A/N: Hello, and welcome back. So this chapter will mark the beginning of focusing on the different pairings. It introduces some of the problems and plotlines that'll be focused on in the next chapters if that makes sense. Not the best explanation, but I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, once I figured out what to write. Thank you all for waiting for me, and staying with the story so far. Please, let me know what you think about this chapter, and what you think will happen in the next ones. 

"Tao where are you?” Sehun repeated. The panic was clear in his voice, and his heart was beating out of his chest.  The music coming from the club, faded away, replaced with his beating heart. 

“I’m- I’m at the playground- by my house” Tao croaked out through the phone, and Sehun nodded to himself. He waved over a cab and gave the driver Tao’s address. Usually, he would have his driver pick him up, but he couldn’t waste any time. Tao was crying, alone, and possibly hurt. 

Why did he go out the night Tao had a family dinner? 

He knew how Tao felt about them!

“I’m on my way Tao, just keep talking to me” he tried to say calmly, but he could hear his own voice shake. 

“I-I” Tao croaked out, but sobs spilled from his mouth instead, and Sehun’s heart grew louder in his ears.

“Tao” Sehun let out as soothing as possible despite being on the edge of overcoming with panic. “take a deep breath”, he continued, and took a deep breath himself. His heart was beating so loud, and he didn’t know what to tell Tao to make him calm down. He was so anxious himself, so scared something had happened to Tao. 

If only he was with Tao. If only he was because then, he’d be able to comfort him, and keep him safe from the world. 

He could hear Tao take in a shaky breath, before exhaling slowly “I’m- I’m scared”, he then sobbed again, though less than before, and Sehun’s heart ached again, guilty he wasn’t there. He should always be there for him. 

All he wanted was for Tao to be safe and to be the one keeping him safe. He knew he could. 

After all, he’s the one who understands him, and who loves him fully. He’s the one who’ll keep him safe from his family. He’s the one who’ll be able to support him. They are going to keep their fathers’ partnership going, so Sehun would always be there for him in any way he needed.

“It’s okay you’re scared” Sehun heard himself speak, voice slightly shaky “I’m here. I’m here for you okay?” I'll always be here for you.

He’s the first person Tao calls when he’s scared, and he’s the first person he calls when he’s sad. He is the person Tao can rely on, no matter what. 

“Yeah…” Tao croaked out. “I know” a smile creeping upon his lips, though trembling. 

If only Sehun could see him at that moment, clutching his phone in his hands, curled up as small as he possibly could, just to hide from the world. 

“I’m scared” he croaked out again, hiding his head in his knees.

“I know, but you’re not alone,” Sehun tried to comfort but he cringed at his own words. That won’t help! It’s not comforting at all. “Just breathe okay?”

He kept the call going, listening to Tao over the sound of his loud heartbeat. He couldn’t let go of the call, having no other way of knowing if Tao was okay. He didn’t know what he would do if Tao was hurt. He knew he’d hate himself for not being with him and preventing it. They’re boyfriends, It’s what he’s supposed to do.

When the cab finally stopped, he quickly paid the driver and ran over to the playground. 

He looked around, phone in his hand, call still going. 

“Tao” he called out, as he spotted the other sitting by the playhouse beyond the swings. He let out a relieved breath, seeing he wasn’t hurt, but once he locked eyes with Tao, his heart broke. His eyes were red, and his lips trembling as he tried to choke back the sobs in his throat.

“Tao!” 

He ran over to him, pulling him into his arms, phone already lying forgotten on the ground beside them. 

“Are you okay?!” he asked, as Tao immediately clung to him. The sobs that spilled from him, told Sehun everything he needed to know. 

He wasn’t okay at all, but even so, Sehun couldn’t help but sigh in relief. Tao was in his arms once again, safe and sound. Now, nothing could hurt him because Sehun would be there to protect him.

Tao clung onto Sehun, as was he the only thing that was keeping him from falling apart, and perhaps he was. 

Perhaps, Sehun was the only thing keeping him together. Kris couldn’t even keep himself together, and Johnny was emotionally distant from him, so perhaps, in this lonely world, he only had Sehun. 

“It’s okay, you’re safe” Sehun softly comforted as Tao cried into his shirt, and Tao wanted to say “I know” but he couldn’t stop crying due to the panic in his chest. 

“It’s gonna be okay” he comforted, Tao’s hair, holding him as tight as he could.

“I don’t know what to do,” Tao muttered into his shirt after a few minutes. He took in a shaky breath, trying to gather his thoughts.

“I’m screwed,” he muttered, his voice breaking once more, and Sehun tightened his grip on him. 

“I’m so screwed,” he continued, slowly pulling away from Sehun, to lean against the playhouse, and Sehun looked at him with worried eyes. 

“What happened?” he cautiously asked, as Tao began fidgeting with his hands. 

He didn’t answer, but stared down at his hands, trying to stop crying, and then took a deep breath. 

“We’re so ing screwed” he cried, a twisted grin on his face, and Sehun’s heart stopped beating. Tao hid his face in his hands, knees pulled up to his chest. 

“Tao, why are we screwed?” he cautiously asked, softly caressing Tao’s hands, hoping he’d be able to make Tao look at him. He wanted to help Tao and keep him safe from everything. 

Tao slowly lowered his hands, and Sehun held them tight in his own. 

“Wendy knows” he hesitantly admitted, tears falling in silence. Sehun didn’t say anything, unable to form any kind of question. Somehow, he hoped it wasn’t true that Wendy didn’t know about them, but what else would make Tao so scared if not their secret? 

“She…” Tao started out, and swallowed a sob, “She saw us at the Christmas dinner. She saw your hand- our feet-” he choked on a sob “-She knows”, and Sehun pulled Tao into his arms again, not only for Tao but for himself because he was scared as well. 

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise” he whispered but Tao shook his head, “No it’s not Sehun. I’m engaged to her, and she knows I’m with a guy!”

It was silent for a moment. 

“Is she… is she going to tell-“ Sehun couldn’t finish his sentence, as he began thinking about what would happen if she did. What if she told Tao’s father, who’d tell Sehun’s? What would happen if they found out about them? 

“I don’t know” Tao softly muttered, “After the dinner she just…” he paused, stumbling over his words “She just told me she knew before leaving” 

Sehun was silent, not knowing what to do or say. She knew, but what did she want?  

“I ran here as soon as we came home and called you,” Tao admitted with a bitter smile. 

“I won’t let her hurt you” Sehun let out, “and I won’t break up”. Tao turned to him in confusion, eyes still filled with tears “Why would we break up?” 

He loved Sehun, and even if he was scared of what might happen, he wouldn’t break up with him.
“What if that’s what she wants?” Sehun explained with a shrug. “You’re engaged, but you’re secretly in a relationship. What if she likes you and is threatening to expose you, to get us to break up?” 

Tao stared in silence for a moment, and though what Sehun said made sense, at least to his anxiety, it couldn’t be. Even if that was possible, she wouldn’t do that, would she? 

“This isn’t a movie Sehun. That wouldn’t happen” he said with a small chuckle. 

Hearing Tao chuckle, even if it was only a bit, made him believe that Tao was right. 

“When you say it like that…” he muttered “I guess it does sound kind of crazy” he gave Tao an embarrassed smile, causing Tao to chuckle even more, and Sehun couldn’t help but think about what a beautiful sound it was. Sehun found himself drowning in it, hypnotized by the other. 

It was dangerous how in love he was.

“I still don’t trust her” he let out, finally waking up from his trance, but Tao’s deep and dark eyes staring back at him, pulled him right back in. Tao’s smile was contagious, as Sehun found himself smiling as well. 

“Sehun, you don’t trust anyone” Tao teased, and Sehun wasn’t even mad, not even annoyed at the comment because Tao was okay again. 

“Yeah, you’re right” but perhaps, you make me want to trust others more. 

They sat like that for a while, watching the sky turn dark, and the streetlights turn on. It was a quiet and chilly night in early summer. It was one of those nights that felt eternal, with the sky taking longer to fade to black, and the birds still singing.  

It was that kind of night, and there was nothing else Sehun would rather do, anywhere he would rather be, than here with Tao, enjoying each other in silence, listening to the universe pass them by. 

He watched Tao, who was staring up at the sky with a smile on his face and a glint in his eyes.

Sehun could stay there forever and never crave, never need, anything else. 

All he needed was right there with him. 

Tao turned to Sehun, who was still staring at him. 

“What?” he shyly smiled which only caused Sehun to smile even more. 

He truly had everything he needed right here. Screw the world, screw their parents, screw Wendy and whatever she wanted. If the world didn’t want them, then so be it. If they had to run away from everything and start over, so be it. As long as they’re together, it’s going to be fine. 

“Nothing,” he replied after a while, finally turning away from Tao, but secretly stealing a glance at him, once Tao turned back to the sky. 

His heart clenched but fluttered at the same time. 

He was doomed.

Tao was going to be his doom. 

“I should be getting home” Tao spoke after a while, and Sehun let out a silent sigh. 

“Already?” He asked, unaware of the pout on his face. Tao smiled at him “It’s getting late, and my parents are probably worried” he spoke and got up, but Sehun grabbed his wrist gently.

“Are you sure you wanna go home?” he asked, genuinely worried about Tao, but the other let out a deep breath, and smiled. 

“Yeah, I’m fine” he reassured his worried boyfriend, who nodded in acknowledgment “Okay,” he said and got up, “I’ll walk you home then”, smiling at Tao, who only gave him a bright smile in return “Okay”.

Tao’s house came into sight too soon, and Sehun wished he could stop time so he could have more time with Tao before they reached his front door. 

“Well, here we are,” Tao softly announced as they walked up to the door, and Sehun silently nodded. 

Tao began chuckling again at the pout on Sehun face, and it only made it harder for Sehun to say goodbye “Sehun, we see each other almost every day” he spoke with a giggle, and Sehun let out a sigh “I know” then smiled softly “I’ve just missed you, and I’m worried about you”. 

He slowly reached out for Tao’s hand, who shyly interlaced their hands. It was risky. They knew that. They were in front of Tao’s house, but what did it matter? 

Why couldn’t they? 

They’re in love, so why would the world stop them? 

Why couldn’t they show their love? 

“I’ll text you later” Tao bid Sehun, who nodded “I’ll wait” he smiled. “Sleep well” 

“You too” Tao smiled and turned to the door “Goodnight” he spoke before opening the door. 

“Goodnight Tao” Sehun muttered, watching the other walk inside, and close the door behind him.

“You’re really going to be my doom,” he muttered to himself, as he began walking away from the house “You’re really going to be my doom”.  

“Where were you?” His father’s voice sounded as soon as he closed the door. Tao’s smile immediately faltered, and he turned around in fear. How long had he been standing there? Had he seen them? 

His arms were crossed, and Tao knew that he was not pleased. One reason being his behavior at the dinner, the other being him leaving as soon as they got home, not once telling them where he was. Hopefully, he hadn’t seen him and Sehun. 

“Where were you?” his father repeated harshly this time, and Tao flinched “Outside” he muttered softly “Outside? Where?” but then he paused, and his tone changed.

“Do you know how worried we were?!” and Tao flinched again "Do you have any idea how worried we get when you suddenly leave like that?” 

When Tao didn’t answer, his father let out a sigh “What’s going on?” he asked in a stern but frustrated voice, and Tao knew very well that his father’s anger was his way of letting him know that he cares. 

Tao just hated it. It was a toxic and disgusting way of showing it.  

“Nothing,” Tao said with a fake smile “I’m fine. I just needed some air. You know I hate these dinners” he explained, and his father let out a sigh.

“If there’s anything you want to tell me, I won’t judge you” but Tao didn’t trust his father enough to believe him. He didn’t even trust Kris enough to. Only Sehun and Johnny. They were the only ones he trusted but he no longer had Johnny, at least not in the way he used to. 

“Okay” Tao replied, walking past his father, and upstairs to his room. 

He fell onto his bed with a heavy sigh. 

All of this secrecy was killing him. It held him down and drowned him. He wished he could tell the truth, and tell his father he didn’t want to marry Wendy, and that he was dating Sehun, but he couldn’t, and instead, it’s bottling up inside of him. 

His phone vibrated, and he turned to see a message from Sehun.

“I love you. You will always have my heart, and I will always be here for you” it said and Tao smiled brightly at the text. He held his phone close against his chest as if it would make him feel the love more by embracing it. As if it would become Sehun in his arms and not his phone, and as if Sehun would be able to feel his love through it. 

“I love you too,” he wrote back “I’ll take care of your heart. Please be careful with mine. It’s fragile”

“I will protect it, was it the sole reason for my existence” Sehun answered, and Tao was overcome with emotions. Truly, Sehun loved him. 

Truly, he was the one to help him move on from Kris. 

That same night, Ten and Johnny were out on Johnny’s balcony, watching the night sky as well. It was silent between them, a comfortable silence, or perhaps, they both wanted to believe it was. 

The breeze that passed by was chilly to Johnny, but relaxing nonetheless. It cooled down his head and reminded him to take a deep breath. 

He closed his eyes, enjoying the sound of the city below, and reminisced about how he and Ten had been standing out here when the snow had fallen. He remembered the evenings when they would watch the sunset, talking about nothing for hours. 

He remembered the evening when he kissed Tao, the night he crushed his own heart by daring to confess. How he held him, and how he cried to Ten afterward. 

How his heart bled as he explained to Ten what had happened, how he couldn’t speak for hours, cradled in Ten’s arms that held him so tight and so calming.

His heart clenched as the thorns of the last withering white roses dug into it, reminding him of his faint feelings. 

He hated how it still hurt, even though he’s been trying to get over him, with Ten picking up his heart piece by piece.

He glanced shortly at Ten, who was staring at the sky before placing his head on his shoulder, suddenly much smaller and vulnerable in the night. The other didn’t need an explanation and leaned his head on Johnny’s.  

Johnny took a deep breath. 

“Ten” he softly muttered, and the other answered with a low “Mhm?”

“Why do you let him call you in the middle of the night?”

Ten didn’t answer, and Johnny knew it was because he didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t know what he means to you” he pressed on as the silence became too thick. Ten let out a deep breath and turned to Johnny, who lifted his head from his shoulder. 

Ten’s eyes were filled with a mix of emotions; sorrow, yet contentment, and regret as well. Johnny stopped breathing, waiting for Ten to open up his heart even more than he already had.

“It’s…” he started out, but then stopped, clearing his head. 

“,” he muttered, and Johnny wanted to grab his hand to calm him down, but for some reason, he hesitated.

“He’s a close friend” he started out again. “He helped me out with Taeyong and you”

“Helped you out?” Johnny pressed on, his heart beating out of his chest, and Ten let out a deep breath, staring at Johnny.  

“He helped me out when I was dating Taeyong, and when I began to fall for you,” he explained, averting Johnny’s eyes for a moment. 

Even if it was hard to understand what Kris thought of them, he wasn’t against their ualities. On the contrary, he was one of the few people Ten could confide in regarding his uality. 

It was silent, as Ten waited for Johnny to show some kind of reaction. He knew Johnny didn’t like Kris, and seeing him silent at that moment, had him hold his breath. 

“He knew about you?” Johnny softly started out “Before we did?” He didn't mean to sound annoyed, but the thought of Kris keeping it from them, and knowing it before them, made him annoyed and frustrated. Why did he know it before them? 

He didn’t want to show his annoyance since Kris was a close friend to Ten, but he couldn’t hide all of it.

Ten looked away for a moment. He opened his mouth, but no words came out, so he closed it again and shook his head.

“It wasn’t supposed to go like that, but he kind of caught Taeyong and me” he confessed with a shrug, and Johnny couldn’t help but think “I knew it”. 

There was always a reason for Kris to have the information he had, and him catching them, proved just who he was 

“So, he blackmailed you?” he cautiously asked, and Ten shook his head “No, not at all. He promised to keep it secret, and I just began going to him for advice”

The look in Ten’s eyes changed as he went through his memories of that time. He had a soft smile on his face, but Johnny noticed the regret come back once more as his smile turned painful. 

“What happened?” he asked, finally taking Ten’s hand in his, and Ten let his hand grip Johnny’s gently. 

“Ten?” Johnny asked, and Ten shook his head. “Nothing, it’s nothing” he muttered, but he couldn’t fool Johnny. It was quiet for a while after that, as Johnny didn’t want to pressure Ten, but let him open up whenever he was ready, after all, that’s the same thing he’s done for him. 

“I can’t tell you, I promised to keep it a secret,” Ten admitted and exhaled a breath he hadn’t noticed he had held. 

Johnny nodded absentmindedly. Keep what a secret? Taeyong? Or was it something about Kris? 

Even if he was curious to know, he couldn’t ask about it. 

“But, why do you let him call you?” Ten shrugged “I guess it’s because I’m the only one he can talk to about it” he confessed, and Johnny couldn’t help but wonder if Ten was to Kris what Johnny used to be for Tao?

“You know, Sehun really loves Tao,” he blurted out. He wasn’t sure why, perhaps to see how Ten would react, if he gave anything away that would prove his theory.

“Yeah” Ten let out with a smile “He does love him” and he tightened his grip on Johnny’s hand as if to comfort him, though Johnny didn’t need it. 

“Tao loves him a lot too” he added, and Jonny let out a sigh “Yeah, I think so” even though he hadn’t meant to bring that up, somehow, he didn’t mind it. There was something comforting about Ten worrying about him. “All I wanted was for him to be happy”

“and he is” Ten responded “and you are the reason why” 

“Ten, I’m okay” 

“Really?”

“Really." Johnny turned abruptly to Ten, noticing he wasn't convinced. "You really think I’m still in love with Tao, and not you, the one who’s been by my side all this time?” he held both of Ten’s hands tight in his own, staring into his eyes.

“Tao never even batted me an eye, he never looked at me the way you look at me” 

Ten didn’t say anything, but there was a pleased and content smile on his face as he leaned his head on Johnny’s shoulder, and the latter didn’t mind it. They were broken, and to them, what they really wanted to say, the words burning in their throats, was like a curse to them. 

After Ten had left the next day, Johnny was deep in thought. There was something about what he had said that bothered him. He wasn’t exactly sure what bothered him but it was something about Kris knowing Ten’s feelings. Perhaps he was just jealous, but somehow, he knew it went deeper than that. It wasn’t just jealousy. 

He had learned from being friends with Kris, that he always had ulterior motives, and even if Ten didn’t seem to notice, or denied it, he must have been of some kind of use to Kris. 

He stepped outside on his balcony, rewinding the last few months, trying to patch things together. He took out a cigarette and took out his lighter.

When did Ten start to like him? 

He looked down at the cigarette and put it away, again, suddenly not in the mood. 

Was it back when they met at the party? Before that?

Before Johnny got drunk? Before they had that encounter? 

He leaned his arms on the balcony, staring at the dark sky.  

Could it be that Kris tried to push them together to keep Johnny away from Tao?

He shook his head “No, that’s stupid” he muttered to himself, turning his back to the balcony. 

Would he really stoop that low? 

He chuckled to himself.

Would Kris, Ten’s close friend who he trusted, really do that? 

“He wouldn't,” he muttered again.

But didn’t it make sense? 

Why he would tell Johnny who it was that night? Why he wasn’t mad at Johnny for what he did? 

Johnny shook his head again, and he tried to laugh it off, but his heart sped up. He’s clearly going insane because no one would stoop that low, but his beating heart had him in doubt. 

He went back inside his apartment, picking up his phone, but he didn’t know who to call. He couldn’t talk to Ten, nor could he tell Tao. 

Tao’s happy, and what good would this do? None. It wouldn’t change anything. It would only prove that Kris was more possessive than they had thought, and Tao didn’t need that. He got his happy ending. Would Tao even believe him if he told him? 

Or would he think Johnny was still in love with him? 

He threw his phone back onto his bed, once again taking out the cigarette, but once again, he threw it away. 

As the exam period neared, he couldn’t help but think about it, but of course, he didn’t mention it, even when Tao began to ask him what’s up, and began to ask if he knew about Kris’ deal. 

He didn’t answer, knowing Tao would freak out if he knew Johnny knew, and Tao needed to focus on Sehun who loved him and could give him everything he needed. He needed his peace and quiet, not this drama. It’s already obvious that Tao was beginning to focus on Kris again, and he shouldn’t. 

“How are you doing?” He asked Tao as they were walking back to their classes after lunch. Tao shrugged “I’m okay. My dad wants me to stay home because of exams...” Tao’s voice faded, and he let out a sigh “and I’m moving out once I graduate” he shrugged, and Johnny raised his eyebrow “You’re moving out?” Tao nodded “Yeah, once I’ve graduated, I’m moving into my own apartment”  

“You don’t look too happy about it” 

Tao let out a sigh “well, I just…” his heart was a bit heavy, and he wasn’t exactly sure why. 

“I just, it feels weird to move out, and away from Kris-” 

“-Tao stop making this about him” Johnny interrupted him with a sigh. He was already angry from just hearing the name. He let out another sigh “You’re moving forward for once, you can’t let him hold you back” he continued, and Tao stopped walking “It just feels like I’m running away” he muttered.

“Running away?” and Tao shrugged “From my problems, from Kris, from my parents. Instead of solving them, life wants me to just avoid them?” he questioned, and let out a frustrated sigh.
“I think it’ll be good for you” Johnny commented after a moment of silence, and Tao looked at him “You do?” 

“Yeah, taking a break from it all, and seeing it from a distance” Johnny could see Tao wanted to say something, but he kept quiet. 

“If that’s what you think” he shrugged instead and began walking away from Johnny. “Tao” he called out “Tao, what is it?” he called out again, and finally, the other stopped walking.

“It’s nothing,” he muttered with a shake of his head, and Johnny knew it must be about Kris, and he let out a sigh. “Tao, we’re friends” and Tao walked up to him “Are we?” he asked “It doesn’t always feel like that” 

“Tao, you know-” 

“-I know, but you don’t want me near Kris?” 

“Tao, you’ve moved on, you can’t get dragged back in” it was a tense silence that fell between them. 

“You don’t get it, do you?” Tao calmly spoke, and Johnny stayed silent.

“Kris is my friend, and he needs my help. I’m the only one who can” he snapped, but Johnny let out a sigh. Did he really believe that Kris was his burden? 

“No you’re not Tao, give him a therapist and he’ll be fine” he shrugged with a reassuring smile, but Tao had a look of disbelief on his face, and Johnny knew he shouldn’t have said that, but he needed to hear it either way. 

“Why’d you never say that to me?!” Tao spat at him, and Johnny averted his gaze. “Because I’m not Kris?” 

Johnny didn’t answer, because yes! Partly because he’s not Kris, and because he loved him, and because he had Sehun and all of their friends, while Kris used them all and therefore didn’t, shouldn't have the same privilege. 

In the end, all he said was “What do you think?”, and he let the silence fall in between them before he walked inside his classroom.

“Have you given what I said a thought?” he asked Kris, once he spotted the other by his desk. Kris looked at him, then at his bracelet, debating with himself if it would help him and his case in the long run. He had been thinking about it since Johnny first brought it up, but he just didn’t know. 

After staring for a long while, he finally looked up at Johnny “I want to” and Johnny could hear it in the back of his head “For him”, and his heart bled for him, but it didn’t stop him from hating him either. 

He knew how much Tao had bled for him, and he knew how hard Sehun had tried to patch him up afterward. He shouldn’t be allowed to go around and cut up old scars like that. 

They needed to be separated from each other. Luckily, there was only a month till they graduated, and then they didn't have to see each other anymore. Unfortunately, that also meant he had little time to separate them. If only Baekhyun could help, but he’s out of reach. He never answered his phone, never came by the table, or even greeted them. 

It pissed Johnny off.  

Usually, they would all try and fix their group, so why was he the only one left trying to save it? Sure, they didn’t have soccer now, but they were still friends, at least, he hoped they still were. 

He didn’t want to lose them once they’ve graduated. Not when they’ve gone through so much together. 

“Do you have to go today?” Tao asked Kris when they left the school. Kris was quiet for a moment before quietly answering “Yep” causing Tao to let out a deep sigh, which he tried to hide, but Kris heard it. 

“I’m okay Tao”, he said but Tao wasn’t convinced. Tao also knew it didn’t matter whether or not he was convinced because Kris wouldn’t open up about it. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you” he still offered, hoping his friend would at least consider it but Kris only smiled, before walking to that familiar black car. 

“Kris” Tao called after him, and Kris turned around to see Tao walk towards him “I don’t know how much we’ll see each other because of exams, but” he paused, and Kris could sense the hesitation. 

“What?” he asked, and Tao let out a deep breath “I’m moving out after we graduate”. It was silent as Kris tried to comprehend what his friend just said. He wanted to ask, but he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to react, but he didn't know how to. 

“Oh, okay” was all he managed to say, before getting in the car, and leaving Tao. 

Tao hated how he’d leave that way. No goodbye, no “We’ll talk later”. He supposed neither of them had been best friends lately. He had hoped though, that Kris would open up to him, the same way he had earlier. No one should carry a burden like that on their shoulders. He had Sehun who helped him carry his, and previously, he also had Kris, but not anymore. 

“Kris” a voice called, and Kris opened his eyes, only to notice he was in the again, parked in front of his home. He was so exhausted, he didn't even remember getting into the car after he was done for the night, or falling asleep on the way home.  

“Kris” his driver called again, and Kris slowly sat up, somewhat awake “Don’t worry too much about the exams. After this week, you’re not going until you’ve graduated” he finished, and Kris let out a deep breath, and nodded. It wasn’t even the exams he was worried about. He was somehow relieved though, and somehow not because, even if he wasn’t going for a while, he was still going back there. 

“Okay” he answered groggily, and when he locked eyes with his driver in the rearview mirror, he froze for a moment. His eyes showed worry, and somehow Kris understood why. He understood that he’s worried about him and that he didn’t like to see him go through this either, nor what it’s causing; He’s tired, exhausted, on the edge of breaking down. Even though a part of Kris wanted to talk about it, to open up to his driver, he pretended he didn’t see it, and left the car with a heavy sigh. “I’ll see you tomorrow” he bid his driver, before walking down the street, instead of his front door. 

He put his hands in his pockets, looking at the ground as he walked. 

A month. 

In a month, he’s graduating, and leaving a part of his life. In a month, it’ll be over for him, the countdown will strike zero, and it’ll be too late. Kris would inevitably go with his father, and do whatever he wanted him to do. In a month, the bracelet might be the only thing tying him to Tao.

He reached the playground, and as soon as his eyes reached the swings, he stopped moving. His eyes began to water, remembering all of the times they’d sit there, all of the times where they’d cry and laugh together. The time where he gave Tao his birthday present, the time Tao ran away, and the time he told Tao he was leaving. 

He thought, by leaving back then, but giving them something which tied them together as a promise, he’d be ready to let go, but he wasn’t. 

Hot tears welled up in his eyes, and he hated it. He hated how he had prepared himself for this moment for so long, but still, he wasn’t ready. The pain in his heart was just as raw as it was back in December. It was just as pure as snow and as true as a mother’s love. More honest than Kris has ever been, and ever will be. 

He fell down on the ground, clutching a hand to his chest. 

“Not tonight” he muttered to himself, and let out a shaky breath “Not tonight” 

Tonight, he can’t cry. 

In a month, you can cry as much as you want to, but not tonight. There’s still a month left, so please keep it together, and then, then you can cry for all you’ve lost, but not yet.

“You haven’t lost it yet” he tried to convince himself in a shaky voice, but he knew it wouldn’t help in the long run, and as he let him sit down on the ground, staring at the night sky, he regretted the decision he made last summer. 

“Jaehyun-hyung” he called out as he spotted the elder walking towards the music room.

The older one hesitantly came to a stop but didn’t turn around. 

“Jaehyun-hyung” Jeno called out again, stopping behind the elder. “Can we talk?” he asked him, slightly out of breath. 

“Why do you want to talk?” Jaehyun asked as he turned to face Jeno. The younger was taken aback by the genuine confusion on the older’s face, and his heart began to beat louder in his ears. The look in Jaehyun’s eyes was raw pain and regret. Guilt was welling up inside of him, Jeno could see it clearly.