“There's always that one person

That will always have your heart

You'll never see it coming

Cause you're blinded from the start

Know that you're that one for me

It's clear for everyone to see

Ooh baby ooh you'll always be my boo“

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While waiting for some news about Gerald, Kim decided to watch the video again, looking for signs, for something that might tell her where she got lost.  All she knew was that for the first two years in their relationship, since the time they went out of PBB house, she was so in love with him.  She was totally decided he was the one.  There was no question about it, not even now.  But what happened along the way?  Was she in need of space?  Was she suffocated without knowing it?  No, Gerald had been understanding at all times.  Maybe, that was where the problem was.  She knew that no matter how often she denied him in public, no matter how long she made him wait, he would always be there for her.  She became so confident that she forgot about his feelings.  Wasn’t that the very reason why Gerald left for the States last December and spent Christmas there?  She even declined his proposal.  At the thought, Kim couldn’t help but cry again.  Gerald had been so selfless.  What was it that Mr. M said?  Gerald was only thinking of her.  It has always been about her.  Now, she wished she could bring back the time and make everything right.

She has watched the video three times before she decided to stop.  She was sinking more and more into depression.  She missed him so much.  She stood up and looked around the confession room, trying to figure out what she would do next.  Her eyes focused on the blue door to her left.  She wondered what was inside.  She thought it wouldn’t really be trespassing because technically, the house was already hers.

Kim turned the knob and slowly opened the door.  Tears started falling as the sight of the hospital bed and other medical equipment and machines greeted her.

“Gerald endured all these just to be with me.  All those times that big brother called him to the confession room, he was receiving treatments.  Oh, God!  I’m so sorry, Ge…I’m really sorry.”

She couldn’t stand the thought of Gerald spending time inside this mini-hospital, let alone be attached to these machines.  She turned to leave the room.  As she was about to close the door, she realized there was another door right across from it.  The only difference was the color of the door.  She hesitated if she could invade the privacy of the room that she didn’t know existed until now.  But she had nothing better to do with her time.  She refused to sink further into melancholy.

Kim reached the pink door in two strides.  Slowly, she opened the door.  She caught sight of the very large picture of her posted on the wall facing the door.  She forgot about her hesitation and entered the room only to be in awe of what was in front of her.  The room was like a shrine, though not with religious articles.  The walls were adorned with different pictures of her, taken during tapings, during photo shoots.  Some she recognized as materials used for print ads like the one on the billboard along EDSA.  There were also some pictures of her taken by Gerald during their trips abroad. 

One wall was left bare, where a curio-like open-faced cabinet with four layers sat.  On top of each layer, she found mementos that remind her of the times they shared.  There was a miniature pink car that exactly resembled the one Gerald gave him for her 18^th birthday.  Along with it were miniatures of her gifts on his 21^st birthday, a golf cart and an LV bag.  Looking closer, she also found a miniature ref, various souvenirs from the places they have visited together, IDs used during their shows and projects, movie tickets of the times they’ve gone out, even table napkins of the restaurants and food chains they’ve eaten at.  Each napkin bore the date and the particular branch they’ve gone to.

Another layer showcased brand tags of the things she bought for him, locally or otherwise.  On each tag, the date and the occasion were written.  Farther into the shelf, she found interconnected picture frames containing pictures of her showcasing different moods, different emotions.  In the first one, she was totally happy, her smile as bright as day.  On the second frame was a picture of her in one of the scenes in Tayong Dalawa where teardrops were about to fall from her eyes.  The camera caught her in a moment full of pain.  The third frame showed her fun side.  It was one of those pictures of her doing funny faces.  She was looking at the tip of her nose and from the point of view of the picture-taker, she looked cross-eyed.  She was sticking her tongue out.  It was cute, she had to admit.  On the fourth frame, she wasn’t looking at the camera, but she looked like she was looking at something or someone.  She remembered the picture.  It was taken during their photo shoot for the Star Studio Magazine, July 2009 issue.  On the picture, she looked so in love.  And she realized that she really was.

All the pictures were in black and white.  Kim has to admit, the pictures depicted everything that made up her character.  Gerald knew her well.  Maybe he even knew her better than she knew herself.

Kim caressed every single thing in front of her and felt just how much Gerald loved her.  She felt her knees giving in and slowly, she slumped on the floor, all strength drained from her lithe body.

As she remained sitting on the floor, something else caught her eye.  At the very corner, on the bottom layer, several books rested.  At least they looked like books.  Inching closer, she found out that they were the compilations of all articles that they have commissioned.  Everything that was ever written about them, from tabloids, to magazines, to blogs, were all there, preserved for her to go back to anytime she wants.

At the other end of the shelf, Kim’s eyes widened as she saw the full twenty volumes of their Tayong Dalawa teleserye.  Along with the collection, she also found DVD copies of their movies, IFFY and PNK, and the first ever soap opera produced by ABS that was shown in other Asian countries, interpreted in different languages, Sana Maulit Muli, titled Chances.  There were also taped copies of their sitcoms Aalog-alog, their mini-series, MOH, and of all their production numbers in ASAP.  The last volume was of their mall shows.

Kim didn’t know what to think.  If Gerald would have been someone she didn’t know, she would probably think of him as someone so obsessed with her.

She gave the room a once-over before standing up from the floor.  Her tears haven’t stopped from the moment she entered the door.  It’s been an hour and a half and she was still crying.  Her eyes were swollen, her voice almost gone.

“Gerald must really love me to build a shrine like this.  God, please, please, let him live so I could return the favor….”