"Hyung," Jungkook murmurs as he looks up at me.

He laid his head on my chest holding onto me tightly. He was having another nightmare and it takes a lot to get him to calm down, cuddling him back to sleep seems to be the only thing that works especially since he doesn't like to talk about it. Most nights I just hold him in silence or I talk his ear off until he falls asleep, this is the first time he's wanted to talk.

"Hm," I hum mindlessly, my hand playing the boy's soft locks.

"You love me, right?" He questions.

No, not in the way you want me to at least.

"I do," I lie, but I'm sure he knows I'm lying already.

"You're not angry with me? I tried holding back my feelings, but it became suffocating," He confesses.

I'm not sure what to believe anymore.

"Jungkook-"

"If we met in another life under different circumstances, I'm sure I would fall all over again. We'd be happy, and things wouldn't be complicated. There'd be no one coming between us and trying to pulls us apart," He says, and when I look down at him, his eyes are so bright and hopeful.

I had never taken that into consideration, what a second chance at life would look like with Jungkook. I can't hold back my smile. I would be honored to be with someone like him life just unfair to us...

"Honestly, Jungkook... I really like the sound of that."

"Do you?" There's this cute smile on his face, and I nod, pulling him closer.

"Yeah," I admit, "I'd get a chance to see what being in love with you feels like there wouldn't be anything holding me back anymore from loving you freely."

"You could now, but I don't think that's ever going to happen," he says with a chuckle, but there's this look on his face.

It hurts him. We both know it, so why does he keep trying?

"You're okay with that?"

He shrugs. "Yeah"

"How? that would drive me crazy."

"I understand, I know what's going on between us is wrong, but I just can't stop, and sometimes I do get frustrated knowing I have to share you, but as long as I'm with you, I don't mind."

"Jungkook, you deserve someone who will love you... really deserve someone better."

"Who's better for me than you?"

Everytime I take a step back he takes one forward. There's no convincing or getting through to this boy.

"It's okay, hyung. I love me enough for the both of us."

I couldn't stop thinking about what Jungkook said.

He seems to accept the fact we will never be together but will keep trying. I feel like I'm taking advantage of him, and I'm sure to anyone else who knew that would be the case.

I keep ignoring everything in me that tells me our relationship is wrong. I know it is, and I keep giving in.

I feel nothing but guilt. I just want Jungkook to forgive me. I want him to stop hating me because of my mistakes. I ruined my baby's life, and I'm trying my best to make him happy but at what cost?

I'm scared at the fact I'm getting used to being with him. I'm getting used to touching and the kisses and the pet names, all of it.I'm scared but giving in to what he wants is the only way to fix things, right?

He will finally be happy with me. He won't hate me anymore, and I can finally stop hating and blaming myself for what happened. If I give in, maybe things will be ok, and I'll get to keep the family and life I've always wanted.

I just can't stop thinking about Yoongi. What I'm doing is it's unfair to him, and it's hard to keep up with all the lies, but I know if he finds out he'll want Jungkook gone, and I just can't bring myself to let Jungkook go. I lost him for eleven years. I'm not letting my baby go again.

I know what I'm doing is wrong, but it's the only way I can get what I want. I think I've made my choice.

"Seokjin," Yoongi mumbles as he wraps his arms around my waist and places his head at the crook of my neck. I smile and let the male embrace me as I continue plating the boy's food.

It was nice to finally see Yoongi and the boys. They haven't been home much since they've been visiting their mother and grandmother. I missed having my babies around and cooking for them, and now for once, we get to eat dinner together.

"I haven't seen you in days. Pay attention to me," Yoongi whines, and I roll my eyes before shifting out his arms.

"I missed you too."

"How much did you miss me?" He teases, wrapping his arms around me once again.

I smile before pressing a kiss on his lips, "So so much you have no idea-"

There's a cough that interrupts us, and we both turn to see our three boys standing there. Taehyung has a big smile on his face as Jimin pretends to be disgusted. Jungkook has this unreadable look as he stares us up and down. Becoming uncomfortable with his stare, I snake my way out of Yoongi's arms.

"We were gonna ask if dinner was ready, but you seem to be a bit busy," Jimin teases.

"Yes, dinner is ready," I reply and hand Jungkook and Jimin their plates.

"Be careful, okay?" I tell Taehyung as I hand him his plate. The boy nods as he holds the dish with two hands. His little face looks so cute as he follows his big brothers to the dining room.

I really missed nights like this.

"Oh, Seokjin, after dinner--we really need to talk," Yoongi mentions sending my brain all over the place.

I start to feel anxious but remain cool as I nod. "Okay, love."

He sounded way too serious for my liking. Talk to me... What do we possibly need to talk about?