ANGST. A LOT OF ANGST. And this is my way of trying to cope with my grandmother who also has Alzheimer's. :( And thought I don't know much about it, I know that it's really hard being patient with them. Shout out to all the people out there who has a loved one with this disease. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. 

Prompt: Sehun has Alzheimer's.  Luhan struggles to keep their memories alive; top!Luhan (mentions of mpreg. don't read if you don't like)

Word count: 2,388

"Sehun, love, your food is ready." 

"Food? I already ate." 

Luhan smiles sadly, tucking his hands under Sehun's armpits and lifting him up. "You didn't. Come." Luhan walks Sehun into the kitchen and pulls out a chair for him. "Sit." 

Sehun listens, watching Luhan's movements with wide eyes. "What time is it?" he asks. 

"It's 7:59," Luhan answers. 

"Oh..." Sehun mumbles. "I ate already," he says once Luhan places his scrambled eggs in front of him. 

"No, you didn't, Sehun-ah." 

"Yeah I did!" Sehun frowns. "I was eating cereal while watching the morning drama." 

"The morning drama comes on at 8:30," Luhan says. He sits down next to Sehun and begins his breakfast. "Eat, Sehun-ah." 

"I'm not hungry..." 

"Love, it's not good for your health to be skipping breakfast," Luhan reasons. 

"I already ate! I'm not hungry and I can take care of myself!" Sehun pushes the plate onto the floor. "I don't need your help!" 

Luhan blinks tears out of his eyes as he pushes his chair out and kneels down on the floor, picking up the broken plate. He cuts his finger on a small piece, but ignores it. He wipes the blood on his pants and continues his task. Sehun watches him with questioning eyes. Throwing the pieces away, he takes a towel to clean up the food. 

"What's your name?" Sehun asks once Luhan is done. 

"Luhan." Luhan smiles softly. "Do you want breakfast?" 

Sehun thinks about it. "Yes, please." 

Luhan knows that their relationship is like that plate Sehun smashed: broken. But Luhan is doing whatever he can, by picking up the broken pieces and putting them back together. 

"How does this work?" 

Luhan leaves his desk to come into the bathroom. He finds Sehun standing there, pointing at the bathtub, covering himself with a towel. 

"I don't know what to do. There are so many knobs and stuff." 

"It's okay. I'll do it for you." Luhan nudges Sehun aside and sits down on the edge of the bathtub. He turns on the water and tests it with his hand. When he deems it warm enough, he stands. "Is this warm enough?"

Sehun shuffles over to Luhan's side and sticks his hand in. "Yea." 

Luhan moves to the side. "Do you want me to stay here or go outside?" he asks. 

"Uh...stay," Sehun replies meekly. His cheeks are dusted pink as he talks. 

Luhan sits down on toilet cover and takes Sehun's towel. "Go ahead, love." 

Sehun sinks into the water and sighs in bliss. "It's so warm." 

Luhan smiles. "Bathe fast, alright?" 

Sehun nods. After scrubbing himself for a while, he finally turns to Luhan, as if seeing him there for the first time. "Oh, who are you?" 

Sehun's asked him that countless times, but it doesn't fail to hurt every time he does. 

"Sehun-ah." 

"Hmm?" Sehun looks up from his book. 

"Do you want to watch your morning drama?" Luhan asks. He plops down beside Sehun on the sofa. 

"What morning drama?" Sehun questions. His eyebrows are furrowed slightly, lips jut out in a slight pout. 

Luhan reaches a hand out to pinch one of Sehun's cheeks. "The one with Jo Insung." 

Sehun scrunches up his face and pretends to bite Luhan's hand. "Who's Jo Insung?" 

"Never mind." Sehun stares at Luhan's face for a few more moments before turning back to his book.

Luhan scoots closer to Sehun side and puts an arm around Sehun's shoulders. He leans his head in and rests his head on Sehun's shoulders. "Do you remember our kids? They're coming over today." 

"Kids? We have kids?" 

"Yea. There's Jongin and Jongdae and-" 

"Joon?" 

"Yea, Joonmyeon." Luhan smiles fondly. "Do you remember why you used to call him that?" 

"Lee Joon!" 

Luhan laughs. "Yea. You used to say you liked him more than you liked me." 

"You're Luhan right? Luhannie?" Sehun's eyes are bright. Luhan swallows the lump in his throat as he nods. His eyes become moist. Sehun actually remembers his name this time. "We're married!" Sehun exclaims. Sehun drops the book onto the floor and jumps onto Luhan's lap.

"We're married..." 

"Dad, no, don't do that!" 

Sehun flinches at Jongin's voice. 

"Jongin! Don't yell at him!" Luhan scolds. He takes the glass of orange juice away from Sehun. "That's not how you eat that, Sehun-ah. You don't put that in with rice." 

"Oh..." Sehun murmurs. 

Joonmyeon casts Yifan a look, but says nothing. Jongin glares at Sehun while Jongdae nudges his youngest brother to remind him to behave. Luhan wipes some spilled juice off of Sehun's hand. 

"Grandpa, do you want me to feed you?" Sohyun chirps. 

Sehun looks at Jongin, at Sohyun, and then looks down at his food. "I'm not hungry," he whispers as he begins to cry.  

"Jongin-" 

"Why does he act like that? It's so annoying and I really can't deal with him doing stupid things like that!" 

"He's sick, okay? And don't talk about your father like that," Luhan snaps. 

Jongin rolls his eyes. "He's annoying. He acts like a little kid that needs to be watched 24/7." 

"Jongin!" 

"Dad, I know. It's disrepectful to talk about him like that, but I'm just stating the truth. I really find these weekend family dinners burdensome." 

Luhan's jaw drops as Jongin leaves the room. He hears Sehun ask, "Where are you going? Do you want to stay for dinner?" before the front door slams closed. 

"Where's my book?" 

"I don't know. Didn't you leave it in our room last night?" 

"I can't find it. Did you take it?" 

Luhan shakes his head. 

Sehun frowns. "You must have taken it. No one else was in the house." 

"I wouldn't take your book, love." Luhan knows this was going to go on for a while. Sehun doesn't back down when it comes to arguments like these. 

"But where is it then?!" Sehun flops onto the sofa. "Where is it?" 

"I don't know. But I'll help you find it." Luhan sits down beside Sehun. "We'll find it," he says, nodding earnestly. 

"You need to take your medication, Sehun-ah." Luhan holds out a glass of water. 

"For what? Am I sick?" 

Luhan opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. 

"Wait...I am right?" Sehun bites his lip. "Sometimes, I forget things, things that are really easy to remember. I forget dates, times, names. I forget faces and places I put things." Sehun his lips. "That's why I have to take my medication, right?" 

Luhan nods, choking out a "yea." 

Sehun smiles. "Okay. If that means I can remember who you are and why you're here. I'll take it." 

The sound of Luhan's heart breaking echoes in his ears.

"We all know he's sick, Dad, but seriously, you're aging too. You can't watch him all day," Jongdae explains. 

"We're planning to put him in a senior home and you can move in with one of us." 

Luhan is scandalized. "What?" 

"Dad-" 

"No. Absolutely not. How dare you even think of a thing like that!" 

"Dad, let us ex-" 

"No. You don't know what it's like. You don't know what it's going to feel like for me. I'm not going to be able to see him! You can't take him from me!" Luhan screams. 

Yifan peeks his head in and shoos Joonmyeon and Jongdae out, murmuring, "I'll talk to him." 

Luhan is crying silently into his hands when Yifan wraps his arms around his father-in-law's body. 

"Dad? Can I talk to you?" 

Luhan wipes his eyes and nods. 

"We're doing this for you. It might seem heartless and cruel, but after you wait a while, you'll see how beneficial it will be for both of you. Dad with get the care he needs and you will get to relax and live comfortably. You can still visit him and talk to him over the phone. You won't be separated." 

"It's not the fact that you're sending him away, it's the fact that he'll be so different in such a new place. He needs me. You can't take him away." 

"Dad..." 

"Yifan, what if one day you woke up and Joonmyeon didn't remember a thing about you? He doesn't remember your name, he doesn't remember how you met...what would you do?" 

"I...I would try to make him remember..." Yifan answers slowly. 

"That's exactly what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to salvage our broken pieces. I'm trying to help him remember. You don't now how much it hurts when he asks, 'Who are you?' or 'What's your name?' You don't know the feeling when he remembers something from so long ago and recites it back to you. You don't know the smile on his face when I remind him of memories of when we were young. You just don't know." 

"Grampa, why doesn't Grandpa remember me?" Sohyun wriggles in Luhan's lap as she snuggles closer into his chest. 

"He's sick, Sohyun-ah." 

"Sick? How? He looks normal to me." 

"He doesn't remember anything," Luhan explains. "That's why we have to take care of him." 

"Sohyun-ah, we have to go now," Yifan calls. Sohyun jumps of Luhan's lap and into her father's arms. "Dad, we'll be back in a week to take you to our place," he says. 

Joonmyeon appears next to him. "We'll take Dad to the senior home next week too." 

Luhan chokes up. "Okay." 

"Sehun-ah." 

The frown on Sehun's face is still etched on his expression as he pulls his eyes away from the TV remote. "Hmm?" 

"Do you want to look at something?" 

"Sure." 

Luhan sits down next to Sehun and puts an album on his lap. He opens up the front page and smiles fondly at the memories. "This was us in high school." He points at the picture of them hand in hand, holding a bouquet of flowers and their diplomas. "This was when we graduated." 

"This was when we first moved in together," Sehun whispers. 

"Yea. And this was when you found out you were pregnant." 

"With Joonmyeon?" 

"Yea." Luhan Sehun's hair. "And this?" 

"This was us decorating his room." 

"You remember." 

Sehun nods. "And this was us on our wedding day right? With Kyungsoo and Yixing." 

Luhan bites his lip to hold back his tears. "And this was when Joonmyeon was born." 

Sehun smiles. "This is you right?" Sehun points at the person holding Joonmyeon in his arms. 

"Yea. That's me." 

"When was this?" 

"When we found out that we were expecting yet another child." Luhan kisses Sehun's temple softly. "I miss those days." Luhan turns the page. "And this was when our second son was born. Do you remember his name?" 

Sehun frowns, trying to remember, only to come up empty. 

"Jongdae." 

"Jongdae," Sehun repeats. 

Luhan nods. "This one?" 

"Hmm...No..." Sehun mumbles as he shakes his head. 

"Your father's funeral." 

"Oh...what about this one?" 

"This was when Joonmyeon graduated kindergarten and Jongin was on the way." 

"Are there more pictures of us?" Sehun asks. He leans his head on Luhan's shoulder. "I want to look at you." 

Luhan flips to the back of the book where more recent pictures were stored. One with them at Joonmyeon and Yifan's wedding. Another holding newborn Sohyun in their arms. One more with Luhan running after Sohyun. 

"We're married right?" Sehun asks out of the blue. He surveys the band on his ring finger. 

"Yea....we're married." 

"Dad? Are you ready?" 

Luhan holds Sehun's hand as he helps him to the door. Joonmyeon takes Luhan's bags and Yifan takes Sehun's. Luhan put on Sehun's shoes and brings him to the car, carrying his own pair in the other hand. Yifan gets into the driver's seat and Joonmyeon gets into the passenger's. 

"Luhannie, where are we going?" 

"We're going on a trip," Luhan says. His voice cracks in the middle of his sentence. 

"Where? Where are you taking us, Jongdae." 

"Joonmyeon," Luhan corrects. 

"Oh. Joon?" 

"We're going to a place where you can meet new people, Dad. You'll live there from now on and you'll have people help you with things." 

"Really?" Sehun turns to look at Luhan. "Are you coming too?" 

"No. This is trip is special. It's just for you." 

"Oh." Sehun juts out his lower lip. "It would be great if you could come. What's your name again?" 

"Luhan." 

"Grampa, why aren't you eating?" Sohyun asks. 

"Not really hungry, Sohyun-ah." 

"Dad, we can visit him if you want," Joonmyeon suggests. 

Luhan moves his food around his plate before sighing. "Whatever..." 

"Are you Mr. Kim? Son of Oh Sehun?" 

"No, this is his husband speaking." 

"We don't want to alarm you, but Mr. Oh has been admitted to the local hospital." 

Luhan's eyes widen as he drops the phone. Sohyun bounces in from the backyard and asks, "What's wrong, Grandpa?" 

"Get your father," Luhan chokes out. "We need to go." 

"He was wandering around the gardens, and he made it very clear that he didn't want anyone with him. So we followed from afar, just to be safe. He walked for a really long time without stopping, mumbling, 'Luhan, where are you? I miss you,' over and over again. And then he collasped." 

Luhan was sobbing at this point into Jongin's shoulders. Sehun was hooked up to different machines and he looked so pale. It didn't look like the Oh Sehun Luhan was used to. 

"Daddy, what's wrong with Grandpa?" 

"He's sick, remember?" 

"Oh...Is he going to be okay? I miss hearing his voice." 

I miss it too, Luhan thinks. I miss everything.

When Sehun dies, Luhan is helpless. He cries for days on end, refusing food or drink. Sohyun can only keep his tears away for so long until Luhan is reminded of something and begins to cry again. He misses Sehun so much. With their last days spent together fuzzy in his mind, Luhan struggles to live with the fact that he never got to hear Sehun's voice after that one day they dropped him off. Luhan gathers all the pieces, all the fragments of Sehun and puts them together like a puzzle. Sehun's smile, Sehun's laugh, Sehun's pout, Sehun's questioning, sparkling eyes, Sehun's body, Sehun's life. Luhan was nothing without Sehun, just as Sehun was nothing without Luhan. 

Luhan lives his last days thinking about how Sehun's last words were, "Luhan, where are you? I miss you." 

Because Sehun remembered.

This was really hard for me to write because I just kept crying, omg.