CHAPTER 10: I'M MISSING HIM SO MUCH

words in purple => flashback

PAIN. His heart was hurting for having to leave someone that he treasured the most in this world. Yifan emotionlessly stared at the ring he was holding between his thumb and index finger. The ring that was supposed to be worn by his adorably shy boyfriend, or should he called him ex-boyfriend now that they were officially over? The relationship that they had for more than five years, based on love and trust had to be ended just because he wanted to protect his precious boyfriend. Jongie, I’m sorry…

He slipped the ring on his pinky finger. Yifan was internally regretting. He was blaming himself for taking a long time to buy the ring. He wanted Jongup to wear the best ring in his life but look at what happened? He did not even get to slip it on his boyfriend’s ring finger…he did not get to propose his Jongie. If only he could hold himself for five minutes from making love to Jongup on their 5th anniversary, and that he could remember that he had already bought the beautiful ring…would Jongup be his fiancée now…or better, his lovely wife?

The accident that happened the day after… Yifan let out a heavy sigh. He was regretting everything! What are you doing now, Jongie? Are you still crying? Fannie is sorry for hurting you, sweetheart. I have to… but please, wait for me. Once everything is back to normal, I’ll come back to you. Yifan internally promised himself that he would settle everything as soon as possible so that he did not leave Jongup alone for a long time. He threw his gaze out of the window and blankly stared at the beautiful ocean of milky white clouds and blue sky. He could not help but remember the face of his loved one, crying his heart out and walking away with a broken heart.

Yifan’s hand suddenly stopped making on the canvas. His mind suddenly remembered about his cute boyfriend. Jongup had just recovered from his mild fever he had last night and unfortunately, he had to go to work that morning though he did not look good. Yifan was worried about the younger and asked him to stay at home, to have a good rest but his boyfriend insisted that he had to go to that Jung’s apartment. He let out a sigh. His cute boyfriend could be quite persistent sometimes.

They had a conversation before whereby Yifan asked Jongup to stop working as maid for he could start painting back now, but the latter brushed it off, thinking that he could lessen Yifan’s burden by working too. He unconsciously brought his hand to his lips. As always, Jongup would initiate a morning kiss when it was Yifan’s birthday. If only Jongup did not have to go to work, he would probably lose his self-control and they probably stayed in the bed until afternoon…regardless his recovering leg of course. Well, when was the last time they made love anyway?

Yifan could still feel the younger’s soft luscious lips on his lips and he unknowingly formed a happy smile. His trails of thoughts were interrupted by the knocking on the door. He was brought back to reality and shouted to whomever outside to wait for him. He slowly limped to the door and opened it. Yifan blinked when he saw his best friend, Luhan was standing in front of his house. He wanted to greet the other but Luhan was fast to beat him.

“Kris, are you alone?” Yifan’s brows creased at Luhan’s question. Nevertheless, he answered him.

“Yeah, Jong—ouch!” He could not finish his words when Luhan suddenly smacked his head…hard. He incredulously looked at his best friend.

“What was that for?” He asked, his tone filled with annoyance. Luhan huffed before he pushed Yifan inside his apartment. The latter stumbled on his feet before he managed to balance himself. Aish, this little…! Luhan practically slammed the door and locked it. He then pulled Yifan to quickly follow him to sit on the couch in the living room.

“In case you forgot, I can only limp and can’t walk normally like you.” Yifan settled down on the couch next to the frowning Luhan.

“I told you he’s going to take action, didn’t I?” Luhan’s voice was serious. Yifan sighed heavily.

“What’s his plan?”

“He already has his people trailing you guys and I’m afraid, they will do something to Uppie.” Yifan’s jaw clenched at the mention of his boyfriend’s name.

“Just why can’t he leave us alone?”

“Isn’t it obvious? He wants you back in China and leaves Uppie, Kris! I came here two months ago to warn you and what did you do? You didn’t tell Uppie at all, did you?” Luhan worriedly asked. Yifan ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

“How am I going to tell him? You tell me, Han! Jongie’s had enough. I promised him that we’d have a new life here. I want him to be happy. I want US to be happy…without anyone trying to separate us. Do you think he’d be happy if I told him?”

“I don’t know, Kris. I already tried to convince him to give you more time, but he said five years is enough. Two months already passed, and now he is pissed off. We’ve got to do something now, Kris.” Luhan said. They fell into silence as they could not come up with anything. Yifan leaned his back against the couch and threw his head to the back. He covered his face with his palms and sighed heavily. Luhan bit his bottom lip as he thought.

“Can’t we just tell Uppie?”

“No! You know how persistent he can be sometimes. He’d definitely want to follow me if he knew I’m going back to China. That’s not okay. It’d be easy for him to hurt Jongie.”

“I’m worried for Uppie.”

Silence engulfed them for the second time.

“If he wanted me, then…I’ll go.” Yifan firmly said. Luhan snapped his head toward Yifan.

“What? Are you serious? What about Uppie?” Yifan took in a deep breath as he stared at nothingness. His heart was hurting but he had to do this.

“I’ll break up with him…” Yifan said monotonously. Luhan was slack-jawed.

“Kris, why—”

“That’s the only way to protect Jongie, Han. If he didn’t have anything with me, he won’t get hurt.” Yifan reasoned out. Luhan shook his head in disapproval.

“No, you can’t do that. YOU will hurt him then. He loves you so much, Kris. He has nobody but you! Why don’t you just tell him? He’ll understand.”

“Luhan, Jongie is too precious to me, you know that. He’d stick to me if he knew. Do you think he’ll not do anything if Jongie is there too? Don’t you remember why we came here…in Seoul? I have to…hurt him.” Luhan was speechless. Yifan was right after all. He could not stand if Jongup was hurt…that boy was precious to him too. He already thought Jongup like his own brother.

“H-How are you going to break up with him?” Luhan’s question was left unanswered.

“Tell me about your secret lover.” Yifan spoke after a while. Luhan looked at him, wide-eyed. How did he know I was in a secret relationship before?

“How did you know…my-err-that?”

“I received an unexpected call from someone who was drunk last week, saying that a stupid jerk didn’t appreciate him…he waited for nothing and blab blah. So, tell me.” Yifan turned and looked at Luhan in the eyes. The latter averted his gaze from looking back at Yifan. Blush started to adorn his cheek. He was embarrassed! Oh, no. This is really embarrassing…

“Well, we were secretly dating for two years because erm…his family is my family’s rival…so, how were we supposed to see each other like normal couple? And recently, that stupid jerk said our relationship won’t go anywhere and that he already found someone else that he loves. That son of a ! How could he do that to me? He asked me to wait for him but he was the one who asked for a break up too.” Luhan folded his arms against his chest and huffed. He was over his depression phase and now he was mad at his previous boyfriend.

“You’d do anything to protect Jongie too…right?” Yifan asked. Luhan glanced at his best friend. He knew Yifan was in a miserable state but his sudden question was really unexpected. Did not they just talk about his secret relationship? Why suddenly changed to protecting Jongup? He wondered what was on Yifan’s mind right now. Nevertheless, he replied, not without furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

“Of course…he’s my namdongsaeng (younger brother).” 

“Be my secret lover then.” Yifan stated flatty. Luhan gasped as he jumped from his seat. He looked at his best friend incredulously.

“What?! What do you mean?”

“Let’s pretend as if I’m cheating on Jongie. We are seeing each other secret—”

“NO WAY! I WILL HURT UPPIE THAT WAY!” Luhan hysterically shouted as he put his hands over his chest. What is this man thinking, seriously? How come I’m friend with him?!

“Look, Luhan! I’ve to do this. I want to get this over with as soon as