Hello guys!
This chapter is abit longer than usual because Hakyeon has lot of pent-ups besides being angry and disappointed with the members. He has seen and heard lots of things since debut and he chose to keep them from the members in order not to worsen the hurt.

Now that Wonshik came to know Hakyeon's unspoken thoughts, let's just wish the best for them to ease and make their hyung happy and healthy.

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The members were informed Hakyeon's absence for the next day's practice. Fortunately, Hakyeon already wrapped up the song recording and there's nothing left much on his plate except for an upcoming special shangri-la performance for an event next week.

Hyuk was pondering over the text Wonshik sent thinking what could he mean by that. What kind of talk he'll be anticipating?

----

Greeted by the sound of calming waves and the bright moon shining down, Wonshik and Hakyeon settled down by the beach, sitting on the sand barefooted.

"I finally able to come here." Wonshik breathe in the fresh air from the countryside. Hakyeon looked at the calm waves.

"How can those calming waves bring so much tranquility?" He wondered.

Wonshik observed his hyung. "Precisely." Although he was quietly admiring the night scene, there were so much unspoken words reflected in his sparkled eyes.

Hakyeon's eyes never left the moon and the waves. Wonshik shifted his body a little, facing his hyung.

"Hyung...you like the scenery so much?"

Hakyeon nodded.

"Do you want to go here often? I can drive you here, if you want to."

"Me being here now, I'm thankful. For people like us, we don't even know if we have the chance to come here again next time."

"Don't make it sound so depressing."

"Life is such. Sometimes what we wish for in life, doesn't go the way we want. In the end, we ended up in different place."

Wonshik couldn't help but to agree. He joined his hyung, admiring the scenery.

"Sejun hyung told me everything."

At that time, Hakyeon turned and looked at Wonshik.

"Now I know why our promotion is cut until 2 weeks." Wonshik now turned and looked at his hyung, whose eyes are gettting teary. He shook his head slightly, biting his lips as if he feared the outcome would be the same as he imagined.

The truth that probably could probably him ended up abandoned by them.

Wonshik rested his hand on his shoulder.

"Let me share your burden, hyung."

He didn't expect such words from Wonshik knowing how he has treated him past few weeks. His eyes dripped with tears. The walls that he's been building around, the walls that surrounds his world away from these people finally crumbled. The non-stop tears drenched his whole cheeks trickling down to his white shirt.

He trembled.

"I'm so sorry, Wonshik." His tears couldn't stop. He can't stop bawling in front of his dongsaeng when he should be emotionally strong. How could he just crumbled in few moments after holding on for so many years?

An arm gradually wrapped around his back, his arm gently.

"It's okay hyung. Cry it out. You'll feel better." He his arm in hoping to soothen his distraught hyung.

----

"I'm a burden." First sentence spoken after an hour of sobbing and crying.

"No you're not." Wonshik chided.

"I'm a nuisance. I basically wrecked ourselves. Vixx, you, Jaehwan, the rest."

"You have to chill, hyung. Your mental health is worrying. You need to relax." Wonshik held his arm.

Hakyeon shove his hand away.

"I can't. No matter how I think, I thought the main problem was me."

"No, you are not. Hyung, please listen to me. You have us."

"I made Jaehwan hate me. I made you hate me. I made Hyuk and Hongbin detest me. I basically irritated Taekwoon to a point he abandoned me."

"Hyung..."

Hakyeon took out something from his pocket.

"Give you back this." Wonshik was surprised to see his lost ring.

"Hyung...why is this with you?" he asked.

"I saw it lying on the floor. I want to give to Jaehwan but my ego prevented me. Now, I'm suffering due to what I've done to him."

"Hyung...why?"

Hakyeon brushed his hair with both hands, pulling them slightly not knowing what to say as he shook head.

"I don't know."

"Why are you like this hyung? I know you have a major problem with Hyuk but I don't see it with other members. Well, except me because I told you off that time. But, you coming after Jaehwan hyung... It doesn't seem to click."

Hakyeon snorted.

"It's because you weren't there to see everything. I face everything at home and other things alone. There were many things..." Hakyeon choked up.

Wonshik remained silent. His absence in the house definitely not an excuse not to know anything.

"The anger in me. This anger towards all of you. It was the start of all and yet it became my ultimate destruction. I should have known to stop when i starting to hurt you a little yet when I thought of the unfairness and those times all of you made me so angry and disappointed, the anger lead me on."

He paused. Wonshik too didn't say anything.

"As a leader, I have other things to think and it all ending up became my worries and problems. This unsettling feeling of going through the endless path being in Vixx. How I envisioned Vixx in 5 years time after our debut, totally different and it stressed me what kind of future awaits us in 10 years time?

I asked myself constantly whether I'm doing my part well enough as a leader and member of vixx and in the end when people failed to recognise our talents and skills, I thought I've failed to lead all of you to fly higher than now."

Hakyeon could see Wonshik was shaking his head in denial at the corner of his eyes but he just let him be. he badly needed this time to let out all these thoughts he's been burying within.

"When we were looked down and compared with our same year debut groups who are much popular than us now, I had to hear those hurtful and poignant words coming from the public who simply didn't know our existence but just condemned us for being a group that takes advantage of being mutuals with those popular idols. You know how hurtful that was? To a point I had to avoid my idol friends because someone will just have something negative to say about vixx individually."

He froze. "We were looked down upon, hyung?" Hakyeon nodded, tearing up once again remembering one of the memory of a certain celebrity talking behind their back during an award ceremony. Hakyeon happened to hear but didn't tell s because it was painful.

"Ya, remember I came to your LR showcase? The first time?"

Hyung nodded. "It's the day of your radio show. I still remember that."

Hakyeon looked at him sadly. "I was removed from the radio show itself that day. The PD announced a replacement the day of your showcase. It took me the whole morning of discussion with the PD."

"But you were not at home that night. I thought you were..." It was a first revelation to Wonshik because he knew that radio show meant a lot to him as it was a kickstart to his career as a DJ and Wonshik got to know two weeks later Hakyeon pulled out of the show when LR were invited to one of their radio shows.

"The PD simply had someone in mind a while after I became the main DJ. So after that, he's trying ways to cut me off the show." Wonshik was loss for words. There were many things that Hakyeon didn't tell him and he doesn't know how to react then.

"That night when all of you thought I'm at the broadcast station but in fact I went out...alone. Walking through the beach, crying, wailing, I've no one but myself for comfort. I still remember the LR's towel still hanging on my neck and it was all soaked with tears."

Wonshik still looked shocked try to gather some words to continue.

"Why you didn't tell us about it?"

"I have my pride as a leader. I thought why should I share my loss with all of you? I should share joy and happiness only. I just want us to be happy." The night wind was getting stronger but they didn't show any signs of shifting to another place to continue their conversation. It was such a deep talk between them.

"My back was sprained once because of Taekwoon. Can you imagine if I told him he's the one responsible for my injury? Taekwoon once cried when I fell sick. How can I share my pain if my members are not emotionally strong?" Hakyeon elaborate further what happened that time.

"There was once when we had that showcase during Fantasy, nearing the end of the promotion. Everyone was happy and merrily celebrating success of a wrap up party that Taekwoon getting tipsy at just a glass of maekju. When I tried to hold onto him because he was getting wild, his strong accidental push landed my back against the metal sewer pipes attached on the wall. I sprained my back."

Wonshik recalled the last performance before they wrapped up Fantasy. Hakyeon was not smiling much at that time and during that performance itself, his whole attire were soaked with sweat compared to other members and yet his performance was as solid as usual. He never knew he masked away the pain behind that act of professionalism and that was never an easy task since Wonshik also tends to hurt himself during performances but he could never ever able to reach his hyung's level of endurance.

"I've never blamed Taekwoon. I know that I landed myself into something and I've to be responsible for it. No matter how painful it was."

"But ultimately, it was because I'm your leader. I couldn't afford to show that side of me."