A/N: Hello, it's been a while. I'm sorry, exams are coming up. Anyway, I hope you like the chapter, and I really hope you'll enjoy the extra this time. It's really raw in my opinion. I know I usually center the text in that part, but since it's so informative, I decided not to. I hope you'll like it. Thank you for your reading! UWU

"Are you still up for the club on Saturday?” Sehun asked as he and Tao got inside his apartment.

“Of course I am,” Tao smiled, and walked to the couch with Sehun trailing behind him.

"I’ve been missing Minhyuk’s idiocy lately,” Tao grinned, and Sehun’s heart jumped. He loved Tao’s smile, and he knew he was wearing that lovestruck face again that would make Tao shy whenever he stared too long but he couldn’t help it. His boyfriend was too endearing.

The whole galaxy was within his eyes, how could he not get lost in them? 

“Well, that’s great, Taemin’s performing” he spoke with a smile, and perhaps he wasn’t able to see how his eyes sparkled as well, but Tao was. Sehun always looked at him as though he had saved him. As though he was his whole world.

“Really?” Tao excitedly exclaimed, and Sehun nodded and sat down on the couch. He had come to know that Tao was a fan of Taemin’s performances, but well, who wasn’t? 

Tao put his head on Sehun’s lap, immediately relaxing, as he stared up at him “Well, then I’ll make sure to come” he smiled, bright eyes staring up at Sehun.

“Yeah, you better,” Sehun replied, caressing Tao’s face ever so slowly. Whenever Tao was with him, it was as if time had stopped, and everything was right in the world. 

"Stop it” Tao’s soft voice sounded. There was a shy smile on his face, which only caused Sehun to deepen his stare. Tao couldn’t handle how his heart did that weird jump whenever he realized how Sehun stared at him.

"Stop what?” Sehun teased with a smile on his lips, and Tao hid his face in Sehun’s stomach, arms snaking around his waist, and Sehun’s heart did that weird thing as well. Did Tao know what he was doing to him? 

"I love you” he blurted out without realizing. A warmth spread throughout his body, and he caressed Tao’s hair, running his hand through it, and feeling his soft locks between his fingers.

“I love you too” Tao muttered into Sehun’s stomach, and Sehun chuckled at his shyness. 

"Can’t you look at me when you say that?” he teased, knowing very well how embarrassed Tao would be.

“Why?” he asked “You know how shy I am” 

"Come on” Sehun whined, and Tao “I always look at you when I say it” 

"Do you not love me anymore?” Sehun jokingly pushed, and Tao shot up from his lap

"No!” he exclaimed with a baffled look on his face, and Sehun almost couldn’t contain himself. The look on Tao’s face was so cute. 

"I- Of course I love you!” Tao exclaimed, and his ears turned red. Sehun started giggling, unable to keep his feelings for Tao at bay. Tao’s mouth opened in disbelief, as he finally realized what Sehun had been doing. 

“You were teasing me??” he exclaimed, and even if he tried to seem angry, he was nothing but cute in Sehun’s eyes.

Tao couldn’t stay mad even if he wanted to because Sehun’s laugh was so beautiful. He loved hearing Sehun laugh more than he hated being embarrassed. He didn’t mind if Sehun , because he knew it was out of love, and that he would never hurt him. 

"I’m sorry” Sehun spoke through his laugh “You’re just so cute when you’re shy”. Tao didn’t answer, still trying to seem angry, but Sehun knew he wasn’t. 

He kept staring at Tao, even if Tao intentionally looked away from him. “Tao~” he whined, and a smile began creeping up on Tao’s lips.

“What?” Tao tried to say calmly and without a smile, but his face betrayed him, and Sehun’s heart fluttered. He gestured for Tao to lie back down, so he did. Tao felt safe with Sehun, and when Sehun’s hand began playing with his hair, he knew he wouldn’t mind staying like that forever. 

Perhaps, he actually fell asleep as Sehun played with his hair, staring at him with loving eyes as his boyfriend, and maybe Tao didn’t mind falling asleep, didn’t worry about anything, because at that moment, he forgot them all.

A while later, he woke up on the couch, Sehun’s arms wrapped around him, deep asleep. When did Sehun move him? 

He slowly got out of Sehun’s arms without waking him, and let out a yawn, stretching his arms while doing so. 

He felt rather well-rested. He hadn’t even noticed he was that tired before he was already falling asleep on Sehun’s lap.

“Good nap?” Sehun’s groggy voice sounded as he sat up on the couch with a tired smile. 

“I always sleep well when I’m with you” Tao smiled back at him, and Sehun interlaced their fingers “That’s good, stay here then,” Sehun said with a persuading smile “Forever” he continued.

“Forever?” Tao’s heart skipped a beat, and a warmth spread throughout his body. 

To stay inside their bubble forever, where they could ignore their life and its anxieties? How great wouldn’t it be? That way they could be for at least some time, and forget they had to become someone they didn’t like.

Yet, Tao knew, even while blinded by love and hope, that it’s impossible. They can’t ignore it forever, but at least, just for a while longer, let them believe they can.

His phone buzzed, and Tao took out his phone to see who had texted him. His dad. His blood ran cold and all color left his face. He was supposed to be at home right now. 

“I-” he started out, “I’ve gotta go” and the terrified look on his face, was enough for Sehun to understand why.  

He took in a deep breath as he stood in front of their door. He was scared of how his father would react. Would he yell? Scream that he was a disgrace? 

Would he ignore him and pretend he didn’t exist? Like he didn’t have a son? 

Tao took in a deep breath and opened the door. He didn’t announce his arrival, scared of his father coming at him without mercy, but as he stepped further inside the house, there was none of that.

It was quiet, and for a moment, he relaxed, hoping that this meant it was okay.

“Tao” a calm voice sounded from the living room, and Tao’s heart began to beat louder in his chest. On shaky legs, Tao walked to the living room where his father was sitting in an armchair with a newspaper open. 

He sat down silently on the couch in front of his father, waiting for him to start their conversation, too afraid to say anything.  

“Tao I need you to understand something” he calmly started out, as he put down his newspaper. Tao thought he would be angry, yet somehow, wasn’t his father too calm?

“What?” Tao cautiously asked, hoping his father’s calm wasn’t the calm before the storm.

“I know, you need to be with your friends, but at least stay home more often” he softly spoke, which shook Tao. He had expected anything else but that.

“I-” 

“You need to study for your exams” his father interrupted “and once you’ve been accepted into college, you’re moving into your own apartment”. His father paused for a moment.

“Can’t you at least let us spend some more time with you before you’re gone?” 

It was silent for a while as Tao tried to figure out what to say. 

“Dad…” 

“Are we really that horrible? Am I really that horrible?” His father asked, raw honesty on his face. Tao was taken aback and his throat closed up, not knowing how to respond to his father’s sudden confession.

“I didn’t know- I didn’t know this is what’s been pressing you” Tao managed to let out. “I’m sorry” 

“Tao, it’s not your fault, it’s mine” 

“I’ve been pushing you away, and pressuring you, haven’t I?”
Tao didn’t answer, because it was true, but he couldn’t tell his father that. He obviously already knew that. 

“I’m sorry for being rough with you, and I don’t want it to split us apart” his father let out, and Tao kept silent. He’s relieved that his father has realized how he’s hurt Tao, yet why now? Why not a year ago? Why not when he forced Tao to be engaged? 

“It doesn’t fix things” Tao hesitantly let out, afraid that his father would get angry at him for talking back. His father didn’t say anything but nodded in agreement “I know. I know it doesn’t, but I hope that we can slowly fix it, starting today” 

Tao didn’t say anything but nodded softly. It’s not like he didn’t want to fix their relationship. It was suffocating to be at home, and on top of all, hiding his uality from his parents? 

It was hard. 

He wished he could live and breathe in his parents’ house they are family after all.

“Okay,” Tao let out. He wanted to ask if he could still see his friends, still see sehun, but given the situation, perhaps it was better not to. 

“I’m gonna go upstairs” he let out, and got up from the couch, quietly leaving the living room.

His room was a mess. It looked like someone had been living there, but Tao hadn’t been home in a few days, and a few days before that. 

He spent most of his time at Sehun’s place, only coming home for a day or two. Tao understood why his father had reacted the way he had. He really was barely home. They were barely a family anymore. 

He sat down on the floor, leaning against his bed, and called Sehun. 

“Are you okay?” his worried voice sounded, and Tao sported a bitter smile “I’m fine” he answered, and breathed out. 

“That’s good” Sehun’s voice sounded “That’s good, I was afraid your dad-” 

“I’m fine, it’s okay, nothing happened. I just…” Tao trailed off. He hated that he had to inform Sehun that he wouldn’t be able to see him that much for now. 

“What’s wrong?”

Tao’s throat began to close up, and he wasn’t sure why. Was it because he felt guilty?

“I… I can’t come over this week…” he let out and closed his eyes. Somehow it was hard to say that. It was hard telling Sehun that he wouldn’t be able to see him after school. He didn’t want to make Sehun sad.  

“I...” he tried to speak. “I have to be here, for my family” 

Sehun was silent for a while, and for a moment Tao thought Sehun was frustrated, but he wasn’t.

“It’s okay… “ he spoke, not angry, not annoyed. “But what about Saturday?” he hesitantly asked, and Tao’s heart clenched. 

“I think, I think I can go, don’t worry” he reassured, even though he wasn’t sure at all.

“Okay… I’m here if you need me.” Sehun replied, and a smile crept onto Tao’s lips. “I love you” Sehun continued, and a warmth spread from Tao’s heart. Sehun could always make it better. 

“I love you too” Tao spoke “I miss you”. There was a shy smile on his lips, and he could hear Sehun chuckle on the other end “I miss you too, but it’s not like we’re separated” 

“I know, it’s just… we’re always together, I don’t know what to do without you” 

“Me too. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep without you here” 

“Yeah, I don’t know if I can either,” Tao let out a sigh, staring out his window. His room felt so empty and lonely. It didn’t feel right, but perhaps soon it will. Maybe, it will begin to feel like home again.

Jeno and the dreamies were hanging out in their classroom during lunch. He and Jaemin were sitting next to each other on a desk, while Mark, Hyuck, and Renjun were sitting on a few chairs. Jisung and Chen Le had also joined them.

It was a quiet but relaxed atmosphere that filled the room. 

The laughter was laughter that would echo in their heads when they’re older, and are reminiscing about their high school years. Of course, they weren’t done with High school yet, still over a year is left for them, two in Jisung and Chen Le’s case. 

Renjun said something that offended Hyuck, who began ing 

“YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU RAT- LOOKIN-”. 

Jeno and the others couldn’t help but laugh, and Jeno swore he heard Mark mutter a soft “cute” under his breath.

Then Jeno’s eyes fell on a figure passing by the classroom, and his smile disappeared. Jaehyun.

He'd see him walk around the hallways, looking lost, and cold, but Jeno knew he wasn’t cold. He thought back on the talk he had with Taeyong a few days ago, and how heartbroken he had been. Jaehyun hadn’t been honest with Taeyong, but both were broken. It was as clear as day. Anger began fueling up inside of him.

Jaemin had seen Jaehyun pass by the classroom as well, and let out a sigh, seeing how his boyfriend was deep in thought, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Jeno” he softly muttered, placing a hand on Jeno’s, who turned to him with a “Hmm?” the anger subsiding, though obviously still distracted by Jaehyun.

Jaemin let out a sigh “Nothing”, and turned back to their friends. He didn’t like how Jeno was meddling with Jaehyun’s business. It’s not that he’s questioning whether Jeno loves him or not. He knows Jeno loves him, he just thinks Jaehyun’s business isn’t his. He shouldn’t meddle with it. 

Kris hadn’t been sleeping well lately, as usual, but at least, he was able to walk with Tao to school this morning, instead of walking alone. 

Tao had an empty look on his face though, but he didn’t say why. Kris had the feeling that it had something to do with his father. It always did. Often, if Tao was depressed, it had something to do with his family. At least he still knows him that well. He should ask him about it later.

As he was about to go to lunch that day, Johnny stopped him from leaving his seat. After weeks, months of ignoring him, Johnny finally decided to talk to him.

“You’ve got to stop calling Ten” he spoke with a glare and crossed his arms. He leaned onto his desk, staring at Kris who stared back with empty eyes. 

“What?” Kris let out, even though he knew what it was about. 

Johnny almost rolled his eyes, but instead of doing so, he let out an annoyed breath.

“You’ve got to stop throwing this onto his shoulders just because you chose not to tell Tao” he paused, and let out a breath again. “It’s not Ten’s ing problem” 

Kris sat quietly in his seat, staring down on his hands. He knew it was his fault, and he knew it wasn’t Ten’s problem. 

“You know about it?” he cautiously asked. He didn’t know the two of them were that close. He didn’t know that the two of them had made up after everything. 

“How close are you?”

“You don’t know?!” Johnny snapped instead and scoffed.

“Johnny, no need to be angry” Kris let out, hoping it wouldn’t turn into a fight. He wouldn’t be ready for one. A fight wouldn’t make anything better anyway. Johnny took a deep inhale.

“I’m not-”

“I’m not angry” he tried to deny, even if it was clearly a lie. He just didn’t understand how Kris wouldn’t know if the two of them really were as close as Kris said. Had Ten not told him? 

“He didn’t tell me” Kris spoke

“Even though you talk almost every night?” 

Kris let out a sigh and didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know, because whenever they talked, it was just Kris ranting, and Ten listening. He was an awful friend, wasn’t he? 

“Johnny, you know what Ten is to me” Kris spoke, and held eye contact with Johnny, who stared back but looked away after a moment. If they were close, in the way Kris thought they were, he hoped Johnny understood how important Ten was to him. Johnny let out a deep breath.

“I know, but seriously, it’s in the middle of the night”. His eyes were softer now, almost carrying empathy and worry.

“I know…” Kris let out. He knew he shouldn’t be calling in the middle of the night, but the nightmares were too vivid. 

“But who else?” he continued. He needed to talk to someone about it, someone who wouldn’t judge him, and who but Ten could listen to him? 

Johnny ran a hand through his hair and looked exhausted. His eyes weren’t on Kris anymore but on the floor.

“You don’t want to, and I can’t tell Tao-” Johnny interrupted Kris by letting out a deep sigh. It was silent for a moment, and all that could be heard was Johnny’s loud breathing, as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Get some help Kris” he let out, running his hand through his hair once more, then leaving the classroom, clearly distressed even if he didn’t mean to show it. 

Kris couldn’t move from his seat.

“Get some help” he repeated to himself. Somehow, he couldn’t understand what Johnny had said. 

“Get some help?” he repeated again, slowly getting frustrated. How was he supposed to get help? 

He looked through the windows on the other side of the classroom. Did he even deserve to get help? 

“Where were you?” Tao’s soft voice pulled Johnny out of his thoughts. He sat down by the table. 

“Just talking,” he dismissed with a shrug. Tao and he didn’t discuss Kris anymore, and why should Tao have to know about their conversation? It had nothing to do with him. The less he knew, the better. That way, he could stay happy with Sehun as he should. 

“Oh, did you happen to see Kris?” Tao asked, and Johnny took a moment to answer “He’s skipping lunch. Tired”

Tao’s eyes faltered for a moment, and Johnny buried the guilt that crept up inside of him. Just ignore it, it doesn’t matter. It’s nothing, it’s for his own good. 

As Tao and Kris walked home that day, Kris had a hard time figuring out how to ask Tao what’s wrong. They hadn’t been talking about their lives lately, so it didn’t feel natural like before. 

He wanted it to be normal though. He wanted to know about Tao’s struggles so he could help him as much as possible. 

Tao, on the other hand, wanted to know what plans Kris had after school so often. He probably wouldn’t answer.

He should ask Kris, just like Sehun had told him to, but something kept him from doing so. Something tugged at his heartstrings when he thought about it. 

What if it was something that would break them apart? 

He can’t survive losing Kris, he already knows that. It hurts too much.

One could ask themselves, aren’t they already breaking apart? 

It’s not like they are not honest with each other, and their friendship can’t even be labeled as such anymore. 

“Tao” Kris softly called out, and Tao turned his head towards Kris “What’s up?” he asked, and Kris hesitated for a moment. “Is Something wrong?” he asked, and Tao looked down. 

“It’s nothing” Tao dismissed as usual, and Kris let out a sigh. Of course, he’d say that.

“Tao-” 

“What about you then?” Tao calmly shot back, and Kris fell silent. “What’s going on with you?” Tao continued to rant, eyes burning with fire, as they stared into Kris “What’s been going on with you since- Since before China!?” He snapped. Kris still didn’t say anything as guilt welled up inside of him. 

“I bet that's nothing as well,” Tao muttered and picked up his pace. That’s not how it was supposed to go, but he just couldn’t help it. How dare Kris get annoyed with his answer, when that’s the same answer he’d give Tao?

“Tao” Kris called after him, “I’m sorry, I know you’re worried-”

“-an understatement!” Tao shot back, and Kris let out a sigh and kept quiet. “I’m tired” Tao admitted, and Kris’ heart clenched “I’m tired of you keeping yourself hidden from me”  

“I’m tired of you being so ing exhausted every day and your empty stare. I’m tired of pretending that something isn’t wrong!” The frustration and the hurt were clear in his voice, and on his face, and Kris hated that look. He hated seeing Tao hurting because of him. He didn’t know what to say. He was awful, he didn’t deserve Tao by his side. Didn’t deserve his trust. 

“I know, you think you can keep pretending, just like I do, but you can’t deny that it’s killing you” 

“Why do you hide things from me?” Tao croaked out.

“Aren’t we both?” Kris spoke after a moment of silence “You’re hiding something from me too Tao”.

“I’m not the one who promised I’d make you trust me again, and that I would answer any question honestly” Tao’s eyes were filled with hurt, and Kris regretted everything at that moment. It washed over him like a tsunami, knowing he had filled Tao with hope with his promises, only to let him down by not keeping them. 

“So please, just give me something,” Tao croaked out again. Kris was silent for a while, then he looked back at Tao. “Can we go somewhere else to talk?” he asked, and in silence, they went to the familiar playground, and sat down on the swings. It was silent and Kris didn’t know if he should start talking, or not. 

“You’re different” Tao suddenly said “You’re silent and depressed” he continued. “You never want to speak about your trip to China, and you always have to go somewhere after school” 

You too, Kris wanted to shoot back, but he didn’t. He knew it wasn’t appropriate. “It feels like something has you chained up,” he concluded and fell silent. Kris didn’t say anything. Then Tao turned to him, a confused, yet pained expression on his face. “Why do you remind me of me?”. Kris’ heart stopped beating. He did. didn't he? 

He had become like Tao, tired and exhausted with life. He was tied up by it, never able to escape. 

“Did…” Tao started out but fell silent. It was as though he didn’t want to accept it, and by not saying it, he didn’t have to. His mind had wandered back to the day when he had told Kris about his sister, and Kris had told Tao his secret. Even though Tao didn’t want to accept it, it was the only thing that made sense. 

Kris turned his eyes to the ground, hoping Tao would say the words so he didn’t have to. 

“Did he… come back?” he cautiously asked. He wasn’t sure, but nothing else could explain it. Kris froze, and Tao saw it, and his eyes turned soft, filled with empathy. Kris hated that Tao knew now. He had hoped he’d never know, so Tao would keep depending on him, and keep seeing him as his free and relaxed friend, who’s not held back.

“It’s nothing” he, therefore, tried to bargain. “It’s not that bad, I’m okay” he shrugged but tears were pressing on. Everything he had kept inside for so long, fought to get out. The wall he had tried to build was coming crashing down, and he hated it. He knew he didn't need to explain himself to Tao, as he would know what he was going through. He just didn't want to face it.

“I don’t wanna talk about it” he admitted, and Tao kept silent, eyes filled with worry. 

“I’m gonna go home” he continued, not wanting to break in front of Tao. He’s not the one who should break down. He’s not the one who needs help, he’s the one who helps others, and supports them, not the other way around. He’s not weak, but strong. 

Tao wanted to stop him, but he couldn’t. He knew Kris well enough to know it’d only make things worse. He just hoped it was the first step to them being friends again. He just hoped it wasn't as bad as he thought, yet he knew Kris was lying.

Tao closed the front door with a sigh. His head was a mess, not expecting things with Kris to be that messy. He could only imagine what he was going through, despite knowing what he might be going through. Even though it didn’t go the way it was supposed to, he still managed to confront Kris, as Sehun had told him to.

“Tao, we’re going out for dinner with The Son’s on Saturday” his father’s voice sounded, and Tao’s heart stopped beating for a moment, remembering that he had plans with Sehun that day. He didn’t want to skip them, just because he had to meet someone he didn’t like.

“I already have plans,” he calmly replied, too exhausted to answer sternly. 

“Cancel them, your duties come first remember” his father answered, and despite being exhausted, anger was welling up inside of him. Was it not his father who wanted them to make up the other day? Was he not the one who admitted he had pressured him too much? 

“You’ve already gotten a lot of freedom already don’t you think?” his father called out again, and even though he was angry, Tao didn’t do anything. He's exhausted, so damn exhausted. He wanted to fight, but it was too much. Instead, he took a deep breath and answered a small “Yes…” then walked upstairs to his room. His father must have some sort of disorder, changing his mind like that. 

He sat down against his door, head resting on his knees. Why is that everything has to come washing over him at once? Why can’t life just give him his problems one at a time instead of bottling them up, and throwing them onto him once the glass is overflowing?  

It . 

Sehun was in the club alone Saturday night. Tao had called him and canceled with a heavy heart. He hated that Tao thought it was his fault, and that he felt so guilty. It’s not his fault he had to go, and he told Tao that, but Tao still apologized.

Sehun was sitting by his usual table, watching Taemin sing as usual but today he wasn’t feeling it. He wanted nothing more but to hold Tao in his arms, telling him that it was okay. He wanted to hold him in his arms forever and protect him from the world. 

He held his glass of whiskey in his hand, mindlessly playing with it. He wanted to save Tao from his dinner, but he also knew he shouldn’t meddle.

The club wasn’t the way it used to be before Tao and he got together. Back then, when he wasn’t feeling it, there was still something Sehun tried to drown, something that kept him from leaving early on. 

A void, that needed to be filled. 

Now there was only emptiness, and he was bored, so utterly bored. 

When was the last time he’d been bored in the club? 

He couldn’t remember.

He glanced up at Taemin once again, not feeling anything.

All he wanted to do was to have Tao by his side there, laughing with him, spending time with him, yet he was stuck with his friends, and for some reason, they bored him. He just wanted to have Tao by his side so he could keep him safe. 

“Troubles in paradise?” Minseok had cheekily asked, noticing the grim look on Sehun’s face when he had arrived.

Sehun let out a sigh and answered a monotone “No”. He didn’t feel like dealing with Minseok tonight.

“Family thing” he vaguely threw out as an explanation, falling into his seat with a heaviness.

Not even Minhyuk’s stupid behavior could lift his mood. He didn’t even care enough to threaten the drunk.

“What’s wrong with you tonight?” Luhan asked. Sehun used a moment to find the energy to answer. 

“Just bored I guess” he shrugged, he didn’t really know. It’s not like him to be bored and not knowing how to fix it. 

Deciding he had tortured himself enough, he placed his empty glass on the table and left.

He wasn’t going home though, just changing scenery. He went upstairs to the balcony, staring down at the club as he did. It was a rather busy night, and Sehun could see the crowd of people swarming the lounge where he had just been. 

There was a smaller bar upstairs, and so he went over and got another glass of whiskey, before making his way back to the railing, and looking down at the club again. 

He began thinking about Tao again, and how shy he had been the first time he came to the club. After that night, he began opening up to the place, and Sehun’s friends really liked Tao, of course, when Jinki was working, Sehun couldn’t buy any alcohol for Tao. He had tried once, only for Jinki to come over immediately, ready to lecture Sehun about how he should take care of Tao. So now, whenever Jinki was at work, he didn’t buy him any, but of course, when Jinki wasn’t, he did. 

His mind wandered to their talk from some time ago. The night where Tao had told Sehun about his dream about Kris.

“He was engaged” Tao repeated, and the hand in his hair still caressed it ever so softly. 

His heartbeat was loud in his ears. He was afraid of how Sehun would react but Sehun didn’t say anything, so Tao continued “We were at some friends' apartment, I don’t know whose, and then we met Kris and his fiance, and I just- I just woke up” 

He snuggled closer to Sehun, who held him tight, his hand still playing with Tao’s black hair.

“At least you were there with me” he continued, and warmth spread in Sehun’s chest. Obviously, he didn’t like hearing about Kris, or how he still affected him, but knowing Tao dreamt of him too, made it bearable 

“I was?” he let out, and Tao nodded “Yeah” 

“Somehow it was comforting that you were there. We even faced Kris, hand in hand” he chuckled softly, and Sehun held Tao closer, so close that he could see his smile in the dark. 

“To have the courage to face Kris like that. I can’t imagine it” Tao continued, and Sehun was worried. Did Tao really think he’d never be able to show Kris who he really is? 

“I can,” he spoke with a smile and Tao looked at him confused. 

“What?” 

Sehun shifted slightly. 

“I think you’ll be brave enough to face him one day” he continued and held Tao’s hand tight in his own. 

“You’ve already faced him in your dream, and it went okay didn’t it?” he stated, but Tao didn’t answer. He knew he didn’t have to.

“I’ll be by your side here as well when you’re ready” Sehun muttered softly, and Tao, speechless, let himself cuddle into his chest. Even if he didn’t say anything, Sehun knew he was happy. 

Sehun hadn't been surprised by how affected Tao had been by the dream, he was just disappointed. 

Even if he had tried to show Tao love, and tried to help him move on, he was still stuck and tortured by Kris.

Even if Kris had disappeared, and it had been all about them back then, as soon as Kris came back, so was Tao’s uneasiness.

Of course, he was happy that he was with Tao in his dream, being the person he could lean on, the person who gave him security. 

That he was the one Tao saw as a lover, and Kris only as a friend. 

“What are you doing up here?” Key’s sassy, but joking voice sounded. He leaned onto the railing beside Sehun, who glanced at him shortly, then continued looking out on the club “And where’s Tao?”

Sehun rolled his eyes “Why is that the first thing people are curious about?” 

“Because you’re inseparable?” Key stated, and Sehun let out a sigh, tired and even more annoyed than before.

“So why?” Key asked again after a while of silence

“Bored, and he’s busy”

Key nodded, and stayed silent for a moment, staring at nothing, just like Sehun. 

“It’s just… I don’t know, I’m bored, and I don’t even wanna be here, I don’t even know why I’m still here” Sehun admitted, and Key turned to him but didn’t say anything. 

“It’s like, there’s no reason not to be here since Tao isn’t here” Sehun continued and looked down at his hands. 

It was silent for a while, and all Sehun could think about was going home and holding Tao tight in his arms, just spending time with him, talking about nothing. As long as he could keep him safe, nothing else mattered.

“So you miss him?” Key softly questioned, and Sehun froze for a moment. 

“Is that it?” he asked, as though he had never experienced longing before. Key looked at him with a confused expression “Yes?” 

“Do you not know what it feels like to miss someone?” 

“Well, I don’t have a whole lot of people to miss,” Sehun answered with a chuckle and downed the rest of his glass, then started to walk away.

“So what now, going home?” 

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” 

“Find another way to have fun” Key pushed but Sehun quickly rejected that idea. 

“No, it’s not the same, and…” he paused with a gentle smile “...I don’t think Tao would like it” 

Key observed Sehun with a satisfied smile “You’ve changed” he commented, and Sehun looked at him slightly confused. “In a good way of course,” Key added, before leaving Sehun alone, bidding him goodbye.  

As Sehun got outside the club, his phone rang, and a smile immediately crept onto his face, seeing who it was. 

“Tao” he gleefully answered his phone, only for it to disappear as he heard Tao’s broken voice. 

“Sh-she knows” Tao croaked out. Sehun’s heart was beating loudly in his heart. Was he hurt? Was he okay? 

“What do you mean?” he asked, and he could hear Tao quietly cry. “She knows about us” he croaked out, and Sehun began panicking, “Tao where are you? Are you home? I’m coming” 

As soon as Kris was inside his house, tears fell silently down his cheeks. He couldn't let anyone inside the house hear him, knowing they wouldn't take it well.

He wished it was only him and his mother because she would let him cry out on her shoulder but that wasn't the case anymore. He took in a deep breath and wiped his tears away, and made his way towards his room.

Luckily, no one saw or heard him move through the house. He fell against his bedroom door, which he regretted as pain shot through his back, and he choked back a moan. 

No sound. He reminded himself, as he placed his hands over his ears, closing his eyes. Make no sound, show no pain. He tried to hold back his sobs, tried to forget the reality. 

Don't let them know you're hurting. It'll only make it worse. 

He shouldn't keep fighting them. He shouldn't keep trying to be him, it's only making it all worse. 

"Kris" A distant voice called, and panic filled Kris in an instant. He didn't like that voice. He didn't want to be near it.  

"Kris" it sounded again, and Kris got up on his shaky legs, and fled to his bathroom, locking the door behind him. He couldn't breathe. He began hitching for air, holding a hand over his mouth to hide his presence. 

"Please don't come in" he begged, retreating into a corner, far away from the door. "Please don't" his trembling voice muttered as he began to rock himself back and forth, hoping the panic would stop "Please" he begged again, tears falling in silence, only his uneven breathing audible. 

"Kris" the voice called out again, and he knew it was right outside his bedroom door. He froze and held his breath as much as he could, hoping he could trick the other into believing he wasn't there. His heart was beating too loud in his chest, and the fear and panic were too real. 

He could hear his bedroom door open, and he closed his eyes, hoping he could forget where he was, pretend that everything was okay. Couldn't they leave him alone just for today?

The other walked into his room, and Kris could hear his steps come closer to the bathroom door. Please don't try the doorknob. Please don't. His heart was beating out of his chest, and his body was frozen, too scared to move the slightest. The other didn't even try the doorknob, already knowing he'd be inside the bathroom. Did he really think it'd work? 

"Kris I know you're in there, we've been over this already" the other spoke, but Kris stayed silent. "Don't make this harder for yourself and just come out already". Kris still didn't say anything, but wiped his tears, hiding his face in his knees. 

He couldn't come out. It'd be stupid. If they were to see him like that, could the other really say it'd be better to just come out? 

If he were to face them like this, tears falling, cowering, scared, would they really show mercy? 

"Well, you already know what'll happen, so we'll be waiting downstairs when you decide to come out" the other spoke and left the room. Kris knew what he meant. Just because he locked himself inside, didn't mean he could avoid reality. As soon as he'd step outside his room, they'd be there. It's either hiding inside his room all night, starving, and alone, or face them. 

His need to fight against restraints would be his downfall sooner or later. 

Johnny was right. He needed help.