“I Hear Your Voice Now

You Are My Choice Now

The Love You Bring

Heaven's In My Heart

At Your Call

I Hear Harps,

And Angels Sing

You Know How I Feel

This Thing Can't Go Wrong

I Can't Live My Life

Without You”

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         Kim could barely wait for Mr. M and Direk Lauren’s calls.  She felt like dying just doing nothing, knowing that her Gerald may already have left her.

         With a conviction sturdier than ever, she dialed the number of Philippine Airlines and booked a flight to New York at the earliest time possible.  She was informed that she would be chance passenger if she really wanted to leave that night or the following morning.  It was a risk she was very much willing to take if that was the only way she could be with Gerald.

         After making her travel arrangements, she began packing her bags again.  She didn’t know how long she would be gone, but she didn’t really care.  All she could think of was Gerald.  She had to reach him immediately.  When she was done packing, she called Ate Tata and Kuya Fredo and asked them to drive her back to the airport.  Although the two didn’t understand her reasons for going back, they didn’t ask.  They knew that Gerald was still in the States.

         On the way to the airport, she received a call from Direk Lauren.  Apparently, Mr. M couldn’t handle telling her the news.

         “Kim?  Direk Lauren here.”

         “Direk, ano po’ng balita?”

         “Are you sitting down?”

         “Actually Direk, pabalik na po ako ng Manila.  I have a flight to catch.”

         “Ha?  Saan?  Bakit?  Sino’ng kasama mo?”

         “Direk, hindi ko kayang maghintay na lang dito.  I need to be with him.  Sana po maintindihan ng management.”

         “Of course.  Ako na ang bahalang makipag-usap kay Mr. M.”

         “Uhm, Direk, may kailangan po ba ako’ng malaman?”  Wishing he would say something about Gerald’s condition.

         “Sigurado ka ba’ng gusto mo’ng malaman?”

         “Opo.  Kakayanin ko ang lahat basta lang buhay si Gerald.  Kung sasabihin nyo ngayon sa’ken na wala na sya, wala na rin akong dahilan para mabuhay pa.”

         “Yes, thank God he’s alive.  Pero may problema.”

         Kim couldn’t answer right away.  She was more than happy to know that Gerald was alive.  No matter what his condition might be, it didn’t matter, for as long as he was breathing.

         “Ano po’ng problema?”  She asked.

         “When Mr. M called the hospital, Zoe was trying to revive Gerald after he flatlined.”

         “yes, that much I know.”

         “She was able to revive him, but he never regained consciousness.”

         “Ano po’ng ibig nyong sabihin?”

         “He’s connected to a machine, and for the moment, that is the only thing that’s keeping him alive.”

         Kim’s silent tears slowly turned into sobs as realization hit her.  This isn’t just another soap opera or movie.  This is real.  But she was only deterred for a while.  Her decision stood firm.

         “Direk, kayo na po ang bahala’ng magsabi sa mga boss at sa mga director namin.  Kelangan ko na po talagang pumunta dun.”

         “Sige, mag-iingat ka ha?  Just call if you need anything.  Gusto mo ba’ng pasunudin ko sa’yo si Melissa at Matt?”

         “Wag na po.  Marami pa’ng maiistorbo.  Ako na lang po.  Gusto ko rin maalagaan ng husto si Gerald.”

         “Ok, if that’s what you want.  Just be very careful, and call us immediately if anything, anything at all, happens.”

         “Sige po, I have to go.”

         “Bye Kim.  Ingat.”

         “Salamat po.”

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         Kim arrived New York City at six in the morning, New York time.  She took a cab from La Guardia Airport to Mount Sinai Medical Center.  Since it was still early, traffic wasn’t very bad.  After paying the cab, she asked the guard on duty at the lobby to look after her luggages.  She went straight to the information desk and asked where she could find Gerald.

         She was directed to the Intensive Care Unit.  It was on the 2^nd floor of the building.  Not wanting to wait, she took the stairs two at a time.  When the ICU came into view, Kim’s steps slowed down.  She didn’t know whether to continue forward or not.  She simply stood there, unsure of what she would do, until Mommy vangie saw her.  She ran up to her and embraced her in a very tight hug.  Neither one of them wanted to let go, nor did they wanted to speak, but one thing was for sure, they were both trying to get their strength from one another.

         Mommy Vangie led Kim to the couch just outside the ICU.

         “Mommy, bakit di nyo sinabi saken?   Matagal nyo na po bang alam?        

         “Anak, patawarin mo ako.  Ayaw ni RJ na mag-worry ka.  Alam mo namang mahal na mahal ka ng anak ko.  Pasensya ka na, pinagbawalan nya akong sabihin sa’yo.  Akala kasi naming lahat magiging maayos din ang lagay nya.”

         “Naiintindihan ko po kayo, kaya lang po, talagang nabigla ako.  Natakot na rin na baka tuluyang mawala na sa’ken si Ge.”

         “Magdasal tayo, Kimmy.  Mabait ang Dyos, hindi nya hahayaang mawala sa atin si RJ.  Napaka-bait ng anak ko para mamatay nang ganun ganun lang.  Saka sobrang mahal ka nya, kaya alam kong lalaban sya.  Ngayon pa, nandito ka na.  Salamat, anak, sa hindi mo pagsuko sa anak ko.”

         “Mommy, si Gerald ang nagturo sa’ken na wag basta susuko sa isang bagay na alam kong dapat ipaglaban.  At hindi sya basta bagay, Ma, sya ang buhay ko.”

         “Yan din ang madalas nyang sabihin sa akin noon, ikaw ang buhay nya.  At alam mo, nakakatuwa, kasi never ko naramdaman na kaagaw kita sa pagmamahal ng anak ko.  Kasi, nakita ko sa’yo na mahal mo talaga si RJ, at tinanggap ko na hindi mo sya ilalayo sa’ken.  Ikaw ang inilapit nya, Kim.  I never lost my son to you.  I just gained a daughter when RJ chose you.”

         “Salamat po…  it means a lot to me, coming from you…uhm, Ma, pwede ko ba syang makita?  Please? Kahit po silip lang.”

         “Ay, oo, halika…”  Mommy Vangie led her to the door and pushed on the ringer just outside of the ICU several times.  A few minutes later, a nurse wearing a scrub suit and a mask appeared.  Mommy Vangie pointed at her and through hand signals, requested if she could come in to see Gerald.

         The electronic lock was opened and Kim was hastily led to a small dressing room where she was scrubbed.  A mask was shoved into her hands and the nurse motioned for her to follow.

         Kim put on the mask before following the nurse through several cubicle-like rooms, divided only by heavy, dark green drapes.  Then she saw him, his eyes closed, his face slightly haggard and pale, his breathing even, his chest bare of any clothing except for the machine that was attached to him.  He still looked as handsome as ever.  And how she missed him.

         She slowly approached his side, careful not to trip on any wire for fear that doing so might disconnect the life-support connected to Gerald.  When she got to his side, her tears were already flowing like a newly opened dam.  But she held on to her sobs, for fear she might disturb his slumber.

         Levelling her lips to his right ear, she whispered, “Hi, babe…Andito na ‘ko.  Please wake up, you still owe me a wedding…nga pala, thanks for all the gifts.  Ang daya mo, ngayon, hinding hindi ko na kayang pantayan ang mga binigay mo.  Ang hirap kaya mag-edit ng videos at pictures.  Pero sobrang naa-appreciate ko yung efforts mo.  Talagang dead na dead ka saken ha?  Syempre, nag-iisa lang ang beauty ko, di ba?”

         Kim straightened up to see if he had any reaction to her, she found none.  She searched for his hands and found them underneath the sheets.  Kim took his right hand in hers, trying to feel the warmth that it normally brought her.  Tears began flowing again as she realized he wasn’t responding in any way.

         She didn’t know why, but the nurse brought a chair for her to sit on.  She muttered a simple thank you and seated herself beside Gerald’s bed.  She embraced him, careful not to touch anything that was connected to the machine.  It was right there that she realized how much she wanted to be his bride.  Was she too late already?  She hoped not.

         Kim stayed with Gerald for another two hours before she was summoned to leave.  At first, she couldn’t bear to get up and leave, but Mommy Vangie was signaling for her to get out, so she did.

         “Kimmy, anak, it’s time to go.  Hindi pwede dito ang bantay eh,  Hindi kagaya sa Pilipinas.  We have to leave, we’ll just go back tomorrow, ok?”

         “Sige, ma, magpapaalam lang po ako kay Ge.”  And Kim went back inside the ICU.

         “Babe?  Uwi muna ‘ko ha?  Kelangan na daw kasing umalis sabi ni Mommy.  Saka magbibihis muna ‘ko.  Baka kasi naaamoy mo na ‘ko.  24 hours na ‘kong ito ang suot kasi tumuloy na ‘ko dito galing sa airport eh.  Goodnight babe…Sweet dreams.  I love you.”  She kissed him on the forehead and left.

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         In the days that followed, Kim made the necessary arrangements so she could stay in New York.  She called Mr. M and requested for an indefinite leave of absence from all her shows.  Good thing they’ve wrapped up the tapings for KTM before this happened.  She was allowed to take a 3-month leave with the agreement that at least once a month, she would be joining the US tour of ASAP Kapamilyas, depending on the schedules and the locations.

         For her, it was better than not being able to see Gerald and be with him most of the time.  But she also realized that she couldn’t just stay with Gerald’s family without contributing any to the household expenses.  So despite the opposition of Gerald’s family, Kim took on a part-time job in the community library.

         The work wasn’t too hard.  She was on the opening shift and all she had to do was return the used books to the shelves.  It was only for four hours so she was already off by 11 in the morning.

         In just 10 days, her life has changed dramatically.  She was thankful that despite the hardship, she was able to adapt to her new routine.

         Everyday, after getting off from work, she went to the hospital and stayed with Gerald until late in the afternoon.  From the hospital, she would go back to the apartment she shared with Mommy Vangie and Ken, who insisted to come home upon knowing what happened to Gerald.  The three of them took turns in keeping watch.

         No matter how tired she was, or how homesick she felt, Kim never complained.  She thought she didn’t have the right.  She patiently went to the hospital everyday, always hoping that one day, Gerald would wake up and they would go home to start a new life together.