I have mixed-feelings about this day. On one side, I feel extremely happy and grateful that this day happened. This is something that every fan of G-Dragon dreams of having. But it was me. It happened to me. What were the odds of us meeting and spending the rest of our day together?

On the other side, it made me heartbroken and despondent. What if after this day, I will keep on hoping that we will meet again? What if I will keep craving for his warm, tight hugs? For his childish antics? For his entrancing laugh? For his alluring smile? For his soothing voice? For him?

It was hopeless. I am hopeless. I let him break down my walls that I so rigorously built and religiously protected. Now I have nothing but happy memories that would make me rather depressed every time I remember them.

He held my shoulder suddenly that made me almost jump in my seat. His other hand remained tight in the steering wheel. I looked at him but he didn't. He pursed his lips as he drove intently after retracting his arm.

My thoughts were wandering in the deepest crevice of curiosity. Why would he do such gesture? Is he telling me something indirectly? I really need to work on my body language and communication skills.

I gave in to the temptation to satisfy my persistent curiosity not a couple of minutes later.

"Why?" I asked, my eyes not leaving the perfect contour of his face. At least the right side of it.

It took him a few seconds to reply. "Nothing. You looked like you were bothered by something so I just wanted to remind you that I'm here." he said, glancing at me.

It didn't make me feel at ease at all. Why would he think so? Am I an open book already? I was so good at not showing my emotions, if I even had one. And what did he think that was troubling me? Did he think that it was because of him leaving after he takes me back to my dorm? Or the mere thought of this day ending?

Before my brain could even come up with a dozen more questions, I mentally kicked myself. Come on, Maki, what happened to your mantra?

I cleared my throat as I gazed at him. "Okay. But no worries. I'm fine. I just forgot to buy something." I lied.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Notebook." I really need a notebook. Seriously. It's just that, I didn't plan on buying it today because I went out this morning thinking of just eating breakfast.

"Oh. I'm sorry." he apologized, giving me a quick glance.

"Nah. It's okay. I can go buy it tomorrow." I told him.

We slowly came into a stop as we reached the gate nearest to our dorms. He switched off the engine and then immediately got out of the car after wearing his hood up, as I gathered the things that he bought me. I stuffed them inside my bag since it only contained my phone, wallet and other stuff of negligible size.

GD opened the door for me. A lump formed down my throat at the thought of him doing this simple gesture for me for the last time.

"It was a great day." he told me as I fixed myself after getting out of the car. He gave me a small smile. I'm not sure if I'm hallucinating or what but I can see sadness in his eyes. He might just be telling the truth then, that he really thinks that this was a great day.

"Indeed." I replied curtly. I smiled when it seemed like he was waiting for me to.

It was one of those sad and awkward farewells that lovers who just broke up would have after both agreeing to part ways. Sad because after spending so much time in happiness - and sadness - together, it only came to an end. After knowing each other's secrets and bad habits, after making memories together, after getting used to each other's antics, it still ended. What's worse is that you both had a hint that the relationship would end inevitably, despite the countless promises of staying with each other's side no matter how huge the problem is, because it's where you both find comfort.

Awkward because you are both clueless as to how you're going to say the actual farewells. How you're going to break the eye-contact. How you're going to turn your back and walk away. How you're going to end the conversation in the first place.

But GD and I, we were no lovers. We were strangers who randomly met and then enjoyed each other's company. But we didn't get to know each other well. We were still strangers when we made those precious memories. That's what's hurting me the most. We stayed strangers. We never made past the hellos and goodbyes.

But what am I even thinking? What am I even expecting? He's a star. I'm just a sprout on the ground. Friendship with him is far beyond my reach. All I need to do now is be thankful that everything that happened today actually happened.

"Come on, Maki. Stop thinking too much." he said suddenly. Now I'm certain that I've actually become an open book, which is not good for me at all, considering all of my efforts to not feel any emotion or attachment to anyone.

My gaze reached his eyes and it remained there. This may be the last time that I'm able to see his eyes this close. I might as well make the most out of it.

I slowly lifted my right hand to initiate a hug. But he quickly grabbed me before I could even move it a foot higher. Yes, he practically grabbed me because I was hurt in the process. But I don't mind at all.

"I had so much fun today, Maki." he told me. "Ahh. Why did it have to end so fast?"

I clenched my fist as I tightly hugged him back to prevent myself from crying. I'm not going to bawl in front of this person, of all people. Not a chance.

I was the one who broke the hug when I saw someone enter the gate. We're parked only a few meters away. If she recognized GD, we're screwed.

"I had so much fun today too." I told him, smiling. "Thank you so much."

"My pleasure." He ruffled my hair one last time.

I gave him a smile one last time before I turned my back.

My heart was heavy as I took each step away from him. The force that makes me want to run towards him is so strong I had to hold my bag's shoulder straps tight to hold myself back.

"Maki!" he shouted from behind.

I was so overwhelmed by the fact that he actually called out my name before I could even reach the gate that I immediately looked back at him, like I had been relentlessly waiting for him to do so. It was one of those dramatic scenes in Korean Dramas for all I care.

He closed the gap between us with huge steps at a brisk pace.

I thought he was going to hug me again but it turns out, he was just reaching for my bag. He found a ballpoint pen inside my bag's front pocket and took the cap off and then stuck it on the other end of the pen.

He took my right hand and held it as he proceeded to write something on my wrist.

His phone number. I don't know what to feel.

"Call me." he said before ruffling my hair again. He flashed me a big smile before turning on his heel. I also smiled from ear to ear as I watched him walk away.

"Ya!" I called out.

He stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around and asked, "Wae?"

"My pen." I demanded.

"Oh. I'm keeping this." he informed me as he waved my pen just before entering his rented car.

No, not my favorite pen. Chances are, the keeper would eventually be my favorite person too.

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I hope you liked this chapter! 😍

xoxo