Chapter 28

Hyun,

How have you been? I wish I could couple this letter with a bouquet of white tulips that suit you well. How's your Christmas? Mine, it's pretty lonely here today. I still can't believe that it's already been a year since I started my military service. Since 'celebrity units' have been dissolved for a long time now, I rarely see my dongsaengs after we were assigned to different provinces. I miss them. But I've been missing you more. 

This is my 365th letter. I’m sure I don’t lose count because I’ve been writing you every single day since I came here. Because military service is stricter now, and we're not allowed to have any civilian contacts, sometimes I feel like I'm dying just thinking of you. I wanted to know what you're doing, where you are or who you are with...but I guess you don't want me to know, since I haven't received any single reply from you. But that's okay. I understand. But I want you to now how much I miss you everyday. And the negative temperature here on our barracks is making me think of you more. 

Hyun, are you still mad at me? Haven’t you forgiven me from all the mistakes I did? Yes, I guess I deserve all of it and I’ve learned to accept it. Maybe it takes a lot of maturity and I am really trying to grow and accept things the way they are. I guess the harsh treatment here in the army makes me numb from pain sometimes.... how I wish all kinds of wounds will just be like a minute of pain, then it'll heal the next minute. I wish I could do that to all the pain I've caused you all these years. But still, I will never get tired of saying I'm sorry for everything.

Can I tell you a secret Hyun? I’ll tell you my Christmas wish this year... I wish that you’re smiling right now. That's all I want; your happiness. I just want you to be happy. Take care Hyun. And know that you're on my mind everyday.

                                                                                                                                                                              -Yonghwa

P.S. Since it’s Christmas, can I be selfish and have one more wish? This might be too much to ask but I wish, that even for a minute, even just a minute, I wish you'll think of me. Just 60 seconds will do Hyun.

 I reread the letter for the nth time before putting it to the white box on my desk. Even after a year, I still feel twinge in my heart everytime I receive Yong Oppa's letter from the army. When Lee Yoon Mi told me about the military service of the boys, I tried to see Yong Oppa only to find out that he's in Busan to spend his last days before enlistment. And I also had overseas commitment that time. I just saw pictures of them from the fans who send them off the army.

“Maknae, dinner's ready.” Yuri Unnie peeked on the room. 

“Ne, Unnie. I’m coming.” 

Tiffany Unnie clears her throat and elbowed me slightly while we were eating dinner, “So, what’s on the letter this time?” She whispered.

“Fany!” Taeyeon Unnie stopped her when she noticed us. 

“What? I’m just asking.” Tiffany Unnie defended.

Sunny Unnie rolled her eyes and stomped her chopsticks on the table, “Do you think it’s still appropriate to talk about that guy? For heaven's sake Seohyun has a boyfriend already. Move on Tiffany!"

Tiffany Unnie pouted her lips, “I didn’t say anything bad. I just asked.”

“And do you think Daehan would be pleased to know that you’re still asking Maknae about Yonghwa after all this time?” Taeyeon Unnie asked.

“Aish! What’s wrong with you people? Fine. I won’t talk anymore.” Tiffany Unnie answered. 

“Ya!... Stop it, okay? We don’t have to argue about this.” Yuri Unnie stopped all of them. 

I stayed silent because I don’t know what to say. Then we finished dinner with silence. I went back to the room immediately and practice my script from my musical 'Chicago' next month. After an hour or two...

“Knock, knock...” Sooyoung Unnie said while knocking at the door, “Daehan is here.” 

I nodded my head. “Tell him I’m coming Unnie.”

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“Hyung!” Woojin startled me while I seat on the porch of our barracks, facing North Korea. 

“Yah!” I said as I almost lose grip of the hot coffee I’m holding. “Why do you always come like there’s an emergency, huh?” 

Woojin just laughed at me and handed me a can of soju. Woojin has been my closed buddy here in the army since we were trained together and were both assigned in the same province. He's younger than me so he helps me ease my loneliness every time I miss my dongsaengs.

“Merry Christmas Yonghwa Hyung! Happy New Year too. Cheers!” He held his soju can up and smiled like a boy. I grinned at him as our cans touched. "Waaa... I can't believe I'm spending Christmas with a celebrity." He commented.

“Ya, at least listen to CNBLUE songs before calling me a celebrity. The first time we met you said you only knew FT Island.” 

He laughed, “I told you I was joking that time. It’s because I notice you look different in person.” 

“What do you mean, huh?”

Woojin examined my face jokingly, “You’re more handsome in person. Wait, what? Did I just say that you’re handsome?” 

We laughed like high school boys and talked about our funny experiences in the army. Even our hard times here in the army make us laugh a lot. We can't believe we survived a year.

“You still have that, Hyung?” Woojin asked while looking at my hand.

I was actually holding a picture of Seohyun and I. That picture of us in a train when we were about to travel going to Jeongdongjin beach as a 'newly-wedded couple' on the program. Then I realized it was here; here in this province where I was assigned, in Gangwon-do.

Once again I look at the picture after a sip on my drink. 

“Man, that picture is surely creased and wrinkled already.” Woojin commented. "It's been what? Like 5 or 6 years ago like you said?"

I just smiled at him. 

“Hyung...” He said after drinking, “Now, I know where you get all the emotions from composing songs. Well it was pretty obvious that you like here on that program, you know, the way you look at her. It's expected of course, I mean, she's SNSD after all." 

"I like her not because she's an SNSD member..." I said, while looking at the mountains far away, "I like her because she's Seo Joohyun. Just her. Simply just the person she is."

Woojin nodded his head in amazement, "Right..." He said slowy while lo