Day 26 Friday:

  It’s Friday… I would usually be super excited, but not today. I wanted to talk to Jaeseop once more, but I just can’t. I just… I want to… I want to but… I don’t know. My words just won’t spill out of my mouth. I wanted to scream his name and say random stuff that was on my mind like before but it wouldn’t come out.

  Everyone must have noticed my depressed state for some people I barely talk to comforted be but it wasn’t enough. I wanted Jaeseop to comfort me and tell me it’s okay. I want him to hold me tightly and never let me go. I miss the old days even though it’s only been twenty days of actually knowing each other.

  “Hey, Myung Hee.” It was Nana. She sat next to me during lunch, worried about me. Her food was in front of her, untouched. “Come on, you need to move on.”

  I poked my food. I can’t move on. Not yet.

  “Myung Hee.”

  “Please don’t tell me that again.” I simply stated. No matter how many times people say that, I just can’t get him out of my mind. I want him back.

  She sighed and stopped talking.

  Hoon came in moments later, sitting in front of me. He leaned forward as he gazed at me with his big eyes. His head tilts this way and that as he tried getting my attention.

  I kept my gaze low until it annoyed me. I darted my eyes at him, nearly glaring. “What do you want?”

  He smiled a toothy smile. “Ah, a response!”

  I rolled my eyes. I feel cold.

  His smile continued. “Hey, stop sulking or else you’ll get wrinkles early.”

  I poked my food once again.

  Hoon pouted. “Myung Hee. Stop-” He paused as he saw Nana’s warning glance. He sat straight and placed his hands behind his back. “You know Jaeseop hasn’t been acting the same way either. I’m sure he misses you.”

  “Then why did he break up with me?” I muttered.

  His eyes widened, not knowing the answer. He scratched the back of his head and shrugged. “Everyone has their reasons like me. When I rejected you, I was just an immature student who thought more about popularity, but now I’m average.”

  Nana snorted. “Average my ...”

  Hoon gave her a look. “Okay, I guess I’m a jerk sometimes… But whatever.” He flapped his hand. “I’m sure Jaeseop has his reasons.”

  “I want to know what it is.” I continued to mutter.

  “Maybe it’s not the right time. Maybe he’ll find the right time to tell you.”

  “But do you not see how depress she looks?!” Nana exclaimed. “She looks dead right now!”

  “Don’t worry. He’ll tell her. See like me. I told you why I didn’t want to date you years ago.”

  Nana smacked him on his shoulder. “That was years ago! It practically took you, what, five years? She can’t last that long in this state!”

  Hoon rubbed his shoulder. “You’re mean… But I know Myung Hee is stronger than that. She didn’t give up on me.” He turned towards me, “So you shouldn’t give up on him. Maybe he needs your persistency.”

  He’s right. Jaeseop does need my persistency. I look up and found him alone at his table. I wanted to go up to him and talk to him like normal, but seeing him made me stuck on my seat. I couldn’t come up to him in this state. He looked unapproachable. It’s as if he had this invisible barrier no one could go through.

  I drop my gaze and poked my food. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

  “Myung Hee…” Hoon started.

  “Leave her alone. She needs her space,” Nana stated and stood. “Come on, Hoon.”

  He gave me a worried glance before reluctantly going with Nana.

~~~

  After school, I walked home and was greeted my Umma. As usual, she was happy and excited to see me. “Welcome back, Myung Hee!” She greeted and took me into a tight hug.

  For Umma, I can’t show her my depressed state. I don’t want to see her worried. I faked a smile and hugged her back. “Hello, Umma!”

  She smoothed my hair as she held me close. She kissed the top of my head and whispered, “What’s wrong?”

  I stiffened at those words. Did she just see right through me?

  Her grip loosened as she looked straight into my eyes. “I’ve noticed it since Tuesday. I know when you’re faking and when you’re not because I’ve been through pain before. So tell me, what happened.”

  At those words, I broke down. Tears flowed out of my eyes and words came out of my mouth constantly. I told her everything without stopping. I told her about the break up and how I didn’t understand why. I told her I wanted to talk to Jaeseop but couldn’t. I told her everything.

  Umma listened quietly, nodding a couple of times to tell me she was still there.

  When I finished, I realized I could no longer cry. My tears were all dried up.

  Silently, she took me into another hug and whispered, “Don’t worry, Myungie. Don’t let a guy bring you down.”

  “But I love him!” I bawled and squeezed her tight.

  “I understand.”

  How can she understand? I feel like crap and that’s all she can say? She understands? “How do you-”

  “I had a break up, too,” she simply stated.

  I shut my mouth.

  “And after that break up, I found someone else, your father. You should be happy that you were able to experience love. Be happy you have memories with someone else. Be happy that there is someone who gave you a chance.”

  I buried my head into my Umma’s chest. My tears were coming back from those words. She was right. I should be happy for all the memories, but it’s hard not to cry when I think about those memories. We may not have a lot, but they were enough.

  Maybe he broke up with me because our relationship was too quick. Maybe it’s because he needed some time to settle. We did started off as sort of enemies and somehow fell in love.

  I took a deep breath, taking a scent of Umma. She smelled of flowers, calming me. I pull away from the hug and look up at her. I managed a weak smile. “Thank you, Umma.” I’m glad I have an Umma like her. I’m glad she listens and knows what to say.

  She smiled sincerely and grabbed both my cheeks. She wiped the tears away with her thumb. “Don’t worry, Myungie. I’m sure you’ll find someone better. I’m sure you’ll find someone who’ll love you like no other.” Umma kissed my forehead and squished my cheeks. “Alright! Your Appa is coming home early tonight and I’m thinking about cooking his favorite dish! Why don’t you help me?”

  Ah, cooking. I’m not that great at it, but I love to help. My true smile came and I nodded. “Yes!”