I slowly pressed the ring button, patiently waiting for someone to open the door for me. It was scorching hot at the moment and I could not help myself from sweating too much; the clothes that I was wearing almost drenched with sweats, making me uncomfortable with the current weather.

Moment later, I heard the sound of door being clicked from the inside before being opened then, revealing someone who was slightly surprised to see me standing in front of the door.

“Irene!”

My lip curved into a small grin as I waved my hand towards her. “Am I interrupting you for coming here without telling you first?” I asked her then, stepping inside her living place with her following me behind then.

She quickly shook her head, a big, happy smile formed on her lip. “Of course not! I’m really happy to see you here. It just that – I thought you still mad at me for what happened before. You know...” she shrugged then, looking at me under her lashes.

I glanced at her then, shaking my head before letting out a small chuckle. “Well, now I’m here. I just want to make it up for you. I feel bad for yelling at you the other day. I know that I shouldn’t do that. It was also my fault, sorry.” I apologized, not knowing what I felt like so flat and no emotion at all when I was apologizing towards her.

Seulgi flashed her bright smile towards me, skipping her way closer to me then. “I’m really glad to hear that. Irene, you don’t know how afraid I felt when we fought the other day. I thought that you really mean what you said before; about breaking up and having some time alone. I can’t imagine if you ever being serious about that.” Seulgi murmured, her expression looked like a burden just lifted up from her shoulder.

I did not know what to answer though, only my lip could return a sweet smile at her.

“You’re not working today?” I asked her, noticing her clothes at the moment. She was wearing a simple white button upfront tee with half-knee dark brown shorts; her hair was styled into messy bun. I just got back from picking up some documents which required for a case that I’m working on at the moment, and knowing that Seulgi’s place just nearby, I decided to have a visit on her.

It’s been like almost a week I did not contact with her at all. I really meant it when I said that I needed some space and time alone when both of us had a fight that other day. I knew that I was overreacted the other day. When I thought about our fought, I did not think it was fully Seulgi’s fault since it was also mine. I mean – I did not visit her for like a period of time thanks to my hectic and pack schedule. Seulgi did text and call me even though her calls were always went to my voice not.

I also thought that the other reason why I was so furious the time when both of us were fighting was probably because I had a busy time on that day and plus with my already exhausted body, it just sum up everything why I had the guts to yell at Seulgi even though I know it was inappropriate.

Poor Seulgi for being the victim of my suddenly tantrum. Sometimes, I felt like Seulgi being too patience with me. She mostly will give in whenever both of us have a fight or misunderstanding or something like that. I did not know the reason why though.

Is it because the love feeling that she feels for me just too big? Or is it me the one that selfishly think only about myself and not about us?

Is it?

“Hello? Irene? Are you there?”

My own thoughts were interrupted when Seulgi’s hand waved few times in front of me; my eyes flickered towards her then, seeing her raising both of her eyebrows.

“I’m sorry. Did you say anything?” I asked her then, looking at her.

“Are you okay? You look kind of distracted.” she asked me, her bright smile still on her lip.

I tried to give my best smile although I think both of us knew that it wasn’t a convincing one at all. “Have you eaten, anyway? If you want, I can order something for both of us.” Seulgi said then. I shook my head, not in the mood yet to eat something at the moment.

“By the way, you still did not answer my question. Don’t you work today?” I asked her, taking a seat on her couch in the living room then. “I’m working half day today which is fortunate for you, Irene – because you might probably going to wait for me until I finish my shift time. I still can’t believe that you’re here!” Seulgi happily exclaimed, taking both of my hands in her grip then, flashing her teeth towards me.

I could only smile back at Seulgi, feeling a bit of guilty feel growing inside my heart.

If only you know the real reason why I come here, Seulgi. If only…

“So... You’re saying that – I’m sorry, Irene, but are you really sure? You’re not lying, right?” I rolled my eyes annoyingly, scoffing with irritation.

What the hell is wrong with my friend today? How many times did she wants me to repeat about that?!

“Jinah, I’m ing warn you if you ask me the same thing again, I’m leaving!” I said in stern voice, giving my sharp glare towards Jinah who only chuckled in respond. “You know what? Have anyone tell you that sometimes certain people look hotter when they are mad. I think you’re also in that category.” Jinah told me, pointing her index finger at my face directly.

I snapped her finger away, purposely ogling my eyes towards her. “Jinah, please, be serious? I’m in a big hell problem here and all you do just keep asking whether I’m sure or not. Worst, you did not help me at all to try solve this damn thing!” I told her in frustration, frowning at her.

Jinah threw a look at me then.

“Then, what do you mean to do? It’s not like I can help this problem. Besides, I think both; you and I know that this problem is nowhere to go. So, if you want me to help you by solving it, then how? Tell me, Irene. How on earth you want me to try help you solve this thing?” Jinah questioned me back, raising both of her eyebrows.

I scowled at Jinah then. “Well – at least, help me to think about other thing rather than that thing! Do you know what I feel right now? I couldn’t even look at him the way I used to. It’s going to be worst if he ever knows about this!” I told Jinah, biting my lip.

Jinah let out a small chuckle, shaking her head slowly.

“Then, that only mean one thing.” she quietly muttered, smiling at me.

I looked at her in confusion, at first did not get it what she was trying to say to me before realization hit me. “No! No, no! No way, I’m falling in love with him! ing hell no, Jinah!” I said towards Jinah, almost like half-yelling directly at her face.

“I’m not saying that. You’re the one who did. Besides, what if it’s true then? What the big deal?” she asked me, as if it wasn’t a big problem at all to fell in love with him.

Damn.

“Because I hate him. I don’t like him and I never look him or feel that kind of way towards him. Come on, you know me, right? You think I’m going to fell for him after almost four years of disaster marriage? I don’t think so!” I replied back sarcastically.

“What makes you so certain with yourself that you hate him? Tell me, Irene. Ask from the deep of your heart; do you really despise him that much that not even a bit of space in your heart has spot for him? Do you, Bae Irene?” the question Jinah asked me made me zipped my mouth in shut.

I stared long at Jinah, not knowing what to give for an answer about her question earlier.

“Trust me, no matter how much you hate him; deep inside I know there a slightly space in your heart that is specifically for him, right? It just that your big, fool egoistic attitude the one that don’t want to admit it. So what if you dream about him? It’s not like you’re committing a damn crime.” Jinah murmured quietly then.

“Irene, that dream you have about him is not just a dream. You dream making love with him!” Jinah continued to talk in slow voice, looking at me. “Do you ever realize that you’re actually seeing him in other different way? I don’t mean here that you fell in love with him just by dreaming that thing. What I’m trying to tell you here is that, you’re not looking at your husband the way you used before. It might not be love right now; probably just a better perception about him compared to what you thought about him before.”

I pressed my lip, could only let myself hearing to Jinah’s word; did not know where my voice had gone to. “But still, I don’t get it. You said that you never dream about this, not even about him; but then, here you go – the first time you ever dream about him is making love with him. W