There were things Johnny had expected to happen.

He had thought about the party and what would happen, like Tao leaving to meet up with Sehun, and Kris being paranoid, and he expected him to follow them. 

There were just things he never expected to happen.

When Tao had left for the bathroom he knew it was a lie. He felt bad for Tao. His heart hurt seeing the fear appear in his eyes before he put on that fake mask again. He locked eyes with Baekhyun who was also in shock, It was way too close, way too close.

He exchanged one last look with him and Mark, before taking a big sip of his beer, but before he can put it down, an old friend announces his arrival “Hey!” he speaks, and Kris greets back, while Johnny exclaims a “Ten!” with Baekhyun and Mark, maybe not as excited as them.

“Shouldn’t you be with Taeyong?” He blurts out. For fun? Or to see Kris’ reaction, but the latter just sits there, lost in his own world “Haha” Ten lets out and gives him the middle finger and Johnny finds himself chuckling softly.

“Where’s Tao?” Ten asks, looking at the empty space between the two, and Johnny knew he knew something was wrong “He left for the bathroom” he heard himself answer, not letting Kris breathe, but noticing how Kris seemed absent, it was okay. Kris didn’t have any right to speak about Tao’s whereabouts anyway.

“He’s probably not coming back” Seulgi chirped in and took a sip of her beer, to which Johnny rolled his eyes, of course, he’s not, I wonder why! 

“Why?” Ten asked of course and looked at Kris, who couldn’t answer, so Johnny did it himself, it’d been a while since he’s seen Ten too, might as well bring attention to himself “Seulgi asked him a ty question” He let out “Oh you’re playing truth or dare?” he asked again, this time his attention diverted to Johnny, but as the latter was about to answer Kris spoke

“Yeah” He managed to croak out, which made Ten give him a worried look “You okay buddy?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just come sit down,” He said and motioned for Ten to sit down in Tao’s spot. 

Which annoyed Johnny, was Ten just another Tao? Is that what he is? Come on Kris! Leave them alone and just go back to girls! They deserve better!

After a while of being a passive player, laughing when he had to, he decided he had to go. Knowing Tao would still be by the bathroom, taking his state into consideration, he walked through the kitchen, ignoring whoever was there, because frankly, they were nothing to him. All he needed was to be close to Tao. He felt himself grow needier and felt the longing creep out, and he heard his heart too, it was calling, or so it felt. He just hoped that Tao would hear it someday.

He remembered Tao telling him he would leave the party to go see Sehun, and it pissed him off. If he could leave Kris why leave him for Sehun? Why not him? He was right there! Right by his side! 

He should really make it clear to Tao, and so when the latter exited the bathroom one question fell of Johnny’s lips “Hey when are you leaving?” the other turned and saw him standing there and gave him a shrug “I don’t know? In an hour maybe?” 

An hour he repeated in his head and nodded. That’s enough time.

He couldn’t help but check the other out, he wore simple black jeans, a basic white shirt, but he was wearing their team jacket, and it looked so good on him. 

He couldn’t help but reach out and touch it, and ask a question which he already knew the answer to "Is the jacket..." 

"Yeah" Tao answered catching the question even though Johnny never finished it. Johnny, as if burned, quickly let go, hurt by the fact that it wasn’t meant for him.

“Okay, wanna go down to the others?” He asked, walking closer to Tao, trapping him with a hand by his head 

 “I don’t know, you know what I have to answer if I go down there, and I can’t” Tao spoke, and he almost let a tear fall down his face, and it broke Johnny’s heart. He just wanted to hold Tao and let him know that everything is alright, everything will be fine but instead, all that left his mouth was his selfish thoughts

“I know, wanna stay here?” He asked and slowly placed his arms around Tao, pulling him into a hug “I-I” Tao spoke softly “I wanna see Kris” 

He felt rage build up in his stomach and even though he wanted to tell him that he could and that he’d be alright, once again, his jealousy took over, took advantage, but it was the truth! He was protecting him! If he goes down to see Kris he’ll have to answer that question! But he sounded so cruel “Tao, you don’t want him to know do you?”

He cringed at his own voice; it was overflowing with jealousy, and he felt a stab at his heart. 

It’s okay, you’re protecting him from heartbreaks and from being hurt, it’s okay

He tried to reason

“No! Of course, I don't!” Tao yelled and looked at Johnny, who hesitantly loosened his grip, and eventually completely let go of the other, but not without slowly letting go, traveling his hand down his Tao's arm  “But you wanna go downstairs to the others right?” 

“Yeah” 

He let out a huff, and quickly came to a solution “Come” he spoke with a smile, and took ahold of Tao’s hand, debating whether he should be happy and embrace the warmth that spread, or if he should ignore it and pretend it never existed? 

He led Tao down the stairs and further down the stairs to the basement.
Down there they had fun, just talking with Donghyuck, Kai and Kyungsoo, and two other guys. 

They talked about everything and nothing, about school, music, memes, and whatever their mind wandered to. 

Tao and Johnny were sitting together on the couch, hands still attached, and almost forgotten, but whenever one of them slightly moved, they were reminded of it. No one said anything about it, no one cared enough. Not even Mark who joined them later on and who sat there, talking softly with Donghyuck and the two guys named Jeno and Jaemin. He didn’t seem to mind, too occupied making sure that Donghyuck didn’t fall off the couch’s armrest. 

Kyungsoo and Kai talked to each other, and Johnny couldn’t help but smile at the interaction. He nudged Tao, who followed Johnny’s view, and smiled too.

“They’re so cute”

“Yeah”

“What do you think of Mark and Donghyuck?” Johnny heard himself ask, making Tao look at him “Mark and Donghyuck?” 

“” Johnny mumbled 

“Does Mark.. like Donghyuck?” Tao questioned, confused by the sudden question because Mark is straight, right? 

“Y-yeah” Johnny’s voice softly lets out.

“” Tao lets out, eyes widened in shock, as he leans back on the couch “Yeah- Don’t tell anyone!” Johnny quickly says “No one knows!” 

“I won’t” Tao reassures.

“When did he-” Tao starts out, but stops as he sees Ten make his way down “Hey guys!” he greets with a small wave and Johnny didn’t know how to react. If Ten is here, where’s Kris? He greeted him with a small “Hey”, and looked over at Tao who sat stunned “Hey” the other finally spoke, but the hand that was attached to Johnny’s, loosened slightly.

“Hey, Ten!” Kai and Mark both greeted, and Kai proceeded to introduce him to Kyungsoo, and Mark introduced him to Jeno and Jaemin “It’s been a while” Donghyuck greeted “It sure has” Ten let out and then suddenly thought of something “Oh!” he let out “Is Sicheng and Yuta finally together by the way?” He asked and sat down in front of the group, waiting for the tea to be spilled “Ooh they’re together” Tao let out, not even realizing what he said “What?!” Ten yelled, “What do you know?!” 

“Just don’t go near the room by the bathroom” 

“What!” Johnny yelled this time “TMI!” Donghyuck yelled, with his hands covering Mark’s ears “Think of the child!”

“Omg, I totally forgot” Ten let out, and laughed, while Mark just let out a sigh, hiding his face in his hands.

“When did you-” Johnny asked Tao

“When I was looking for the bathroom, traumatized” the other answered, “Who’s top?” Ten interrupted, already forgotten all about Mark, who sat with Donghyuck’s hands on his ears, but Tao didn’t answer, he didn’t know how to.

He was still shocked, so he just shook his head and let it die there, and they moved onto another topic, but then Tao had to go.

“Now?” Johnny asked and looked at the other, his mood changed completely, and when Tao’s hand unattached his, he felt lonely “I’m sorry” Tao spoke, but Johnny couldn’t feel his sincerity, he didn’t even listen when Tao said goodbye to the others, he just sat there, and tried to ignore how his heart hurt, and how Tao didn’t see him as anything.

He decided to get something to drink, but as he got up, Ten’s hand gripped his arm “Are you okay?” 

He glanced shortly at the other but diverted his look to the staircase. He didn't wanna see his worried expression and he really didn't want Ten to see his lie 

“Yeah, I’m fine” he let out and walked away.

As he was upstairs, he saw people standing by the windows, and he knew what they were talking about; Tao and the car Sehun picked him up in. He ignored it, tried to, and let the frustration cover his sadness, and he poured himself a drink, chugged it, and repeated that until he felt numb, and felt the bass in the floor from the music, till the room started spinning, and no thoughts lingered in his head. 

He went back to the living room and joined the dancing students, letting go of everything. He didn’t even know who he was dancing with, but he didn’t care, everything was going well, a girl was showing interest, and he had no problem with that as he's still biual, but it felt wrong, and he felt hot, way too hot and he walked out, but as he walked through the kitchen, and the cold air from the open front door hit him, he felt it. 

The loneliness, and the silence that grew the further away he got from the living room. Tao and… Sehun, they are probably… “no” he mumbled to himself and tried to ignore the thoughts that washed over him, but the tears started pressing on. 

But he’s with someone else, who’s not him, and it hurts, it does! Why couldn’t he see that Johnny liked him, loved him? He was ready to be what Sehun is! He’s always there for him! But maybe it’s his own fault, he wasn’t clear enough in his intention, he wasn't, he should've kissed him right then and there!… 

He sat down on a stool, and took a sip from a random cup, it was sweet, sickening but he didn’t care, he needed to forget.

Most of what had happened, he had expected, besides accidentally outing Mark. But this, this is the part he didn’t expect to happen; He was making his way to towards the staircase when suddenly someone grabs him and slams his back into the wall. His head is throbbing, and he can’t see straight, but manages to put the pieces together and figure out that it’s Kris when the other yells “WHERE IS HE?!” 

He wants to laugh at the other; he’s tried so hard to hide it, but here he is, throwing all of that away, and he didn’t even know. But he couldn’t laugh. He felt numb and the pain deafened everything else. All he could do was throw him a smile, and he's not even sure if he even managed to do that. But Kris doesn’t know where he is, he doesn’t know that there’s a third party, it's funny.

“Where is he?!” the other asked again and pushed him further against the wall. 

“I don’t know” he let out with a sad smile, and he tried to stay conscious, but his eyes were falling shut, but he needed to see the other’s reaction, he wanted to see his broken expression “Not with me,” but the one who broke was him. His voice was shaky, and he choked on the sobs that was about to leave his throat. He could no longer see Kris’ face but he felt the grip loosen, and he fell to the floor. 

There was so much noise, so many people were talking, but then someone yelled, and it got quiet, but the music was still playing, faintly as the only thing he heard was the voice that made its way to him “Are you okay?”. He didn’t look up, too exhausted, tired, he was losing consciousness “Johnny, it’s Tao” 

“Tao?” his heart sped up, and he decided, that if Tao is really here, he shouldn't waste his chance this time. because Tao was back, he came back for him, and he needed to tell him before he’d pass out and before he’d forget, he had to do, what he should've done earlier.

So he grabbed Tao's hands and looked at him.

“No it’s T-” Tao had started out, but Johnny interrupted him by kissing him. He placed his hand on the Tao's cheek and tried to deepen the kiss, but he was about to fade out and couldn't, so when he pulled away, he quickly let it out

“I love you” 

And then everything went black.  

"" 

"What happened?" 

"He finally passed out after... you know" 

"-Lets put him upstairs" 

"No, he needs to go to the hospital, he might have a concussion"  

"I'll call for an ambulance then" 

"I'll...  I'll put him upstairs for now then..." 

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"You just... seem a bit shaken up"

"I'm fine really, I'll take him upstairs, let me know when the ambulance is here" 

A/N: ;))) 

Damn... wasn't that just a rollercoaster of emotions? 

Hey!! I finally finished writing this chapter. What do you think it means? He who it is not?