A/N: Hello, and welcome back, I'm back once again. I know I said I'd update soon, but the chapter just wasn't there, I wasn't satisfied with it, but here it is. I hope you'll like this, and the next upcoming chapters. This chapter is focused on Baekhyun, and Jonhten mostly. Next up, Taohun. (BTW, there's a double up at the bottom. 2 extras for the price of 1) 

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"Baek, you’ve gotta talk to them at some point” 

"Jongin-” 

"Don’t you dare say “don’t”!” Jongin yelled at him, and Baekhyun shut up. 

"I’ve been dealing with you for the last 4- almost 5 months!” Jongin exploded, and Baekhyun looked at the ground, flinching as Jongin spoke. 

"Really, I am happy we’ve become friends again, but seriously, if it’s just for you to avoid your friends and their problems, I don’t want it!” 

"Jongin, you don’t understand” Baekhyun calmly started out, but Jongin interrupted him again.

"The hell I don’t!” 

"You don’t talk to me about it!" Baekhyun felt a pang of guilt in his chest. "You throw it into the deepest hole in your soul, locking it all away! How could I?!” Baekhyun knew Jongin genuinely cared about him, he also knew that he was right, but he just couldn’t go back. 

"You can’t turn your back on them!” 

"Just like you did?!” Baekhyun finally shot back “Just like how you left us after you left the team?!” Jongin was taken aback, and Baekhyun took the chance to keep ranting. 

"Don’t tell me what to do when you’re a hypocrite!”

"That’s not the same thing!” Jongin tried to argue, but Baekhyun scoffed.

"Oh, but it is!” 

"No! I left the team, which made me fall out with you! But I still came to see you! Still came to your parties!” He took a deep breath “I’m not the reason why the group is falling apart now! You are!” he spoke, pushing a finger into Baekhyun’s chest “You chose to abandon them!” 

"Oh! Why do you care so much!” Baekhyun scoffed, shoving Jongin’s hand away. 

"Because I hate the person you’ve become!” and again, Baekhyun scoffed with a smile, but the words hit hard. 

"What? I’m happy, and I’m better” he smiled, walking a few steps backward “I’ve healed, and you don’t like that?” It was all a facade, both of them knew that. 

"You’d rather, I kept being heartbroken over Chanyeol?!” 

"No! But the Baekhyun back then, wouldn’t do like this” 

"Well, life demands sacrifices sometimes,” Baekhyun laughed with a shrug, and that was the last straw for Jongin. 

 

Baekhyun knocked on the apartment door with a shaky hand. His heart was beating loud in his ears. How long had it been since he had had a proper talk with Johnny? 

The door opened, and Johnny looked at him confused, before turning to the bruise on his cheek. 

"Oh, that" Baekhyun let out with a shaky laugh, brushing his fingers over it gently.

“Had a fight with Jongin” he vaguely explained with a shrug.

“Can I come in?”

Johnny nodded his head and moved away from the door.

“Why are you here?” he asked when Baekhyun had closed the door. He was silent for a moment, “To talk”. Johnny raised an eyebrow at him but went over to sit on his bed, and Baekhyun followed him.

 

Baekhyun then explained why he had ignored them.

He had heard Johnny cry at The New Year's party. He hadn’t realized how bad his crush on Tao was, he didn't know Johnny had confessed. He thought maybe he had moved on since he got closer to Ten. 

After he realized that had not been the case, that Johnny still liked Tao, he distanced himself. He was tired of seeing three of them; Tao, Kris, and Johnny stuck in the same drama. 

Kris wouldn’t talk about China, Tao won’t come clean about Sehun, and Johnny was not the same anymore. 

“It was too much” he ended with a sigh. “I was moving on from the past , but you were all stuck, and I just didn’t want to deal with it”

“I’m sorry Johnny. I was wrong, Jongin made sure I know” he apologized, gesturing to his bruise. 

 

“So, are you coming back?” Johnny only asked, hoping they would get their friend back finally. He didn't bother to tell Baekhyun about what happened between him and Tao, but let him believe he was merely rejected by Tao.

Baekhyun was silent for a moment, before hesitantly nodding “Yeah… I am” he softly spoke, and Johnny pulled him into a hug “Thank god” he muttered. “It’s been so hard without you” 

“There’s something we need to talk about though” Baekhyun spoke as he pulled away.

“What?” 

Baekhyun took a deep breath. “We have to stop the Kris and Tao thing. I can’t watch them dragging each other down anymore. I hate seeing Tao chasing after him” 

Johnny leaned back on the bed, with a slight smile. “Yeah,” he agreed, happy inside that his friend wanted the same thing. “I’ve talked to Kris, and he says he wants to get help, but” he shook his head “I’m not so sure about it.” 

Baekhyun leaned forward, deep in thought. 

“Everything was fine when Kris wasn’t there…” he mumbled. “What are we gonna do? How do we get Kris away from him?” he thought out loud. 

“Kris has somewhere to be right? After school?” he asked and Johnny nodded.

“What about Sehun?” Baekhyun asked, but Johnny shook his head. 

“Tao’s father wants him to focus on his exams, so he’s not able to see him lately”

“And Tao is trying to help Kris, right?” Johnny nodded with a sigh “Yes, but he shouldn’t. Their friendship is toxic” he calmly spat.

They didn't want to ruin their friends' lives, not that Johnny had considered Kris a friend for a while, but they’ve been hurting so much, and Tao finally got away when Kris was gone.

“He’s breaking himself for Kris” Baekhyun muttered.

“We have to tell Sehun” Johnny confidently stated. 

“What?” Baekyun turned to Johnny in confusion, but the other didn’t try to explain himself. 

“You seriously- really?” 

“Yes. He knows what Tao used to feel towards Kris, he knows how to get through to him” 

“But let’s talk to Tao-”

“-I can’t make him Baekhyun,” Johnny snapped, and Baekhyun fell quiet. Johnny let out a sigh, even though he wants to separate them, he's limited.

“I can’t, I can’t help him like I used to” he continued, with a sad look in his eyes. 

“What do you mean? You obviously still care about him?” Baekhyun let out, but then he fell silent, as Johnny didn’t say anything. 

“Did something else happen that I don’t know about?” he quietly asked, but Johnny didn’t answer him.

“Johnny, what happened?” Baekhyun calmly pressed, but Johnny was quiet “Nothing, I just, I have someone else in my life now. I need to move on for them” he exhaled deeply.

“I want to separate Kris and Tao, but I can’t ruin what I’m building because of it”  

Baekhyun was quiet for a moment, wanting to press further, but he shouldn’t. Even though he knew who Johnny was talking about, he should wait for Johnny to tell him. 

Instead, he turned the conversation back to having a group meeting, which they agreed to have tomorrow. 

“Why Doyoung and Taeyong too?” Johnny asked. He was a friend of Taeyong, has been for years, but he didn’t understand why it was relevant to Baekhyun. 

“Because they are still part of our friend group” 

“Taeyong maybe, but Doyoung” 

“Johnny, I know you want to just ignore and let them handle it, but I’ve been there, and here I am,” he said with a bitter smile, and Johnny's eyes fell to his bruise again, understanding ignoring it wouldn't help. 

“Fine” he answered and Baekhyun nodded. 

 

“I should get going,” Baekhyun said after a while, noticing it was getting late. Johnny hummed in response and followed Baekhyun to the door. 

Before opening the door though, hand lingering by the doorknob, Baekhyun turned around to face Johnny. 

 

“Are you still in love with him?” he asked cautiously.

“With who?” 

“Tao” He clarified, and silence fell between them.

“Why?” Johnny let out with an exhale. 

“Your hate towards Kris is deep,” Baekhyun explained. He glanced at the floor for a moment, before locking eyes again “You’re talking about shutting him out of your life for good. From Tao, and from everyone else” Johnny was quiet for a moment. 

 

“Baekhyun, you don’t know half the damage he has done,” he replied with a hint of annoyance and anger. “It’s not right, and he should not be able to just do that as much as he likes without consequences” he ended, and Baekhyun was silent for a moment. 

 

“Okay,” he answered “Just make sure it’s not some selfish vengeance” he softly warned “See you tomorrow” he bid, and left the apartment. Johnny stood still for a moment after the door fell shut. 

He knew what Baekhyun was hinting at, but perhaps, his long rivalry with Kris, the hate, also made him aware of the reality, the truth, and therefore the right to say what he said. 

After all, he knew the truth of what kind of person Kris was, but so did Ten.

 

He wanted to see Ten, but they had agreed to not hang out until after they had finished their exams. It didn’t help that Johnny wanted to know exactly what Kris was to Ten now more than ever.

It didn’t help that it seemed like Kris had been trying to push them together, to make Johnny distance himself from Tao. 

 

He took out his phone and called him, despite their agreement. 

“Hey, I know what we agreed” he started out when Ten picked up “But I can’t rest. I need to know about you and Kris” 

It was silent for a moment before Ten exhaled “Is that all?” he asked, and Johnny was quiet for a moment “Ten, it’s messing up my head. I feel jealous, and I hate it. I hate that something happened between you and Kris. I hate that he’s everywhere” 

Ten was quiet again “Okay, give me an hour” he replied and hung up, and around an hour later, he was standing in front of Johnny’s door, and the other welcomed him inside. 

“I’m sorry for calling you,” Johnny said, but Ten gave him a small smile “It’s fine” he shrugged, but the silence he brought with him said otherwise. 

He took off his coat, and went out on the balcony, expecting Johnny to follow him. “I like you a lot Johnny,” he said, leaning onto the railing, and Johnny silently went to his side. 

He knew why Ten said that. 

“I like you a lot too Ten” Johnny replied, his heart beating loud in his chest, but Ten snapped “I try to believe that, but somehow, it feels like you’re too focused on Kris”. His voice was straining a bit, his eyebrows twitching. Baekhyun’s words from earlier echoed in Johnny's head.

“I know” Johnny replied softly, voice dripping with guilt and when Ten turned to him, Johnny gave him an apologetic look. 

“I know, my rivalry with Kris seems obsessive, but Ten. First Tao, then you, why is he haunting me? It feels like he is haunting me. It feels like he’s messing with me” he explained, but Ten turned away again.

“How is that anything but obsessive” he added, and Johnny stared at the ground

“I know, I’m just sick of feeling like Kris is everywhere. I know I hate him, and I’ll hate him more” 

“I still feel used Johnny” Ten snickered. Johnny didn’t answer. His heart broke hearing his words. 

“You promise me, it’s not just about Kris and Tao?” Ten asked and turned to Johnny who was caught off guard. 

“I promise. Ten, you know everything between me and Tao” Ten looked away for a moment.

“Johnny, promise me another thing” he continued, and to Johnny, it was as if every other sound faded away. Whatever Ten was about to say, seemed so intimate with the way he was speaking, that Johnny wanted nothing more but to listen. After all, the only one he wanted to prove himself to was Ten. So with a beating heart, he asked.

“What?” 

“That you won’t tell Tao. It’s better for us, and for him if he doesn’t know. But if you tell him, how can I be sure you’re serious?” Johnny wanted to tell him he already is. That he is serious about him, but, it wouldn’t do him any good. 

“I promise,” he replied instead. “I won’t tell him, not for him, but for you” 

Ten silently nodded his head and sat down on the balcony floor, and Johnny sat down beside him. 

It was quiet for a moment before Ten exhaled. 

“We used to hook up.” he calmly spoke, and Johnny’s heart dropped to his stomach. His whole body froze. 

“I helped him figure out his uality and his feelings towards Tao.” Johnny tried to focus on Ten’s voice, but somehow he couldn’t. His world was slowly crashing down all around him. Even though it was what he expected, it still shook him to his core. It still hurt him more than he expected. 

Not only had he been lying to him, but to Tao as well. He didn’t deserve Tao. He didn’t deserve to be in his life. 

“When?” he tried to ask as calmly as possible, but his voice was shaking. Ten pulled his knees up to his chest.

“After Taeyong, but before you” 

Johnny tried to stay calm, but everything was stirring inside of him. 

“When, when did you start to like me?” he asked, and Ten looked at him “Why?” 

“When?” Johnny only pressed “Tao and I once talked about whether you and Taeyong used to date” 

“That was after we became seniors.” Ten stayed quiet, seeing how Johnny was unraveling. “Taeyong said you told him the year before, so when you were a senior? The next time I saw you was at Lucas’ party. That’s like, one year.” Ten didn’t say anything, so Johnny continued.

“Kris told me that the person I…” 

“He told me they liked me” 

“So, you and Kris happened, somewhere between then?” 

“When Chanyeol was leaving, and Kris was possessive, back then, you and him?” he asked, and Ten’s heart broke at the hurt in Johnny’s voice.

“This is no longer about me is it?” he quietly asked. “This is about Kris knowing his feelings, and hurting Tao, isn’t it?” Johnny was quiet for a minute. 

“I know Kris’ feelings towards Tao” he answered.

“Then what?” 

“It’s nothing” Johnny only replied. He knew, telling Ten about his theory, would only hurt him. He knew telling Ten that he thinks Kris was pushing them together, would be catastrophic, so if he could avoid it, he would. He didn’t want to lose Ten. 

 

“Okay” Ten let out “But it’s about Kris isn’t it?” Johnny didn’t answer. 

“Are you serious about me?” Ten asked, and Johnny turned to him, staring deeply into his eyes. 

“Of course I am” he replied, a smile tugging on his lips, because Ten’s eyes were beautiful, a different kind of beautiful compared to what Tao’s was. Where Tao's were dark, a void teasing him, making him want him more, Ten's were comforting and homely. A deep void Johnny could stay in forever. A void, he wasn't scared of, a void that wasn't waiting for him to fall in, only to break him, but for him to fall in, only to love him. 

“I’ve already told you” he continued, and Ten broke their eye contact for a moment. 

“Then why can’t you tell me?” 

Johnny looked at the ground, and let out a sigh “Because it’s stupid” he shrugged, and Ten turned to look at the sky. 

“I just…” Johnny finally broke. “Kris knew about his feelings, and now he acts like life is out to get him?” 

“Johnny, you don’t know-” 

“-Know what he’s going through?” Johnny snapped.

“I know the choice he made. He told me, and I gave him chances to tell him. I told him to tell him” Ten was frozen, he hadn’t expected Johnny to know. 

“He knew when he made that choice. He knew what would happen”. He scoffed, and looked at Ten “It’s his own fault” he muttered, and Ten looked down on the ground. He wanted to defend his friend, but he couldn’t.

He understood where Johnny was coming from, but Kris… He also understood his side. He gets why it was hard for him, and why he’s trying so desperately to hold on now. 

“He knows Tao is finally happy, and he knows he can’t make Tao happy, yet he still…” Johnny trailed off, and silence settled in between them.

“It’s getting late” Ten spoke, getting up from the balcony floor. “Stay over” Johnny let out, grabbing Ten’s wrist ever so gently. 

“Of course,” he replied with a small smile. 

They both lied down to sleep, but neither could. Johnny was too frustrated, and Ten too worried. 

He knew Johnny was mad at Kris, and for a good reason but didn’t Johnny get what it felt like to love someone you couldn’t have? 

Knowing, something was against you?

Didn’t he love Tao once? 

He knows he said their conversation better not be about Kris and Tao, but it was, and deep down, Ten got it, but Johnny didn’t understand Kris. Then again, Johnny cared for Tao, not because of his feelings, but because he was his friend.  

 

Later that night, Johnny was awoken by Ten’s phone ringing once again, and to no surprise, it was Kris calling. He looked at Ten, who was somehow sleeping through it and declined the call without hesitation. 

He didn’t care if Ten had helped him figure things out. He didn’t care if Kris was “Going through some things”. Ten was no longer his, he didn’t have the right to call anymore. It wasn’t their problem.

 

The next day, when Baekhyun came over, Ten wasn't there anymore.

“I’ve already sent a group text” was the first thing he said when Johnny opened the door. Johnny didn’t say anything but sat down at the table. “Are you okay?” Baekhyun asked, seeing his friend completely worn out. “I’m fine” he replied, and even though Baekhyun didn’t believe him, he didn’t press on. 

“If it doesn’t work out with Tao today, I’m telling Sehun” Johnny bluntly stated after a moment of silence. Baekhyun looked at him both surprised and confused.

“Why are you so sure it won’t?” he asked him.

“Because I was there, you weren't,” Johnny coldly replied. “You weren’t there when Tao realized something was going on with Kris” he continued, crossing his arms.

“You weren’t there, okay?” he snapped, not letting Baekhyun get a word in. “You don’t know his deal, okay?” and Baekhyun didn’t fight back. He silently nodded, pretty sure someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. 

 

After texting back and forth with Doyoung, while Tao still hadn’t responded, they went out to get them. 

After the scene at Doyoung’s house, it was silent. Baekhyun didn’t ask, and Johnny frankly didn’t care. 

“I’m not going,” Tao said as soon as he opened the door to them. “Tao” Baekhyun spoke “How many times haven’t you done the same for us?” he asked, and Tao fell quiet “I can’t. You know my father” 

Baekhyun let out a sigh. “You’re not the only one who can’t” he commented, nodding towards Doyoung, who stood with a cold expression and crossed arms. Tao knew there was more beneath it though, and to be honest, deep down, he was curious to know what kind of person Doyoung was. 

He looked into the house for a second before turning back to Baekhyun. “Fine, just, not here” he muttered, and Baekhyun nodded. “Johnny’s apartment it is” Baekhyun agreed with a smile, and the group was on their way. 

 

Doyoung didn’t really want to talk about what happened, as he didn’t see how it was relevant to them, even if they said he’s one of them. 

They weren’t friends. They were just classmates, teammates. They didn’t know him, he didn’t know them. 

“It’s obvious something happened between you” Baekhyun spoke with crossed arms. They were sitting at Johnny’s dinner table, well Doyoung was sitting on his couch. 

“No one seemed to care enough to point it out,'' Doyoung commented, and Baekhyun looked at him with a curious glare. He wasn’t wrong though. No one pointed out if they knew.

“You said Taeyong wasn’t coming, so why do I need to be here?” he asked again, and Baekhyun’s face softened, while Johnny tried to keep up his cool facade, and Tao just listened, observing Doyoung. 

“Doyoung-” Baekhyun started out but Johnny cut in “-Everyone has heard about Jaehyun. Everybody knows something has happened, and to be frank, you haven’t been the friendliest” his voice was cold, and Baekhyun looked at him for a moment “That could've been worded differently, but he’s not wrong” he spoke and turned back to Doyoung. 

“Doyoung” Tao suddenly spoke up, and the others turned to him. “I know the year is almost over, and we are no longer the soccer team, but you can’t tell me that you haven’t at least enjoyed our company”. Doyoung’s face was cold as usual, and Baekhyun would’ve just accepted that Doyoung didn’t care, but not Tao. 

“I saw you hanging out with Jaehyun and Taeyong at Lucas’ party” he added, and Doyoung’s expression slightly softened up. There was a hint of guilt and regret, which Baekhyun and Johnny didn’t understand. “The three of you were friends” 

“So what? We’re not friends anymore” Doyoung replied with a scoff, and Tao let out a sigh “And you really don’t care about that?” he asked, and the two others became the ones to observe the conversation instead. 

“You don’t ever look at Taeyong, regretting whatever happened just a little bit?” 

“You don’t know what happened,” Doyoung snapped. Tao had hit a nerve.

“You broke our friends” Johnny added, cold eyes staring down Doyoung. He might not have been there for Taeyong lately, but he still cared for him. Doyoung looked away from Johnny, and exhaled softly “Yeah, yeah I did. So what?” his eyes were still cold. 

 

“So what? So what?” Johnny scoffed. “You join our team, you snap at Taeyong for a year, pretending to be his friend, only to hurt him!?” Doyoung kept his arms crossed, and looked away from Johnny.

“What kind of person does that?!”

“Johnny calm down” Tao snapped, gesturing for him to stop talking. Something about Doyoung’s body language didn’t sit right with him. 

“Doyoung, he’s not wrong-” 

“-Why didn’t Taeyong come today?” Doyoung blurted out, changing the subject. He wasn’t looking at anyone, just the floor. His knuckles were turning white, and his jaw was clenched. Baekhyun and Tao stared at each other for a moment. 

“Did he tell you why?” Doyoung asked again, and finally, Baekhyun answered a soft “No”. Doyoung let out a small scoff. “Doyoung, please just tell us, then we’ll be able to help. It’s obvious it’s-” 

“-No” Doyoung interrupted, shaking his head. It was obvious he was trying to keep everything inside, but that never works, Tao knew that too well. 

“No,” he repeated. “There’s nothing you can do”

“You can’t-” 

“You can’t help-” and that’s when a notification popped up on his phone. The others stared at him in silence as he read the message.

“I’ve gotta go” he announced and ran off, Baekhyun and Johnny calling after him.

“What just happened?” Baekhyun shakingly asked as Tao got up to sit on the empty couch “We pushed him in the right direction” he answered. 

“You think?” Baekhyun asked. Somehow, it didn’t seem that way to him. “It’s obvious he cares about what happened. He’s just been holding it down with denial, waiting for it all to spill over” Tao shrugged.

 

“Anyway, I guess it’s time to talk about why you’re here” Johnny spoke, sitting down on his chair again. 

“It’s Kris isn’t it?” Tao calmly responded. 

“It is”

“Just drop it” Tao spoke, arms crossed. It was the response they had expected. “He’s my friend, and he needs my help,” he added, and Johnny looked at Baekhyun, who let out a sigh. 

“Just because you can help, doesn’t mean you have to” Baekhyun replied, and Tao rolled his eyes. 

“Why?” he mumbled to himself, but the others heard it.

“Tao, why have you been happy lately? This past year, why?” Baekhyun started out. 

“Because of Sehun” he concluded. “Sehun has made your life better, happier. Kris is doing nothing but making you unhappy, something Sehun has changed” 

“You can’t be happy all the time” Tao replied. 

“No, but you can choose to be the happiest possible” Tao ignored Baekhyun'a comment and turned to Johnny. 

“Do you have nothing more to say?” Tao asked in Johnny’s direction. 

He was sitting leaned back with crossed arms, silently listening to their discussion. He let out a deep exhale. “I’ve already done enough,” he calmly stated. 

“Actually. I’ve done more than enough” he repeated, staring directly at Tao who got the hint.

“I can’t keep telling you, keep reminding you of why you should let go. I’ve done more than I should, I don’t think I need to remind you of that” Tao was silent, and he turned his eyes to the floor, all the while Baekhyun was staring confused between the two, noticing the weird tension between them. Johnny sounded so tired and exhausted from helping Tao. He really didn’t want to anymore.

 

“If you choose Kris, I hope you don’t forget what we’ve sacrificed to help you redirect and how many times we’ve tried” he added, but then fell silent. 

Tao didn’t say anything. He knew what Johnny was saying, but Kris was his friend. He’s in need of help. 

He’s aware he’s the one who said he wanted to get over Kris, but why can’t they still be friends? 

“Because he hurts you” Johnny’s voice sounded in his head. 

“Thank you” he whispered, and his friends looked at him in disbelief. “Thank you, for what you’ve done,” he continued. “You’re right, you’ve done a lot for me to help me” 

“But, he was also there for me, when I was screwed” he added, and Johnny looked like he wanted to yell at him, just full-on explode in his face, but he didn’t. “Now that he’s screwed, I should be there for him too” Baekhyun didn’t look at him but turned to look at Johnny, trying to figure out what to do, but the other was long gone. He was tired, he was so utterly done with this, he just wanted to throw it all away in a fit of anger.

“Sehun was the one who helped you breathe Tao,” Baekhyun said, and he could see how Johnny let out a thankful exhale. 

“You say it’s Kris who was there, but even then, you were suffering” he continued, and Tao nodded. It was silent for a while, as nothing more could be said. They all knew that Tao shouldn’t help Kris, knew a lot of reasons why, while only one knew all of them. 

Tao knew he shouldn’t because of what Kris does to him, because he chose others over him, while Tao was there for him in a heartbeat. Baekhyun knew he shouldn’t help him because he won’t be able to move on. 

Only Johnny knew it was because Kris was a selfish coward, who regretted a decision he had made himself. A choice he knew the consequences of when making it. 

“I know, but he always came back to me in the end, even if he was gone for a while” 

“And that’s unhealthy Tao” Johnny softly spoke, pain visible in his eyes. “You know, he’ll leave, but there’s someone who’s always been there. Perhaps not us, but Sehun” he ended. 

It was silent between them. Baekhyun crossed his arms, deep in thought, and Tao let out a deep exhale. 

But he’s alone he couldn’t help but think.

“I’m gonna go” he announced with a sigh, getting up. 

“I’ll follow you out” Johnny let out “I have something to say to you” Johnny spoke, following Tao, while Baekhyun was following Johnny with a raised eyebrow. Why couldn’t he hear it? Something really did happen. 

 

“Tao” Johnny spoke once he had closed the door behind him.

"I want to help you, but I can’t, because if I do, I’m only going to hurt Ten, because I keep going down in the rabbit-hole of you and what happened between us. If I keep obsessing, I’m not going to get over you, I’m going to be stuck, and I don’t want that” He paused, and once he had made sure Tao knew where he was going with this, he continued. 

“If you keep helping Kris, the same thing will happen to you, and you’ll hurt Sehun” Tao eyes faltered, as he let it sink in “You love him, you love him so much, and it’s not your fault Kris keeps haunting you, but if keep letting him in, it is.” 

“I know” Tao replied “I know, but I just can’t stand it, knowing he’s going through it alone” he tried to reason, but Johnny didn’t care. “It’s his own fault, and it’s his own fault for lying to you. It’s his own fault for pushing you away” he comforted, then gave him a small smile. “Take care” he added, and Tao nodded, walking away silently, and Johnny walked back inside the apartment again. 

“So what was that about?” Baekhyun asked from the couch.
“I’m not telling you” Johnny responded, and Baekhyun exhaled “Knew you would say that, but you also know that I’ll respond “but we’re friends blah blah blah” so let’s just get to the point” he spoke with a smile, but Johnny still didn’t answer, and Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

“Fine, I’ll figure it out myself” he muttered, and Johnny chuckled at him as he went to lie down on his bed with his phone. 

“Are you going to tell Sehun?” Baekhyun asked after a while. Johnny looked his way, with furrowed brows, before falling back on his bed “I don’t know. Maybe” he answered, and Baekhyun hummed.

“Are you not sure whether it’ll work out with Tao?” and Johnny exhaled “I’m not” 

“Well, what did you tell him?”, and Johnny stared him dead in the eye. “I’m still not telling you” 

“Worth a shot” Baekhyun shrugged, and Johnny rolled his eyes before going back to his phone again.

“Ten’s the person you mentioned yesterday right?” Baekhyun blurted out once the silence had settled between them. He looked at Johnny for confirmation, who finally sat up in his bed, locking his phone.

“He’s why you can’t help Tao,” Baekhyun continued, and Johnny didn’t answer, but he didn’t have to.

“So?” Johnny asked with a scoff. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because of what happened? I already knew you were getting closer, why?” 

Johnny continued to stay silent, and there was a sad look in his eyes. 

“Isn’t it time for you to go home soon?” Johnny asked, and Baekhyun got the hint, and so he got ready to go home.  

“Johnny, we’re friends. I know I haven’t been there lately, but you can tell me anything. There’s not supposed to be secrets between us” he spoke, just as he was about to leave. Even though he knew Johnny wouldn’t reply, he still waited for a reply, but of course, none came. “See you on Monday for group study" he coldly added before leaving Johnny alone in the apartment. 

He let out a deep breath, and let himself fall to the floor. “Tao can’t know, everything will be in vain” he muttered to himself. 

 

Monday morning, he woke up, turning off his alarm with a sigh. He didn’t want to get up, especially because of the “study group” as Baekhyun had stated. He didn’t want to go, but he knew Baekhyun would be on his if he didn’t. 

He knows, he said he wanted to separate them, but not at the cost of Ten.

 

Around 20 minutes later, Baekhyun was at his apartment, and Johnny let him in with a dead expression on his face, while Baekhyun, seemed like his old self. The person who loved drama and loved to hear what had been going on in their lives, yet it didn’t feel authentic. 

Maybe, it was just Johnny feeling that way, maybe it was just Baekhyun trying to be better. Nevertheless, it was good to have him back. 

 

To say Tao was pleased to see them, would be a lie, considering the fact that they came without telling him.

“No” was all he said when he saw them stand outside his house. “Come on,” Baekhyun said, “It’ll be fun to study together. That’s what friends do after all” 

Tao rolled his eyes. 

To be honest, Johnny was hoping Tao would force them to go, and Baekhyun would give up, but knowing Baekhyun, he wouldn’t.

Apparently, his discomfort was that obvious, as Tao turned to him with a look of pity. Something Johnny didn’t want, especially from Tao. 

“Baek, I don’t have time for this” Tao started out “I know why you’re here to “Study” and I’m telling you no” 

Baekhyun was speechless, and seemed to admit defeat “I just-” 

“-Baek, stop. I don’t need you to babysit me, okay?” 

“I can take care of myself” Tao argued, and it was silent for a moment, and Johnny thought that finally, Baekhyun would look defeat in the eye, but, to Johnny’s disappointment, he didn’t.

“Then prove it,” Baekhyun said with a cheeky smile, as he forced his way past Tao and into the house, leaving the others at the door. 

“I’m sorry” Tao spoke, and Johnny looked away from Tao for a moment “Me too” he answered, and walked into the house with Tao following behind him. 

Baekhyun had already laid his books out on the coffee table, sitting comfortably on the floor instead of the couch. 

“I’m gonna grab my stuff” Tao mumbled, and went upstairs. 

Johnny looked at Baekhyun, who seemed to be oblivious of the tense air that’s floating around them.

He let out a sigh and sat down by the coffee table as well. 

“Actually, I don’t know how to study” Baekhyun admitted when Tao came back downstairs. The latter didn’t react and sat down on a chair instead “Not surprising” he spoke, opening his books, and continuing his study. 

Baekhyun locked eyes with Johnny and slipped a note his way. 

“At least Kris isn’t here,” it said, and Johnny shrugged as an answer. 

They did this for a few days until they noticed how visibly annoyed Tao had become. Baekhyun had given up studying already the second day, and it was obvious Tao was struggling with his part. 

“Why are you not studying? Don’t you have an exam next week?!” he frustratingly asked them. Johnny looked up at him, having half-assed his study, while Baekhyun just kept sitting with his phone out, not even trying to pretend to study. 

“No, two weeks” He answered with a shrug, and Tao stared at him in disbelief. 

“What?” Tao exclaimed. 

“Same” Johnny answered, looking back down at his book. 

“Then why are you distracting me?!”
They didn’t answer Tao and avoided his eyes. 

“Geez! If you’re not gonna do anything, at least help me then” and Baekhyun scratched the back of his head “Uhm, well…”. Baekhyun was at studying, and well, Johnny was rather good, but he had to admit, he was struggling as well. Tao inhaled sharply.

“That’s it. I’m leaving” he announced, slamming his hands down on his open book. 

“Where are you going?” 

“The library, at least there, I’ll be able to study with someone who can help me!” He exclaimed, and the others flinched slightly, before looking at each other. 

“Let me come with you,” Johnny offered. Tao and Baekhyun both looked at him in confusion “I’m struggling as well” he explained, and Tao seemed to hesitate for a moment. 

 

“Who’s at the library?” Baekhyun asked, “Is it Kris?” he pressed softly, and Tao exhaled “I know, what you think. I know, but isolating him, is not going make it better” he argued “If he’s alone, he’s only going to get worse guys” he let out a deep breath again “He’s got a point” Baekhyun mumbled, and Johnny gave him a glare. 

“But FYI, it’s not Kris” Tao awkwardly stated, and the others looked at him with curious looks “It’s Sehun. It’s the only way we can see each other”

“Okay, then let’s go” Baekhyun spoke, closing his book “Not if you’re only going to be distracting,” Tao said with raised eyebrows, and Baekhyun laughed as if though it was the most unbelievable thing he had heard “Don’t worry, I’ll just distract myself”

 

Tao let them come with him, but as soon as they entered the library, “Kris?” Tao blurted out, stopping in his tracks, the two others following suit. The one called, looked up from his books, staring with wide eyes at the trio, before greeting Tao with a smile “Hey”.

“Hey” Tao responded, cautiously walking closer “I didn’t know you’d be studying here” he spoke, and Kris gave a low chuckle “Well, it’s quiet, and gets me out of the house, so” he shrugged, and even though he said it with a smile, Tao saw the pain behind it. 

“Mhm” was all he could answer, and a tense silence fell between them. 

“What about you?” Kris then asked, and Tao turned to look at Johnny and Baekhyun, who were looking their way. “Well, Baekhyun is dumb as heck, and Johnny was struggling, so we decided to go study here” he vaguely explained “Oh, well, you’re welcome to sit here if you want” Kris offered, and Tao was washed over with guilt, and he had no way of rejecting his friend’s offer “I-” 

“Hey Kris, did you happen to see Sehun? We’re supposed to study with him” Baekhyun suddenly interrupted, an arm around Tao’s shoulders. 

Kris’ smile visibly faltered at the mention of Sehun, and he looked down for a moment before answering “Uhm, no, don’t think I have”. 

“Well, guess we better be going then” Baekhyun commented, gesturing for Tao to go, but the other didn’t comply “You’re welcome to join us” he offered, and Kris’ smile turned bittersweet “Thank you, but I don’t mean to interrupt your study” he replied. 

“Okay” Tao let out “Good luck then” he bid with a smile “Thank you, you too” Kris spoke with a small smile, watching Baekhyun pull Tao with him. 

Johnny who had been in the background the whole time finally walked up to Kris, who turned to him with a dark expression, before turning back to his books. “You look exhausted, having trouble sleeping?” Johnny asked, and Kris looked up at him “Why do you care?” Johnny tapped his finger on the table, silence falling between them.

“I was the one who rejected your call Friday night” Kris looked at him, then snickered “Of course you did” he spoke, but there was a hint of relief in his voice. 

“But I’m not going to do it again” at this, Kris looked up at Johnny in confusion. Johnny looked at the table, exhaling deeply “I suppose, just because I said I wouldn’t help you, I shouldn’t ruin you either. As someone said, you won’t get better alone, only worse, and if talking to Ten, can help you, then it’s fine” he spoke, and Kris seemed to look for any sign of trickery in Johnny’s eyes, not believing him.

“What’s the catch?” he asked, and Johnny leaned closer “I want you to see how happy Tao is right now, and think to yourself, you wouldn't want to ruin that for your best friend. I want you to look at his smile, and remember how much you’ve been dragging him down” he paused, only to look Kris threateningly in the eye “Just because I won’t isolate you, doesn’t mean I’ll let you chase after him” 

 

“Hey Johnny!” a voice suddenly called, and Johnny leaned away from Kris, to see Baekhyun come walking towards them “What’s taking you so long? We’ve found Sehun” he gestured.

“Just inviting Kris to our group study” Johnny shrugged, glancing towards Kris, who got the message. He had no choice but to go. 

Baekhyun glanced between them “Oh, okay, but come on” Baekhyun spoke, already walking away, while Kris got up from his seat “You’re not the hero either Johnny” he muttered, but Johnny wasn’t fazed, at least, that’s what Kris thought as he watched him shrug the comment off with a cold face.

 

 

---

No one was the hero. No one good is ever truly good, and no one evil is ever truly evil. Everyone has their agendas, everyone has their secrets. 

Johnny knew what Kris meant, and he was right. 

He wasn't the hero, but as Kris had stated himself, he knew he wasn't the hero either. Neither of them was good enough, but were they really evil enough? 

Did Kris really deserve having to watch Sehun help Tao study, pretending they weren't more? Did he really deserve to lose his best friend, because of a mistake he made? 

Did his heart deserve the heartache it felt when he realized, he couldn't help Tao study, because his own grades had worsened? Because he was exhausted day in and day out? 

Nights filled with nightmares, waking him up bathed in sweat? 

Puke threatening to spill, as his head and stomach began churning in anxiety? 

And did Johnny really deserve to call himself Tao's friend? Did he deserve to act as if what he was doing was the right thing? 

One thing they could both agree on was that Tao deserved to be with someone who made him smile. Someone who was there with him. Someone real and honest, who'd cut his heart out for Tao to hold. Someone who was flawed, but who knew how to better them, and that someone, was sitting right across from them, with blond hair, and dark brown eyes staring at Tao as if he was his whole entire world, helping him understand the parts he was struggling with, no matter how many times he had to, without ever losing patience. 

- - -

"I think it's time to stop studying for today guys" Baekhyun let out with a yawn. The others agreed as it was getting late and they were exhausted as well. 

Baekhyun and Johnny left together, but Johnny took a last glance at the three others, turning back to Baekhyun as they walked outside. 

"I don't think I'll tell Sehun" he spoke 

"What? Why?" 

Johnny smiled, and Baekhyun didn't know if it was sincere or not. 

"Didn't you see Kris?" 

The way his eyes were glued to the pair, even though he tried not to look at them. The way they were filled with sorrow, and guilt, and a bit of regret? The way his heart so unintentionally bled onto their table, coloring all of their pages red? 

Baekhyun seemed to think for a while, then shook his head. "Didn't see anything odd about him"  

"There's no need for us to meddle. Kris understands" Johnny gave as the only answer.