“You’re hair is red.”

She said almost whispering; but her eyes watched my hair with so much amusement like it’s her first time seeing such color of hair. Like her usual self, she would notice everything about me and will never fail to recognize it even it was too obvious. I hate that I easily got distracted with her voice, her voice that for no reason had me calmed.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I snapped and I wanted to show her I’m annoyed and it worked, her amused smile that reached her eyes disappeared immediately. But my eyes scanned the entire figure of her. Her clothes have been too loose now, and I know behind those she’s gotten thinner than before. I wanted to frown, and explode all the questions I’ve wanted to ask her.

She had that same envelope Zhang Yixing had, on her right hand.

, I know what this is all about.

“Luhan,” my breathing stopped the moment she whispered my name, I missed it so much that I wanted to hear it from her again and again.

But I must reject, “You told me you’ll never gonna show your ugly face in front of me, and here you are again!” I didn’t shout like how I’m supposed to do, I couldn’t. Looking at her, I couldn’t.

“I promise, this will be the very last.” She was whispering, and I have to keep my focus just to hear and understand her.

“For how many fcuking times have you told me that, this will be the millionth time you’re never gonna show up on me again, then the next few days here you are asking me again a favor, telling me you will never show up again,” I breathed out, “I’m getting sick of it. I’m getting sick of you Jinhan.”

I couldn’t bear to look at her, and watch how she would react on what I said. But my head failed me, and I had my head directed on her.

I frowned; she was blinking unnecessarily with a frown, and almost looking down. I was about to have my step towards her, but she had her eyes shut for a second and looked up at me again.

“I promise, after this, I will never show up again.” her voice is too low, like it’s hard for her to speak.

I was staring at her eyes, wanting her to look at me but she isn’t looking. Impossible. She always look at me when she’s talking, whatever it Is, she would always look into my eyes, and I’m the one who’s always crept up by it. But now, she’s keeping her eyes away from me.

“If that’s about that damn event again, I’ve told Yixing I am not going.”

“Luhan, please. This is the last time I’m going to ask you a favor.” Her voice became louder, but not loud enough for me to hear clearly. “I just wanted you to hear me sing. I’ll be performing in thi-“

I chuckled mocking her, “Sing? You?” and as much I wanted to hear her sing, “Sorry, I don’t think you’ve got the talent, and I am not going to waste my time just to hear you sing for God knows how it could be terrible.” Fcuk you Luhan.

“I just. . .” she looked down, and she sniffed, sh!t. She looked up again, and her eyes are getting teary. “This will be the last time I’d be able to perform; I wanted you to at least hear me. Please.”

With her please, I wanted to grab the fcuking envelop and end all this.

“This is the last invitation, please Luhan.” She handed out her hand with the invitation, her hand is shaking.

I mustered all the bravery I could; I stepped closer and reached for the envelope and I heard her sigh.

I made a good look of the envelop in my hands, it was gold, carved with intricate designs, but I can’t.

With one step closer to her, I had the envelope with both my hands and tore it apart in front of her face. Her eyes grew shocked.

“I’ve taken your invitation,” I tore it again, tearing it into pieces. “Just so happens that you have to see what I will do it when you would’ve left. It’s gone, so just please. Leave me alone now.”

But instead of moving, she stood still, she sniffed again. She’s going to cry, I know. And I hated it, I have to move, say something, .

“Look Jinhan, what do I have to do to make you to never show up on me? You should be hating me now! I’ve done all the ill ting things on you and you keep coming back! I’m so tired of you!”

“I love you.” Bull. No, please.

“Enough with your I love you’s, I hate you. I despise you; I wanted you out of my life!” I shouted. But she didn’t move, he kept still bowing her head. She’s keeping her tears, I know.

“Ah!  I think I know how,” I nodded, this might be the worse, but I hope after hearing this, she’s leave me alone. “I used you.”

She sniffed.

“I used you. I befriended you, I became your friend, you were too easy to believe in me, I had you falling in love with me, you even handed me your car. . .all those things, I did those just-“

“For my oppa to sign your father’s proposal. I know.” And like some thunder has stricken on me I froze, what?

“I know. You wouldn’t approach me if you don’t need something. No one would approach me just for nothing; everyone would approach me for something. It's always like that.” She kept her head low, “But. . .I’ve always liked you. Ever since you put that chewed bubble gum in that bottle of a kid, and everyone laughed, thinking it was so naughty and bad of you to even do that to a kid, but I know you did that because the milk is spilling and the kid will cry.” I remember that, Zitao was teasing the kid because he’s clutching his bottle like someone’s gonna steal it. Zitao pierced a needle on its bottom, and as much I wanted to show my annoyance of what he did, I just chewed out my bubble gum and placed it on the hole. And she fcuking knows it? Has seen it when it was almost a year ago.

She had her head up now, looking at me. This is that time where I am more scared of what she’s going to tell me more than having to know I only got two years to live. “I’ve like you since that day. I would always wonder if ever you would notice me, if ever you would like me like how much I like you, I've been delusional. Imagining things with you, too much delusional that I taught of our future. I've never liked anyone more than I liked you. I taught myself not to have myself too much attached to a stranger or to anyone other than my oppa. But you came. It’s impossible.” She sniffed again, but tears are slowly rolling down her cheeks.

And the more she speaks, the more numb my body became.

“Then I thought it will never happen, but you came. It was a miracle, asking me to be your friend, that’s when I’ve proven wishes could come true. I took that grand opportunity to be close to you. To have that feeling close to you, that feeling of sitting just beside you, eating lunch with you, hearing you laugh, talking with me, listening to all my stories, making myself believe you're enjoying everything, all those everything we did. I’ve treasured all those. I would always ignore that whenever I show up, I know you’re annoyed, irritated, and just want me to screw off, but I’m selfish. I would always push myself on you no matter how much I know you hated me. It’s the only chance I have.” She paused, and more tears are rolling down, but she isn’t looking at me.

“My oppa warned me about you, he doesn’t want you with me, but I could care less. Oppa knows how much I liked you, so much, that he wanted to sign those papers right away just so you could leave me alone.” So that’s what Wu Yifan means, but. . . “But I begged him not yet, I was hoping you would like me back, or even love me. If that day you’d tell me that you love me too, I’ll give you the papers and I will never show as what you wanted.”

This is getting too much, my ears started to ring too loud.

“But it went out bad. What happened is, I was the one who loved you more than how I’m supposed to. And you grew to hate me more.” Tears are flooding her eyes, that I had my head glance around, I pinched the bridge of my nose. I couldn’t stand this. I couldn’t stand her crying again so bad.

I heard steps, and I looked back at her again, she was walking backwards.

“You will have the papers, I promise you. Just wait for a few months. You don’t have to tell me you love me. I will give them to you. Promise.” And she started walking away, but unsteadily.

I watch her walk away, the way she walked bothered me but what everything she told me caught me fcuking off-guard that I couldn’t stop replaying everything.

I’m in deeper now.

*8*8*

“Luhan, change into your suit, we’re attending some Opera.”

Father came walking fast in the house as I lay lazily on the couch, drowning my thoughts with books.

“Opera? Since when did you start watching those Dad?” I wanted to laugh my amusement, but then I can’t.

“I’m invited, and I can’t reject the invite. You have to accompany me, so hurry up!”

I chuckled; I know father just wanted my company so he won’t get bored with the show. I walk upstairs, Yeonjin had my suit prepared already when I reach my room.

We arrived in one of the biggest theater in Seoul, as we walked in, theater show enthusiast filled the place, men in their suits, and mostly elders. But one thing is for sure, there aren’t much Korean. Only a few that I could count in my fingers. I frowned and nudged my father.

“Dad, why are there so much. . .” I thought of the right word, “Asians in here?” I whispered.

My father shrugged to my surprise, “Wu Yi Fan invited me to this, and you know I couldn’t reject any offer from him.”

With the mention of Wu Yifan my body tensed, I could feel the hair on my shoulders up to my nape rise. This can’t be.

“Is his sister here?”

Father looked at me, probably thinking that I am hoping to see her. “No son, she’s not with him. He arrived alone.”

I didn’t know whether to breathe out with disappointment or. . .

The show was about to start, people went in to their seats. We were given pamphlets about the program, and I skimmed the pages. “Dad, this isn’t an opera. This is some musical something.”

My father shrugged not even bothering and grinned. “I don’t care, as long as I showed up here.”

I laughed, then again I noticed that the program was in. . . “Japanese? Dad, are all the performers here Japanese?”

“I told you I don’t know my son, just watch it okay?” he settled himself comfortably on his seat.

I continued to turn the pages of the program, it was enough that it has its own translations to Chinese, Korean and English. No wonder the program was thick.

As I keep on turning the pages, the center fold came in. I wondered why the whole center fold was just filled by one artist as the other pages are composed of two artists per page, but the center fold is owned by one performer. . . Yui Aragaki?

The lights dimmed, but still enough for us to read the program, but it’ll be hard. The show is going to start.

I nudged my father, “Dad, don’t sleep okay?” I teased.

“I’m already.” We chuckled.

We watched every performance, would clap every after. It was actually boring; and I tried so hard not to doze off. My father seemed more entertained than what I expected him to be. Also the fact that I couldn’t understand anything makes me more bored and I realized all the performers are Japanese. Reading the translations don’t even help.

One performer jut ended her performance, and the lights dimmed and the curtain closed.

I frowned, this isn’t the ending I know. But the curtains closed, and for the past performers it never closed. Then I heard whispers, the people were whispering like someone who’ll perform next is who they’ve been waiting for.

“Guess it’s the main performer now.” I heard father mumbled.

The lights , and I felt the air condition is more cooler now as I could feel the cold now under my suit. The curtains opened, and I looked down the stage.

“This can’t. . .”

It was Sun Jin Han, sitting in front of the grand piano, preparing her arms above the keys.

I looked at my father, he seemed surprised too, “Father I thought-“ I sounded mad, but I had to keep my tone low.

“I didn’t know, I didn’t know.” Father spoke s he kept staring at Jinhan.

I wanted to leave the place right now, and I don’t know how.

I am scared as now to hear her, to even see her sing.

Soft keys started to play, I wanted to ignore it but everything went silent and everything in me calmed when she started to sing as she played the piano.

Her voice echoed the entire place, as if making sure everyone is ought to hear her and all the attention is on her.

I was staring, listening, watching, I couldn’t even breathe.

I grabbed the pamphlet, turning the pages harshly on the center fold, so she’s Yui Aragaki.

 I couldn’t understand every word she’s singing, but all the emotion poured out in the song could be felt. And I’m now scared to know the meaning behind it. . .

We were always together
The two of us walked down a straight road
Separating into two,
we walked off in our separate ways

I hold to this chest that overflowed in loneliness
Even now, I look up at a sky that seems about to cry
I thought of you…

I couldn’t even concentrate on reading, her voice is distracting me too much in the background. I waited for the chorus,

“I wanted you to at least hear me.” I remember she told me, and there came the message she wanted to tell me.

Even in the nights without you like that, no more cry
I won’t cry anymore
Because I’m trying my best
Because I’ll become strong

You must be watching too
This crescent moon that seems like it’ll disappear
Because we’re connecting
Because I love you. . .

I had tears forming in my eyes, I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up.

My father glanced up at me, but he didn’t stop me. . .the bridge of the song just came and I was excusing my way at the center aisle. I am sure the people were bothered by me, but I don’t care. I wanted her to know, that I’m here. . .

Wonder when I will see you again
Until that time again, I guess I'll have to live
Feeling the power you gave me,
When you hold me close
And said I'll always love you, you know....

As she sang the bridge, she looked up, at the crowd, and her eyes went straight to mine. She was still singing, her fingers played the piano but tears now started flowing down her cheeks.

She sang the chorus, still looking into me, her eyes digging into my soul.

I stood still, and then her last line came. . .

Holding on my hands, can you feel the pain?
I'm reaching out to you...

I blinked my tears; I could feel more  tears running down and I turned to my heels. It’s enough.

She's finally letting me go, and it hurts.

I walked out, again. I walked out.