Chapter 34
 

"Sandara Park! Come on! Seriously?! It’s already past noon, and you’re still sulking on your bed. Yah! Get up and eat! Let’s go somewhere! Amusement park, strip club,  bar, name it, wherever you want. Let’s drink all night! Come on, girl. Let’s have some fun! Get yourself together. You are on a vacation, did u forget?! Don’t just sulk on the bed all day and night!” Bom scolded Dara when she saw her still on the bed.

“Ughh! Here we go again. I’m fine.. I’m relaxing on bed. Just leave me alone, Bom.” Dara said with a groan before she put the pillow against her face.

“Haist! Since we came back from Jeju, you have been on the bed all the time. You’re either sleeping or looking at the ceiling, sulking like a teenager. You never even get out of this house. Come on, Dara. You’re just here for only a month! Few more days and you are back to the U.S! You gotta make it worth while!”

“I had some fun already. I just need rest. Thank you, Bom. I’m really okay here. Don’t worry about me. Dara replied, sleepy.

“Rest? Yeah, right. Why are you sick?! Oh, Maybe love sick, isn’t it? Just blurt it what happened to you and Donghae in Jeju. I’m sure something fishy happened that’s why you are acting like this. It’s weird how you two turned out like this when I thought everything was going fine.” Bom insisted.

“I already told you a million times, Bom...N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Nothing happened. Dara sighed deeply, tossing to the other side of the bed, her eyes still close.

“Yeah, right. Tsk! I don’t believe you but whatever. Hmp!” Bom said rolling her eyes with her ducky lips. “Hmm... by the way...” She started again with her dubious looks, “Speaking of Donghae, Top told me he has been sick since we got back from Jeju. I heard he was in the hospital for three days. Poor fishy. I heard he still has bad flu. Hopefully it’s not COVID. Joke. He must have caught it from the rain since it was rainy when we were in Jeju.” She added.

Dara’s eyes snapped open upon hearing what Bom just said.

Bom continued, “Just saying. I know you don’t care so whatever. I cooked your favorite white pasta. Come downstairs when you’re finally in the mood.” Bom was about to leave when Dara started clearing while slowly propping herself up on the bed. “Wait, So... is he okay now?” Dara hesitantly asked.

“Who?” Bom asked smirking. “Who are we talking about?” Bom added walking back to her teasingly like she was doing a moonwalk dance. She then sat down on the bed next to her. 

“Haist. Come on, Bom, you know who are we talking about.” Dara said with a sigh.

“Oh? You mean the Fishboy? So we are finally talking about Donghae, right? I don’t know, but I’m going there later. You want to tag along?” Bom asked while grinning from ear to ear.

“NO, no, thanks.” Dara said hesitantly before she lay down back to the bed. “Just update me later when you come back.”

“Okidokkie...Whatever you said.” Bom said grinning.

——

“I still love you.” Donghae’s voice kept on playing in Dara’s head like a broken record. She tried her best to remove Donghae in her head but the more she ignore, the more it bothers her. Hearing those three words from him after such a long time made her feel more miserable. Those words was piercing her heart and the pain was unbearable. She wanted to turn back and hug him tightly but she has to do what is right.  

After they got back from Jeju, Dara tried to forget everything that happened between her and Donghae, but it was impossible to just erase the pain. Dara couldn’t function well especially after after Bom mentioned that Donghae has been sick since they came back from Jeju. She felt guilty and it’s killing her slowly.

Those thoughts kept replaying on Dara’s head, until she just found herself in front of Donghae’s house. She slapped her head and sighed defeatedly. “What am I doing here?”She stepped back and forth like a lost kid. She just couldn’t help not to worry about him.

“I just want to check if he is okay. It won’t take long, right? I’ll be very quick.” Dara repeatedly said to herself. She thought she would be more at peace and not worry anymore if she see him okay with her own eyes. 

Dara felt relief when she saw no car in front of the house. She sneakily entered inside the house and tiptoed until she reached Donghae’s room. She peeked inside the room and found him sleeping on the bed. Without thinking, she walked closer and closer to him while staring at his sleeping face. “Is he breathing? Phew.” She said to herself, then gently caressed his hair while letting out a sigh of relief. Dara couldn’t help but smile unconsciously as she watched him sleeping.

“I’m glad you’re okay..” Dara said to herself. She scrunched up her nose before she whispered, “Foolish Fishboy. Why are you doing this to me?” She said while flicking his forehead softly. Dara sighed in relief. She was about to turn her back when Donghae suddenly grabbed her hand.

“Hon..”Donghae said weakly with his eyes close, “I’m hungry.” He continues with his weak voice.

Dara snapped back to reality. Her eyes went huge. She immediately bit her lower lip in panic. She did not know what to do. She tried to brush his hand off but he held her tighter.

She swallowed a big lump in before she could utter, “O..kay, hon.” She stutters while clearing as she mimicked Yoona’s voice. “I’ll cook you some.. thing.., I’ll be back.” She quickly walked out towards the door then leaned on the wall and sighed in relief. However, she felt very uneasy knowing he was hungry. She silently peek at him through the door before she cursed herself in her head. She felt really guilty so she decided to go to the kitchen to cook for him before she leave. She looked around looking for something that is easy and quick to cook. She thought Yoona could be doing her last minute grocery shopping since it was a mess in the kitchen. “Okay, i won’t take that long. I’ll be fast so by the time Yoona comes back, I would be out of here.” Dara said out of breath convincing herself not to panic.

Dara was very anxious while looking inside the fridge. She made him chicken soup and a warm tea before she went back to Donghae’s room. She put the tray in his bedside table and was about to leave when she heard the beep sound of a car outside. Her heart beats so hard. She could hear Bom and Yoona’s voice talking as they entered the house. She was in panicked and without thinking she hid herself in the closet. 

Yoona, Bom, and Top went directly to Donghae’s room. Donghae woke up when Yoona touched his forehead with her hand to feel his temperature.

“Sorry, did I wake you up hon? How are you feeling now? Bom and Top are here to visit you.” Yoona asked Donghae

Donghae slowly opened his eyes. Still disoriented. “I’m okay. I’m feeling better. I think I’m just hungry.” He said with his eyes half open. He gave them a soft smile.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, Donghae. I’ll help Yoona make your favorite dish so you will feel energized. We just went to the grocery to buy…wait…that soup looks warm. You can drink for the meantime while waiting.” Bom said.

Yoona touched the soup and agreed that it was still warm. “Weird, I don’t remember making this. Did you make it yourself, hon?” Yoona asked.

“Huh? I don’t know. I thought you made it for me.” Donghae answered.

“Hmm…Maybe, it was Minji. Drink the soup before it gets cold. We’ll make your favorite dish.” Yoona said smiling.

Bom’s curious eyes suddenly landed on a familiar blue purse strap that was caught in the closet. She smirked secretly. “Yeah, maybe Minji made it, Yuri still out of town, right? Unless someone came before us to visit you.” Bom teased with a wink.

“Anyway, Let’s go to the kitchen, Yoona. Let’s cook his favorite dish so he can eat. Omg, I forgot to buy something. Did you buy ginger and lemon? I heard elderberries is a must buy as well. Those are very good for colds!" Bom added.

“Huh? We have to go back to the grocery store?” Yoona looked at Bom in confusion and tired expression. 

“Yeah! Good idea! We need to go back to the grocery store. That’s very important. I don’t want to go alone. You have to come with me.” Bom said excitedly.

“I’ll go instead. It’s a waste of time if we all go back there. At least you guys can start cooking while I…” Top said before Bom cut him off.

“No, Yeobo! You don’t know which one is good. You never even go to the grocery by yourself. We’ll be quick."

"Okay, then I'll stay here with Donghae--" 

"No! We need a driver so we can be quicker!" Bom said with her glaring stares on Top eyes. "Donghae! We'll be quick. Make sure you eat your soup first” Bom added while pushing Yoona and Top out of the room.

Dara’s prayer seemed to have work when she heard that they will go back to the grocery store. She could not wait to leave that place. She waited for few minutes to make sure they already left. She silently cracked the closet open to take a peak making sure nobody was around. When she did not see anyone, she immediately got of the closet. She felt so relieve to feel the fresh air as soon as she got out of that enclosed space.

She took a deep breath and smiled in relief, but her smile did not last long as her eyes landed on Donghae whose mouth was wide open as he was about to drink his soup. He was frozen on his spot while holding the spoon 

with his mouth wide open. He was very confused, unsure if he was still dreaming. 

Dara quickly turned her back away from Donghae. She bit her lip in panic. She quickly run towards the door but Donghae run after her and immediately push his hand to close the door. Dara tried to open it but Donghae held his hand against it to keep it close. She slowly turned around to face him, panic was written all over her face.

Donghae deeply stares into Dara’s eyes in silence. Their faces were only inches away. Dara bit her lips and slowly looked down avoiding his gaze. She wanted to say something, but no words were coming out of .

Deafening silence engulfed the room. 

Donghae’s POV

Everything around me seems to freeze as I watch her walk away. My heart is telling me to grab her arm and stop her. Kiss her back and embrace her tight with my arms, but I just couldn’t move. The word she said sliced deep into my heart and the word goodbye before she pressed her lips to mine made me lose all the logic in my head. 

Isn’t this ironic? When I thought nothing could beat the pain I felt when she left me without a word. This pain seems to be incomparable...

because I am here watching her leave, but i couldn’t do anything to stop her. 

I took a deep breath, struggling hard to gather my courage before I was able to utter, 

“I still love you.” I said with my broken voice, tears finally escaped in my eyes. The forbidden words I kept inside the deepest space in my heart.

 I knew this was wrong, but the more I tried to keep it, the more my heart struggled to get free. 

 “Don’t you ever dare say that anymore or I would never forgive you.” she said with her broken voice. 

My heart shattered into million pieces upon hearing her broken voice. I swallowed the big lump in my throat and took a deep breath to alleviate the pain in my heart. 

I know she’s hurting and I just couldn’t do anything to make everything right and that hurt me the most. 

I made everything so complicated for both of us. 

This is all my fault.

I knew she was right and forgetting the past was the right thing to do…

but how can I do that? When I knew from the start, everything that I have done was to get her back.

~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~

I tried to get up from my hospital bed but my legs were not cooperating with me. I struggled hard but always fall every time I tried so I gave up and just threw myself on the bed. 

“! I hate my life!” I groaned loudly while punching the bed with both of my fist. 

Whenever I close my eyes, the images of that night when Dara left me kept on appearing in my head. I wanted to get better and look for her. 

I had so many questions to ask but imagining her in front of me again would definitely make me insane and lose all control. I would for sure embrace her tight and would not let her go anymore. 

God, I miss her. My chest was constricting in pain upon thinking of her.

“So are you giving up that easily?” Yoona asked bringing me back to reality.

“How long have you been there? You’re really a stalker.” I asked her coldly as I opened my eyes, staring at the ceiling.

“I’m not a stalker. Don’t be full of yourself, tsk!” She said pouting before she continues, “I told you I won’t leave you alone until you get your strength back. Come on let me help you.” She insisted. She walked towards me and reached my both hands. I tried to ignore her but she just won’t stop. She grabbed my hands and pulled me up the bed making me sit but she got out of balance so she accidentally sat on my lap. She looked at me awkwardly, our faces just inches away. Her face obviously turned red. She stood up immediately and looked at me again pretended nothing happened. “Okay, weakling. Come on, don’t make yourself heavier. Let’s try it again.” Yoona said pulling my hand.

“Ugh. I can’t deal with you anymore. When will you stop?” I said with annoyance. I immediately lay down the bed covering myself with my blanket and pillow over my face while she kept on preaching on and on and on..

~~

Each day passed slow and I still couldn’t forget Dara. I still get a nightmare every night I go to sleep. I couldn’t help but to think of the past and that made me felt more miserable.

But every time I almost give up, Yoona was there behind my back. She never gave up on me. She’s always there to cheer me up despite how many times I chase her away.

“Donghae, I heard you refuse your physical therapy today? How can you get better if you are just here in your bed sulking about her?!” Yoona said scolding me.

“Ughh.. here we go again. Just leave me alone! Just mind you freaking business! If it weren’t for you anyway, this would never happen! Just stop being annoying and leave!” I yelled at her out of anger. My heart suddenly skipped a beat when I saw her tears started to fall from her eyes. 

I swallowed a big lump in my throat while looking at her. I wanted to say sorry but my pride got in the way. Guilt suddenly hit me. Yoona was there with me and never left my side despite of my grumpy personality. She wiped her tears away and pretended to be okay. “Alright then, I’ll tell them you’re not feeling good today, just make sure tomorrow you’ll get your therapy. Get some rest for now.” She said with a fake smile before she left the room.

“Haist!” I scratched my head guiltily. I looked at the door while scolding myself in my head.

I just lay down the bed defeatedly with a sigh.

After that incident, I slowly got used to Yoona’s existence. I learned to be more patient with her stubbornness, and because of her I was able to laugh again.

“If I made you laugh, you promise me you will walk outside today, okay? Yah! Answer me. Tsk. Okay, ignore me if you want, but if I see you laugh, you have to walk outside. Here’s my joke...

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don’t look! I’m about to change.” Yoona said laughing at her joke. She looked at me, looking at her seriously with a cold stare. 

“Tsk. Okay, here’s one more. What do you call a pony with a cough? A little hoarse! As in H-O-A-R-S-E. Get it? Hahahaha!” She added laughing out loud to her joke. I just sighed out of boredom while browsing my phone.

“Tsk.. you didn’t get it, did you? It’s really funny. Okay, this joke will make you laugh for sure, Why are frogs are so happy? Because they eat whatever bugs them!” Yoona said laughing before looking at me awkwardly.

“Tsk. I wish I am a frog so I can eat you since you’re always bugging me.” I said to her, making her face looks annoyed. I immediately lay down on the bed covering my head with a pillow.  I bit my lips to hide the smile that was about to show in my face. 

“Yah!” Yoona said irritated.

—

Being in a rehab has been difficult and slow process for me. I wanted to get my strength back as fast as I could but learning to walk all over again was really tough. I had my ups and downs moment, and Yoona was always there to encourage me not to stop. She and her cheesy jokes were the reason how I overcame my boredomness in the rehab.

“Haist! Donghae, why aren’t you eating again? Why aren’t you taking your medications yet?!How will you get your strength back if you’re doing this? Why are you being so hard on yourself?!” Yoona asked me when she saw the untouched food and medicine cup on my table. 

“I don’t have appetite to eat and I don’t need those medication. I’m fine. Just leave me alone, please.” I said to her 

“I know you are depressed because of what happened but this is not the end of the world. You have to get stronger so you could find her again... 

…so you can finally answer those questions that you wanted to ask her. Please you have to be strong.” Yoona said with her worried expression. She let out a sigh before she reached the telephone in my room. She called the kitchen and asked them to warm my food. She looked at me worriedly. I deeply sighed and tried to avoid her gaze. Somehow my chest became heavier whenever she looked at me like that.

~Ring~Ring~

I snapped out of trance when Yoona’s phone  suddenly rang. Yoona expression lightened. She excitedly answered the called. My eyes snapped open when I heard what she said.

“Yeoboseyo? Well, well, Look who is calling?! Tsk! Yah, Sandara Park! You finally remembered to call me?! How are you, Dara?! Are you really in NY?” Yoona said over the phone. I looked at her immediately as I was shocked hearing Dara’s name. Yoona noticed my surprise reaction and gesture to me that she would just step outside for a moment to talk on the phone.

My heart suddenly skipped a beat upon hearing Dara’s name. I couldn’t stop thinking it could be the Dara I know Yoona was talking to on the phone. 

Different kind of thoughts raced in my head while waiting for Yoona to come back. When I heard her footsteps over the door I quickly pretended unbothered. 

I cleared my throat before I courageously asked who it was on the phone as I couldn’t be at peace knowing it might be the girl I was looking for.

“Huh? Oh, sorry I was loud a while ago, I was just excited I haven’t talk to my friend for a while. It’s my best friend in high school, Dara.” Yoona explained. “Why? Do you know her?” Yoona asked me back when she saw my flustered expression.

I shook my head before I swallowed a big lump in my throat. “The name just sounds familiar.”

“Oh? Her full name is Sandara Park. She actually lived in Seoul before but transfer in Jeju during our high school days. She's now in NY to further her study and also to get her eye check. Actually, she was here last month but we didn’t get to hang out because she was busy. She promised me to call me as soon as she got to NY but only now she called. At least she really called me like what she promised. I’m really gonna get mad at her if she don’t keep her promise, especially to be my maid of honor when I get married. I will never break my promise to her if she get married first.”

“What promise? I asked curiously.

“Oh.. she promised she’ll be my maid of honor.” Yoona said in reply smiling shyly. 

-end of flashback-

Dara snapped back from her thoughts when she felt Donghae squeeze her both cheeks. 

She looked at him in daze and he smiled at her in response. 

“What kind of dream is this?” He said softly before he go back to his bed to sleep.

Dara followed him with her eyes in confusion, but she did not waste anytime to think. She shook her head to brush off her thoughts. She quickly ran off outside to leave.