A/N-  I'm sure ths chapter can make up for the lack of updates. I had to split it in two cause it's 14 pages or so, and I stayed up till 1am to finish writing it. It felt like a neverending chapter tbh.

Towards the chapter itself I have nothing to say. I- I'm shook as well.

“Are you coming to the party in a few weeks?” 

“I don’t know, I might not” 

“Why?” 

“I don’t want to repeat what happened last time” 

“So who’s coming to the Halloween party?” Tao asked as he sat down at the lunch table.

“I’ll see if I can” Johnny stated, turning back to eat “Cool” the other commented shortly, turning to the others “What about you guys?” 

“If you’ll stay and hang out with me, sure” Baekhyun let out, and Tao didn’t need him to elaborate on it. After what Baekhyun went through last time he didn’t want to be alone “Of course” Tao said with a grin. Taeyong and Kris both said they’d come and Lucas, who was hosting it made sure they knew they had to dress up for the party “ing christ Lucas” Doyoung mumbled under his breath, clearly not a fan of the idea, Taeyong rolled his eyes at him “What the am I gonna dress up as?” he scoffed, talking to himself, having a minor break down 

“Mark are you going?” someone asked, seeing as the boy sat silently at the table “I don’t know, maybe, who’s invited?” he asked softly, casting Lucas a glance, before going back to meaninglessly push the food around on his plate “Just us” Lucas spoke, glancing in Taeyong’s direction, turning back to Mark “-and friends”. 

Seeing as this caused no reaction from the other he continued “We decided it was just us and our friend group, and dates if people have any” he tried to elaborate, but Mark only let out a “Mhm”, only making Lucas even more confused and worried

“What’s going on?” he mouthed to Taeyong, who shrugged in confusion and glanced at Johnny, who glanced at Tao, who glanced at Kris, who glanced at Sicheng, who glanced at Yuta, who glanced at Baekhyun who first glanced at Doyoung, who didn’t know what was going on still mid-breakdown, causing Baekhyun to groan in defeat 

“So-so I’m thinking of watching the movie coming out this week” he blurted out, and the others let out silent sighs of relief “What movie?” Johnny asked as they changed subjects.

“What do you think of going as?” Tao asked Kris walking home “Hmm” he let out “Captain American” 

“But you’re Chinese” Tao blurted out  

Kris didn’t say anything for a while as they kept on walking “So?” he finally spoke, “What are you thinking of going as?” 

“I don’t know yet” Tao sighed “Maybe just something simple like a vampire I guess”
“Boring” Kris commented, staring Tao dead in the eye, causing the younger to roll his eyes “Whatever” he scoffed and walked in front of Kris, who shook his head with a grin and picked up his pace. 

“What are you going as?” Tao asked the usual suspects as they hung out in his room “Been thinking of going as The untamed” Sicheng spoke 

“So you’ll legit wear layers of clothing, just for like a night?”. Yuta let out a groan, as Sicheng glared at him “Told you it was stupid” the Chinese deadpanned, causing Yuta to roll his eyes “I just wanted to go as a couple…” 

“Why don’t you just make it modern?” Baekhyun let out catching the pair’s attention, who silently agreed.

Tao leaned back in his chair watching them, “Baek, what are you going as?” 

“Vampire I think” 

“Damn it!” Tao whined, “What?” Baekhyun asked, “I was thinking of that” 

“What should I go as?” he whined again

“Well, what’s Kris going as?” 

“He’s considering Captain America” he scoffed, spinning on his chair “Well go as Bucky then” Yuta suggested but Tao only scoffed again “No, I don’t want to go as something as extra as that” 

“Sounds like a you problem” Yuta mumbled under his breath. 

“What about Johnny?” Baekhyun asked “I don’t know, I don’t think he’s coming” 

“Why?” 

“You really need to ask?” 

“I don’t know what to wear” Tao complained to Johnny, shaking the latter’s shoulders, and he did not look amused at all. He just wanted to go home, but Tao caught him before he was able to 

“I don’t know” Johnny let out once the other stopped shaking him “Come on!” Tao whined, shaking the other again, who only thought about when he could go home, though he couldn’t help but think how cute Tao was whining like that “Help me out Johnny” he pleaded, and the other finally let out a sigh in defeat “Fine” 

“Something simple right?” Johnny asked, sipping on his coffee, while Tao nodded his head “Yes” he let out, sipping his drink as well. “Cliche or not?”, Johnny further asked while staring out of the cafe window, glancing back to see Tao shaking his head “Okay, no cliche” 

He turned back to the window, when a thought popped into his head, causing him to smile, which caught the attention of the other “What are you smiling about?” 

“What about a panda?” Johnny suggested, uwuing inside,

“.... What?” Johnny only laughed softly, feeling pleased with his idea “It would be so cute though” he exclaimed, and Tao rolled his eyes “We all call you panda anyway”, Tao only shook his head in frustration “I’m sure Kris will love it as well” he let out, though more softly. It still caused Tao’s face to heat up “Shut it” he muttered, taking a sip, suddenly feeling all hot. 

“Welcome!” A very weird looking Thor with the face of Lucas exclaimed as Kris and Tao went inside the familiar house “What the hell Lucas! Blond suits you!” Kris joked as he greeted the younger with a hand on his shoulder, then moving further into the house to greet their friends. 

They met a tipsy Baekhyun with lots of eyeliner and fake teeth, and he looked hot, Tao couldn’t deny that, but he wished he was wearing Baekhyun’s costume, he still wanted to be a vampire. Instead, he was dressed as Kaneki because of his weeb . At least it helped with Kris dressed as Hide. 

“Ugh!” Tao let out “You look so good!” he whined, shaking Baekhyun’s shoulders,and  the other only laughed at him “Thank you” he winked, and looked at Tao and Kris’ costumes “That’s lame” he commented with a laugh and Tao looked at him unimpressed “Yeah well who took my idea” 

Baekhyun shrugged and played dumb “I don’t know mate” he shrugged and walked away.

“You can go change if it is” Kris commented, which surprised Tao “And leave you as Hide alone?” Tao let out, “No way” and if only he knew what that comment did to Kris. The latter gave him a small smile “Your choice” he spoke and walked away with Tao right by him.

In the Living room they ended up chatting with Yuta and Sicheng, who had taken Baekhyun’s idea and modernized The untamed, Mark in a Spider-Man costume, mask off right now, and a Jack Frost Taeyong. Again Tao couldn’t lie and say Taeyong wasn’t hot because he was. Ngl Jack Frost is kind of Tao’s fictional crush, and anyone who said they didn’t have at least a small crush on Jack Frost was lying.

As they were slowly getting tipsy, a question was pounding on the inside of Tao, ready to be blurted out, but Tao’s a  coward when it comes to things like that, so he only stole a glance at Kris, before continuing to drink. 

“Let’s play a game!” Baekhyun’s voice sounded as he joined the group on the couches, who was also joined by Doyoung who had actually dressed up for the party as some kind of psycho character from some book he read. At least the character was evil Tao could only think, staring at the other’s face, filled with makeup and deep circles under his eyes, and his dark hair curled. 

“Can’t we wait a moment?” Taeyong suddenly asked as the group was getting ready for a game of never have I ever “Jaehyun just texted saying he’s here in a minute” 

Some of them sighed at this because of course, it was Jaehyun. Sicheng even rolled his eyes, before being glared at by Taeyong, who pretended not to be excited to see the music club member, at least he tried. Doyoung was able to hide it better, leaning back in his seat with an indifferent expression, acting as though he couldn’t care less, but he couldn’t hide the way his leg kept bouncing up and down in anticipation. 

It broke Tao seeing their excitement falter as Jaehyun entered with Jungwoo, wearing matching costumes; Jack and Rose. 

Baekhyun and Tao shared a confused glance, both turning back to see Taeyong’s happy facade falter into confusion and loss; how his eyes scanned the two, trying to understand why they were dressed as a couple. Wasn’t Jungwoo flirting with Lucas? Weren’t they a thing? Was Taeyong nothing to Jaehyun? 

Someone had to say something and the group couldn’t be more grateful for Kris at that moment “Nice costumes!” he commented “Why though?” he asked gesturing towards Jungwoo standing in a wig and dress before the latter could answer though, the Chinese Thor joined the scene 

“Jungwoo!” he exclaimed, making everyone turn to him “If you were planning on dressing as a woman, why couldn’t you have dressed as my Jane?” he asked with a playful pout, making the other snicker before playfully scoffing “Should have asked me” he stated and flipped his wig “Sassy” Tao thought “I went cause Jaehyun asked me, had you asked I would’ve gone” he continued, and even if Tao knew this meant Jungwoo wasn’t interested in Jaehyun, all Taeyong seemed to have heard was, “Jaehyun asked me” his eyes were empty, staring at the two, and he was far gone when the seats he had saved for him and Jaehyun was given to the two, as he chose to give them up and sit between Tao and Baekhyun. He tried to fix his facade, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from telling the truth.

Doyoung seemed annoyed and irritated as the couch by the armchair he was sitting in, was occupied the two, and not the other and Jaehyun. Tao could imagine how annoyed must’ve been at Jaehyun. 

After rounds of Never have I ever and truth or dare, people were beginning to disappear. It started with Taeyong mumbling a quiet “Imma go get some air” and stumbling away, heartbroken as clear as day.

Doyoung immediately downed the rest of his drink and followed Taeyong, expression cold and unreadable. Tao turned to Jaehyun who stared after them, looking like a puppy who had been left behind; Confused and sad he seemed as the two disappeared before his eyes. 

Tao began to wonder what the hell was going on between the three because all he knew was that both Doyoung and Taeyong liked the third person, but who did Jaehyun like? Did he even like any of them? Was it all just a game? 

Jaehyun then left but didn’t go after them. 

By the time the last few had left, the question inside Tao still burned and leaning into Kris whose arm was on the backrest, Tao took a few sips of his cup, shortly glancing at Kris who was looking out on the living room. 

Would it be too dangerous to ask now? He wondered. Both of them are intoxicated, so if everything went south he could pretend he didn’t remember anything tomorrow. 

“What are you staring at?” Kris’ voice sounded, and Tao realized Kris had turned his head and found him staring. There was a playful smirk on his face, and maybe Tao wanted to kiss that smirk off of his face, maybe he wanted to throw back a flirty answer, but he didn’t. Instead, he turned away to stare at his cup “nothing” he mumbled and felt Kris’ arm tug him closer. The sudden movement had Tao staring at the other’s hand holding his shoulder tight. The fingers were slowly caressing it, not realizing they were sending hope into the intoxicated Tao whose last braincells pushed him to ask the question he still hadn’t managed to ask “Kris” he started out and made eye contact with the other “Mhm?” he hummed pulling him closer if that was even possible “Remember I was gonna ask you something on the bus?” the other hummed again “Do you know what I was gonna ask?” Kris averted Tao’s eyes for a moment and was about to answer just as someone’s voice cut in 

“Hey Tao, have you seen Johnny?” 

Ten stood as tall as he could, which was not tall at all, with silver hair and a suit that made him look rather overdressed, but it was the hair that shocked Tao, as he must’ve colored it not long ago “I like your hair” he commented “But Johnny is not coming” 

“Oh,” Ten let out “Why?” 

“He’s afraid of the last party’s incident” Tao spoke, not even aware of what he was saying “Oh, but he could just not drink?” Ten spoke “I could keep an eye on him, I’m not drinking either, have to drive” He reasoned with a soft smile “Okay, I’ll text him I guess unless you will” 

“I think it’d be better if you do,” Ten said and left them alone. Tao exchanged a look with Kris before texting Johnny whose reply came immediately “No” it said and Tao sighed 

Tao: 

Come on, Ten said he’d keep an eye on you

Johnny: 

No, I won’t 

Tao: 

Come on it’ll be fun

Johnny: 

No is a no Tao! How can you make sure it won’t happen?

Tao: 

Ten is gonna be there. He’s not drinking 

It took a bit to convince Johnny, but in the end, he managed to do it.

He shut his phone and let out a sigh, turning to Kris who was staring at him already. This sudden action caused Tao’s heart to beat faster, not expecting the other to have been looking at him. 

He stood up from the couch in shock, taking Kris aback who looked at him confused “Let’s go find the others” Tao reasoned gesturing towards the rest of the house before walking away with burning cheeks. Kris sat still for a moment, annoyed that Tao changed the subject, but he let out a deep sigh and followed Tao down the stairs to the basement. 

Down there they talked with Mark, who suddenly left in a hurry, while Kyungsoo and Jongin were happily engaging in their own conversation. Tao was talking to Baekhyun who at this point was a goner; hanging from the couch, eyes almost closed and slurring his words while Jungwoo, the kind guy he actually could be if he didn’t decide to be sassy, tried to have him sit up, leaning his head on his shoulder instead of falling over the armrest. Surely this was fun and all but Kris didn’t enjoy it, his mind kept wandering to Tao.

Surely he would be able to talk to him alone soon. 

Soon came sooner than expected as Tao got up heading to the bathroom, and Kris followed him.

When Tao was done, Kris grabbed ahold of Tao’s wrist and pulled him away and Tao didn’t even have time to react and ask why, as Kris simply stated “People keep interrupting us, so I think we better find somewhere quieter” The clear view of Kris’ back as he’s pulling him along, is more than enough to send Tao’ heart beating out of his chest, and more than enough for him to realize that he is not moving on from Kris anytime soon.

“What the ” Taeyong let out. It’s just after he left the group, and he was leaning against the pool table in the game room where he, Doyoung and Jaehyun had been hanging out at the last party. This time it was not nearly as fun. 

No. It was as though his heart had been stomped on by the world. He stepped through the door, and onto the terrace, leaning on the railing, staring at nothing. 

Just as he was nothing to Jaehyun? Didn’t they have something? Was he the only one who had thought that? Was the flirting just that to Jaehyun?

He let out a sigh and let his head fall onto his hands.

“He’s not worth it” a voice spoke and Taeyong’s head shot up again and he turned to see Doyoung standing in the doorway, arms crossed with his usual cold expression 

“He’s not worth of it” he spoke again, and Taeyong scoffed and turned to the dark garden again “What do you know about that?” he shot at him, as Doyoung walked to the railing “Aren’t you just saying that because you like him?” 

“You might think that, but doesn’t he look like a jerk doing something like that?” 

“He’s not a jerk!” Taeyong growled at Doyoung, but Doyoung didn’t care “Right, it was totally not a jerk move to go with another guy to a party instead of the one you’ve been flirting with for months!” he let out a scoff and rolled his eyes “He’s not a jerk” Taeyong mumbled, and Doyoung let out a small laugh, causing Taeyong to glare at him “I’m ing serious Doyoung!” 

“Then why would he ing ask Jungwoo?!” He countered “Instead of you or me, why the Jungwoo?! Isn’t he just some ing player!?”

“Can you just ing stop for a moment?!” Taeyong yelled, standing right in front of Doyoung “I swear to god if you don’t stop” 

“Then what?” Doyoung taunted, smirking at him “Then what?” he got close to Taeyong’s face, smirk wide, while Taeyong’s eyes looked as though they could kill Doyoung in an instant. 

In the end, Taeyong didn’t answer and let out a scoff as he went back to lean on the railing “Just don’t say that about him, ‘cause it’s not true. He’s not a player!” 

“What makes you so sure?” Doyoung asked, leaning his hip against the railing with his arms crossed. Taeyong let out a sigh, and Doyoung could see his eyes wander the horizon, searching for an answer “Because he was there” he mumbled 

“What?” Doyoung asked, and Taeyong let out an annoyed sigh and spoke louder, facing Doyoung “Because he was there, after Ten!” he averted Doyoung’s shocked expression, and sat down on the bench “He was there after Ten and I…” his voice faltered for a moment, before croaking out “broke up” he placed his face in his hands and let out a deep breath, while Doyoung still stood leaning against the railing, watching the other unravel “So I know he’s not a jerk. He helped me through that and-“ he stopped as he didn’t know what to say, but wanted to say something to defend Jaehyun “-and he just, he just picked up the pieces and put my heart back together again” The other stared at the floor at this comment, heart filled with sympathy towards the other guy “Just doesn’t make sense why he didn’t ask you” Doyoung spoke, and began to stride across the terrace towards Taeyong “If he really saw you as something more than a friend, why?” Taeyong didn’t answer and just sat in silence trying to gather his thoughts. He didn’t know either 

“He’s playing with your heart” Doyoung answered for him, but Taeyong didn’t want to hear it, because it wasn’t true. Jaehyun wasn’t playing with his heart. 

“Tell me why he would do that?” Taeyong asked, finally letting his face peek out from behind his hands “Why would he?” 

Doyoung shrugged and averted his eyes “Because it’s who he is” 

Taeyong snickered at him “I don’t believe you. I know him, he’s not like that” 

“Sure, you know him. He tells you everything, doesn’t keep secrets from you at all” Doyoung remarked sarcastically, “I still don’t trust you” Taeyong let out, not wanting to hear whatever Doyoung was saying “Then ask him” Doyoung commented “Go ask him and see what happens. Just don’t come crying to me-“ 

“Why are you saying this?!” Taeyong shot up from his seat, and stood face to face with the other “Why are you telling me this?!” 

“Why are you warning me, when you like him too?!” Doyoung didn’t defend himself and let Taeyong explode in his face “Are you saying this so I’ll leave Jaehyun alone and you can take him?!” Taeyong grabbed the collar of Doyoung’s turtleneck and pulled him closer 

“Are you lying to me, just so you can take him?!” 

“Why do you want him if he’s like that?!” His eyes were filled with rage as Doyoung stood silent, still with an apathetic expression on his face “Why?!” Taeyong yelled, shaking Doyoung harshly. He kept staring at the other’s cold eyes, searching for an answer as his hold on his collar got tighter. The cold eyes only observed him, watching him unravel even more till the raw feeling was exposed “You’re obsessed”

“Hey Johnny” a voice sounded when he made his way into the house. The lighting in the house was dimmed just like last time and the music was just as loud. He checked the time on his phone as he had arrived earlier than expected as he didn’t care for a costume. He turned to greet Jongin, who had called out to him, with no Kyungsoo in sight. It was obvious who he was dressed as though; the long trench coat and the well-known detective hat, Kyungsoo and Jongin were really not hiding their relationship, just like BBC’s Sherlock and Watson 

“Nice costume” he greeted the dancer, who thanked him and looked Johnny up and down “And you’re?” he asked the taller who looked at his own outfit, which was the plainest outfit ever “Me” he answered and stared Jongin dead in the eye “Fair enough” he spoke with a shrug and walked away, pretty drunk and almost walking into the staircase. Johnny cringed at this and hoped Kyungsoo would come to Jongin’s rescue soon. Johnny was then left to search for his friends by himself. 

He already regretted coming. He sensed something was bound to happen just opening the front door, but Tao had wanted him to come and promised Ten would be there to keep an eye on him, so maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. He silently walked into the living room and couldn’t find the team anywhere; the couches were empty, cups and bottles filling the lone table “So much for inviting me” he mumbled to himself with an eye roll. He was about to walk out of the living room and towards the game room when someone called him “Johnny!” a voice sounded, and he spotted a silver-haired Ten waving at him from across the room, sitting with people Johnny could only assume were other students. He started to walk towards Ten, who moved slightly on the couch so Johnny could fit on it as well and introduced him to the others. Johnny could recognize Xiaojun and Hendery, but the rest Johnny didn’t really care about, nor did he take a look at Ten’s outfit “Have you seen the others?” he asked Ten softly, who glanced around the room before shaking his head “Last I saw them they were sitting over there” he answered and nodded towards the other couches “I’m gonna look for Tao” he spoke and got up “Johnny, come on” Ten argued, “You just arrived, we’ll find the others later” he spoke with a smile “Fine” he said, but he still dreaded it because he wasn’t drinking tonight. 

He didn’t mind talking to Ten, and talking to the others began to calm him down, and he found himself laughing at their idiocy.

“I’m gonna get some water” He spoke after a while and left for the kitchen, and filled a glass with water. He noticed how his hands were still shaking, and thoughts running wild even with the loud music blasting in his ears, even after talking with crackheads for a while. It was probably because he was sober. He stared at the alcohol on the kitchen table and decided it wouldn’t hurt to just drink a bit, and ended up drinking enough to feel it, and it helped. He was beginning to focus on the loud music and the party itself instead of the “what if’s” when a hand suddenly grabbed him and pulled him along. He didn’t get a chance to see who it was due to the dim lighting and the students that had suddenly piled into the house “Just the team and few friends my ” Johnny thought as the other dragged him up the stairs. 

The stranger turned around when they had reached the top and Johnny didn’t know who it was at all as they’re wearing a mask. He had an idea though, and it wasn’t a good thing, because Johnny’s heartbeat got faster, not in excitement but in fear, because what he had wanted to avoid was happening, and even if he wanted to leave and tell the other they shouldn’t do this he couldn’t, because he wanted to see them again, wanted to apologize, wanted to hurt as much as they had.

Thee other was smaller than him, but due to the fear and anxiety in Johnny that was making his legs weak, and heavy as concrete block, they were able to push Johnny against the wall of the hallway with little force, pulling Johnny down by his collar, and locking their lips together. 

Being too shocked Johnny didn’t pull away, even if his heart was beating out of his chest, and the warning signs in his head were blaring; fingers shaking, as they grabbed the other’s neck. He unconsciously recognized the lips from somewhere before, feeling them move against his as his, only making him deepen the kiss with the stranger, forcing his tongue into the other’s mouth, earning him a small moan from the other. 

He slowly loosened his hands and let them roam the other’s face, feeling the hard mask beneath his fingers while trailing the edge of the mask, when the other grabbed his hand, stopping its motion, never breaking the kiss. The stranger slowly guided Johnny’s hand to their waist, while interlacing Johnny’s other hand with theirs, softly caressing the back of it, reassuring Johnny it was okay, while the hand on their waist slowly roamed it, making it easy for Johnny to confirm that the stranger was indeed male, though he was sure about already.

Johnny finally pulled away from the kiss, staring at nothing but a mask hiding the upper part of the other’s face; eyes not visible through the holes. He squeezed the hand in his to make sure it was real, to make sure they were really holding hands. 

“You’re the one, aren’t you?” he finally managed to ask, leaning his head against the other’s, heart still beating fast, his body still tingling, still filled with anxiety telling him it’s gonna go wrong. He didn’t get an answer from the other, but the other smashing his lips onto his own in a chaste kiss, and he could feel the other’s smug grin as they pulled apart 

“Why?” Johnny croaked out, shocking him and the stranger as well. He could feel the guilt and confusion creep up, forcing tears to form in his eyes. He didn’t know where it suddenly came from, only knew he didn’t understand why the stranger would kiss him like after what happened “I hurt you” he continued, as the other wiped his tears away “We shouldn’t do this” he thought out loud, remembering what Taeyong told him, thinking about what he did “I’m so sorry” he continued, softly pushing the other away, but the stranger grabbed Johnny’s wrist in a firm grip, pulling him into a room, and pushing Johnny down on the bed before straddling him.

Johnny too frozen to do anything accepted this. He watched as the other leaned close and kissed his forehead so soft Johnny could feel the sincerity in it “I’m so sorry” Johnny croaked out “I’m so sorry” 

“I’m so-” he was cut off by a hand on his mouth “Please stop saying that” the stranger whispered, taking his hand away again and placing it by Johnny’s head “Please don’t say that anymore” he demanded softly, and Johnny’s heart skipped a beat, and he did something stupid. He leaned up and captured the other’s lips, lifting his hand to grab the other’s neck, as he deepened the kiss. 

The other broke the kiss “If you regret what happened last time, don’t drink more tonight” he spoke and caressed Johnny’s cheek before continuing “I want you to remember tonight” he leaned down close again “I’m sure you want to as well” he didn’t let Johnny answer before capturing his lips again, grabbing ahold of Johnny’s hands and guiding them to his waist, while he grinded down onto Johnny’s groin, who let out a moan and gripped onto the other tight. He let his hands roam the stranger’s waist until he found the hem of his shirt and let his hands roam the other’s bare waist, feeling the soft skin beneath his hands

“Are you sure?” he asked. looking up at the stranger, who answered by taking Johnny’s left hand and leading it to this shirt’s buttons “yes” he let out in a breathy answer, sporting a smug grin, and Johnny lifted himself up to kiss the stranger rough while undoing the buttons as fast as he could. He was finally starting to feel okay about going further with other, after everything that had happened was dismissed by the other. All insecurity finally disappeared as he placed kisses on the stranger’s neck and collarbones, while they grabbed his shoulders, hands wandering up in his hair. Everything was finally working out and Johnny knew that the loud beating of his heart was no longer anxiety, but adrenaline and arousal pumping through him. He traced kisses against the other’s jaw, slowly making his way to the other’s lips as his hands roamed his tiny exposed torso, mapping out everything. 

The sound of the door to the room opening didn’t make them stop immediately, but the sound of Taeyong yelling “What the !?” did

Kris only stopped when they had made it to the last room in the hallway. He closed the door behind them, and let go of Tao’s wrist, who went to sit down on the couch by the window

“I didn’t mean to force you away” Kris tried to reason, standing by the door and running a hand through his hair “I just- I don’t want anyone else to interrupt us anymore” he slowly made his way towards Tao “I guess it’s a sign from the universe, telling you not to ask me, but,” he sat down besides Tao whose heart hadn’t stopped beating fast yet. Kris stared into Tao’s eyes who was trapped in the older’s orbs already “I don’t want to listen to the universe” There. Tao’s heart skipped a beat again right there, “Even if I have to fight it, I’ll go against it” another skip in Tao’s heart. Words he had never heard him speak but wished to hear, left Kris’ mouth, and he wondered how drunk Kris was to be saying this. How drunk was he to be hearing this? “I know I said I wouldn’t push you, but you’ve been trying to ask me a few times and-” he cut himself short, turning away from Tao’s eyes, unable to form anything that would make sense “I’m a coward” Tao spoke instead and Kris turned back to the other, who was looking on the ground “I know” Tao continued “I want to ask, but I back out in the last second” he hesitantly made eye contact with Kris “That’s what you wanted to say, right?” Kris nodded, and Tao turned away from Kris again, swallowing a lump in his throat, then taking in a shaky breath and exhaling. 

“So” he started out, turning his head towards Kris “Do you?” he turned away again, anxious about the other’s answer, though this was not the answer he should be afraid of. Kris was silent for so long Tao almost backed out as his heart didn’t slow down one bit, and tears started to form, but then: 

“Yes” 

His head immediately turned to Kris who was looking down on the couch “Then…” Tao started out and Kris slowly lifted his head to look at him “Did you?...” he softly hinted, shifting his eyes away from the older, sitting with his hands folded in his lap, clenched so tight it hurt. 

This time the silence was much unbearable as he could hear his own shaky breathing and the music from downstairs. 

He heard Kris shift in his seat, and for a moment he thought he was going to leave. Tao didn’t move, and sat so still he could feel every part of his body, feel the blood in his veins “What do you think?” Kris’ voice sounded, and for a moment Tao’s heart stopped before beating loud in his ears. 

He didn’t like the question it felt too dangerous to answer. Either it would hurt Tao so much, so much he wouldn’t be able to look at Kris for a while because he would look like a fool or it would be a lie, and ruin Tao’s own trust in himself, and his trust towards Kris, because the only reason why Kris would ask that was because he knew Tao would know it wasn’t just “No”, this option would be safer but due to the tense silence and atmosphere surrounding this question, that wasn't an option. He couldn’t answer “No”.  

He forced down a lump in his throat and tried to hold in the tears “Yes” he croaked out, shortly laughing at himself for his foolishness. He was still not looking at Kris, but staring at his hands that were scratching each other, and digging in nails, wherever they could reach. His lower lip trembled as he tried to stop the sobs from escaping his throat, but it was easy for Kris to see he was losing that fight. 

He heard him shift again, and Kris’s hand landed on his own. Tao glanced at Kris shortly in shock before looking back at his hands to see Kris’ hand still on his “Stop doing that” Kris’ soft voice spoke as he pulled Tao's hands from each other, holding them tight in his, staring at him with sorrowful eyes. It didn’t take a genius to know why Tao was scared, and Kris’ heart was heavy, knowing Tao was still unsure about him, still not fully trusting him, but he had said it himself. Even if it takes years for Tao to trust him, it’s okay, because Kris will make him trust him.

“No matter what the answer is” Kris started out, staring at Tao who was not looking at him and trying not to fall apart right then and there “Nothing, nothing should cause you to be so afraid you’d hurt yourself” he continued and saw tears form in the other’s shut eyes in a useless try to stop them from falling. He gave Tao’s hands a squeeze “No matter what, I won’t hurt you and I don’t want to see you hurting because you’re afraid of me” Tao started to cry. He didn’t want to be afraid, he didn’t want to doubt Kris, but he couldn’t help it when he didn’t know what to believe “I trust you” he croaked out behind his tears, even though he knew it was a lie as his heart clenched when he spoke 

“Then please don’t be afraid, because no matter what I won’t leave you” Kris assured him and let go of one of Tao’s hands, slowly reaching for the other’s face “I won’t ever hate you” He started to wipe away Tao’s tears, while slowly making Tao face him “Please don’t cry Tao, please don’t”

“I’m sorry” he sobbed meaninglessly, meaninglessly because he wasn’t sure what he was sorry for, he was just sorry “I’m sorry” he sobbed again, leaning towards Kris who embraced him immediately  “Don’t be” Kris comforted as he Tao’s hair, but the other kept sobbing into his shoulder 

“Tao look at me” Kris spoke, and lifted the other’s face, who stared back with the most heartbreaking face Kris has ever seen “Why were you afraid when you knew?” he spoke, and Tao’s heart stopped beating, and when he didn’t move nor say anything, Kris grabbed Tao’s hand and held it tight, caressing the back softly with his thumb. He could hear his own heartbeat, and ignored the voices in his head, deciding that tonight he could, tonight was okay. Tonight was allowed

“Why?” the other asked, putting a bit of space between them “Why do you think?” Kris asked again, and Tao sat in silence, staring at Kris unsure, while the older gave him a look of encouragement. His eyes said everything they had to say, everything Tao had never said, but always thought. It spoke every word left unsaid between them, and Tao decided, behind the beating of his heart, and the adrenaline pumping, to risk it. He leaned towards Kris slowly while the other sat still, content with what was happening.

He held Tao’s hand tighter and pulled him towards him. He placed his hand on the younger’s cheek, staring into his eyes, leaning in as well, but before anything could happen, the loud yelling from the hallway snapped them out of their trance. 

"Hey, can we talk?" 

"No" 

"Why not?" 

"I just don't want to" 

"Come on! Why?" 

"Just leave me alone"