened, but no. I knew he’s disappointed, he’s expecting me to be making it up with her, but his expectations failed.

Today, here I stood in front of H365, in the Medical Arts building, freaking eight in the morning; the same class and I never thought I’d see myself in this place for the second time, even the students around are whispering at the sight of me. I fcuking ate my words huh?

I craned my neck to the room, I meant to be here at eight so almost the entire class would be present in the room, hoping to see her but to my dismay I didn’t see her. I frowned, she ditched her lab?

That’s when I saw her, the same girl who talked to me before, Krystal.

She saw me waiting outside their room, our eyes met and that’s enough to tell her that she’s who I wanted to meet.

“Krystal.”

She glanced around first and pointed at herself, making sure no other Krystal I am talking with. “Me?”

I nodded, “I wanted to ask you if Jinhan’s been around?” I actually asked too low.

Her eyebrows met, “Jinhan? She dropped since last week?”

Fcuk, so she really did drop school? My mouth hanged open, and her mood changed when she saw my reaction.

“Wait, no. Drop, I mean this class. But she’s still here.”

I gasped fcuk. I thought. . .sh!t. Fcuking thoughts crashed in my brain.

“So you mean she dropped this class, but still studying here?” I asked, carefully not putting any meaning on my tone.

But too late, Krystal is frowning as she nod, scrutinizing my face. “Yes, I think she changed her her entire schedule.”

“I see,” I mumbled, as I nod. I wanted to leave now. But I needed to be polite and bid her properly. “Thanks anyway.” I smiled, nodded as I turn my back.

“Did you just go here to ask that?”

Sh!t. Dammit,  yes!

I glanced back, and as much as I don’t want to, I nodded my head and smiled again.

And I didn’t know why she smirked, it was supposed to be a smile, but I find it as a smirk. Darn.

I went to the registrar immediately, I’m gonna ask her schedule. I know Yixing has damn more advantage on getting info’s there since the chinky-eyed registrar lady has a thing for dimples. That’s how Zhang Dimples get to know when to stalk the girls he flirts with. But no way I’m gonna ask Yixing for this, I need to use my own damn charm to get what I needed there.

The bell chimed as I pushed the door, and the Mrs. Han glanced up at me, surprised with her left brow shooting up.

“Mr. Luhan, what brings you here?” Ms. Han asked me tilting her head.

“I just want to ask about. . . Sun Jin Han’s schedule?”

Now both her eyebrows shot up. I don’t know how she did that. “Jinhan-ssi?” and she chuckled. “Guess her abrupt changing of schedules were so abrupt. But,” she fixed the papers sprang out on her table and looked back at me, “I can’t tell you her exact schedules unless it’s very important, and I see you’re just being curious and seeking for stalking purposes.” Darn, can she hear herself? Then what is Zhang Yixing doing with her?

I sighed, too loud for her to hear. Thinking of any other excuses I could give her, with the look she  gave me, she won’t tell anything. What does Zhang Yixing have that I don’t? Fcuk.

I heard her clearing his throat, suddenly changing with sympathy, “And I don’t think I have anything to tell.”

“What? What do you mean?” I frowned.

“Okay, it was just a week ago. She asked for her classes to be taken at weekends.” I don’t know what made her tell me, but I won’t let this slip.

But weekends? “Is that possible? Are there classes on weekends?” I’ve been studying here for years yet I didn’t know such schedule is possible.

“Apparently Mr. Luhan, it is. It was a full load schedule for those two days, so she’ll be taking rest at weekdays.”

Fcuk, how is that possible? “How is that possible? How could she have such schedule?”

I felt the uneasiness on Ms. Han’s posture, and cleared again. But now spoke in way much lower tone, this is going to be- “Jinhan can have any schedule she wants. She’s actually not a student here,” she paused and waited for my face to react, and damn my brows knitted. And before I could speak, Ms. Han continued. “She isn’t a regular student, nor an irregular one. Let us say, “ she paused again, eyes straining thinking of the proper word to tell, “Special. Special student.”

Special student? What the fcuk is that? I couldn’t get my tongue to reply.

“Jinhan, she has no records her like what other students have. All we have her here is her class schedules, and her class grades. . .and her name; Sun Jin Han, that I doubt is her real name.”

Witch, that’s what my mind could come up with. What the hell is that? No records? Then how the- “Then why is she here? How could you keep her here?” I was yelling air, whispering range.

Ms. Han broke her face at me, and looked around. Checking if someone might eavesdrop, ‘The school is paid to keep her,” sh!t, Wu Yifan. “The school is receiving a huge amount just to keep her, and what is there about Jinhan not to accept her admission? She’s a very smart student, and never had any records of misbehavior. She even volunteers to teach at tutorial classes. There’s nothing wrong for us not to accept her, we can even allow her to study anything she wants without being paid, but her sponsor insisted.”

I gaped; I waited till my brain processed everything. I never thought she’ll have this kind of revelation. So everything about her is being. . .blotted out. But why the fcuk? Wu Yifan sure covers everything up with his filthy money.

But what bothers me the most is her name. “So you mean, her name, age, address, any records, there are none?”

Ms. Han pursed her lips, and nodded. “All she have in our record is her name Sun Jin Han, not even her age, nor birthday, neither her address.”

“But Sun Jin Han, I thought it’s just what others call her?”

“It isn’t her real name, I am sure. But that’s what she told us to use.”

Is she a freaking witch? What wizardy is this? All these mystery about her is now creeping me out. Not just creeping me out, but now scaring me. Why won’t she have her records?

Everything is so screwed up, and the desire I had wanting to see her, it all crumpled down and thanking God she’s not showing herself on me.

I really should stay away, they’re right. I better stay out of her, and just be thankful she’s not showing up, and never gonna show up at me.

I left the registrar office, not forgetting to thank Ms. Han, on how thankful I am on what she spilled out on me.

I had my thoughts occupied by everything I just heard, until. . .

“Barbie.”