Chapter 6

Flashback

Five months ago.

I was stretching with Sunny Unnie and Sooyoung Unnie before we begin our rehearsals for the SMTOWN concert here in Thailand. Other Unnies are resting and laughing at the same time, listening to Hyoyeon Unnie's practice in speaking Thai. She sounds funny.

“Hey Changmin, because you ditched us the last time we went drinking, you’re going to pay for our snacks today.” I heard Kyuhyun Oppa talking. He's just a few meters behind us, eating with other SM Oppas.

Changmin Oppa laughed. “Arasseo. Who paid last time when you went out?” 

“Yonghwa did.” Kuyhyun Oppa answered.

It was automatic for me to feel flushes all over me every time I hear Yonghwa Oppa’s name. 

“Oh, so he went with you. Well, he has a lot of money. He doesn’t mind paying.”

They laughed and joked around. Saying that Jonghyun Oppa went with them too and told about his funny experience at the bar.

“And right, have you heard the news?” Minho said. “That Yonghwa and Lee Yoon Mi are dating.”

I didn’t hear the next words they utter. They started to whisper. Everything around me froze and I stood there without motion. Did I hear that right, or was I just hallucinating?

When I became conscious again of my surroundings, I noticed that all my Unnies also stopped talking. They were also just blankly staring at each other, expressions are in disbelief. 'Did you hear what I heard?' I want to ask them that, but words couldn't come out of my mouth.

“Maknae-ah...” Jessica Unnie walked toward me and wrapped her arm on my waist. I tried to smile at her. 

Taeyeon Unnie stretched out her hand, “Come, Seohyun-ah... let's start practicing. Girls..." She turned to the other Unnies. I held Taeyeon Unnie's  hand and followed her. I felt like I was being dragged to nowhere, it felt like all my energy was suddenly consumed. 

While the rest of the Unnies followed, no one talked. No one asked. Were they surprised like how I am?

After our SMTOWN concert in Thailand, we went back to Seoul and as usual, fulfill our schedules. I kept working harder than ever the following days after we came back. I tried my best to focus on my work. Somehow, after the SMTOWN concert, something inside me was so heavy that I was a little scared of going back to Seoul. And that feeling continued.

I kept hearing questions from my Unnies every single day after we’re back from Thailand, asking if I was okay. And I just tell them the same answer. I kept lying that I was okay, to them and to myself.

After a busy schedule for a month, finally, the agency allowed us to have a three days off. Since I have no school anymore, I just thought about staying in the dorm for the next three days. My parents are also out of the country so there's really no one to visit in the apartment.

“Maknae! Look!” Yoona Unnie sat in front of me happily while I was eating my soup for breakfast on a cold December morning.

I stared carefully at what she was holding.

She carefully slid the ticket on the table towards me. I looked at her intently, speechless.

“That is for you. We bought it for you. “ She said with firmness. 

“But Unnie... I..”

“No but’s, no excuses Maknae!” Tiffany butted in while she waits for her toasted bread on the kitchen counter. “You will go.”

I didn’t know what to say but stubborn as I am, I insisted, “I can’t go. I shouldn’t go. Thanks for the offer, anyway. I’ll just pay you back in exchange of the ticket you bought, Unnie."

Yoona Unnie pouted her lips, looking upset. “We don’t want your money. We want you to be there.”

“But Unnie, you know I can’t, right? And I shouldn’t go.” I answered calmly.

“You said you can’t, you said you shouldn’t, but you never said you didn’t want to go.” Tiffany Unnie pointed out. 

“And didn’t we attend the Blue Night concert they had four years ago? So what’s stopping you from going now? The rest of the members are going anyway." Yoona Unnie defended.

Yes we did attend their Blue Night concert on 2012 and it was fine when people saw us. Although I didn’t f