The only thing that ever broke my heart was a bad grade. There was this group paper in my World Literature class in my first year in college that I've painstakingly prepared for. But my groupmates didn't submit their part to me on time, so, the paper was rejected when I passed it incomplete. It pulled my final grade down by three levels. It took me a whole semester before I could get over it.

     I grew up in an orphanage, without any knowledge about my biological parents, and was adopted by a loving couple, who later turned abusive, at the age of twelve. I put up with it until I graduated in high school. But once I entered college, I ran away and reported them to the authorities. I lived in the university dorms since then. Scholarships and part-time jobs helped me get by. No family and friends, how pathetic am I? But I didn't care.

     In high school, my only comfort was K-Pop. But when I ran away, I lost all time for it and, eventually, interest. I had to make ends meet. I basically had no time to make friends. But when I finally found one, I got my heart broken.

     "Are you having fun?" Dong Jun shouted, finally to my ear, after several failed attempts to be audible.

     "I am!" I shouted back. "You don't have to shout in my ear!"

     The nightclub was full of teenagers and grown-ups, swaying their bodies to the loud music. I never knew partying could be fun. I looked around to find Emma, but I bumped my shoulder into something hard. "Oops, sorry!" I apologized, but the guy only raised an eyebrow. I just brushed it off when I spotted Emma from a distance, making too much friction against Eric's chest. I approached her and yelled in her ear, "I'm glad I let you take me here! It's fun!" I gestured to the black halter top dress I was wearing and added, "I never knew I could rock a dress this short! Thanks for doing my make-up. And these stilettos, they're the bomb! And Itaewon, oh, my, can I just stay here forever!?"

     Emma giggled to Eric, earning a raised eyebrow from me. "Oh, dear, you're so drunk. Is it your first time to drink?"

     "Who said I'm drunk? I'm not!" I hollered.

     Emma just guffawed, so did Eric. What is wrong with this people?

     "Don't let her go out of your sight," she told Dong Jun after calling him to our side.

     "Hey, hey. I'm a lady. I need no bodyguard. I know my way around here," I defended. Who do they think I am? I have a cognitive map. I never, ever, get lost.

     Dong Jun slithered his hand around my waist and pulled me to his body. "She's right. This lady here is a grown-up," he told the two.

     I jutted my tongue at Emma and squirmed out of Dong Jun's grasp. I, then, danced to the song blasting through the speakers. I recognized one of the mix as one of the latest songs that BIGBANG made. It was only the chorus that was mixed into the upbeat music but it hit me right in the heart. It's a sad song but it was edited into an EDM, that made everyone jump and groove to it.

Loser wetori

Sen cheokhaneun geopchaengi

Motdwen yangachi geoul soge neon

     The lyrics burned my ears in a way I couldn't explain. A lump formed down my throat and it was suddenly hard to swallow. I stopped bouncing up and down to the music, but with my arm still hanging in the air.

     "You alright?" asked Dong Jun.

     I looked at him and I felt a burning sensation in my left eye. I lifted a hand to touch it, only to find out that it was wet. My right eye also started burning up -- they were becoming moist too. "I-I'm sorry. I'm going to the restroom," I told him.

     I made my way through the crowd, not caring about the firm bodies I was bumping into. Relief shrouded me as I was able to find the restroom without breaking a sweat. I was about to go inside when I heard the crowd go wild. Then I heard people chanting, which I just shrugged off. What, is there a celebrity or something?

     I let out a loud cry that almost sounded like a battlecry. One girl stepped out of one of the cubicles and gave me a weirded out look but I didn't care. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the smudged mascara below my eyes. I looked hideous.

     "You look hideous!" I shouted to my reflection. "Look at you! Look at you!" I grabbed several pulls of tissue from the storage, plastered on the wall, and blew my nose. "Did you honestly think he kissed you because he likes you? You're insane! You wish!" After countless sobs and gasps, I glanced back to the mirror and gave my reflection a scrutinizing look. "You don't have to be ugly. You don't have to be fat." I cooed. I took a step back and smiled to the reflection that revealed my struggle for the past three months. "There's only make-up for that ugly face of yours but your being fat, we can do something about that." Again, I broke down crying, and I don't know why. I leaned my forehead on my folded arms that I rested on the sink and let out a muffled scream.

     Then, all of a sudden, a tap on my shoulder startled me. I rose and scowled at the person who did it. When I saw a middle-aged woman, I softened my expression and bowed. "Jwesong hamnida." I apologized.

     "Are you okay?" she asked.

     I nodded my head weakly and waited for her to get out, only she didn't. Please, don't let this become a heart-to-heart talk. I crossed my fingers, hoping that "Are you okay?" is the only English phrase she knew.

     "I couldn't help but to overhear your rants," she told me.

     Great. Now I'm sober.

     "Is it okay if we get out of here and have a talk? I have a proposal to you."

     "I'm sorry but I'm broke. If you're planning to scam me, I'm sorry but you approached the wrong person."

     She just chuckled. "Please, reconsider. This is not a scam. Does a Korean scam speak in English this fluent?" she challenged.

     She has a point. But still, it's better to be cautious. "I'm currently recovering from a heartbreak, so, now, I have trust issues. So, I'm sorry." I bowed and then turned around but she was quick to get a hold of my arm. I turned to her to glower at her but she handed me her business card instead. I could read hangul but the three Roman letters stood out, making my eyes pop out of their sockets. Just like that, I sheepishly followed her out, completely ignoring the chants of the crowd.

~~~~~

     "I was fated to meet you," Ms. Jina started after taking a sip from her cappuccino.

     I tried so hard not to snort. What is she talking about?

     "I wrote a drama and we're struggling to find the perfect main actress to play it," she stated.

     "And what, I'm the perfect one?" I joked, and this time, I snorted.

     "Yes." she answered.

     "Of course, I am." I gave it a laugh but then I saw her sincere facial expression. "Oh."

     "I know this is a shock for you, because, well, for starters, this is a different drama. It's not because I wrote it but because this kind of drama has never been seen in the television before. This is huge, I swear!" The shimmer in her eyes revealed how excited she is about her written drama.

     I cocked an eyebrow at her, doubting her for the last time. "And why me?"

     "Come to the auditions tomorrow," she replied, giving me a piece of paper, where the address was written.

     "Auditions? I thought I'm already perfect for the role?" I protested.

     "But of course, we have to see if you can act," she responded as she rose from her seat. "But seeing you talk to yourself a while ago, you'll be fine," she added, winking at me before turning her back.

     I stared at the orange juice on the table and pondered the invitation. Do I seriously look like an actress? Yeah, an actress' pinky toe.

     After downing the drink, I got out of the coffee shop and walked back to the nightclub. A panicking Dong Jun greeted me outside. When he saw me approaching, he rushed toward me and squeezed me tight.

     "Where the hell have you been?" he asked after breaking the hug, anxiety evident in his voice. "I'll call Emma and Eric and tell them you're here. We're going home."

     Just as he was about to dial in his phone, I held his arm to stop him. "I can just go home by myself. No need to call them. I'm sorry if I ruined your night," I apologized.

     "I'll take you home. There's no point in calling Emma, anyway. For sure, she doesn't want to go home until G-Dragon does," he said.

     "What? What are you talking about?" I asked in confusion.

     "Oh, maybe you were in the restroom when he came," he reckoned.

     "G-Dragon is here?" I repeated.

     "Yeah. Unless he's already gone," he replied.

     Just like that, I ran inside the club as fast as I could. I made my way in front of the DJ and, before I could even go past the people near him, I already spotted the person I was looking for, just a few feet away from the DJ, partying it up with a huge bottle of liquor in his hand. I just froze there, wanly watching him sway and bob his head around. His hair was now black and I liked it that way. I could only see his side and the tattoo on his neck, but it was enough temptation. I clenched my fists as I held myself back from going up there to pull him into an embrace. But, right then, to my surprise, he lighted a cigarette, making my brows furrow in perplexity. I didn't know that he actually smokes in real life. Did I really know anything about him at all?

     When it occurred to me that he was about to face my direction, although he was busy partying it up, I turned my back to him. I don't want him to see me now. Not in this state. If he can forget about me and be happy like this, so can I.

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