CHAPTER 36: CAN YOU GIVE US ANOTHER CHANCE?

PRAY HARD. Daehyun did not bother to wipe the tears that shamelessly streamed down on his cheeks as he anxiously walked back and forth in front of the examination room. He did not even care about the pain that kept shooting up around his fractured ribs and arm when he immensely drowned himself into praying to the almighty to let miracle happen once again. He threw his head to the back and took a deep breath in.

He felt suffocated. He felt hard to breath. His chest moved irregularly as his body shook terribly in fear. The thought of losing his loved ones haunted him and he just wanted this dreadful moment to end. He wanted to turn back time and treated the other right. How could he be so selfish? How could he break his promise to Jongup and Yongguk? Why did he even treat the younger like that? Nothing left him now but regret and fear.

It was such fortunate when Daehyun suddenly woke up from his unintended sleep and saw his medicine on his night stand. Feeling that the throbbing pain would intensify if he did not take the painkillers in time, the young Jung decided to get a water bottle in the kitchen. However, he never thought he would be greeted by the sight of lying Jongup on the floor, unconscious with blood beneath his bottom.

He panicked. No, that was an understatement. He completely freaked out! Wasting no time, he slid down next to the unmoved Jongup and tried to envelop the boy in his arms but failed miserably. His fractured arm would not let him do that. His hands were shaking madly and he thought he had lost his mind when he saw the dark red blood beneath Jongup. He quickly ran back to his room and made a call to emergency line.

He never let go of Jongup’s cold limp hand all the way to the hospital. They were only separated when he was not allow to follow into the examination room. So here he was now, overwhelmed by tears of regret and sorrow. He felt time was painstakingly ticking, and he just could not bear the deafening silence and anxiousness around him. If only he could barged into the room and stood right beside Jongup throughout the examination…

After what seemed like forever, the light of the board with ‘ENGAGED’ letters above the examination room doors was switched off and Daehyun was quick to wait right in front of the doors. His heart was thumping hard and he silently prayed there was just good news. The doors were opened, revealing two doctors in blue scrubs. Daehyun immediately recognized one of the doctors.

“Dr. Ailee! How is Jongup? What about the baby?” Daehyun desperately asked. The doctors exchanged look before said doctor turned to look at the miserable Daehyun.

“Mr. Jung, please after me.” Dr. Ailee gave a small smile before walking out of the emergency section, with Daehyun and the other doctor. Once they both settled in Dr. Ailee’s office, the pretty doctor sighed as she looked back on Jongup’s medical record. Daehyun nervously clasped his hands together and wetted his chapped lips.

“Mr. Jung…”

“Yes?”

“I heard you went for a business trip since last Monday?” Dr. Ailee started to warm up. Daehyun hardly gulped his saliva and trained his eyes on the table. Jongup lied to his doctor. Jongup even covered for him. Daehyun’s guilt and regret multiplied.

“Y-Yes…”

“I understand. It’s inevitable when it comes to work. Did you always get in contact with your wife?” That question trapped Daehyun. He sighed heavily as he shook his head. He could not find his voice to answer the doctor as guilt kept weighing him down.

“Did Mrs. Jung tell you about the extreme cramps he has been experiencing for the past few days?” Daehyun lifted his head up as his brows creased in confusion.

“Cramps?”

“Yes. He’s been having stomach cramps due to exhaustion and stress. During our recent check-up appointment, I’ve already consulted him to not get stress or it would endanger the baby he’s carrying now. Do you have any idea of what’s stressing him out lately, Mr. Jung?” Daehyun rubbed his face with his palm. In no time, his eyes were glassy with tears again. Was he the reason of all this? What have he done to his precious ones? Why did he not consider the fact that Jongup was now carrying their unborn baby? Why was he so thoughtless and heartless?

“Oh Lord…” Daehyun covered his eyes as he cried again. His initial intention was to not worry Jongup that he met with an accident after their so-called ‘fight’. He knew the younger would definitely blame himself for what had happened to him. That was why he did not go back home after coming around a few hours after the accident. What more when he could not really walk steadily and needed Jongdae’s support due to the excruciating pain in his left ribs and arm. What would he tell Jongup if the latter saw him like that?

It would be a lie if he was not missing Jongup and Yongguk. His heart was screaming for them. He wanted the younger to pamper him as he was in pain. He was yearning to feel Jongup’s gentle touch and hear his soft voice. It had gotten worse when he had a fever too. He thought by ignoring Jongup’s calls and texts would lessen his burning desire to have the younger by his side. And his attempt to create a gap between them was just because he did not want the boy to hear his winces and groans that would occasionally escape from his mouth. The expectant mother would definitely worry about him.

Daehyun did not think it thoroughly. He truly did not want the other to ask him questions because he did not know what excuses he would have to give to the boy. And never ever he thought his foolish behaviors would affect Jongup so immensely to the point it endangered Yongguk as well. What Jongdae had been saying to him – that he was a heartless fool for treating Jongup like this – was indeed true. He was so stupid, he admitted it.

“Mr. Jung? Are you okay?” Dr. Ailee asked out of concern.

“How a-are they now, doctor? P-Please tell me.” Daehyun’s voice cracked and shaky. He looked at the doctor worriedly. Dr. Ailee pressed her lips into one thin line before speaking.

“They’ve both passed the critical phase and are stable for now. Mr. Jung, if I were to be honest with you… I’m afraid to say that we won’t be able to save the baby if Mrs. Jung was not sent to the hospital in time. He unfortunately has a few mild signs of miscarriage for the past few days.” Dr. Ailee calmly explained. Daehyun ran his shaky fingers through his disheveled hair. His breath hitched in his throat. His heart sank to the floor instantly.

Miscarriage.

He threw his head to the back and let the tears roll down from the corner of his eyes. Because of him, Jongup was almost miscarried. Because of him, Jongup almost lost his baby. Why was he so cruel?

Daehyun staggered his way to Jongup’s assigned room after his meeting with Dr. Ailee in her office. His mind kept replaying the conversation he had with the younger’s midwife. Before he knew it, he was already standing next to the unconscious Jongup. His knees instantly betrayed him and he harshly fell on his knees. He hung his head low as he was ashamed of the way he treated the other.

“Baby…I’m so sorry.” Daehyun whispered the words repetitively. His trembling hand reached to cradle Jongup’s cold one and kissed it tenderly. A few droplet of his tears fell on the smaller’s hand. His heart clenched tightly upon seeing the younger’s pale face and chapped lips, looking all vulnerable on the bed.

“Yongguk-ah…thank you so much for being strong for us. Please…forgive this idiotic daddy.” For the umpteenth times, Daehyun broke down. Without bothering the agonizing pain in his rib, he kept kneeling down and muttering apology to his precious ones while bawling his eyes out.

Somewhere around midnight, the expectant mother fluttered his tired eyes open. Daehyun who had been waiting for the younger to come around, jolted from the chair and squeezed Jongup’s hand delicately, indirectly telling the latter he was there. Jongup tried to adjust his blurry vision with the bright surrounding. He was lightheaded and the bright lights on the ceiling irritated him.

“B-Baby?”

Jongup confusedly turned his head around and was greeted by a worried Daehyun. The latter sighed in relief when he saw the response. He quickly pressed the call button that was right next to the pillow and subconsciously leaned down to kiss Jongup’s forehead. Jongup’s sensitive sense detected a very distinct smell of disinfectant and his brows unconsciously creased.

“W-Where are we?”

“Hos-pital.” Jongup took a few seconds to register his surrounding and remember everything before panickly tugging on Daehyun’s hand. He abruptly moved as he wanted to get up only to wince in pain the next second. He unthinkingly used the hand with IV drip attached to it to push himself from the bed. Gukkie, my baby!

“Angel!” Daehyun held Jongup’s shoulder, refraining the other to not move around so much. Jongup was desperately feeling his baby bump and could not stop crying when he could not feel his middle part. Did he lose his baby? Did he?

“H-Hyung…Guk-kie…my Gukkie…” Jongup’s teary eyes looked directly into Daehyun’s, asking for an immediate answer. His hand tightly gripped Daehyun’s.

Just when Daehyun wanted to reply him, they were interrupted by two nurses who rushed into the room. Sensing that the patient was not stable, one of the nurses went out and left another one to help Daehyun to calm the boy down.

The young Jung gingerly caressed the back of Jongup’s hand with his thumb. It had been a traumatizing moment for the latter. It hurt him to see the tears that rolled down from the beautiful eyes. And it hurt him more when he was the one who made the other cry like there was no tomorrow. Daehyun sighed heavily as he trained his eyes on Jongup’s belly. He could not be more thankful that the baby was safe and sound in his mommy’s womb.

Jongup had been sleeping since he was sedated a few hours ago. It pained Daehyun so much to see the younger’s vulnerable state and continued to blame himself. As he was waiting for Jongup to wake up again, he had used the time to reflect on his behaviors and came up with a conclusion. As much as he hated it, he needed to accept the fact that he was not good enough for Jongup and Yongguk. He did not deserve such precious people in his life. His unforgettable mistake was unacceptable. He should accept it if Jongup hated him after this.

“It’s not…it’s not that you don’t deserve me, b-baby. I broke my promise to always be there for you and Gukkie. I d-don’t deserve you…” Daehyun muttered, barely audible. He fixed his eyes on their hands and could not stop thinking they were perfectly fit together.

“I left you alone…I made you cry…I made you almost los—” he stopped himself instantly and shook his head.

“I-I just don’t deserve you, ba—J-Jongup-ah.”

Daehyun hardly swallowed the lump in his throat. He cleared his throat while holding back the tears that threatened to roll down. I should stop calling him baby. It will just make him hate me more.

“I’m sorry…Gukkie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for ignoring you and your mommy. It was the biggest mistake I made to you and-and…I’ve failed to be a good f-father to you, Yongguk-ah.” The young Jung leaned forward as he regretfully said those words. It took him all the strength he had in him to not address himself as Daddy anymore. He had hurt the baby enough, and he should know where he should stand now.

“M-Maybe your mommy w-was right…we aren’t m-meant to be t-together.”

A sob was unexpectedly heard, surprising Daehyun who was so immersed in his self-remorse. It was definitely not him and when he snapped his head to the source, he was taken aback by the sight greeted him. Jongup had tears staining his cheeks and was looking at him. Hurt reflected in his eyes.

Little did he knew, Jongup was already awake the moment Daehyun started talking to himself. It hurt the young boy to hear Daehyun blaming himself for what had happened. He was the one to be blamed on, not the older. He started the fight and made Daehyun left the house, he had pushed the other without giving him any chance. And he was definitely sure, it was not Daehyun’s fault that Yongguk’s life was threatened. It was wholly his fault.

If he had listened well to what his midwife had adviced him, probably he would not be lying on this bed. He just wanted to distract himself from waiting for the older to come back. And he thought the house was not that clean enough to welcome Daehyun, so he diligently did all the house chores that he had stopped doing for the past months. He was the one who built up the stress in him, and indirectly endangered his baby’s life.

Daehyun scrambled to his feet as he panicked to be looking at the crying Jongup.

“Jongup! Does it hurt? Are you—”

“H-hyung…no.”

Jongup gripped Daehyun’s hand that was about to leave his as the older wanted to press the call button. They locked eyes for a while before Daehyun reluctantly broke the eye contact. It hurt him to see Jongup right into his eyes. The pregnant boy too, averted his gaze and landed it on Daehyun’s left arm. The older was now wearing the arm sling. Daehyun really did not want to wear it but he was moving too much, and the pain was unbearable that left him with no choice.

Tears continued to stream down on Jongup’s cheeks.

“J-Jongup-ah…”

“Dae-Daehyun hyung…please f-forgive me.”

F